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Mom, Do You Believe In Angels?

Updated on November 25, 2016

Hi Mom. I enjoyed our visit today. You were feeling better than the last time and it was so good to laugh with you again. If wishes came true, you would never have another bad day, but they don’t always, do they? It seems that everything has changed. Things that once were so easy are just so hard. I do see it Mom, honestly I do. It hurts that I can’t fix it the way you always did for me. I feel like I owe you that but I can’t turn back the clock Mom. Oh how I wish I could.

If wishes came true, you would never have had the stroke that left you weak on your right side and made it hard to find the words you want to say sometimes. It’s been thirteen years now and you have come a long way. I wonder sometimes if you know how bad it was. Do you remember?

The image of you in the emergency room, staring at the ceiling and unable to speak is forever etched in my memory. The feelings that I had when the doctors asked us to make a decision on giving you the clot buster drug (TPA) are as real today as they were then. The window had almost closed Mom. We had fifteen minutes remaining and they said you weren’t really a candidate for the drug. The doctor explained that without it, you would most likely never recover. You would have that empty stare for…well… for however long...

Mom, they were kind to us, those doctors and nurses. They made sure that we understood. They said that giving you the drug could cause your brain to bleed and you could die. They told us that even if they gave you the drug, it might not make any difference. We only had fifteen minutes to make the most frightening decision we had ever made as a family. I remember standing there, just me, Dad, and my brother, in a corner of the emergency room, silently trying to make the decision. We were so scared. I don’t know if we ever told you about the stranger who appeared out of no where and asked to pray with us. I don’t know if we answered him either but I know he prayed. He prayed for your healing and he prayed for us to be strong. I never knew his name. He just appeared. Do you believe in angels Mom?

The days after the stroke were not so easy either. For weeks you struggled to speak and we couldn’t understand a word. It must have been so frustrating for you, trapped in that body and not able to tell us what you needed. We tried so hard to understand. Honestly we did.

The days went by slowly and you kept trying to tell us something. We knew it was important. You looked so determined and tried so, so hard. And then someone mentioned a nurse that was working with another patient. They sent for her and she came. She sat on your bed, holding your hand in one of hers, and stroking your hair with the other. She called you “sweetie” and asked what it was you were trying to say. In your own garbled language, you repeated what you had been saying over and over for days that we couldn’t understand. That nurse looked at us and said – “she said to take care of your daddy”. Do you believe in angels Mom?

You must have loved us an awful lot because you’re still here and even in your limited capacity, you still keep us in line. Mom, I know some days are better than others and if wishes came true, all your days would be pain free, sun-shiny days. You’ve worked so hard to stay here with us when it would have been a lot easier to let go. You could have left us Mom, and gone to that place that promises no more pain and suffering. But you’ve never taken the easy way out of anything, have you? You struggled against the odds and learned to walk again. You did the therapy even when it hurt and when you didn’t think we were looking, we were. We saw you practice the fine motor exercises so you could hold a pen again. It was so important for you to learn to write again wasn’t it? Do you know I still have all the notes you wrote me when life threw me those old curve balls? You could have given up Mom, but you didn’t. You knew we needed you still. Do you believe in angels Mom?

Sometimes I think you tested us Mom. You wanted to know if we were ready to do it on our own. I'm glad you realized that we couldn't, not yet. You've been very patient, waiting for us to get there. We're not there yet though Mom. Why do you think I visited today? I needed you, and you were there. I believe in angels Mom. I have one.

© 2012 Linda Crist, All rights reserved.

Read more of my hubs here.

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  • lrc7815 profile image
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    Linda Crist 9 months ago from Central Virginia

    Randi, thank you. I appreciate you taking the time to read this one. You are right about my Mom. She is amazing. She is both prissy and tough. She has faced many challenges with a bravery that I can only hope to find in myself. Yes, we have cone to that place; the most difficult place. She has set the example throughout my life for this. I hope I don't disappoint her. Oh, and for the record, she would have loved you as I do.

  • btrbell profile image

    Randi Benlulu 10 months ago from Mesa, AZ

    Besutiful, Linda! Poignant and well said. A little harder for me to read now, knowing how sick your mom is today but I can see how comforting this can be. What an amazing lady your mom is. How bkessed you are to have her. Sending love...❤

  • lrc7815 profile image
    Author

    Linda Crist 4 years ago from Central Virginia

    Dearest Faith, there are without doubt angels among us and I am glad they revealed themselves during your mother's last days. Thank you for sharing this with me.

  • Faith Reaper profile image

    Faith Reaper 4 years ago from southern USA

    A beautiful, beautiful write dearest Linda.

    Thank you for sharing your experience so beautifully. I have no doubt it was an angel, no doubt whatsoever. My family and I encountered angels during this past month or so when my sweet mother first went to ICU back on Veteran's Day.

    Voted up ++++ and sharing

    In His Love, Faith Reaper

  • lrc7815 profile image
    Author

    Linda Crist 4 years ago from Central Virginia

    Marlene, thank you for taking the time to read this story. It was very personal and a little difficult to rite this one. Even after 13 years the experience of my Mom's stroke is quite vivid in my memory.

  • MarleneB profile image

    Marlene Bertrand 4 years ago from Northern California, USA

    Your story is one that stirs up a lot of emotions. Yes. That was an angel who showed up in the hospital and prayed with you.

  • lrc7815 profile image
    Author

    Linda Crist 4 years ago from Central Virginia

    Hello rajan. Thank you so much for sharing this journey with me. I am so sorry your mother had so many complicating factors and know that it must have been so hard on both her and her family. Yes, I am lucky. My mother has worked so hard to regain some mobility skills. It has been a long journey and she is still quite debilitated but we know we are blessed. Thank you for your very kind sentiment.

  • rajan jolly profile image

    Rajan Singh Jolly 4 years ago from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar,INDIA.

    Very moving account, Linda. I saw my mother go through all this after a stroke complicated by the discovery of breast cancer detection and operation a few months later and a pacemaker installation around that time.

    You are lucky your mom is still with you and is a source of inspiration and strength. God bless her.

  • lrc7815 profile image
    Author

    Linda Crist 5 years ago from Central Virginia

    Oh kellyteam, you are far too kind. I wish I was more like my mother. This piece was so unexpected. It did not go where I thought it was going and I cried all the way through it's writing. It was definitely a cathartic experience for me. Very healthy! Thank you for your tender comment. It means the world to me.

  • kellyteam profile image

    Willette 5 years ago from Michigan

    I could barely see through the tears trying to read this one. It is so beautiful. I know your mom is proud. This is such a beautiful story. You are just like your mom. An angel. Thanks. Voted up, beautiful and shared.

  • lrc7815 profile image
    Author

    Linda Crist 5 years ago from Central Virginia

    Hi Sweethearts2! You are precious. I am so moved by your comment. Angels are everywhere, even here on hubpages. :-)

  • sweethearts2 profile image

    sweethearts2 5 years ago from Northwest Indiana

    This really brought a few tears to my eyes. Very emotional read. I would think your mom does believe in angels too; she has several in her family (husband, son and DAUGHTER). Voted up and beautiful