ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Health»
  • Death & Loss of Life

Telling 4

Updated on February 21, 2016

Twelve Months Later

The story is too long to tell in a Hub. Besides, the journey isn't over for me. Yes. I watched my child die. Something inside me, intrinsically joined to her has been sliced open. Can I call it a wound? Who wouldn't.

Thing is, I am learning as my steps take me closer to that gateway from which none shall ever return, that not everything we fear, not everything that traumatizes us, not everything that would be considered life altering, life changing, or life hindering needs to be any of those things. Will the pain of losing her bring her back? Will a stifled inspiration aid those still around me? Will a mutated view of what continues real help anything?

I lost her. She's gone, but not forever... just to the dimension I walk in. I will see her again; and when I do, nothing will separate us. Therefore, I would be untrue to her memory and to the virtues that held us from collapsing in those months before the demise if I gave up now, if I caved to the demons that taunt me and would have me believe none of what we knew, what I still know is worth knowing.

Time stood still for us, for an open window in space. During that opportunity, we ventured verbally into the 'what-if's' and 'if-only's' recognizing that during no season of either of our lives has any of the postulations we ever stood upon ever bent to our volition; instead, we were directed toward an unbeaten path, on a new road, to the place where we would be stretched beyond our comfort and left to contemplate the circumstances that actualized rather than the fictitious situations we would have thought up for ourselves. Learning that we have no power, except the power to acquire knowledge and gain insight from experiences, was the greatest gift.

Some gifts, we do well to lay aside, but this one gift that I have been distancing myself from, simply because the turbulent anguish bashing me from the inside out refused to disengage vicious claws, thereby liberating me to push off and away from the droning chatter unceasingly infusing my brain with reasons to doubt, to hate, to become bitter, to distrust that which I hold most dear, and lay down my strength...hid behind the shadows, waiting for the vexing charges to wear themselves thin, waiting for the moment when I would remember that to come alive as a result of the pain may have a greater impact than allowing myself to be stricken and detoured into a slumber, into a sleep.

I live. Because I live, my child lives on, in my memories, in my experiences, in the life lessons learned while she suffered tormenting physical afflictions in her bed. I live; and, because she taught me more in sickness than I learned on my own in health, I can now give of myself, in understanding, in compassions that are newer to me, leading me to apply action that no longer seems loathsome to me, moving me to reach out in mercy, for the benefit of anyone who will, just because I still can.

Death is not the end. Death is the beginning, for the person who dies and enters a realm that defies mortal description and expectation; and, for that one who is left behind to mourn, but not so the pain will dull a zeal for life, but so that the pain will energize, enthuse and reassure. The manifestation and vivacity to breathe a new breath into life will make the difference that promises that one who you loved will never be forgotten, never be lost in vain.

Blessings to you all.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Ceegen profile image

      James 19 months ago from Maine, USA

      I can't say I know what it feels like.

      I do want you to know that you're loved and precious.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: "https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr"

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)