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How to Conquer Fear and Finally Get the Life you Want

Updated on September 15, 2014


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Hardships are a part of everyone's life and it is hard not to be overcome with fear. These incidences can occur with your marriage, career, children, your home, your loved ones or your health. No matter what the issue fear inevitably has a paralyzing presence. I am speaking of the hardships that hit the core of your being, your worst fears, things you have NO IDEA how to resolve. Problems where there are no answers, no ONE person to turn to, no one other than yourself and your God. When you are faced with such a problem it is hard not to be filled with fear. Ironically fear is your enemy and only keeps you from peace and blocks the road to finding a solution. Fear will keep you from enjoying the gifts that ARE in your life. Fear will keep you from living TODAY. Fear must be overcome first to overcome any hardship - to find your happiness.

One thing I need to clarify before I go on is my definition of happiness. Happiness is loving your life and yourself IN SPITE of the difficulties and imperfections. It is not living a life without hardships. Like my Mom would say "if you have no problems then you must be dead". Life IS and will ALWAYS be filled with challenges. It is how you deal with these challenges that is the difference between misery and happiness. Happiness is having the ability to smile and truly love your life regardless of what is or might be happening. It is fully living in the present, smelling the roses and taking the time to brighten up the lives of others. That is the true state in which we should all live. In order to find this state of being you have to overcome the biggest obstacle - fear.

I remember years ago when I just didn't get it and I would meet someone who seemed so happy all of the time. I was sure she had a great life until I was told about all of the problems she was facing. They sounded awful. I was baffled as to how she could be so happy. I get it now as I understand that happiness is not BECAUSE of anything. Happiness is a choice that you make every day. It is a realization that you are happy because you ARE and no situation or no person can take that from you.

If you find true happiness you do not need anything to look forward to. You don't need a sunny day or a perfect relationship. You don't need to win the lottery or have the house on the beach. You can find your happiness in every day life. You can be happy when it is raining because the flowers will grow. Happy that is it cold and you can wear your new sweater. No matter how grim the situation - happiness can always shine through!

Overcoming Fear

In order to overcome fear you have to be in touch with your true self, your spiritual self – your inner guide. You will have to trust that every hardship in your life is a call to spiritual growth and a door to freedom and increased happiness. If you do not overcome fear this growth cannot happen and you will continue to flounder in unfortunate events until you FINALLY get it. If you feel like you keep getting hit with the same similar issues over and over, if your life is a continuous flow of unfortunate events, you must first work on YOURSELF before your external events can change.

I know this from my own personal hardships. The ones that shook up my world to the point that I couldn’t breathe and was completely paralyzed by fear. Until I figured out how to free myself of the fear, to trust in the flow of my life and to let it happen, nothing was happening. Each hardship has helped me to grow stronger spiritually and be better able to overcome life’s challenges and easily “not sweat the small stuff”. It is a freedom, a confidence an awakening that is possible for everyone if we could just learn to let go of fear.

Tools to Overcome Fear

  • Project Forward
  • Start Each Day in Gratitude
  • Let it Go - "That is NOT me"
  • Affirm a Positive Outcome - Release Negativity
  • Breathe
  • Exercise it Out
  • Get Fresh Air and Sun
  • Cry it Out - Let it Out
  • Know that you are Guided and Loved
  • Visualize a Positive Outcome
  • Live like the Problem is Solved
  • Take it One Day at a Time - Live in the Present Moment
  • Know that the Answers are Coming if You Just Ask
  • Live and Wait to be Guided

Project Forward

Think about an incident you have had in your past that you got through and can look back at now knowing how much better off you are for the experience. Take that feeling of success, learning and experience and project it into your life now. How did it feel when it was finally over? Looking back at it now think about what you would have to say to your younger self who was struggling years ago. What would you say to your younger self? Say the same things to yourself now with confidence. Imagine that you already know the outcome of what you are facing and "act as if" it is resolved. Imagine your older wiser self talking to you now and telling you that it will all work out for the best. Live as if you were in the future when all the turmoil is over. This will help rid yourself of the paralyzing fear so that you can now be open to the solutions that will reveal themselves to you. You will now be able to see the door that is opening because you are not staring at the window that just closed. It also helps to keep you from wasting away wonderful days of your life that you could be enjoying.

The Secret on Amazon

Start Each Day in Gratitude

The advice I remember most from the book and movie "The Secret" is to begin each day in a state of gratitude. Think about all of the blessings in your life and focus on them right now. Think about them first thing in the morning and before you go to bed. This will help you focus your energies on more positive things which shoes fear away.

