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Self Esteem and Confidence

Updated on June 2, 2013

How would you feel if you knew, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that if you did a few specific things and dedicated a specific amount of time, you could achieve high levels of self esteem and confidence? How many times have you prayed, and wished you had the self respect and confidence you see in others? Would you do the work? Would you spend the time?

I am going to tell you how to make lasting changes in your life, that will give you self esteem and confidence. I am also going to give you things you can do, that will give you a boost of confidence when you think you need it most.

Self esteem is the knowledge that you are worthy. Someone with self esteem knows that if they fail, they are still a worthy individual. They believe in themselves as a whole. People with high self esteem are those people that are often described as having quiet confidence.

Self Esteem is grown with repetition. The more you are successfull at doing something of value to you, the stronger your knowledge and belief that you are a valuable person. This knowledge and belief gives you the state of mind known as confidence. Notice that you must first have the knowledge and belief before the emotion confidence appears.

When you say "I want to be more confident", what do you mean? Do you want to be more confident while performing a certain task? Or, do you want to have more confidence in yourself? Self confidence is very close to self esteem. Confidence is the state of mind, the EMOTION, that surrounds the knowledge that you are worthy, or that you will succeed.

So, in short:

Self Esteem is knowledge and belief of self worth.

Confidence is an emotional state, bred by knowledge of self worth or knowledge that success is imminent.

I know, I know, you want to know how you can be more confident, how you can have self esteem. OK, I will tell you. Just know that to achieve your goal, you must have patients, and be ready to work. There is no quick fix.


It is important to maintain an attitude that is conducive to reaching your goal. Your attitude should be one of gratitude, forgiveness, expectant of learning and success.


It seems like in every self help article there is something on Habits. I'll tell you how habits can help you with self esteem and confidence.

You will need to use Habit and harness its power for all of the new skills you are about to learn.

Routine and habit will help you because remember, I told you, Self esteem is grown with repetition. Confidence is grown by repetitively letting yourself feel it for every success. Developing healthy habits and practicing each of the skills you are now learning, will ensure your success in becoming someone with self esteem and confidence.

The more you perform an action, the more proficient you become at it. In time we "just know" we are good at it. We know that we know, and if this action is something that holds value to us, it gives us self esteem. The feeling we get in our gut as we are about to perform the action is our confidence.

Self Awareness

Self awareness is our tool. It is our gauge . It is what allows us to know what is going on with us. The musician is only as good as his ear. Be present more frequently throughout the day, and begin noticing things about yourself. Here are some things to look for:

  • State of Mind - Stop, notice how you feel in this moment. Are you confident? Take mental note of how you feel at different times throughout your day. Every emotion we feel is caused by the release of certain chemicals called neurotransmitters. These neurotransmitters are released as a result of our thoughts. We begin to get addicted to our own brand of drugs. If we stay in one state too long, we get used to the chemicals that we release as a result of the thoughts we have. lets say we are depressed for a month or so. We have similar thoughts every day, leading to a feeling of depression as a result of the neurotransmitters we have released and are experiencing. After a while we find ourselves recycling the same old thoughts over and over again unconsciously, just to get our depression fix. We don't even realize we are doing it. Begin now to control your thoughts. Make a conscious effort to think about what brings you the emotion that you want. A great book was written by Charles F. Haanel in 1912, called The Master Key System. The Book was originally set up as a correspondence course. This course is ment to be digested one lesson at a time for a total of 24 lessons. It will help you to become a master of your own thoughts.
  • Your Physiology- What is your posture at the moment? How are you standing, sitting, leaning? Where are you looking? We all know the posture of someone with low self esteem and people who just seem to burst with self confidence. It is a proven fact that our mental attitude follows our physiology, just as much as our physiology follows our mental attitude. Next time you are sad or depressed, stand in front of a mirror and smile for one full minute. Stand erect, with good posture. Put your chest out and your chin up. Now, after one full minute, notice how much better you feel. You will probably feel an instantaneous change in mood, but stick with it for the full minute for maximum effect. This applies to confidence as well. Walk confidently. Stand confidently. Speak confidently. Fake it till you make it applies here!
  • Self talk- You know that little voice in your head telling you all sorts of reasons why you will not succeed, or how ugly you are, or this, or that etc...Learn to notice when this voice is whispering in your ear. Immediately change the words you are telling yourself, to uplifting words. Begin now to use self talk to your advantage. Use affirmations. An affirmation is simply a statement that you make to yourself, either silently or aloud, that reaffirms to yourself what you want for yourself. Great coaches for years have been using self talk in the form of affirmations. There are plenty of good sites and books on affirmations, where you can get examples. Creating your own affirmations is fun and effective too. When spoken aloud, with enthusiasm, affirmations are very powerful and uplifting.

It will take time and practice to begin noticing your current state, your physiology, and your self talk. With every success, every time you notice one of these things, pat yourself on the back, give yourself mental praise and you will find that you notice them more easily the next time. And this is the trick really. I think we all want to be the best that we can be. When we have the knowledge to improve something, and take notice of the things we are lacking in, as we do them, we will automatically make the shift and begin to take the action that leads us to our goal.


You must be able to visualize the way you want to be before you can make the nessesary shifts, that will bring you to your goal. Visualizing is another skill you must learn. It will help you in reaching any goal, not just in gaining self esteem and confidence.

Set aside some time each day in your routine for visualizing how you want to be, and WHO you want to be. Imagine you; the person you wish to become. Imagine how you look, what you are wearing. What does your voice sound like when you speak? What are your surroundings? How do you interact with others? What is the reaction when you walk into the room? See the sights, hear the sounds, smell the smells, and feel the feelings that you expect to experience when your goal is reached. The vision may change over time and that is OK. As you grow, your vision will crystallize and become clear.


Put yourself in environments that reflect the positive feeling, or confidence level, you wish to maintain. Take control, as if your life depended on it, because it does. If you are hanging around a certain group, and you feel they will hamper your efforts, then cut them loose and say goodbye. If you are spending too much time alone, then find a social environment that shines the light of praise on you. Take part in this world. Give and receive positive feedback. Take up space in this world!

Mental Resorces

All of these skills you are now learning, are Mental Resources. Begin now to use Habit. Use the skills so much that they are burned in to your unconscious mind. Put yourself on auto pilot. They are tools that you now own. You can bring these skills to bear whenever you choose. Sometimes we just forget to use them. They are stored away in our mental storehouse, and locating them at the right time in every situation is impossible for us humans. If we maintain the assumption as part of our general attitude, that everyone is doing the best that we can, with whatever resources we have available at any given time, it implies forgiveness. This assumption makes it easy for us to forgive ourselves and others, and move on toward our goal of high self esteem and Confidence!



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    • Ana Teixeira profile image

      Ana Teixeira 5 years ago from Oporto, Porto, Portugal

      love this hub. Great advices and yes.. they work. Having a good self-estime can be an important part of our lives. it can help us deal with a lot of things and desl with ourselves! great hub. voting up!