Tales Of A Hormonal Woman

My family and I were visiting my father a couple of days ago and as required with any family get together many pictures were snapped. Some good, some not so good, if I had a chance to pose they were okay. My teenage daughters and their friends had taught me the proper way to stand and hold everything in. One picture in particular caught me by surprise and I immediately begged for deletion. I am not in denial that I have weight problem, I have been on a low fat, low sugar, vegan plan for a couple of months now (a plan that followed a succession of plans, Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, Atkins, etc) and I also exercise but there was no denying that little pinhead on the short, very rotund body. It is not how I felt but the evidence was there. My daughter told me the camera adds ten pounds (That's great, but what about the other eighty I asked myself) I could not hold back the tears, usually I just remind myself no matter how slow, the weight is coming off and what I am doing for my body is going to reverse a lot of health issues, but upon seeing this picture something just snapped. I was so angry, what good is drinking banana algae smoothies and eating rice with vegetables while everyone else around me eats cheeseburgers and ice cream and still looks better than me? I am sure you can guess what followed when I got home, I had a soda, cookies, chips, s'mores and sweetened cereal. Not sure who I was determined to punish. Did it help? No.

So upon returning home I also had a sick child, and a ton of laundry to do with a list as long as my arm to make appointments for kids that don't want to spend their time going to said appointments (like I do?) I know at some point I will hear that someone is hungry and will have to come up with a meal and after getting over my food attack, it should be substantially nutritious. I am once again mad, I stage an inner revolt. I sleep in late, and take my time getting ready. I try to do minimal cleaning but that proves difficult for me. I guess my family sensed this revolt because my husband not only made me a healthy breakfast but brought it upstairs and my youngest got her own food and parked herself downstairs in front of the tv. I try to be receptive and appreciative but the angry little elf inside me is still pissed, she knows no one will vacuum but her, or clean the bathrooms or even so much as think to wipe off the counter. In my mind I know this is all ridiculous, I am totally aware how very blessed I am and people like me should appreciate everything they have, beautiful children, loving husband of twenty five years, good friends, working vehicle, nice home, clothes on my back, food in my pantry.

After having a little inner talk about my pity party, I have an RA (Rheumatoid Arthritis) flare located in my knee, which makes it difficult to walk in the 100 degree weather outside. Yes, I am still feeling some inner turmoil. I decide to do one thing that always makes me feel better...write. So after writing this self serving article and a nap, going out to a delicious vegetarian meal and spotting my husband take the trash out of the upstairs bathroom, I do feel a bit better. Some things I have learned when I start feeling this way is that I am probably overtired and I need to learn as a person to say so. I am not Superwoman. Don't expect people to automatically know you are at your limits and bite their head off when they ask your for something, count your blessings and think of others that are truly having a hard time. Me feeling bad is nothing compared to the people whose house burnt down or the neighbor fighting cancer or the single mom working two minimum wage jobs and trying to care for small children.

Yet another reason to maintain a healthy lifestyle is the fact that I am forty four years old and a change in hormones is at the door. It make me a little nervous because to be honest I have seen some women turn into people I do not recognize nor do I really care to be around them. The thought of my family tip toeing around me while they whisper about "The Change" is not what I desire. The only "Change" I want to see is in my clothing size!