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MAMMOGRAM HUMOR - Time to SQUEEEZE One In...

Updated on April 30, 2013
Early Detection Saves Lives
Early Detection Saves Lives | Source

Time to SQUEEEZE One In


A tad nauseous I arrive - on time but sleep depleted,

Afraid of the unknown - might bruises be secreted?

Standing naked to the waist - let's get on with it, I pleaded,

Take the BOOBIES for a check-up, girls - no matter how they're treated!


Step up to the machine - GIRLS-A-FLOPPIN', unimpeded,

Doc said I'd be uncomfortable - expectations were exceeded!

Goosebumps not withstanding - I felt quite over-heated,

Take those PUPPIES for a pressing, girls - no matter how they're treated!

One TA TA squeezed so tightly - could life-blood be excreted?

Now the other mauled and twisted - same crushing torture meted.

The GIRLS need to stay healthy - this point must be conceded!

So your odds of living long and strong are not heavily depleted!


Take the MAMMIES for a mammo, girls - this warning should be heeded,

To disregard the blatant facts is stupid - and conceited!

I'm thrilled to let you knowl - my B'ZOOMIES, they've succeeded!

Unexpected silver lining? I've never felt so KNEADED!


The End

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    • profile image

      Jessica 4 years ago

      You can take any situation and give it your own brand of genius! Well executed message for sure :)

    • ImKarn23 profile image
      Author

      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @Jessica: Hi, hon! You know how the saying goes - it's either laugh - or press your boobies!

      I did both..

    • FyrFytr234 profile image

      FyrFytr234 4 years ago

      Excellent hub once again about a very important subject. Nice mix of rhyme, comedy, seriousness, and good important information. And btw....I'm available for a second opinion...should you feel the need. ;p

    • profile image

      lovedoctor926 4 years ago

      You are so funny! You are one clever and witty woman.

    • Deborah Brooks profile image

      Deborah Brooks Langford 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

      I love this so funny...you make things so entertaining.. but I know how you feel.. LOL... great job my friend..

      sharing

      Debbie

    • ImKarn23 profile image
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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @Fyrfytr234: LOL...I bet you are! On second thought...nothin' wrong with a second opinion!

    • ImKarn23 profile image
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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @Lovedoc926: And you, my friend - are downright brilliant! LOL

    • ImKarn23 profile image
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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @Deborahbrooks: Sigh...it's one of life's 'laugh or cry' moments, eh Deb?

    • EuroNinila profile image

      Fotinoula Gypsyy 4 years ago from NYC BABY

      Lol, what a great hub for such a serious topic! Way to make a scary situation funny and cute through your use of words. Loved it!

    • profile image

      lovedoctor926 4 years ago

      Thank you Karn. I'm glad to see you writing here again:)

    • ImKarn23 profile image
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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @Euroninila: Hi, Ninita! Thanks for taking the time to enjoy my poem! How're your girls? LOL

    • Mhatter99 profile image

      Martin Kloess 4 years ago from San Francisco

      On it. (stop laughing. you know what I mean.)

    • profile image

      GOAH 4 years ago

      Love the poem

      ...need to get it done

      but 3 times each angle

      ... MY girls have less fun.

    • WorkAtHomeMums profile image

      WorkAtHomeMums 4 years ago from Australia

      great reminder. have shared this!

    • ImKarn23 profile image
      Author

      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @GOAH: OMG - YOU must just die in there!! Do they have a 'super-sized' mammography machine? HAHAHA

      Now, i'm wondering what the hell i'm complaining about! The fact is, Henda - i only say it hurts - the reality is i'm so small, it's only slightly uncomfortable. But..i can almost feel YOUR pain now! lol

    • ImKarn23 profile image
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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @workathomemums: Thanks very much!

    • phoenix2327 profile image

      Zulma Burgos-Dudgeon 4 years ago from United Kingdom

      Ha-ha-ha. That's brilliant. I've just had mine and I totally related to this.

