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My Funny Boogie Boarding Story

Updated on August 22, 2012

A Day at the Beach - My Boogie Boarding Story

Thankfully, I only have ONE boogie boarding story because even I am not that dense! I can hear you shaking your head from here - and I can also hear you rolling your eyes. You think I am making this up and how can it be that I only have one, solitary story about boogie boarding?

Well, I'll tell you why - because not even I, queen of physical comedic moments am that dumb. Once was quite enough thank you very much and if I ever see another boogie board in my lifetime, it will be all too soon!

Setting the stage for you all who don't know me that well, I grew up in Southern California. Unlike so many of my peers, however, I am not and will never be a 'valley girl'. I grew up in San Diego and did not live at the beach per se - however, every possible moment that I could get to the beach by way of friends, family or bus, I was there. What did I do at the beach? Actually now that I think back on it, not all that much!

I was never a 'strong' swimmer and for reasons that I really can't quite figure out, I consistently and inevitably got to the beach, dove in (literally) and swam out beyond the breakers - and that's where I pretty much stayed as long as I could stay awake! I have no idea why I was out there or what I thought to accomplish! Again, now that I think back on it, was I waiting for a spaceship to come down and beam me up or was I waiting for a good undertow to come along and whisk me away to another world?

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All this said, about the only 'strong' swimming I did was getting out there, floating about without so much as a flotation device, and the occasional riding the waves back in. I wasn't into body surfing at all (which surprises me since it was reckless and I obviously could have notched up a few more stories - dang!). I basically just loved the ocean for its beauty, the rhythm of the endless waves and I suppose the peace it offered me. I did of course have one other pastime and that was lying on the beach getting tanned and looking at all the guys. I was weird but I wasn't dead!

After I married Bob, at the tender age of 22, I had our first child, our son Jonathan and away we went to the Midwest for the longest 8 years of my freaking life! To say that I was happy to get back to the West Coast years later would be an understatement. I was very pleased to be a West Coast girl once again - although Washington state does not offer the kind of beaches (nor does Oregon) that I was used to!


So after many, many years of missing something that was truly a part of me, we decided to take all 3 kids one summer and go on none other than a CALIFORNIA VACATION! To say that I was ecstatic would be putting it mildly. I had only been back to Southern California perhaps one other time and had only had the briefest of trips to the ocean because it was winter. This was gonna be great - this was gonna be swell! This was gonna be another typical Audrey moment!

We ended up taking 2 weeks for our vacation - something that had we had not before or since accomplished! It was in a word - marvelous! It was spectacular! I have never had such a good time. I got to see all the places I missed from my youth and Sea World, the famous San Diego Zoo, Knott's Berry Farm, Disneyland, Magic Mountain and the Wild Animal Park to name a few. Of course, in between, we had to take in the beach! This is where my heart most yearned to be and we spent as much time as we could that August taking in the various beaches.

Now as an aside, my sister lived in Carlsbad at the time. We had not visited much because frankly, my brother-in-law did not like me very well. There were many reasons for this dislike on his part, but most of them centered around the fact that a) I had children and he was not a fan, and b) I was 'outspoken' to say the least.

I also do not really warm to the idea of lying as a second language (which he did quite a bit of) and I also did not like people pushing me around. So Rudy tended to give me a very wide berth and even though they came to visit us often, we never felt like we could comfortably go there. We always stayed in a hotel to minimize the friction that inevitably occurred but after all, she was my sister and I wanted to spend time with her since we were there.

I am setting the stage here to explain Rudy's usual demeanor towards me because it is important to note simply for the fact that when one late morning in the middle of our wonderful vacation, he called US and asked if we wanted to go to the beach in Encinatas. I almost had a heart attack. I remember saying something like 'Who is this?' (not good) but I was absolutely overwhelmed thinking that perhaps he had decided I wasn't such a bad sister-in-law after all and things would be wonderful between us! (Hope springs eternal when you are me)

It turned out that my sister had had to work, so it was going to be just Rudy and all 5 of us going to the beach but that didn't seem so bad. After all, I'd get a chance to do what I loved most and the kids would have a ball. Heck, they might even think he liked THEM for a day - so all around a positive. So I accepted and off we went to the beach.

As we settled in on a typical San Diego beautifully sunny day, I was in hog heaven. I played paddle ball with the kids, built sand castles, and played in the waves with them. Jonathan was in junior high at the time so he was probably about 13; Pat must have been about 10-1/2 to 11, and Kate about 8 or 9. Bob and I were usually happiest when we had the kids all together having fun and this was no exception. We were all having a total blast but I did wonder from time to time what had brought about this change in Rudy.

