How to Learn to Accept Loneliness
Loneliness is often pervasive. We feel an aching that reminds us of what we are missing. We see people having fun or sharing a tender moment and we feel a pang of loneliness. Sometimes, we don't have a choice. People leave or move away. Kids grow up, relationships grow apart. We change jobs or school. The reasons could go and on but the results are the same. In this article we will talk about ways to cope with loneliness.
Perspectives on Loneliness
This article is part of the Perspectives series. The Perspectives series is made up of 5 hubwriters. Thery write about a new subject each month and they pick a different guest writer to join them. I am honored to have been chosen to share my perspective with this admirable group of writers. This month, the perspectives will be discussing loneliness.For an introduction, please visit the following link and then, check out the rest of the articles in this series listed down below.
The Definition of Loneliness
"the state of being alone in solitary isolation" wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn
Wow! That's pretty harsh ! Let's try another:
lone·ly (lnl)adj. lone·li·er, lone·li·est1.a. Without companions; lone.b. Characterized by aloneness; solitary.2. Unfrequented by people; desolate: a lonely crossroads.3.a. Dejected by the awareness of being alone. See Synonyms at alone.b. Producing such dejection: the loneliest night of the week.
loneli·ly adv.loneli·ness n.
Still pretty strong but a little better than the first one.
Albert Einstein Quotes:
"It is strange to be known so universally and yet to be so lonely."
We don't always have to be alone to feel lonely
Alone....lonely. We so often confuse the two. Yet, it is possible to be alone and not lonely as much as it is possible to be lonely even when not alone.
When we see a person dining alone or watching a movie by themselves, many of us automatically think they have been "stood up" or have no one to be with. We find ourselves feeling sorry for them. But, do we notice the person who is isolated within a group? The person who is either not being paid attention to or who is not into whatever is going on. Why do we automatically make the assumption that the person who is physically alone is lonelier than the person who is feeling alone within a group? ? Why have we been programmed to feel that we always have to be surrounded by people? Why are so many of us embarrassed to be seen alone, yet sometimes miserable in a group? One thing that is certain, whichever lonely it is, it will be easier once we learn to accept it.
Scared of Lonely, Beyonce
Loneliness can consume you.
We can be overwhelmed with loneliness. We can allow it to consume us. We can become so lost in it, that we don't function as well. Some people can't function at all. Loneliness can be crippling. It is important not to try to smother our loneliness by being with people just for the sake of not being alone. We want only to surround ourselves with people who are there for us. There masy not always be an abundance of people like that but a few good people in our lives can help take away the emptiness.
Tennessee Williams had an interesting thought on Loneliness
"When so many are lonely, as seem to be lonely, it would be inexcusably selfish to be lonely alone."
Steps to alleviate Loneliness
- find alternatives
- join groups of people with common interests
- find activities to keep you busy when you are alone.
- if you do happen to go to that movie alone, look forward to the discussions that will ensue after.
- Be in touch with people you care about. We live in the world of communication and multi- media. You can call, text, im, skype or e-mail.
Steps in Accepting Loneliness
- Determine the source of your loneliness
- Embrace yourself and learn how to be comfortable by yourself
- stop making things conditional (the movie won't necessarily be be any funnier with someone else sitting next to you, the meal should still be just as tasty even if you are alone)
- loneliness doesn't have to be permanent
- remind yourself what/who you do have
An example of conquering your Loneliness
If you have determined that you feel the loneliest when you have to attend work dinners, take steps to make it easier.
Is it possible to miss the dinner?
If you have to go, prepare yourself.
If you don't have a "+1" when everyone else does, create one. You don't have to go out and hire an escort. Just ask a good friend to come with you. Bring someone who makes you smile, makes you feel good about yourself.
If bringing a friend isn't possible, you might want to set something up beforehand with co-workers. You are not likely to be the only one going stag and some of them will be grateful to have someone else to sit with.
Think about when you feel the loneliest.
Where are you?
What are you doing?
Are you alone?
When is it the most significant?
Once you have the answers to these questions, you can move on to the solutions.
Martie Coetser- Perspectives: Loneliness- An Indisputable Emotional Pain
Bravewarrior- Perspectives: Loneliness- Choices vs. Choices
Docmo- Perspectives: Loneliness- Echoes are Louder When Empty