ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Living with Bipolar: From the Outside

Updated on August 3, 2020
Kristoph M profile image

I am no expert on mental illness, I only speak through experiences of my own and those brave enough to share their stories with me.

Source

While you may find that bipolar disorder can turn your world upside down, you may not know how it impacts those who live with people that have it. One minute, everything is great. Then, your partner/loved one experiences a manic state and everything changes. It isn't just those close you that suffer from the rapid cycling, mixed cycles, and other manic/outburst states of bipolar. Strangers who witness it, or in many cases, are the target of aggression often feel fear or anger themselves.

The Outside

I had the pleasure of interviewing someone close to me, someone who had seen me as a happy child turned into a little demon. My mother has become my best friend through my travel down the road of life. She was there when I changed, and she is there now after my transformation (Post-Meds). I asked her what she experienced when my bipolar began to make itself apparent. She shocked me with her answer, and I believe it shed some light on how people perceive me and possibly others with this disorder.


She stated that when I was a boy, I was happy and always playing and full of life. Then almost over night, I changed into an uncontrollable monster that had violent outbursts that no one could control. She was scared. Not of me, but of what may happen to me if I didn't straighten out. I say straighten out because my mom, like many others who have children or family with bipolar, she didn't think there was a reason. She thought that I was just acting out and having temper tantrums. It wasn't till I was older that she realized that there was a serious issue.

I think that is what people with bipolar are effected by most, knowing we impact those in our life and we can't help them understand. What we want to say is, 'It can't be 'Fixed', so don't try to fix me.” However, we also need to realize that it isn't always our illness. Sometimes we are just wrong. But I digress.

What They See

When I was older, my mom only wished for me to find the strength to get help. She was at a loss and didn't know how to manage me. I was, at one point, out of control and heading for self destruction of one form or the next. My family seen me higher than a kite, coping with my anger in unhealthy ways. They've seen me mad, sad, confused, dumbfounded, and crazy.


Because they have seen so many faces of me, they have come to terms that I am not just acting out. They see me for who I am, and a couple of my family members actually respect me more for pulling out of it the way I have. They can't see me as a burden, problem or a demon. They have to see me as someone with a mental illness who is trying their best. I think that is something we should all take away from this. We are trying our best.

The Reverse

However, it isn't just about how my mom seen me behave and was impacted, it works the other way around. I have been involved with people, lived with people, and been steadily around people who live with mental illness. Being the type of person I am, many of them have felt comfortable opening up to me. I have seen many different faces, especially those that are associated with bipolar, and I can honestly say I know how it feels from the outside. Living with bipolar is difficult sometimes, living with someone who has bipolar can be just as bad. I remember feeling overly stressed, helpless, unable to adjust.


It is easy to just accuse someone of being childish, immature, inappropriate, or angry. It is important, however, to recognize that a lot of times it can't be helped. There isn't a switch we can flip to turn off our emotions, no matter how hard we try. If we could, I think most of us would. When you can't see the battles raging in someone's head, and all you see is the battle that you must fight to get through to them, it can be devastating. There has to be a level of acceptance and understanding. When you are on the outside, you need to be able to look in past the anger, the manic highs, the depression, and find the person within. You may not be able to pull them out of the fire of their moods, but you can still reach them and help them know they are not alone.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://maven.io/company/pages/privacy

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)