    • ImKarn23 profile image
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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @Phoenix2327: So glad you enjoyed - and are on the DONE side of yours too!

    • cleaner3 profile image

      cleaner3 4 years ago from Pueblo, Colorado

      it's nothing to laugh at , but if your girls need a hug, or you want me to kiss the boo,boo's I 'm here for them.LOL

    • ImKarn23 profile image
      Author

      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @Cleaner3: You're right - it is nothing to laugh at! But YOU? YOU hilarious!

    • bizzymom profile image

      bizzymom 4 years ago from New York

      This is a very cute hub! It's pretty funny since I am going for my mammogram tomorrow. Even though it is uncomfortable, there are so many benefits. I hope everyone reads your hub and makes an appointment! Thank you for making me laugh less than 24 hours away from having my boobs pressed and "kneaded".

    • kashmir56 profile image

      Thomas Silvia 4 years ago from Massachusetts

      Hi ImKarn23, Well i didn't know what to expect when i read the title to this hub. But has i started reading i began to enjoy this hub and it became a very fun read, and could not wait to read the next line till the end. I like it how you managed to use every slang word for them and how it all comes together so perfectly, well done !

      Vote up and more !!! SHARING !

    • jennzie profile image

      jennzie 4 years ago from Lower Bucks County, PA

      I've never had a mammogram done and I'm not looking forward to it, but thanks for reminding us in such a humorous way how important it is to have this procedure done. :-)

    • ImKarn23 profile image
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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @Bizzymom: Glad you could laugh...considering! Good luck tomorrow!!!

    • ImKarn23 profile image
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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @Kashmir56: LOL..i didn't even come CLOSE to using the slang words i COULD have. That i wanted to. But, i decided to play it safe(er), and keep knockers and melons out of it! haha

    • ImKarn23 profile image
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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @Jennzie: Hi, Jennzie! Unless there's issues - the fun begins at 40! Feel free to SHARE with all the women you love!

    • DeborahNeyens profile image

      Deborah Neyens 4 years ago from Iowa

      Oh, this made me laugh. I have mine next week. It's unpleasant, but it's so very important.

    • Etherealenigma profile image

      Sandra M. Urquhart 4 years ago from Florida

      Gurl...you are too much...lol.

    • profile image

      GOAH 4 years ago

      wish the xray tech could feel my pain...

    • ImKarn23 profile image
      Author

      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @Deborahneyens: Hi, Deb! Best of luck next week! Unfortunately, it's very, um, 'kneaded'...lol

    • ahorseback profile image

      ahorseback 4 years ago

      Always one willling to help others , I am here when you "Knead" me , those doctors sure can be rough on a womans breasts ! Sure do wish I was a doctor and not just a capenter !LOL...........you are awesome !

    • ImKarn23 profile image
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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @ahorseback: Glad you enjoyed sir! Thanks for taking the time..

    • thranax profile image

      Andrew 4 years ago from Rep Boston MA

      Putting jokes aside it's a wonderful poem carrying an important message indeed.

      ~thranax~

    • ImKarn23 profile image
      Author

      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @Thranax: You're Welranax! (LOL)

    • blondey profile image

      Rosemary Amrhein 4 years ago from Boston, MA

      Interesting hub, couldn't resist the read.

      Haven't had one either, no idea what the hurt part is, or how hurtful it is. imo I don't think I'll ever get breast cancer, but when the time comes, then I'll dealw/that decision.

      lol

    • ImKarn23 profile image
      Author

      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @Blondey: Hi, Blondey! With your positive attitude - you probably won't! Here's hoping - and if hoping isn't good enough - there's the mammogram! lol

    • Princessa profile image

      Wendy Iturrizaga 4 years ago from France

      Despite remembering my painful experience with the mammogram this hub brought a smile to my face. It might be painful but it is better to prevent than to have to cure.

    • ImKarn23 profile image
      Author

      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @Princessa: You got that right girlfriend! Thanks for taking the time to comment!