Several hours later, as I looked over at him, sitting on his cooler of beer, I caught myself wondering that again. Shrugging it off though and chalking one up to my overwhelming charm, I decided why worry about it? He was being nice so forget about it! He wasn't participating with any of us but at least he was there and not scowling at me or making remarks.

Out of the blue, as he finished off a beer, he engagingly said to me 'Audrea (that's my real name in case you are wondering) I'm gonna do something for you I rarely do for other people. I want you to always remember this vacation down here in sunny San Diego and that you had a good time, so I'm gonna show you how to boogie board.'

I thought about it for a minute and I was sure I must have misheard. I was a little stunned but I spoke up right away 'Oh gee, Rudy - that's really nice of you but I know you don't go out in the water much, and I don't know how to do it - so no worries. I'm happy to just hang out with the kids - maybe later I'll go out in the water and take a dip. It's totally okay - you don't have to entertain us. Just enjoy the sun and the fresh air.'

I was mentally thinking though what the heck was he up to? He was never nice to me - and he certainly didn't ask me to do many things....oh yeah...there was the skiing episode. But actually it wasn't his fault that I spent more time on my back or on the ground than up on the skis. Maybe he WAS really trying - or maybe my sister had finally spoken up and told him to quit being such a jerk to me!

No sooner had I turned him down than he was up and walking up the beach to his van. He returned with a board in his hand (only 1) and proudly announced to Bob that he was going to show me how to boogie board. Bob was, to say the least, absolutely speechless. He knew how Rudy felt about both of us to be honest and he said later (gee thanks, Bob) he kinda smelled a rat but decided to turn the other cheek and try and believe he meant to be nice to me.

I was seriously protesting now because I didn't know what he was going to do out in the water to me and I was a little skeptical that this was not going to turn out well (especially knowing my propensity towards mishaps). How was this possibly going to be a good thing? However, I cannot be mean when someone is genuinely trying to reach out to me and I felt that in this case, for whatever reason, Rudy was trying to do something kind - or at the very least be helpful to me and show me a good time.

A little hesitantly, I let him talk me into stripping off my beach cover down to my 2-piece bathing suit and walked with him out to the water. Of course, I had an audience at this point - Bob couldn't get down to the waves fast enough nor could my kids! Oh joy - I am never at my best when it's performance time and I had a feeling this was going to end badly - or at the very least in yet another comedic moment.

Rudy put aside his beer in the sand and warned one of my kids to keep an eye on it and then proceeded to wade out to about knee deep with me and laid the board on the water. He gave me some cursory instructions about how to hold it, what to do when a wave came, how to angle the board up, how to hang on, etc.

When I blinked at him and said 'But Rudy, aren't you gonna SHOW me how to do it first?' he just laughed. Right then, I should have seen the boom lowering and swinging towards my head - I should have run back up onto the beach, covered myself with my cover-up and refused to go any further. I knew better! Yet did that stop me? Oh no!

He showed me a little more technique and insisted that it was so easy a child could do it! After all, what was I, chicken??? Okay - now that snapped it! NOBODY and I mean nobody calls me chicken (without a very good reason). I couldn't stand that he was standing there waving that stupid board at me and saying I was just too chicken to try it - that I was a pantywaist - oh kids, look - your mom's a big fat chicken-livered fraidy cat!

I always prided myself in being able to do things - not well maybe but I could do them - and I certainly was not going to let this excuse for a brother-in-law make fun of me in front of my kids! Turning to Rudy, I literally grabbed the board out of his hands and said something really pithy like 'I'll show you who's a fraidy cat' and went stomping off into the surf. I barely heard him chuckling as I stomped away. I remember my son, Pat yelling after me 'Mom - you don't have to do this' - always the voice of reason he was.

Well, he had given me enough instruction to tell me that I had to go out to where the waves were really breaking so I could 'catch one'. For someone who had not even body surfed, I kinda thought I was pretty swift to get that concept right off! How hard could it be after all? I did notice, however, that the waves seemed a lot bigger and a lot more forceful than when I'd been a kid - what was that about?

