Visualise your Fertile Future
Why write it down?
I think this is a very important part of visualisation. It gives you a structured, thought-through and concrete list of what you want. You think more clearly about what it is you want, because you have to put it into words and down on paper.
(You do not have to do the burning-in-the-soup-pot bit; that was my choice of a bit of ‘ceremony’.)
Keep a copy as a fall-back list for when your thoughts start to stray. Read it over to yourself when you feel your visualisation is becoming a little ‘messy’ or incoherent.
You will feel yourself becoming sidetracked during your visualisation – that is normal. Anyone who has attempted meditation will know this. So if you are new to this sort of thing, keeping your list handy will refocus your thoughts and keep you on the straight and narrow, so to speak.
For this reason, keep your list in bullet points, for easy reference.
As an example, instead of writing what you want as this: I would like a baby girl with dark hair and green eyes, who is beautiful, healthy, happy and strong, rather write this:
- I HAVE:
- A baby girl with
- green eyes
- dark hair
Note how I wrote the visualisation as though it was a fact – in the present tense – ‘I HAVE’ and not ‘I would like’.
What is also important is to write down emotions associated with what you want. So, in terms of fertility and conception, write that you are happy, that you are healthy, that your pregnancy is easy, that you feel on top of the world and filled with love etc.
Again, instead of writing that you will be happy, rather write ‘I AM happy; I AM healthy; my pregnancy IS smooth and easy’.
Many years ago I was struck by how incredibly powerful our thoughts can be. I had read a couple of books about the power of the mind, and how we can use our thoughts to achieve our goals. But I had never really put it into practice until something happened one day that proved it.
I had been dating a man for a couple of years whose parents were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. About a week after their anniversary party, they visited a lawyer and made their son the executor of their joint will. They acknowledged they were getting on in years, and felt safer putting their affairs in order at that point. As they finishing up with the lawyer, my boyfriend’s mother apparently uttered the words, ‘I’m happy we did that; I can die in peace now.’ She apparently repeated this to her sister on the phone, and to her best friend. Three days later, she died. Sadly, this story did not have a happy ending, but still, it proved something to me: that when we believe something – really believe it – we can make it happen.
I have never forgotten this event, and how struck I was by her words and thoughts.
That boyfriend and I broke up a couple of years later, and I was single for quite some time. Then, one night, while sitting at home, I decided to visualise a relationship for myself. I was sick of being single, or meeting the wrong men, and decided to take matters into my own hands.
I decided to write down a list of all the attributes I was looking for in a man, including how he looked, (well, why not?).
I wanted, in no particular order: someone who was: kind; well-travelled, intelligent; well-read; tall; dark-haired; good looking (call me shallow); green-eyed; had no psycho ex-girlfriends hanging on (long story – don’t ask); was funny; had a good job; had his own home; would treat me right and accept me for who I am. There was more to the list, but I won’t go on.
Once I had made this list and read it over a few times, I got my big soup pot, lit a candle and closed my eyes. I visualised this man in my life; pictured being happy and laughing with him; saw myself out on dates with him and being in love.
Then I lit the piece of paper with the candle, accepted into my soul that it would come true, and burned the paper in the soup pot. I totally accepted that what I had written would be my future.
After that I visualised this man and my future happiness with him, every day, while drinking my tea in the morning. I felt absolutely secure in the knowledge that he was coming to me.
And, I got him, a few months later. I am now married to him. He isn’t perfect (who is?), but he ticked most points on my list – even down to the tall, dark-haired, green-eyed part.
Alas, I forgot to add that he mustn’t have a clingy, manipulative mother, but we learn from our mistakes…
So, when it came to trying to conceive naturally at an advanced age, I adopted the same approach.
It had worked for me before, so why not now?
I did the same thing as before: I made a time when I was alone and the house was quiet. I organised myself with paper, a candle and the old soup pot again.
My list was simple: I wanted to conceive, via natural methods, a perfectly healthy baby. I wanted a girl, and I pictured her with dark brown hair and beautiful green eyes.
I wanted my pregnancy to be easy, with no complications.
I wanted my little girl to grow up healthy, disease-free (a precaution I took because there is MS and diabetes in my family – neither of which I have, but still), and I wrote that down.
I wrote that my daughter would be intelligent and quick to learn. That she would be a free spirit (like me), but not wayward (like my older sister). I visualised her growing up healthy and strong and fun to be around.
So far, so good.
Association and disassociation
Big words, but a simple idea.
Association means seeing your future through your own ideas. Imagining your view of your world.
Disassociation means seeing your future as though looking at yourself from another perspective; as though you have floated outside of yourself for a while.
In disassociation, see yourself as though watching a movie or as though you’re are another person.
Try both methods and see what works for you. Or use both, for best results.
If you are having trouble with feeling any emotions attached to your visualisation, just take a deep breath and slow down. It isn’t the easiest thing to do; so start off slowly. Don’t get ahead of yourself. Work your way forward every day until you are comfortable with your visualisation, and then add on the feelings if you need to.
Think of this as layers – add a layer when you feel ready.