    • Pamela99 profile image

      Pamela Oglesby 4 years ago from United States

      The poem is a riot, but great advice!

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 4 years ago from Central Florida

      Leslie, leave it to you to show the funny side (who knew there was one???) of the annual "tittie squeeze"!

      Thanx for he reminder. It's imperative we have one annually once we reach 40.

    • ImKarn23 profile image
      Author

      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @Bravewarrior: I may sometimes act the boob - but - at least i am the healthy boob! LOL..

    • Denise Handlon profile image

      Denise Handlon 4 years ago from North Carolina

      This is the one I've been waiting for...HAHA What a great hub-clever and important message. You had my attention throughout the poem. Rated WAY UP/and all the way across. Sharing.

      Just had mine done and I will never have another one without thinking of this poem and perhaps chuckling...okay, chuckling AFTER the squeeze!

    • freecampingaussie profile image

      freecampingaussie 4 years ago from Southern Spain

      Very funny ! Over here the age is 50 so I will book in for one then . 2 1/2 years time .

    • Rusti Mccollum profile image

      Ruth McCollum 4 years ago from Lake Oswego, Oregon

      Thanks for the belly laugh! I LOVE your hubs lol

    • christin53 profile image

      Ann-Christin 4 years ago from UK

      A great message done in a very humorous way. I had mine checked just after my 50th birthday it's not very nice but far better than the possible consequences if you don't.

    • ahorseback profile image

      ahorseback 4 years ago

      Now that you know me better would you let me .....he he ,be a doctor ...........:-}

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image

      Rolly A Chabot 4 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Morning ImKarn23... ouch but a must. Glad you girls are looking after all you have been given... voted up and across the board... hugs for all the fears.

      Hugs from Alberta (BC today)

    • ImKarn23 profile image
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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @DeniseHandlon: So glad you enjoyed, dear! Keep chuckling!

    • ImKarn23 profile image
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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @RollyAChabot: Ok, ok - ya only gotta tell me twice!

      You're FROM Alberta, but in BC today - gotcha! Whatcha doin' sitting inside reading while in beautiful british columbia? Not that i'd EVER stop you from reading my modest offerings!!!

      Lol..

    • ImKarn23 profile image
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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @Freecampingaussie: Lucky you - almost 3 years to go! Interesting that here, in canada, it's 40 and there and the UK - it's 50! I wonder what the stats are on lumps found via mammogram between the ages of 40 and 50? Hmmm...

      ps. I LOVE where you live! It's probably H O T there year round! Want a visitor? lol..

    • ImKarn23 profile image
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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @RustiMccollum: Anytime, dear - i LOVE that you LOVE them!

    • ImKarn23 profile image
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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @Christin53: my running joke is that i'm so flat anyway - that i can't feel a thing...lol

    • ImKarn23 profile image
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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @Ahorseback: What's up Doc? LOL

    • profile image

      Mitchell Stone 4 years ago

      My new song is PINK RIBBONS BEAT BREAST CANCER. Hear it at http://youtu.be/qAg4qG7d7Rs

    • ImKarn23 profile image
      Author

      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @MitchellStone: With all due respect - who are you?

    • robie2 profile image

      Roberta Kyle 4 years ago from Central New Jersey

      Just happened on this and really glad I dropped by ( to coin a phrase) Definitely needed a chuckle and a smile and you gave it to me..... this is so clever. I loved it-- kudos and thumbs up.

    • ImKarn23 profile image
      Author

      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @Robie2: Thank you so much for that sweet compliment, Robie! Much appreciated!

    • TToombs08 profile image

      Terrye Toombs 4 years ago from Somewhere between Heaven and Hell without a road map.

      Great poem, ImKarn and a very serious message. :) Voted up and sharing!

    • freecampingaussie profile image

      freecampingaussie 4 years ago from Southern Spain

      We can put a tent up for you here lol! Should be a lot of rain soon tho & then we plan to head overseas.