Mentally grousing about thinking what a fool I had been to fall for his 'kindness' I figured I'd best just get this over with. I was planning on showing him how superbly agile and athletic I was after all and then we'd just see who was laughing. I also had planned to challenge his beer-drinking rotund self to come out and have a go at it when I'd finished my 'perfect ride' and we'd just see who was the better boogie boarder!

All this in mind, mentally cursing myself for accepting the challenge, I waited for the 'perfect wave'. Unfortunately, one came up way too soon for me and I pretty much made a false start, got picked up and flung under the wave instead of on top or inside it and drank about a gallon of water. I could hear laughter up ahead - my family, Rudy and now several spectators. I was not a happy camper! 'NOBODY should be laughing at me' I was thinking to myself. If they were so good at this, let them come out here and take the board! Didn't they know I was an accident waiting to happen?

'Buck up, Audrey, buck up' I was mentally chiding myself. 'Catch the damned wave and show that smug SOB what you can really do!' and shut those stupid laughing people up! Who do they think they're laughing at? I know, I know - did I really think this through? - did I really know who I was talking about - the Lucille Ball of Washington state?

Okay - now I'm serious - I'm steamed - and by god, I am going to ride the next perfect wave for all I'm worth. I am NOT going to fail but I am going to perfectly execute this athletic maneuver or my name is NOT Poultry in Motion!

Here comes the wave - and I'm off (in more ways than one). I can't believe it - I actually had good form. I did not sink, I did not turn over and biff, I just snagged that huge wave and I was smoking! I was going towards the shore in a perfect line (albeit way too fast for my comfort zone) and I could feel pure glee bubbling up inside me. I was just about to let loose with a reckless scream when I realized that I had started to pass a lot of people that were standing in the water. Ha - and they thought I couldn't do this!

I of course was dodging them as I rode the wave in because I may be athletic but I'm not mean- I didn't want to mow down any little kids or women for heavens' sake! I think that accounted for my lack of focus on the approaching shore - oh sure!

Just as I'm congratulating myself on a ride well performed, I suddenly realized much to my horror that I had not been taught one little tiny piece of technique....that being when to let GO of the freaking boogie board or stop my bloody ride!

I hear you saying probably 'Well, wouldn't that kinda sorta be a NO BRAINER, Audrey? Like you didn't realize that the shore was coming up?' Actually, my friends, no I did not! And do you know why? Because I was so busy focusing on how good I was doing and how I was going to literally or at least metaphorically kick his butt for setting me up like this! And then there was the distraction of avoiding other people - at least that's my story and I'm sticking to it!

So folks - we have touchdown....we have a landing - and it is not a good landing. It is much like a plane that bounces on the runway - never good. Before I realized that I was literally in shallow water, first my toes and then my legs got the best exfoliation I have ever had - before or since! I can tell you honestly, it is not the way to go! I was literally skidding on the sand and it was only getting worse. I was going much too fast! I was mentally screaming 'landing gear up, landing gear up' but alas, too late! Amazingly, I still had not let go of the board! I don't know if I thought it was a life jacket or what the heck I was thinking, but I was gripping it for dear life.

I progressed from exfoliating my feet and legs to now scraping my stomach and my entire upper chest as I skidded up onto the shore. I felt about 10,000 pounds of beach sand shoot into the bottom of my bathing suit first from the front, and then from the back or so it felt - and my bathing suit bottom literally slipped off like a banana peel right down to my thighs thanks to the forces of gravity and sand. I simultaneously felt the upper part of my bathing suit fill with sand from my neck and upper chest down - and for a few fleeting moments, I had the big boobs I always wanted - only they were made of sand!

I finally came to a stop and dropped the blasted boogie board only to have a wave come and crash over me in my half naked state. I could hear nothing but laughing - and of course not a person was stepping forward to help the stupid woman who had lost half her bathing suit, had a huge top heavy other half, and was lying face down in the sand.

My son, Jonathan did finally come over towards me and while I thankfully looked up thinking he'd give me a hand, he looks down at me in total disgust and stomps off! "I can't BELIEVE the things you do, mom! How embarrassing!' (Yeah - that's why I did it, son - nothin' better to do than try and tear my skin and my bathing suit off - just for you! By the way, thanks for the help!)

Next thing I knew, Bob was at my side, trying to stop laughing of course while he is asking me if I'm hurt. 'No you stupid moron - I'm not hurt. I just took off 5 layers of skin AND my bathing suit bottom, but hey - I'm fine. I do this all the freaking time! Could you please just reach down and yank my suit up to cover my butt?'

