ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Making the Decision For Your Parents on a Home or Your Home

Updated on March 9, 2012

When The Time Comes

One of the hardest decisions adults have to make is about the care for their aging parents. I know how difficult it can be; I had to make the decision for both of my parents. Once they are no longer able to care for themselves or living at home alone becomes a safety concern, a decision must be made about where they will live.

The two main options are: coming to live with you or going to a retirement home or assisted living facility. The question you ask yourself is, which one is the best answer?

Things to Consider

There are several things that go into a decision of this magnitude. It isn't an easy choice, and often one that may take days or weeks to reach a decision that you feel comfortable with.

Parent's Health

The first thing to consider is the health of your parent. Not just their physical ability, but their emotional and mental health. How much care will they require and are you able to give it? If you are a working person like I was and your parent needs 24 hour care, you will not be able to provide for them.

You may be able to afford a caregiver for when you are at work, but you have to consider your ability to do the things they need. Can you lift and transport them properly? Do you have siblings that can help out some? You can also find agencies that will provide respite care so the caregiver can have a break. You will need to know your resources before you move your parent into your home.

Parent's Feelings

How does your parent feel about the situation? While you may not be able to listen to what they want, you should listen to them and add it into the decision process. Of course, most elderly people want to stay at home and think they can take care of themselves even when they can't. This leaves you the job of being the bad guy and forcing them to do something against their will.

Some parents do not want their children to be responsible for them. Others will enjoy the friendships of people their own age in a retirement home. Then there are the parents who will enjoy living with you and spending quality time together in their final days.

The Rest of Your Life

If you are married with children living at home, you will have to take their feelings into account. Caring for a parent adds stress for everyone in the home and everyone needs to be included in the decision. A family meeting would be appropriate so that everyone has a chance to make their opinions known. It also provides you a chance to let everyone know what to expect if your parent does come to live with you.

Your Decision

Your decision has to be based on what is best for your parent, your family, and you. You cannot pay attention to what others have to say; only you know your situation. What works for one family may not work for another one. It can even change based on the parent. With my own parents, I could not care for my mother, but I was able to keep my father in my home.

Take the time to think through your decision, knowing that it doesn't have to be permanent. At any time, you can change your decision if another choice works better. Not being able to provide care for your parent does not make you a bad son or daughter. You show your love for them by making the right decision even if it's a hard one.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Advice by Tammy profile image

      Advice by Tammy 

      6 years ago from Cyberland of course

      I cannot imagine how hard this decision is. I am sure everyone's situation is totally different but the feelings are probably the same. We people living much longer lives these days I imagine we will all at some point find ourselves in this situation.

    • jm72writes profile imageAUTHOR

      jm72writes 

      6 years ago from Missouri

      Thank you for the vote. I went through this with both my parents and I never felt like I did enough and I often wondered if I made the right choices. It's helpful to know there are others going through the same thing.

    • Millionaire Tips profile image

      Shasta Matova 

      6 years ago from USA

      That is a tough decision, and I am sure having so many people involved will cause additional problems as these people may have differing opinions, yet they are all a necessary part of the network. You've provided useful advice here. Voted up.

    • jm72writes profile imageAUTHOR

      jm72writes 

      6 years ago from Missouri

      I like your comparison to adoption. I do think it is similar in the fact that you have to think about what is best for them.

    • Eliminate Cancer profile image

      Eliminate Cancer 

      6 years ago from Massachusetts

      I would think of this decision as almost like giving up a baby for adoption. Such a hard choice, and in the end, I know I would keep them with me.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)