      It would be annoying getting tested at 50 & finding out you would have been better off if you had a test earlier .

    • ImKarn23 profile image
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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @TToombs: Hi, Terry! Thanks for dropping by and for the share! Namiste..

    • picadilly profile image

      Priscill Anne Alvik 4 years ago from Schaumburg, IL

      Yes all our boobies need to be kneaded!!! I did the deed Missy L. with a tight lip smile on my face! I told the tech my job is to smile and be a patient-patient, your job is to flatten my girls to get the best view possible for a no lump or bump show!!! This was my 25 year of having my girls checked and I shly must say they are healthy and perky still! Love your post dear...me xo

    • ImKarn23 profile image
      Author

      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @Picadilly: Lol...too cute, Missy p - You being the patient-patient while the tech gets all the wrinkles out!

      Congrats to you and the girls on your 25 years of health and happiness together!

      Here's to the next 25, my perky friend(s?)...

      lol

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      An important reminder for women written with a unique, witty twist. Well done! I've had a few done, piece of cake. Over before you know it.

    • ImKarn23 profile image
      Author

      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @Sunshine625: I agree - a piece of cake!

      I just like to whine and complain like the...um...BIG girls..

      LOL

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 4 years ago from Wales

      Ha ha ha!!Loved this one Leslie;I had one a couple of years ago and left me with this memory!!

      She told me to move closer

      I was sure she was a sadist.

      I made my mind up there and then

      She was not on my Xmas card list.

      x

      She spoke with a tone of sarcasm

      While I stood there squashed right up !!!

      This thought flew into my mind

      Why couldn't I have been an A cup !!!

      x

      All this is just humour

      It didn't hurt a bit !!

      Let's thank Leslie together

      For her humour and quick wit.

      x

      Brilliant my dear friend and yes to all women don't hesitate or be put off ;there is nothing to it .

      No pain at all;just a wonderful peace of mind.

      Lots of love from my little corner of Wales.

      Eddy.

    • ImKarn23 profile image
      Author

      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @Eiddwen: Wow..Eddy - i ADORE this - i am honored, thank you! i have an ear to ear grin on my face..

      Btw..i was an A cup most of my life, but - suddenly - i've finally matured...HAHA...

      love you, dear - you are probably just waking up to your beautiful yard and a hot cup of coffee..

      mmmmm....

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 4 years ago from Wales

      You are very welcome Leslie.

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 4 years ago

      You have such a great sense of humor and I like the way you mingled into this touchy subject. I hate having these done, but they do save lives. I heard that there are machines now where you just sit inside a capsule and the machine does a type of image capture. That would be much better.

    • ImKarn23 profile image
      Author

      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @Teaches: Lol..glad you enjoyed - even if the actual event isn't all that fun...sigh..

      that WOULD be much better!! I hadn't heard of it...probably not on the nearest horizon, eh?

      Thanks for dropping in, dear..

    • Sheri Faye profile image

      Sheri Dusseault 4 years ago from Chemainus. BC, Canada

      So funny!

    • ImKarn23 profile image
      Author

      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @SheriFaye: Funny, but serious as well, yes? YES!

    • Perspycacious profile image

      Demas W Jasper 2 years ago from Today's America and The World Beyond

      Today I listened to Dolly Parton claim that she knew a lot about basketball because she had two of them! That's about the only term you missed. Fine hub on a serious topic, and by the looks of the dates on these comments, it's about time for you to read your own poetry and get down there again!

      Keep on keeping on, and get back here to HP more often.

    • schoolgirlforreal profile image

      schoolgirlforreal 2 years ago from USA

      I'll be 40 next year. Are mammies really necessary? I mean, I heard that the x-rays can "cause" cancer.....and breast cancer doesn't run in my family..hmmmm

      Cool hub though :) Fun poem

    • ImKarn23 profile image
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      Karen Silverman 2 years ago

      Miss you too P!

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