Then I look up - through my sopping wet hair that is plastered all over my face, I see Rudy sitting on top of his beer cooler hysterically laughing. He's laughing so hard that he's just rolling back and forth - and I can hear him saying to Patrick 'Did you see it, did you see it? It's the funniest thing I've ever seen. Did you see your mom come flying up onto the sand going like 50 G's? I only wish I had a video of it!' Yeah, Rudy - we can only thank the good lord that we DON'T.

About this time, Patrick realized that I had crashed from what Rudy was choking out every other word and came running over looking for me. He was the only person who actually HELPED me while the rest of them all stood around laughing like loons.

I finally managed to get the bottom of my bathing suit back up by myself I might add and then had the arduous task of emptying about 15 pounds of sand out of my bathing suit top. How does one do this discretely without flashing the beach?

I finally had to go back into the waves to attempt to clean all the sand out of my suit. More laughter....from people I didn't even KNOW. God - I get no respect! All the while, I'm waving back at them all - 'No, really folks - no need to worry - go back to your swimming - all good here at Comedy Central! Show's over - we return you to your previously scheduled vacation!'

When I finally finished putting myself back together and ridding myself of sand (although it was in places I won't even mention), I stomped up towards shore. Of course as I approached my family (and Rudy - still laughing), I looked down to discover that the entire front of my body was scraped and beet red. That's saying something since I'm usually very tanned! It just never stops!

As I stood there quaking with unrestrained anger over this latest athletic endeavor gone bad, ready to give Rudy a piece of my mind - or whatever was left after the wild ride up Sand Road - he blurts out between laughs 'Oh yeah - I forgot to tell you - when you get close to shore - just let go of the board and get off the wave'......more laughter and he finally just throws himself down on the blanket holding his stomach convulsing in spasms of laughter.

Who can stay mad when everyone is laughing at them anyhow? I finally just sat down and put my head in my hands and started to laugh. I have no doubt it must have been very comical looking although I'd rather have been the person watching rather than the person RIDING.

I said to him much later in the day 'You did that on purpose'. He didn't deny it but he didn't confirm it either! He claimed that he had had the idea to teach me to boogie board and just maybe I might be kinda 'funny to watch' but he had no idea that I was going to be THAT funny. He did tell me that I was a good sport. Coming from Rudy, that was high praise!

I COULD Have Done This!


I'm sad to report that I didn't get a chance to have any more Rudy stories. He unfortunately continued his love affair with drink and he died about 7 years ago after my sister had finally left him and he succumbed to the disease.

My biggest regret is that we did not truly know him without the alcohol. There were a few hints of his sense of humor such as on this day.  Truly, I wish I'd seen more of those. Even if I had to be the butt of his joke, I guess it was worth it in the long run to see him laughing until he was crying. I wouldn't trade that moment for anything.

Rest in peace, Rudy - I wish you good things always. I'm glad I gave you a good laugh! It is one of my favorite gifts to give after all.

Too Bad I Didn't See This!

Photo by Thanker212
Photo by ..Stina
Photo by Mike the Mountain
Photo by Nedradio
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    • akirchner profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Kirchner 

      9 years ago from Washington

      Thanks for laughing with me, Dolores - sounds like you and I should have a day at the beach! At least this time we could have someone video it and maybe make some money on youtube!

    • Dolores Monet profile image

      Dolores Monet 

      9 years ago from East Coast, United States

      Oh, Audrey, this was so funny, yet painful. I love to body surf (not much on the boogie boarding) and can catch waves like the best. So one day, not so long ago (I was in my 50's) I decided to teach myself how to surf. I could not even make it out to the break. If I sat on the board, I flipped over. I fell off and flipped over so many one laughed but me. I had to quit. I thought I would drown myself. Yelling and laughing underwater is not good.

    • akirchner profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Kirchner 

      10 years ago from Washington

      Kaltopsyd - Thanks so much for reading - and laughing! That is a wonderful thing in my humble opinion, to tell it so that people actually see it and laugh along with me.

      Unfortunately, in my Lucille Ball/Calamity Jane fashion, I have many, many more stories but I do get a very good laugh at myself when I think back on them so glad I can share and share alike!

      Laughter is the best medicine for anything after all. Thanks again for stopping by and reading!

