The Moment of Manic is Realized! (Living With Bipolar I Disorder)
I will tell you from personal experience that living with a serious case of manic depressive illness is not only a journey but a scary one at that. The horrible part about bipolar 1 disorder is the everyday ups and down...the scary part is that you do not always recognize the manic moments from the normal ones. As a matter of fact, people around you can actually watch you and think you are doing amazing because of all the things you are accomplishing and your positive attitude can be infectious...at least that is how it is for me.
The reality is that you are up during all hours of the night, walking the streets for hours, feeling exhausted but exhilarated and sometimes you just don't think you need the help because of all the "brilliant" ideas you are having.
Unfortunely, I'm one of those bipolar patients that thinks "Hey, I'm feeling better (or I'm feeling worse). I need to quit taking my medication."
This is an absolute nightmare and the WORST idea for someone like myself to do...stopping medications is dangerous and especially if you don't tell your doctor or do it without his or her permission.
The Manic is Realized...
Taking medication such as Lithium is a process. It usually takes up to 3-6 weeks for your medications to be properly setting in. I think I knew it all along I needed a higher dosage and I'm thankful that I have finally 100% committed myself to Lithium.
It works. It's as simple as that. For some people other medications might work but I have found Lithium to be my "miracle drug".
I've been back on it for several weeks as of May 2013. The moment I really realized it was working was when I had a hard time sleeping I decided to go for a walk in the middle of the night. I put on all my clothes and my awesome Beats headphones. So, I started out the door and turned up one of my jams. Demi Lovato's new hit "Heart Attack" and boom I was going.
But something happened in the first minute I was walking. I realized that I actually didn't want to go on the walk and that the song was too "pumped up" for this time of night. I actually didn't want to hear it or any music at all. So, I went back inside and put some pajamas on and sat down on the couch to write this blog. The simple fact is I have a lot on my mind, but I don't feel the need to walk miles and do all kinds of crazy stuff to "make things happen".
Nothing needs to happen except for me to wind down...like a normal person. I'm so glad I'm getting control over my bipolar symptoms. I'm glad there is hope for me.
In conclusion, I just want to add that you should be true to yourself. I always like to add this message to the end of my blogs and especially ones about something serious such as a mental illness It is definitely true that mental illnesses such as bipolar do not define you as a person.
Be yourself. Love yourself. Be patient with yourself and medications if you have to take them. Work closely with your doctor and just realize that life and everything else is a process.
I forgot that all the time. I think we all do. But if we take the time to step back and look at things...I think we will find that those things will work out in the end.