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I crashed

Updated on August 1, 2009

I tried to fight it

I am slightly groggy, I tried so hard to fight it but it happened anyway. I crashed. I wrote as much as I could about the stresses in my life, even how to avoid this but it happens.

What I mean by crashing is coming down from a hypo-manic or a manic state. It is like falling down a mountain. I don't remember much except going to sleep. I was in a catatonic state and my eldest daughter took me to the hospital, they loaded me up with benzos I had never heard of and it brings me out of it my catatonic state or as least thats what the doctor said. a bunch of bruises and alot of meds and he sent me home for my MD said "I was waiting on this, becuase u refuse to take your Klonipin." He does'nt realize it takes all my strength to swallow a damn aspirin. I hate pills.  I hate em.  They cause damage.  

 

Thanks to Sem Pro you are the friend I have always needed. As I read your encouraging words I realize that people like you are far and and too few..

I don't know what else to say except i am a litttle low right now, still a lot of meds in my system and I don't feel like an idiot I am human i am bipolar.

It's not path I havent crossed and beat before.

I am beautiful

I am a good mom

I am a good grandmom

I am a good friend

I am always here

I give

and Karma sucks

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    • crazybeanrider profile image

      Boo McCourt 

      9 years ago from Washington MI

      Being bipolar I think taking meds is one of the most dreaded things we hate most. I still after several years being diagnosed hate taking the pills. But they help more than not. It is a tough road that it for sure.

      If you can write about it that's a good thing to do. People need to know what bipolar is and what it does.

      I am glad to see you on hubpages.

    • profile image

      sandra rinck 

      9 years ago

      It does, you are beautiful, you are a good mom, you are a good grandmother a good person a good human. And...

      Something is wrong with the rest of the world. lol :D Be happy as much as you can. Sometimes when I feel low. I convince myself with all my might to just dance.

      God Bless you Dori.

    • profile image

      Nelle Hoxie 

      9 years ago

      I'm glad you're stabilizing. Bi-polar disorder is not easily managed. And it is very paintful to endure. It takes a lot of courage and strength. Best wishes.

    • fortunerep profile imageAUTHOR

      fortunerep 

      9 years ago from North Carolina

      Thanks all for your nice comments, it is so appreciated. I apologize to anyone who witnessed the outrage on the forum last nite and i take full responsibility.

      dori

    • profile image

      \Brenda Scully 

      9 years ago

      well done hope you are feeling o.k. today and enjoying the weekend

    • Mighty Mom profile image

      Susan Reid 

      9 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Hugs to you dear Dori. Even with meds it's a bumpy ride. You are helping others by writing about your experience. Thank you and bless you. MM

    • VioletSun profile image

      VioletSun 

      9 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

      Dori: I am sorry you suffer from Bipolar Disorder, must be very difficult, but its good to see that in the midst of your challenges you have strength and the ability to rise above it all. Please continue shining your beautiful light on!

    • profile image

      Ghost32 

      9 years ago

      You describe the gist of the crash well. Pam hates taking pills, too. (That is less of a problem lately because no area doctor will take her on as a patient since we moved and because we have no money to refill even the prescriptions we have on hand.)

      If you ever feel the need and enough of a comfort level to email me privately, you will always be more than welcome. My redhead considers me the best psychologist she's known, but of course she's biased. Even so, we both understand what the bipolar faces, and we do not judge.

    • Jane@CM profile image

      Jane@CM 

      9 years ago

      (((hugs))) Dori, I'm so proud that you wrote when you did. Its good, it means you are okay - you are not in the hospital! Crashing is so hard and climbing back out of the hole is even harder, but you did it, you wrote & that is a step upward out of the hole. Keep the positive thoughts coming & write them down so you can read them again & again.

    • profile image

      Janetta 

      9 years ago

      Wow, I admire your ability to write about such a tough situation. I do think you are a good person, mom, grandmom--all of it. I'm glad you're stickin' around, too ;)

    • Organic Thoughts profile image

      Organic Thoughts 

      9 years ago from North Carolina

      Dear Dori,

      It's OK at times giving in to the intricate situations in our lives. Dont feel guilty at all for not being strong enough, because nobody is. We all crash at some point of time in our lives. The difference is just in the intensity and pain involved.

      Someone strong enough to share her pain will surely find the internal strength to overcome it. And so, my faith rests with you. Pick-up your broken peices and build that beautiful picture once again. Here's to your strong will and our best wishes!!

    • John Chancellor profile image

      John Chancellor 

      9 years ago from Tennessee

      Dori,

      When you crash your body is sending you a message. Listen. Women suffer more from depression than men. I think one of the reasons is that women feel they are responsible for more things than men. Men basically think they need to earn a living and if they do a half way decent job of that, they feel good about themselves.

      On the other hand, women feel responsible for just about everyone and everything that crosses their paths. They feel like they have to take care of the kids, their parents, the house, the budget, be there for their friends, help the less fortunate ... and the list goes on and on.

      The problem is that no one can measure up to the standards most women set for themselves. The simple solution is to let go of some things. How many balls you are trying to juggle at the same time? My guess is far too many. So let go of some. You are responsible for yourself ... you cannot save the world. Quit trying.

      We all grow up thinking that we can control our lives and our future. The only thing you can control is the way you think. Learn to let go of problems outside your control. Learn which things drain your energy. Stay away from those. Learn what energizes you. Do more of that.

      What we focus on expands. The more you focus on the things you cannot control, the more importance they have in your life. And the more out of control you feel. Do a gratitude journal each and every day. Focus on the good you have, it will grow and the bad will automatically diminish.

      Be sure to get some exercise. It produces helpful chemicals in the brain. It changes your emotional state.

      Stop trying to be "always there" for everyone. It is too demanding. No one can or should be expected to carry that burden.

      Set aside time each day just for yourself. Do what you want.

      Get a copy of As a Man Thinketh by James Allen ... read it once a day for 30 days. It will change your life.

    • G-Ma Johnson profile image

      Merle Ann Johnson 

      9 years ago from NW in the land of the Free

      Love the song and she sings so well..Just Let 'Jesus take the Wheel' my dear, and listen to your Angels, they are all around...My Prayers and I feel you have gained strength as you have written here...:O) Hugs G-Ma

    • loua profile image

      loua 

      9 years ago from Elsewhere, visiting Earth ~ the segregated community planet

      Keeping our head over the rim of the life-box to see we are not one but many versions of probability is a way to stave off the allusion of our illusion's delusion... The inexplicable deceptive truth is we are all crashing at some level because we are human's without absolute purpose motive and intent.

    • emohealer profile image

      Sioux Ramos 

      9 years ago from South Carolina

      Bring on those I AM's.....post them around your house, in your car. they are all true you know. Allow yourself time, we all need it.

      Thanks for sharing your experience, you are not alone in the BP world, there is hope outside of meds.

      Great article by the way!

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