    • kaltopsyd profile image


      10 years ago from Trinidad originally, but now in the USA

      OH MY GOODNESS! You LITERALLY had me LOL-ing. I have tears in my eyes now. Wow! What a ride! That was such an enjoyable read. I can't even tell you just how much I enjoyed reading about your adventure. That must've really been something, eh? HAHAHA!

      You told of your experience so flawlessly. It was like I was there. That part with your son Jonathon... too funny. I don't know what else to say. If you write a book about your adventures some day be sure to notify me. I would definitely purchase it and probably re-read it when I'm in a bad mood or something.

      On a serious note, sorry about Rudy.

      Thanks for sharing!

    • akirchner profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Kirchner 

      10 years ago from Washington

      Hi Micky - you say adventurer - some say insane! I tell you what - I do not plan on recapturing that moment ever again! I shall leave the excitement for those younger than me - and more athletic than pathetic! I do like the one pic above that shows the dad on the wave - his look of panic I'm sure mirrored mine although my eyes were probably 5 times bigger and my mouth gaping open like a carp!

    • Micky Dee profile image

      Micky Dee 

      10 years ago

      You are the adventurer! Great hub akirchner!

    • akirchner profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Kirchner 

      10 years ago from Washington

      Hey, Darski!!! I'm so glad to see your name and your avatar! How are you and how's your daughter? Thanks so much for stopping by and I so hope I gave you a giggle or two....I'm really sure Hugh would want a piece-a-this! ha ha - maybe in my earlier days....take care of yourself~!

    • akirchner profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Kirchner 

      10 years ago from Washington

      BL - thank you for chuckling along with me - I rarely can get away from being a good sport since I have so many 'events' that seem to have me chuckling at my own self! Yes, mortifying though it must have been for my kids, I think they know by now it is part of 'who I seem to be'. Thanks so much for stopping by!

      RM - That sounds hysterical itself and you should write a hub on that! I did try water skiing as well and I did not have any crazy stories to remember though I did end up behind some total idiot who kept gunning the engine and then backing off on it so I think I literally swallowed the entire bay. I finally had to get out of the water for fear of sinking! The boogie board thing though was so embarrassing I have never even ATTEMPTED to think about it again.

      You are right though - for some odd reason, Rudy must have been in my mind the other day and without even knowing it, perhaps I did give him a bit of peace - and maybe myself as well. I've always felt so badly that his life ended so badly. It is such a sad, sad disease.

      Thanks so much for coming by and do think about sharing your water enema story with all of us!

    • Darlene Sabella profile image

      Darlene Sabella 

      10 years ago from Hello, my name is Toast and Jam, I live in the forest with my dog named Sam ...

      Oh Friend you are hellarious I can't believe this how funny, I so enjoy this and laughed LOL Maybe you should contact Hugh Hefner, HA! The Centerfold would be title, beauty on Boggie Board.....

    • raisingme profile image


      10 years ago from Fraser Valley, British Columbia

      Okay, I give, that was funnier than the one and only time I went water skiing. I discovered that if you change your mind once you are up on the skis, sitting back down is not a good idea. I did not get an exfoliation but I did get a heck of an enema.

      While it was sad that Rudy resorted to using alcohol to hide behind, it was wonderful that you ended your hub with a tribute to him. Perhaps your forgiveness may,even now, have provided him with some relief.

    • bayoulady profile image


      10 years ago from Northern Louisiana,USA

      Wow! At least you had an event the kids can tell their children someday..."Yeah,there your grandmother was, butt glistening with sand, hair a mess,kicking and yelling for someone to help I would pull her pants up!"I started chuckling from the time you exfoliated(ha!)until the bitter funny...but I know it wasn't.You are a good sport to share that!

    • akirchner profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Kirchner 

      10 years ago from Washington

      MPG - I don't know what possessed me to go to the sad part with Rudy - I guess because I was 'supposed' to remember him that day or something because it was his birthday. I don't have a clue!

      I have a feeling I'd make a mockery of boogie boarding in Australia as well but it sounds delightful to see the beaches!!

    • MPG Narratives profile image

      Maria Giunta 

      10 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      Hilarious and rated up. Rudy sounded like a real jerk until you mentioned him being an alcoholic. Sad, but at least you have a brilliant story here. Isn't it fun getting sand in places you wouldn't like to mention, been there, done that! Thanks for the laughs Audrey.

      PS: You should try boogie boarding on some of our Aussie surf beaches, it is truly awesome.

