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Relationship between the father and the mother - It is high time we think!

Updated on May 18, 2014

A girl, 8 years old, who is my student in school came to me the other day and told me "I wish you were my Mom" with a very sad and anxious face. I was so shocked to hear this and I just gave a pat on her back and a smile.

Never in my childhood had I wanted my teacher or any other lady to be my mom! The incident with the girl could not be be pushed by me to the back of my mind. I kept thinking about what actually made the girl say something like that. What made her want a better mother?

Being a teacher in one of the posh schools in Chennai, I hear a lot about the attitude and mentality of small children which are caused by the different family situations at home. A lonely child, an arrogant child, a disturbed child, a withdrawn child, an unruly child, a hyper active child and many many other issues are because of the environment at home which in turn is because of a bad relationship between the mother and father.

There was this other incident with a child who doesn't speak or participate much and always looks lost. The grandmother came for the parent-teacher meet and explained that the mother of the child left the girl child and her brother for some reason with the father and it is the grandmother who is taking care of them. The girl child, apparently takes the role of the mother when it comes to taking care of her baby brother. What a sad situation! No doubt the child is affected psychologically.

The whole crux of Indian culture was always family values. Are they still intact? How much has the culture from west infiltrated our family values? Parents were always considered the pillars for the growth of a child in India. What has happened now?

With most mothers working in I.T, it is so sad that the child goes to a day-care center or goes home where the maid is waiting to take care. With nuclear families thriving everywhere, the child does not get the love/affection of the grandparents either. Mothers do not have time for anything, including the poor child. Running behind money, they lose the most important bond that they should have with their children, as mothers.

The other issue is conflicts between parents. Ego, money, materialism, luxury etc., seem to be reasons for the drift between parents which affects the children most. The constant arguments and fights at home has a blow in the little kid's mind which erupts out in school and other places.

This makes me ask the most important question. Why give birth to a child if you cannot take care of the physical, emotional and psychological needs of a child? We are not underpopulated, thanks! Why even bother to marry someone if you cannot adjust, adapt or live with peace. If life is all about sacrificing, why cant it be done for the sake of your better half or kids?

In the worst case, wait for at least a year after marriage to find out if you found the right match, then go ahead to plan for a baby! Why take hasty decisions and spoil your life as well as your kids'. It is high time our youth starts thinking about all this before getting married and save the future generation from endless pain and agony.


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    • profile image

      Visshnu M 5 years ago

      "We are not underpopulated, thanks!"

      This statement has impressed me a Lotttttt!!!!!

    • Deepika Arun profile image

      Deepika Arun 5 years ago from Chennai, India

      Hi Christine,

      I agree with you, but, the situation in India is a little different. Mothers who are home-makers in the less affluent families seem to have better affection for their children when compared to the more affluent ones.

      It is indeed true that the problem is found everywhere and that children are abandoned emotionally and psychologically that they turn towards their teacher in school, looking for love and affection, that even a hug from me makes them so happy.

      As a teacher, it is really sad to see 8 year old children yearn so much for a motherly touch from me.

      Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.



    • Christine Miranda profile image

      Christine Miranda 5 years ago from My office.

      I live in the US and have to disagree with CV Rajan. This problem is everywhere and is worse in less affluent families. At least affluent families get a nanny or other caregiver to do the job they should be doing. Too many children these days are born to unwed parents and are shuffled between houses with no stability. Women having children with two, three and more men. It is an absolute shame the many modern families that have become so broken and are creating a cycle for the next generation.

    • Deepika Arun profile image

      Deepika Arun 5 years ago from Chennai, India

      @Karthik : It is part of the website and I have an adsense account linked to it!

    • profile image

      karthik thyagarajan 5 years ago

      adhaelaam seri - why so many ads! :)

    • C.V.Rajan profile image

      Disillusioned 5 years ago from Kerala, India

      Painful reality. But what you are seeing is at schools of 3 star or 5 star category. If you see middle class schools (say like Vani Vidyalaya) you will still find lots of mothers full of care on their children. So, it looks obvious that the problem is directly proportional to affluence.