Let it Go - "That is Not Me"

Every time you feel yourself overcome by fear or thinking negative thoughts quickly erase them by saying to "THAT IS NOT ME". You do not wallow in fear - you know you are guided and taken care of. Keep saying that every time your thoughts slip. Soon you will be able to permanently "clean" your thoughts and rid yourself of negativity. This will work to attract positive energy and circumstances into your life and help you get through your problems.

Affirm a Positive Outcome - Release Negativity

Write or find affirmations that apply to your situation. Say the affirmations in the morning and before bed to center your thoughts.

Example: "All is well in my life. I am safe and guided."

Examples from Ask and It is Given - "Well being is natural to me", "My body knows what to do", "I'm in very good hands", "Even if I don't know what to do in order to get better - my body does"

Breathing Relaxation Exercise


Any kind of healing centers around the breath. Be sure you practice breathing deeply whenever you are feeling tense. Breathe in love for the present moment and breathe out the fear and negativity.

Exercise it Out

Exercise helps you release tension and stress. Exercise out your fears. Afterwards you will feel renewed and better able to apply the other tools.

Get Fresh Air and Sun

Nothing better to get you in the present moment than getting out and appreciating nature and the earth. Try to get in touch with the simple things and be grateful that you are having the experience.


Cry it Out - Let it Out

When you are feeling your worst - just let it out...cry until you can't cry anymore. Crying has healing properties and is a necessary release. You just need stop at some point and be done with it and move on to the other tools.

Know that you are Guided and Loved

We are all guided and have a purpose. Hardships in life are all a part of our journey for spiritual growth. Knowing this makes it easier to see through the hard times and easier to let go of fear. Having faith of some sort helps you better handle life's bumpy ride.

You may ask for guidance daily by saying "show me what I need to know moment by moment for my highest purpose".

Visualize a Positive Outcome

See yourself through the problems you are facing. What does it look like a month from now, a year from now, 5 years from now? Imagine that the bad times are over and feel the relief go through your body. Let that become your new reality - your vision. Keep that image strong in your mind.

Visualize the ideal resolution to your current problems. Call them into your life.

Visualize all of the things that you will be doing when this problem is resolved. Get a warm feeling as you visualize yourself free of your burdens. Let that feeling fill your body.

The Power of Now Daily Inspiration Cards

Take it One Day at a Time - Live in the Present Moment.

If there is no immediate danger today - why focus on what might be? If you are overwhelmed by life and fearful of what the future may bring, if you overwhelmed by things that need to be done, decisions that need to be made and have no idea how you will manage - simply operate in day to day mode - or hour by hour mode. Ask yourself - "in the present moment is there a danger or threat?" The answer is NO - right now at this moment you are safe. If you are living in the present moment there is nothing to fear. If you are living in the present moment you can hear the answers and be guided to the solution to your problems.

If you have problems with this the book "The Power of Now" is a great help. There is also "The Power of Now Daily Inspiration Cards" that are helpful to keep you in the present moment. It is not easy to do naturally if you have been worrying all of our life. You need to exercise and work at it until it becomes a natural thought process.

Wait for Guidance

If you have been successful with living in a state of gratitude and living in the present moment - now you can live your life knowing that all will be well. The answers are right in front of you if you just allow them to happen. You can't force it.... let it unfold. Believe it or not - it can be as simple as that. Too often we feel like we have to MAKE everything happen. Usually this technique just drags us down another wrong frustrating path. If we wait for guidance and know that it will come - the pathway will be revealed. Release your fear and watch and wait!


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    • talkabout profile imageAUTHOR

      Dolores Ninerell 

      4 years ago from Mount Laurel, NJ

      Thanks. This is the article I hope to make a book from. Lots more to say on this topic...

    • profile image


      4 years ago

      Created the greatest artselci, you have.

    • lisasuniquevoice profile image

      Lisa Brown 

      6 years ago from Michigan

      Thank you for your words of wisdom.

    • Lilleyth profile image

      Suzanne Sheffield 

      6 years ago from Mid-Atlantic

      Enjoyed this very uplifting hub. Voted awesome.

    • tobusiness profile image

      Jo Alexis-Hagues 

      6 years ago from Lincolnshire, U.K

      Good hub, lots of truths, far too many of us dwells too much on the negative things in our lives instead of appreciating the positive. voted up

    • Jlava73 profile image

      Jennifer Vasconcelos 

      6 years ago from Cyberspace and My Own World

      Great Hub and even greater advice! I'm on this path now and it is like a huge weight is lifted off your shoulders once you open up to possibilities.


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