- Mental Health»
The Twilight Zone: Living with my Alcoholic Father
I thought telling my story would help others who have gone through this, even if it meant they could just relate. Sharing experiences in life, whether good or bad some how helps cleanse the soul and enables you to heal from it.
Growing up my father was the best dad any girl could have. He taught me more about the world than anyone and every moment spent with him was a lesson learned. By 15 I knew more about the Air Force, Fighter jets, Astronomy, Weather patterns and Politics than most people. The summers were spent in the back yard at night counting satellites and finding constellations. I can tell you the names of all three stars in the Summer Triangle... Vega, Deneb and Altair. I never missed a meteor shower and no boys ever dared mess with me. He was my Hero.
By 17 my Dad got laid off, My mom met another man and a nasty divorce ensued. The house I lived in my entire life was sold and my father moved to Vegas, my mother moved to Florida and I dropped out of high school and chose to follow my mother to Florida and I received my GED. Life moved on... Well not for my father.
My Dad soon got involved with strippers, spending the money he got in the divorce on high priced alcohol and low priced women. He was looking to fill the void that now consumed him. It started slowly, going out all the time having a few drinks. Those few drinks turned into an open tab. He became a regular, the strippers started befriending him and before you knew it he was paying their bills and giving them whatever they wanted...
It's amazing how fast someone can blow through 500,000 dollars. In less than two years it was all gone. My dad was left with nothing but his drinking problem. I remember when the drunken phone calls started. It was right before my 20th birthday in 2009. My dad would call me non stop at all hours of the night, and leave horrible voice mails and text messages if I did not answer. I would call him back the next day and inform him of the times he was calling me, telling him I had to work and he can't call me at 2, 3, 4 o'clock in the morning and expect me to answer.
Soon, I could never talk to him at all with out him being incoherently drunk. By this point a pill head stripper and her cousin had moved in with him. Both we were violent and his house was trashed and he was supporting her addiction. This was the beginning of the Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department becoming involved with my dad.
Fast forward to the next year and by this time it was my dads birthday, his life had now gone completely down the drain. I had not been able to get a hold of him for 3 days and based on the previous months, he was now abusing Ambian and Xanax with his Vodka. My dad was drinking about 2 liters of vodka a day and when he added Ambian to this he was hallucinating and sleep walking, sometime even walking down his street in the middle of the night and the neighbors would end up calling the police. So I called for a Legal 2000, also known as a Wellness Check. When the police got there my Dad told them his brother was upstairs, which was not true. He did not know what day is what, he did not know what year it was. So he was admitted to the hospital and then moved into a Rehab facility. He refused all treatment and after the 72 hours he checked himself out.
This all continued and got even worse over the next two years. By now everyone in the Police department knows my dads house and everyone inside of it. He no longer showers, he doesn't eat right, he has been in jail for a hit and run, he is losing his house, he has liver failure and has had serious blood infections more than a few times. Being his daughter I moved in with him hoping to help him with his addiction...
I wanted to give the back story so you could understand how we got to this point in time. The first time I lived with him I lasted there three months. When my dad started becoming physically aggressive with me I packed my bags and left. My father never so much called me a mean name let alone lay his hands on me before... When the moment came where I had to shove my dad into the wall I knew my father was no longer the same man, when I had to grab a loaded gun from him, I mentally grieved the loss of my father. I still loved him, but the man that raised me was gone.
In December of 2013 I moved in with him again. By this point he had a family living in his house, I will not give all the details because this has turned into lawsuits. I felt as a daughter, It would be wrong of me to give up on him, I would not be a good daughter if I walked away and he died and I was not there. The abuse I suffered in that house really damaged me. The people he let move in there were evil. No one would believe the story even if I typed it all out. It is all so insane and even I have a hard time believing everything that happened.
Here are just a fraction of some of the things that happened. I got accused and turned in for sexually abusing my father and physically abusing him all for the simple fact that this family did not want me there.My father being drunk spun tales about me. See when he drinks he likes to go on Craigslist and sell his stuff, then he doesn't remember doing this so when the stuff is gone he thinks people stole them. Guess who he blamed for stealing these things? Me. The only conclusion he could come up with for why I would steal his stuff is to pawn it... when I asked why I would do that he then accused me of doing drugs.... That's funny, because I don't even drink. So for a month, I got investigated for stealing, sexual and physical abuse and starved... I was not allowed to eat. I am telling you all of this because I want you to understand how addiction changes people. His anger when he is drunk is terrifying, he breaks everything, stabs knives into walls. He goes into a rage over nothing. My dad is so far into his addiction there is no help for him. He does not want help, and when he does his demons are too strong and he goes right back to drinking.
Trying to help my father tore me down. The stress I went through, the verbal abuse, the lies and the chaos.... The lawsuits... false accusations... All because of addiction. For those of you who have friends and family member going through this. You can NOT save them... believe me I tried. Offer your support, offer your love.... but do not place yourself and your life in that situation. It is OK to walk away. That does not make you a bad friend, a bad child... or a bad person. I am 24 years old, I gave up my car, my job and a house to go live with my father to help him. Now I sit here with nothing, and my father is still drinking a handle or two of vodka a day and popping pills when he can. Nothing got better, because he did not care. If things become unhealthy, unstable and unsafe, you must remove yourself from that environment.
I put my life on hold for him, because I loved him. I will always love him, but I know if my father from my childhood could have fast forwarded and saw what was to become of him and his life he would have told me to stay far away. It's sad that this long Hub is but a nutshell of the last 5 or so years. Life changes... things fall apart. Sometimes you have to accept it. This for me is closure. I hope that if even one person learns from this, that maybe all the pain was worth it. I wish the best for anyone who has gone through this or has experienced this.