Self Motivation. How to be Strong and Enjoy Life.

Thank you very much for your kind words monica. I will pass your comment to my soul mate and she will probably say that she agrees with you, but I'm the luckiest man in the world as well for having her. We both believe that our partner has to be our best friend, the person we want can talk for hours about everything. I hope you can find someone soon that can make you as happy as we make each other. Never forget that a relationship is a two way street, the more you give the more you receive. ;)

Thanks Michelle. Glad my words were of any help.

Dear naazia. It is very difficult for me to advise you on this as I don't know any of you. I believe that talking is always the best solution, no discussion and no screaming. There is no point in shouting and getting nervous. Although it is sometimes difficult but the best solution is for a couple to talk, sit together and ask him what is going on, look him in the eyes and tell him what you feel. Being good or bad it is better to know what are the real feeling behind such behaviour. Do not let him or yourself get nervous and start shouting, that has never good results. A couple should first of all be friends, sit and speak as good friends to see if you both want to work together for the relationship to improve. If two people are not good friends they shouldn't be a couple.

Do not forget that all this is my opinion and it is only based on what makes my life good and my relationship work well. I'm just speaking as a happy person and not as a "doctor". ;) Good luck.

Hi Okami.

I'm not sure about how to start slowing down. :)

I have been trying the same myself. I believe that if you have it in mind you will remember to do it most times. Even to slow down you can slow down, you don't have to do it today, it is something that will take you time to get there. Just use the opportunities that life will give you to try and enjoy the ride more than looking for the end result. If there is a good thing going on just enjoy the ride and work on it everyday giving it time as well. If you meet a person today you don't have to marry tomorrow. Enjoy the development of the relationship. Enjoy meeting each other, enjoy, discovering about each other, enjoy the crazy things that happen in the beginning (eheh) enjoy all that as much as you can. There will come a time when you will find that naturally the relationship will move on to other things, but it doesn't have to be on the first day.

Life is the best example, we spend our childhood wanting to be adults and we spend the adult life wanting to be a child again. :)

A Child should be a child, not trying to be an adult. They have to break rules, they have to fall, they have to play, they have to do what is natural for a child to do, they will have time to be adults and responsible when they get there. There shouldn't be regrets for not enjoying childhood. Then, when we become adults we can then work on being more responsible, and try to enjoy that part of life as much as we can, we will one day become older and want to be 30 again. :) So, lets just enjoy each step of the way and think less about the end result. ;)

Good luck. Don't forget to let me know if you find any improvements.

Hi Okami,

I don't know you so it is very difficult to advise without actually knowing what the problems are or the way you live your life.

From what you wrote in the previous message I believe you try a bit too hard on things, you probably want to get everything done well straight from the beginning. (I might be wrong)

I'm a bit like that. :) I have been trying to calm down as well. It is difficult, we are the way we are and it takes time to change something about ourselves, and the big question is, do we need to change? Well, if you are happy then the answer is no, do not change. If you are feeling something is wrong than you have to do an honest check of your life and see what you might be able to do in order to try to "improve".

If you think loosing motivation is something that is been bad for you, you then need to work on it. The reason I know you want to work on it is the fact that you came asking for help. That is a great first step.

When I say slow down I'm not saying to stop, nobody will ever ear me say Stop. :) I'm just saying that you need to start things with patience and work on them over time. Think of a book, once it is ready it is publish, there is nothing you can do after that, so you have to make sure everything is perfect first time. So, writing a book takes much time and various people checking and making sure it is fine. The problem with a book is that it can't be updated (it can via various editions, but a printed book is not going to change). Now, look at a website, you build something to start with, show to some friends, check their comments and make the suggested changes. In a month time the website can be very different from what it was, more so after a year. You wouldn't be able to produce that one year old website first time, it incorporates the year of experience and changes to get where it is. Two years down the line the website will be even better, there is always something that can be improved. Sometimes we change something that people then complains and says it was better as it was, it happens, it is part of the journey.

You can use these two example as your life, you can try to have things ready and final first time, or you can grow and give it time. Most times I act like the first one, but inside I know the second one is the way to go if we want to be happy. Do not stop doing stuff, just give them time, if you can finish something in one day try to give it three days to see if you can get something better with that extra time.

If you are in one project and then you move to another one, it doesn't mean you didn't finish the first one, it means you learn something and moved on, you have to move on to get greater things.

I'm not sure this is answering your questions but it is really difficult to advice without knowing what the problem actually is. I'm trying. :)

As an example of slowing down: If you start a relationship you can live it intensely and want to be with the other person 24/7 and not want to talk with anyone else, or you can be with that person but also go out with your friends, let the person still live their life.

I believe the first one will be great for some time but it will get to a time where you will get bored of each other and won't want to be together anymore. Usually one has that feeling before the other one and the other one gets hurt.

If you give the relationship, yourself and the other person some space and time it will last longer as you will let your life together be built around an healthy relationship where both of you didn't have to quit everything else for the other, give time and the other person will want to empty parts of their lives to fill them with others that you are part of.

All is a matter of trial and error. Try in small things to take more time to get them to the best they can be. Your aim should always be for it to be the best it can be, but don't look for the result next day, give it time to good things be added to the project.

Think of the Stock Market. If you invest some money today and next week you take it out you won't make much profit (as a general rule). If you put money on a company and leave it there for 5 years then you will be able to get a good profit from it. Think of the ones that invested in Google or Apple 5 or ten years ago. The ones that sold the stock as soon as there was some profit lost on the big profit. ;)

Last example: Whiskey. A good Whiskey takes ages to be ready in order to be good. If you are the owner of a Whiskey factory you might want to sell the Whiskey when it is 2 years old. As you know, it won't be good. If you concentrate in producing more Whiskey while the other is there waiting for the years to go by you will then end up with a great product. ;)

Hope this is of any help.

Dear Okami,

Thank you for reading and for commenting on my article.

I wrote this article in the hope that it would help someone see life in a better way. Even if one person's life got better it would already be worth it.

I don't intend even for a second to fix anyone's problems, I'm nobody to do so. But I'm always happy to give a friendly word and advice in the same direction I live my life. I consider myself a happy person, although I also have problems and also have projects that fail. I just don't think that is the end of the world, I see each failure as a lesson for the next project.

You are saying that everything you do is brilliant and almost perfect at the beginning, that is a big statement, maybe you should go slower into your life projects, don't see them as being the best thing in the world, see them as something you are trying, something that might or not work, try to improve step by step.

I don't know the kind of projects you are talking about, if they are work, hobbies or personal ones, but I think you should never see a project at the beginning as perfect, it can't be, if it is perfect at the beginning there is no room for improvement and so as you said it then fails to keep living. Start small and let it grow. Even in a romance, you don't know a person when you start going out, of course at the beginning we only see good things, but we have to start slow and give it time to learn more about the person and learn how to live with their problems, as they need to learn how to live with ours. If you start so intense in the relationship you won't give the other person room to improve and to help you improve as well, you both have to improve together and learn how to live with each other.

Imagine you are a musician in a band, if you think your band is perfect and the music you make is perfect, you will not get anywhere, you are not allowing for people to help you improve as you already think it is perfect. See it as a start, let people feed in opinions and suggestions, there is always room for improvement, try to find the problems and try to work on them, don't avoid them.

Regarding the motivation question, I believe it is the same of what I said so far, imagine a musician learning a song, the big motivation is to want to learn how to play that song, the musician knows there is a lot of work to get there, but the motivation needs to come from the expected result, you have to fight each problem you have on the way to get to the result you want. That is why not everyone can be a musician, some people fights against the problems to get to their goals and some just don't have the patience as they want to know the song straight away. You can learn it quicker but you won't learn it as well. Keep this in mind.

Be patient, step-by-step, let things flow, do not rush.

I hope this is of any help. Of course this is my opinion and it is not right or wrong. It works for me. :)

Please feel free to ask any further question.

Hi "alone". I'm sorry to know you are so lonely and unhappy. I don't know how much help I can be as I don't know you in order to analyse why you are feeling so alone. In relation to my article I can say that having your nickname as "alone" goes against what I'm trying to say. Don't think "I'm alone", think "I'll soon find good friends".

I believe everyone at some point feels lonely and to me that happens specially when a Friend really disappoints me. Still, we have to put our head up and keep on with our lives.

Regarding having friends there are two questions:

1st - Do you go out? People won't be coming to your house to meet you. You really need to go out and get involved in group activities. Go learn music, go to an Amateur Theatre group, get involved in a sport team in any shape or form. If you get involved in a group activity you will by default meet people and naturally you will get closer to some in relation to others.

2nd - Are you nice to people? If you do go out and know people but you feel like people don't stay with you and seems to not get to close you might want to understand why that is. This doesn't have to be "because I suck", it can be "there are things I need to improve". If various people don't feel like spending much time with you maybe you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and see what you need to change. It is not a problem to adapt ourselves, none of us is perfect, you might have one or two small things that can upset people and if you make an effort to fix those people won't run away any more.

As I said before, I don't know you and so I don't know what of the cases it can be. It can also be that you do have friends but you don't give them the value you should. Probably there are people around you happy to be with you but you are spending too much time looking at other ones that are less interested.

Don't forget, a good friend is the one that wants to be with us.

Please feel free to send me a private message and we can talk a bit further about this.

Good luck and believe in yourself.

Hi Ani...I'm really sorry that in some parts of the world small things like that can be seen as "wrong". Loving is a beautiful thing and age shouldn't be a problem at all. I can tell you that my princess is older than me by the same difference as you and him and we have been really happy for the 8 years we have been together. So, I can personally say than loving an older woman (or younger man) is not a problem in reality. I do understand that it can be a problem for "other people" but it is all in their minds. You will know better about rules where you are, but if that is not illegal by law I would say that you shouldn't let your love go just because some people might not like it. If they don't like it is because they never really loved.

Good luck and don't forget to let me know how things go. ;)

Dear Janie,

I'm sorry to know that things are not going great for you. It is not easy for me to help you with two or three words...what I can say is that we should use everything in our life to learn and improve the person we are. I don't know you and so it is difficult to judge or help...but I would say that you should take some advise from people close to you...it is easy for us to do something that is right for us and wrong to other people's eyes...but if we want to live in a society sometimes we need to change bits in ourselves in order to be able to expect the same from others.

I'm sure that if you have a positive approach to life and people there will always be many people that will be happy to be next to you and absorb that positive energy from you...if you are constantly depressed people tends to run away...it shouldn't be this way but it is.

Don't forget that this is just a time in your life...things change and there is always time to improve our lives...smile and you see that good things will come to you.

All the best and don't forget to :) (smile)

Dear Fav,

Thank you for your words. Im sorry you have been experience so many problems...hope thing turn around in your life...I believe that if you see things in a more positive way life will be better to you...the simple fact that you can learn to ignore the small problems and appreciate the small positive things in life will make you a happier person. Good luck.

You are very welcome Patil. I'm happy if my words are of any use for you. Just enjoy life.