    • akirchner profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Kirchner 

      10 years ago from Washington

      Ah Shellie - What is it about me that just attracts comical stories? I hate to break it to ya'll too - I still haven't even touched the tip of the iceberg! That is truly kinda making me go to myself "are you crazy"? I don't know how so many insane things could have happened to me in one lifetime but I'm SO glad you guys think they are funny! I can only laugh at them myself to tell the truth because it is SO embarrassing!

    • akirchner profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Kirchner 

      10 years ago from Washington

      Nellie - Thanks so much for reading - and I'm so glad you got a are one of my favorite readers because you always 'get' my humor! Totally weird that I wrote that on his birthday - but glad I remembered the insanity of that day! Despite the crazy things I do, they surely do make me laugh later on!

    • theherbivorehippi profile image


      10 years ago from Holly, MI

      I knew this was going to be a typical hub from you where my eyes are watering and my sides hurt from laughing! OMG I love your hubs! lol

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 

      10 years ago from England

      Hi, Audrey, well done you got me this time! I was in hysterics! lol very very funny, I could just imagine it, everytime I think you have reached your top score you manage to make the bar higher again, hilarious, and what a great tribute to Rudy on his birthday, I am sure he would have appreciated the laugh again, cheers nell

    • akirchner profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Kirchner 

      10 years ago from Washington

      Crewman6 - Thank you for the compliment and for reading!

    • Crewman6 profile image


      10 years ago

      Audrey, you're truly a good person.

    • akirchner profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Kirchner 

      10 years ago from Washington

      HH - I know - horrible disease and we unfortunately have had our share of tragedies with that particular disease in our family. It is so sad. Not sure how I ended up being so morose at the end but it truly was one of the craziest experiences I've ever had - or I should just say one more!! I seem to have more than most don't ya think?

    • Hello, hello, profile image

      Hello, hello, 

      10 years ago from London, UK

      Oh, akirchner, whatever next? Thank you for a good laugh and a well written hub. At last Rudy found his peace. They do suffer an awful lot and people don't know better but to snear at them and make fun of them. Deep down they know what they are like but can't get away from it.

    • akirchner profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Kirchner 

      10 years ago from Washington

      Poor kid - somehow I can identify! Thanks so much for commenting, Suzie!

    • suziecat7 profile image


      10 years ago from Asheville, NC

      The Boogie Board Face Plant video cracked me up. Fun Hub!

    • akirchner profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Kirchner 

      10 years ago from Washington

      BJ - Your poetry is astounding and of course, I had not thought about iron boards! Thanks as always for your wit and making me laugh!!

      Spanky - Yes, I found out there are MUCH better ways to exfoliate - ouch is all I can say. San Diego beach sand is NOT the way to go!

      Pamela - Glad I could make you laugh - I didn't even realize that I would get so sad at the end about Rudy - and then as I said above in the first comment, I realized that it was his BIRTHDAY yesterday. I must have been thinking about him or something.

      Thanks folks for always being there!

    • Pamela99 profile image

      Pamela Oglesby 

      10 years ago from Sunny Florida

      Audry, What a story! I laughed so hard even though I hated to hear about all the skin scrapes. The story of Rudy is sad and happens much more often then people realize. Alcoholism is a terrible disease. Great hub and rated up!

    • habee profile image

      Holle Abee 

      10 years ago from Georgia

      Buckie, you DO know there are better ways to exfoliate, right??

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 

      10 years ago from south Florida

      Ode to Audrea:

      You were hot to trot with the boogie board,

      So Rudy helped you to give it a go.

      You stayed on till the end, oh my Lord,

      And peeled off skin from your head to your toe.

      Since it wasn't enough to be peeled like a banana,

      You misplaced your bottom and filled up your bandana.

      What a rollicking, rowdy, raucous, semi-raunchy, ridiculously funny account.

      Please, Audrea, for the sake of preserving your body (and your dignity) promise no more boogie boards, surf boards, paddle boards, body boards or ironing boards. O.K.? :)

    • akirchner profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Kirchner 

      10 years ago from Washington

      Thanks, Jess for stopping by - my least favorite thing in life is lying. Ah, sigh, he did it so well too - too bad. I suddenly remembered when I finished this that today was his birthday - talk about spooky! I don't think I could have found a better tribute if I tried! Thanks for stopping in and for commenting.

    • Jess Killmenow profile image

      Jess Killmenow 

      10 years ago from Nowheresville, Eastern United States

      An excellent story well told. My favorite line: "... lying as a second language." :D


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