"Jimmy Popcorn, and I DO Care"
at the very end of this hub, I had to use a brand-name of a candy bar to emphasize the drama of my thought. I do NOT endorse the candy bar or ask you to patronize the company who manufactures it. Thanks. Kenneth.
How to Remove Popcorn Husk From Your Throat:
The Simplicity of Popcorn
was first domesticated about 10,000 years ago in what is now Mexico. Archaeologists found that people have known about popcorn for thousands of years. In Mexico, for example, remnants of popcorn have been found that date to around 3600 BC., So you understand that popcorn is no stranger to anyone.
Popping of the kernels was achieved by hand on the stove-top through the 19th century. Kernels were sold on the East Coast of the United States under names such as Pearls or Nonpareil. The term popped corn first appeared in John Russell Bartlett's 1848 Dictionary of Americanisms.
Popcorn is not a dish that complicates the progression of preparing a delicious snack that does not take hours, but a few short minutes to prepare. What other (prepared) snack food tastes as delicious as popcorn--and seemingly, among the facts about popcorn is if you even tried, you could not eat until you had your fill. Show me another food like this.
There is Literally Nowhere
in this life where you cannot munch delicious popcorn, well, to be honest, I would not recommend that you bring a jumbo box of popcorn into your church on Sunday morning and munch while your pastor delivers the morning sermon. If you are as bold as to do this, your pastor will give you several frowns for your trouble.
Another place where you and popcorn are not welcomed. That would be in the Space Shuttle (when it was operating) and while you gaze at the earth, down goes a handful of popcorn that is dripping with real butter—not that “I Just Cannot Believe That This is Real Butter,” but before long, your flight commander yells at you to be careful as to not drop popcorn into the sensitive-computer circuits making your return home very tough. So leave the popcorn alone when and if the Shuttle is ready again for action.
Or a place where you would have to have all of your faculties—sight, hearing, and focus on what you and your detective partner have been ordered to watch, because you and your detective friend are on a police stake-out. And if you are familiar with police stake-outs, if one of the partners is gobbling-down good, old-fashioned popcorn, this seemingly-innocent act can cause your partner’s nerves to buckle underneath the noise.
And Here are Places Where
you can eat popcorn until your heart’s content: drive-in movies, in fact, eating popcorn is urged for this fun activity. You and your hot girlfriend can eat popcorn between the passionate kissing, so this locale fits like a glove. You are sitting on the very top of the Empire State Building, a scant 1,250′, 1,454′ to tip or 102 floors, when you decide to pig-out on a few boxes of popcorn, made in the walk-in theater kind. You sit there and devour about five jumbo boxes of popcorn and suddenly a security guard scolds you, then advises you to take part in the Popcorn-Eating Competition because he feels that you are a shew-in. It is tough to go wrong if you love eating popcorn.
Of course, you can ride with a friend in her car to go to some town that you have dreamed of going and you take along a fresh box of popcorn, but your friend, the pretty girl driver cannot take such a chance due to the fact that the police are really coming down on cell phone usage as well as habitually-changing the radio stations every minute. You have no worries here . . .as long as it is YOU who eats the popcorn. You feel so selfish, but this for the girl driver whom you can treat her to a tasty t-bone steak with the trimmings upon arriving to your destination.
Then if you the dare-devil type, if you were to get in enough trouble in a foreign country and the judge passes down “death by firing squad,” of course, you and your free public defender might argue insanity for eating popcorn in the buff on the main street of this strict village, but this judge means it. But upon your day to be put before the firing squad, you ask for one last request. No cigarette or blindfold, but a huge box of buttery popcorn to eat while waiting for the guns with guns to take you home to Glory. Now this moment in your life will be talked about for many years. Even your grandchildren’s children.
Now Let's "Pop"
to the “real” idea of this topic. I did do my best to cushion your mindset by giving you mostly the good, fun facts about popcorn. But there lies another problem, probably THE most-aggravating side to this hub. In comparison, it is similar to the sharp thorn that guards the beautiful rose.
Let’s go now to the walk-in theater. You and your hot girlfriend are about to enjoy a good night by taking in a good movie, enjoy each other’s company and just live life. Yeahhh, right. What an idiot. Did you really think that in this life there was a Lost Horizon? Well, there’s not.
Halfway down the jumbo jumbo tub of buttery popcorn, (NOTE: the jumbo jumbo is not a typo, but showing that you have purchased the largest size of popcorn in the state of Alabama—THE biggest size sold in the concession that goes for $20 bucks. You are glad that your hot girlfriend isn’t the judgmental type because you bought ONE tub of popcorn, which would have made you a cheapskate, and not buying her a box of popcorn, but the oncoming “storm of trouble” will eclipse the semantics of who bought who and the reason why.
You gaze into your hot girlfriend’s gorgeous brown eyes, then look back at the screen and just when you open your mouth to shovel in another handful of tasty popcorn, you immediately notice that there is something wrong—something terribly wrong. Oh, it is not a couple of punks sitting behind you and sticking a switch-blade into your back for you to give them your dough, this is something way worse: the small, insignificant husk that goes with each kernel of popcorn has somehow lodged in your throat behind your tongue and at first, you pay it no mind, but in about fifteen-minutes, it gets worse. Way worse. You cannot afford to disturb the other movie-goers, so you try to cough and force air past the husk that is now locked-securely into the flesh inside your throat, so now you gulp your jumbo jumbo (NOT a typo) soda trying to flush it on down to your stomach.
You squirm. And squirm. You move to each side covering your mouth with one hand and praying that your hot girlfriend has not noticed you, because you have convinced her that you are THE coolest guy that she ever met. Now, more squirming, gulping soda, forcing a loud cough or two and still no dice about the husk. You start to cry and you a grown man, you lettered in football, basketball, and wrestling in high school and college, but this husk is making you more than miserable. You are not so weak as to squeal for the movie usher—afraid that he will laugh his head off and what a humiliating scene that would be.
Now you resort to what is known as a Pure Barbaric Move, as you make sure that your gorgeous girlfriend and those around you are occupied with the movie, and you take your free hand and send it toward the husk . . .and any sensible man or woman knows that this is the toughest thing to do because your hand causes your throat to gag, and gag, then turn-over to your face into the floor of the theater. Now you not only look drunk (and you do not drink booze at all), but you have taken-on the look of someone who fainted due to the trouble with a small, insignificant popcorn husk. You best not move or confess “the” reason why you fainted, because you are fighting for your pride as a man.
you lay there still and not moving. What also hurts is your hot girlfriend and the people around you DO NOT bother to ask if you are okay. Then, and now you begin to praise God for sparing your life and dignity and slowly sit back into your chair and before you can gag or cough again, a very funny scene comes on the screen—your hot girlfriend bursts into a large laugh and hits you in the back . . .and there is went. So long to the irritating popcorn husk.
You already have made-up your mind as to what snack you will buy for your beautiful girlfriend when you take her to the movies again . . .
how about a jumbo jumbo Baby Ruth candy bar? Never known of anyone getting a Baby Ruth husk stuck in your throat?
June 2, 2019__________________________________________________
© 2019 Kenneth Avery