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Just to be ok

Updated on July 2, 2012

I was starting to think i was strong enough to endure anything, but lately I'm not so sure of myself anymore. For once when I say I'm okay, I want the person to hug me so hard and say 'no, you're not,' instead of saying 'OK' and walk away. I don’t think that is too much to ask of someone. I want to know they see my pain and my suffering, not sugar coat it and pretend everything is ok. It seems to me, the harder I try, the harder I fall. I hurt in places you couldn't imagine, at a level beyond your comprehension. My internal bruises are far more easy to hide. If you could feel this pain for just a day you’d see how brave and strong I am. The girl who always seems to smile, cried, who always holds it together, has fallen apart, who lifts everyone else up, needs someone to hold her up right now. I just wanna run away, run away from all of my problems and pain and never come back, because i don't think anyone would miss me. But in the end I know that is not something I can do. Sometimes when i finally think everything is going to be OK again, something comes along and sends my life spiraling downward all over again. I haven’t seen a light in a very long time and I have gotten used to it being dark inside. Ever have one of those days where you just feel so alone and no matter who you talk to, you still feel incredibly and undeniably alone? That would be today. I wish I could turn my thoughts off right now. Too much stress going on in my head... Would you share your happy place, I seem to have lost mine. People always tell me I'm a strong person, so how come when the lights turn off and the doors close, I always break down?

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    • lucybell21 profile image

      Bonny OBrien 

      6 years ago from Troy, N.Y.

      I have many of the same things you have in one way or another, and I have days where I want to give up and just walk away, but I know I have to keep trudging on for one reason or another.

    • lovelyladyss profile image

      lovelyladyss 

      6 years ago

      Disappearing never works. I have learned the hard way. Look at each day as an opportunity to start in another direction.

    • Anna-Kay profile image

      Anna-Kay 

      6 years ago from California!

      Don't be afraid to ask of someone what you need most. If you need a hug or to be held, reach out, hug and hold someone. I won't say I know how you feel, but I too have experienced a loneliness that I swear I could reach out and touch. Lucky for us, life is constantly changing and this loneliness will also change into something better.

    • GoldiString profile image

      GoldiString 

      6 years ago

      I have been hurt very bad. And i feel and find myself in your article. And yes, they say i am strong and i thought i was. But i wasnt. How i am going through daily in my life i dont know. But thanks for sharing this.

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