ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Who Knew Breathing Could Be So Difficult?

Updated on December 24, 2011

I feel like this quite a bit...

Panic Sets In...

 I don't know when I began to have panic attacks.  Possibly when I was first married?  They subsided quite a bit after I divorced, only to re-enter my life after becoming a single parent.

It wasn't the raising of children alone that caused them.  It was the lack of money to do so.  All of a sudden, I was paying for two households, two insurances on homes, a car payment, car insurance, utilities, taxes on two homes and trying to start our new home up with some furniture, necessary items and paint and wallpaper to make it our own.

Even then, the liberation of not being married to my ex made me feel stronger and more confident than I had been in ages.  I don't remember many panic attacks then. 

Lately, I don't know when I will be out of one.  The constant heaviness on my chest.  The rapid and shallow breathing.  The pains throughout my body, making it difficult to be mobile.  The chronic headaches that seem to linger on for weeks now.

I recently spent two days at a local hospital and had a series of inconclusive tests done on me.  My blood pressure was perfect.  Blood work showed nothing.  Nuclear tests showed nothing exceptional except for the fact that a nuclear dye can make your heart glow!  I was given some nitroglycerin and sent home; reeling from the migraines that the nitro causes.

I sit here two days later and still feel as if an elephant is sitting on my chest.

I am really trying to...

 As many deep breaths that I take in, the deeper the feeling that things just aren't right in my world.  I take an anti-anxiety pill daily and I'm sure I would be floating down the Grand River if I didn't.  I wanted to venture out today but suddenly became so fatigued by the thought of it, I nestled onto the couch and napped with my dogs all day.

I keep trying to figure out how...how?  How does one declutter one's life to make it less stressful?  I have two children.  There are stresses with a teen and a prepubescent daughter that seems to have been on her period since she was 2 months old!  I have to work.  I enjoy my job but the paperwork and stress of always being measured and watched gets to me.  I am in a relationship that always seems to need tweaking but I guess that is normal with anyone...right?

I have my house, my pets, my crafts and my computer that allows me to write out my feelings when I need to. 

So, how do people out there make their life more meaningful?  How does a woman put herself first without feeling as if she is neglecting everyone else?

I want to dream...

 I would like to get to the point in my life where I can stretch my feet out and imagine that there is a spanning, blue ocean in front of me.  I have no other thoughts but making myself happy.  I have no responsibilities; debts and bills to pay.  No people yelling at me and whining that I don't do things well enough.  Just me and the water.  Maybe a few trees to provide some shade.  The blue sky and some fluffy clouds.  Sounds nice...

I'd love to hear from others as to how they get to their own nirvana.  I can't even get to the point of being able to close my eyes and dream.  What do you do?

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • ljrc1961 profile imageAUTHOR

      Laura Cole 

      7 years ago from Michigan

      Thanks Koffee; shortly after I wrote this, I had somewhat of a nervous breakdown which the doctors thought was a heart attack. I went through many nuclear tests and such to find my heart is fine. I definitely have to find ways to let things roll off my back.

    • KoffeeKlatch Gals profile image

      Susan Hazelton 

      7 years ago from Sunny Florida

      Stress can kill you. It certainly can cause panic attacks of momumental force. Try to breath slowly, with deep breaths. Use an anger management strategy, start counting backwards from 100 slowly. Use visualization - your calming scene. Sit back and close your eyes. Sorry you are going through this.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)