Just to be ok
I was starting to think i was strong enough to endure anything, but lately I'm not so sure of myself anymore. For once when I say I'm okay, I want the person to hug me so hard and say 'no, you're not,' instead of saying 'OK' and walk away. I don’t think that is too much to ask of someone. I want to know they see my pain and my suffering, not sugar coat it and pretend everything is ok. It seems to me, the harder I try, the harder I fall. I hurt in places you couldn't imagine, at a level beyond your comprehension. My internal bruises are far more easy to hide. If you could feel this pain for just a day you’d see how brave and strong I am. The girl who always seems to smile, cried, who always holds it together, has fallen apart, who lifts everyone else up, needs someone to hold her up right now. I just wanna run away, run away from all of my problems and pain and never come back, because i don't think anyone would miss me. But in the end I know that is not something I can do. Sometimes when i finally think everything is going to be OK again, something comes along and sends my life spiraling downward all over again. I haven’t seen a light in a very long time and I have gotten used to it being dark inside. Ever have one of those days where you just feel so alone and no matter who you talk to, you still feel incredibly and undeniably alone? That would be today. I wish I could turn my thoughts off right now. Too much stress going on in my head... Would you share your happy place, I seem to have lost mine. People always tell me I'm a strong person, so how come when the lights turn off and the doors close, I always break down?
