Losing A Child, Is Losing A Part of Yourself
By the Measure of Eternity, We are Here but A Moment
In such a time as this, no one can say "Jesus doesn't understand. "He was born as a baby; he felt pain; he saw his friend die. He wept. He also died a criminal's death, to give us eternal life. When my friend's son died unexpectedly in a motorcycle collision with a drunk pedestrian, I had no words. I was thankful I had never experienced this heartbreak, and I really could not empathize. I could only show my love and sympathy. As I was packing my bag to give support in any way I could, I kept thinking about my children. As I was ruminating about them, I questioned God. "She has been through so much, how could you let this happen?"
I felt the answer in my mind. "Children are a gift; they are not yours to keep." I mulled over in my soul, would I rather have my child for a short time, or never have them at all? "A very grueling question. Tears were pouring down my face; I had to write something. The words came swiftly and assured, I felt in my heart to give her this poem. My hope is that someone will find comfort in it, as she did.
A Gift of Love
The Gift of Love
God gave us every mother, a gift that came from Him.
A tiny seed that grew and grew, and nestled there within.
The chance to be a mother is a special gift indeed.
For some, they never hold within, a child that they conceived.
When that special moment came, you held him in your arms.
That tiny one, that gift from God you wanted free from harm.
God chose you for his mother, no other one, instead.
Because you were the right one, to tuck him into bed.
And even though we wonder, why things happen as they do?
The days he lived upon this earth they were Gods gift to you.
In Loving Memory
by Melody Gibbons
August 25, 1999
Why Did God Allow This?
I wish I could give you a pat answer that would make you feel better but I cannot. All I know is God is Good. After losing a second son to cancer, it makes it even harder to know, but this I know, she shall see him again in heaven. He made his peace with God, and for that an eternity without pain and sorrow awaits all who believe.
We all feel the guilt of not being a good mother sometimes. I still do for my first born, if only I could go back.. but after years of counseling I have learned one thing. You did the best you could under the circumstances. Nobody is perfect.
Emotions of Grief
Common emotions experienced by bereaved parents:
- Guilt and regret are common emotions of grief. Many bereaved parents feel that if only they would have done or said something different, the death might not have occurred. By openly sharing your feelings of guilt and regret with others who understand your loss, you may come to a place where you can forgive yourself or come to an understanding that you could not have prevented your child’s death.
- Despair and loneliness are common emotions of grief. You may still feel alone even when you are with a group of people. Few people can truly understand how deeply a bereaved parent hurts unless they have experienced a similar loss. People usually understand grief to the level they have experienced it. Finding support from others who have experienced a similar loss can help.
- Anger is a common emotion in grief. Anger is often aimed at a person that is believed to have caused the death, at others who cannot understand your feelings, at God and sometimes at the child who died. Anger is not always expressed in negative ways. Many bereaved parents have directed their anger in positive ways, by working to change laws, build foundations, raise money, fund scholarships and other avenues as a catalyst for positive change.
- A wish to join your child who died is a normal and natural reaction to the pain you are experiencing. If these feelings become overwhelming and you begin to consider taking action, it is imperative that you seek professional support immediately.
The Compassionate Friends
Many parents turn to The Compassionate Friends for support, finding hope and comfort through sharing their story with others and being able to say the child's name without fear of others turning away when the tears do come. Sharing your thoughts and feelings eases the loneliness and allows expression of grief in an atmosphere of acceptance and understanding.
The Compassionate Friends offers support through monthly meetings of its more than 660 chapters, through its national website and Online Support Community, its Compassionate Friends/USA Facebook Page, annual national conference, Walk to Remember®, and The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting.http://www.compassionatefriends.org/home.aspx
You Are Loved
Ecclesiastes 3:1-2 "
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven; a time to be born, and a time to die..
© 2014 Melody Gibbons