This is also why it is important to write down the emotions you want to feel at the beginning. So write down the joy you feel at discovering you’re pregnant, and overwhelming love you feel for your baby. State clearly how happy you are to have a healthy child and how healthy and strong you feel.
Make the time. I cannot stress this point enough. Set aside the time to do this daily. If you need to skip a day or two, don’t panic; know that you will get back to it as soon as you can. Your visualisation is not going anywhere.
If you are strapped for time, set your alarm 20 minutes earlier in the morning. Really, if you think about it, that isn’t a huge ask when you are setting your own future, is it?
It makes sense to me to do the visualising in the mornings, so that you have no excuse later in the day when you become too busy and run out of time.
And finally – practice makes perfect!
How you should visualise
The important thing is to do this when you in quiet, peaceful surroundings. Choose a time when you are alone, or at least have some space and some time to yourself. Make sure you will not be disturbed in the middle of it.
- Lie down or sit in a comfortable chair; it’s up to you. I choose to be seated, as I am afraid if I get too comfortable lying down, I’ll fall asleep!
- You should feel relaxed and comfortable, so perhaps make sure you are wearing comfortable clothing as well. If you need to, have a warm bath beforehand, to relax you even more.
- Play music in the background if that relaxes you. But if you do, it might be a good idea to play music with no song lyrics, so that you don’t find yourself singing along in your head later on!
- Find your comfortable spot, and breathe deeply; clearing your mind of other clutter. If you feel you need to meditate first, in order to do this, then go ahead. As long as your mind is left clear to focus on your visualisation and nothing else.
- Breathe slowly and deeply, focusing on lowering your heart rate.
- Relax your body. If you need to, roll you wrists and ankles to release any popping, and roll your shoulders a few times.
- Look at your notes if you need to and then start by visualising each point on it.
- Again, visualise each point as though it were already a reality, not something you hope for
- Feel it as though it were already in your life.
- If you feel excitement, really allow yourself to feel it. Smile, laugh or cry – as though it is real now.
- Allow your visuals to be as bright and as bold as you would like. Remember, there are no limits here!
- Do not be held back by feelings of doubt or feelings that you are ‘asking’ too much. If you want something, VISUALISE IT.
- (I wanted a tall, dark and handsome husband and felt absolutely no qualms in adding that to my list. I felt no twinge of ‘guilt’ or that I was ‘expecting too much’. I was being totally honest about what I wanted. There is nothing wrong in expressing what you really want, so be specific.)
- Allow your imagination to kick in. If you visualise holding your baby, for example, imagine the laughter of your child or hear it gurgle. Hear yourself talking back, even if it is mushy ‘baby-talk’.
- Feel how happy you are in that moment. SMILE!
- Allow your visualisation to be lifelike – the more real it is, the better!
- Visualise your perfect ideal, and do not allow yourself to think, ‘but I don’t drive that car or I don’t have that pram’; the point is that you are effectively planning your future here, so it doesn’t matter. Visualise the pram you want too! (I pictured a specific pair of baby shoes I had seen in a shop window – pictured my little girl wearing them)
- Imagine the smell of your baby after its bath, the sound it makes, and how its skin feels. All of your senses should be involved here; not just your vision.
For further reading on the power of the mind and how to sue it:
I read this book many years ago and was mind-blown by it (sorry for the pun). I thoroughly recommend this to anyone who is interested in harnessing their mind power.
For more reading on natural fertility health please see the following articles:
- The best diet for fertility health
Many factors can contribute to infertility; an unhealthy lifestyle is just one of them. So why not increase your chances of falling pregnant by living the healthiest life you can?
- Change your exercise routine for optimal fertility health
Whether you’re trying to conceive or not, exercise is good for you. Not just to keep your body in shape, but your mind too.
- FSH levels and fertility
As we age, our Follicle-stimulating Hormone (FSH) level increases. What can we do about it, and can we still fall pregnant?
- Crystal healing for fertility
Many people believe in the healing properties of crystals, and use the stones in their everyday life, for myriad reasons. So can crystals weave their magic for fertility issues too?
- Homeopathic remedies for fertility
Can homeopathic remedies be used for fertility purposes? Many people swear by these all-natural remedies, but does it actually work?
- Using Chinese Herbs for Fertility
Chinese medicine is gaining world-wide popularity because of its effectiveness in fertility-related issues.
- Progesterone and fertility
Using bio-identical progesterone can help with your fertility issues, before and during pregnancy.
- Reflexology and fertility
Many women claim that reflexology helped them conceive, despite fertility issues or age-related problems. Here's how it can work for you.
- The Benefits of Acupuncture for Fertility Issues
Can acupuncture help with your fertility issues? In some countries, acupuncture has been used for centuries as a means to help women fall pregnant.
- Vitamins and Supplements for Fertility
Many vitamins and supplements have astounding benefits specifically related to fertility, for men and women.
- The 6 Best Yoga Poses for Fertility
Many fertility issues can be caused by stress. These yoga poses can relieve stress and be incredibly beneficial to your reproductive organs.
- DHEA for age-related fertility issues
For many years, DHEA has been heralded as an anti-aging supplement, but it is now also being used by many older women as a supplement to boost fertility. Here's why: