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Writing Through Depression

Updated on October 11, 2014
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I'm Writing Again

I'm going to start writing again. I almost started that sentence by saying "I'm going to try..." But I'm learning that I have to be more strong willed than that. I have to be more forceful with my thoughts...so that my thoughts can become my actions.

It's been awhile since I have written. Too many things going on in my life...in my head...I couldn't concentrate. I think I've had a breakdown, of sorts. I think I'm coming back...I'm not sure...but I see parts of myself again...parts of my old self...parts of myself that could see the sun through the clouds...the parts of myself that know the good things in my lif definitely outweigh the bad things in my mind...

These past months...or has it even been years? It's been so long, I'm not even sure any more...but these past months...no matter how many...have been a kind if hell on earth for me. A hell of my own making, for the most part. I mean, sure, there have been outside forces working on me, as well...but, for the most part, I have been living in a self-created hell

Just Me

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Evil Friends

These past months...or has it even been years? It's been so long, I'm not even sure any more...but these past months...no matter how many...have been a kind if hell on earth for me. A hell of my own making, for the most part. I mean, sure, there have been outside forces working on me, as well...but, for the most part, I have been living in a self-created hell.

Depression and it's close friend, anxiety, have been my closest neighbors in this hell. My husband and my adult children have tried to get past those neighbors...but they have been ever vigilant...and have been great at keeping even those I love the most away from me. Those awful neighbors have been kind enough to allow my grandchildren in, but even then, it's been for short visits. Not the long, happy visits we used to have...but shorter...more strained in many ways....

Treatment

What Treatment Did You Choose?

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Medications

Medication is helping keep those evil neighbors at bay. But finding the right combination of the right medications...well...that's been it's own special kind of hell...I think I finally have the right dosage...the right combo...I finally feel human again...At least most of the time.

There are many types of medications when it comes to depression and anxiety. If you don't start the right one...you can make things so much worse. Medication that is meant to help you can end up making you want to end your life. And not only do you need the right medication, you need the right dosage. Too little and you feel the same, too much and you want to hide from the world and again, end your life. It has to be a happy medium, so that you can feel your happy medium.

My Best Treatment

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Signs of Depression

Do you have depression? If you have some of these signs, please have yourself checked....

  • Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. ...
  • Loss of interest in daily activities. ...
  • Appetite or weight changes. ...
  • Sleep changes. ...
  • Anger or irritability. ...
  • Loss of energy. ...
  • Self-loathing. ...
  • Reckless behavior.

Remember....YOU are important!

Naughty Neighbors

Adding to all of that is the insomnia. Insomnia has been a constant friend of mine, as well. We go way back to my childhood. I didn't realize how far we did go back until I was talking with my husband the other day. We were discussing late night television shows that we both watched...he because he napped during the day just so he wouldn't miss them...me because I just couldn't sleep.

I think I have that figured out now, too. Sleep apnea, premature ventricular compressions and periodic limb movement disorder work together to keep me awake...and that all adds to the depression and the anxiety and the migraines that just won't stop. But we now have a plan for that, as well.

For so many months, I couldn't write...couldn't focus in the words that I wanted to put down on paper. And don't think I didn't try! That was most frustrating of all, I think. My escape from the world is writing...and I couldn't write...couldn't escape. I would try...but the words just wouldn't come. Or they would come in a jumbled mess of nonsense that not even I could figure out...my escape was blocked in a very real way...in a very solid way. Still is, in some ways. Right now, the words are flowing...but I don't know how long this will last. This could be the only thing I write for a while...or could be the first if a new streak...I hope I can continue...I hope the words continue to flow....

It Takes A Lot Of Medications To Regulate My Moods

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    • jo miller profile image

      Jo Miller 17 months ago from Tennessee

      Good morning, LaDena. I know it's been a while since you wrote this, but I am getting back in to HubPages more seriously and trying to reconnect with my connections here and see who is still active. Whether you are active here on HubPages or not I do hope you are still writing and happy.

    • justateacher profile image
      Author

      LaDena Campbell 3 years ago from Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Near Oz...

      seraphic...thanks for reading...and for the hugs! I hope someone can learn from my experiences...

    • seraphic profile image

      Seraph 3 years ago from Canada

      **HUGS** Each day that comes, know that you are beautiful inside and out. It takes courage to speak out, through speaking out everyone learns.

      I admire you!

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 3 years ago

      My friends who suffer from depression can attest to your words here as truth. I admire our approach to this and the hope to overcome. Prayers and hugs, dear lady.

    • Kimb8094 profile image

      Ryan 3 years ago from United States

      you can do it !

    • justateacher profile image
      Author

      LaDena Campbell 3 years ago from Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Near Oz...

      Kim...Thanks for reading! This is great advice! I have tried some meditation before, but just haven't been able to do it right. I will just have to try it again. One of my goals is to train and then run in a 5k run. One of these days!

    • Kimb8094 profile image

      Ryan 3 years ago from United States

      Hello! I myself suffer from depression and anxiety as well that, at it's worst points, will completely cripple me and cause myself to isolate my being from the world. I used to just accept that this is the way that it is going to be until somehow I stumbled on a way to control it. Zen meditation really helped me gain the focus to be able to introspect on my psyche and study when and where my anxiety/depression would spike, etc. After I got a good idea of what kind of situations, people, surroundings, and so on would spike my anxiety/depression I would either face them or avoid them and do something else - you have the power to do what you please. Show that to your anxiety/depression - YOU are in control! :) For example, I have anxiety that tells me I'm worthless and out of shape which in turn makes me depressed; but in turn I get up and go for a 15 mile bike ride and boom - I proved it wrong, and it goes away. At least this is my personal experience; but I feel if you truly challenge your symptoms, instead of seeing yourself as a victim then the problems tend to subside.

      I don't want this to come off as an "I know it all and do what I say" kind of a paragraph either. I hope you can find some use in it and I know you'll find a way to overcome this debilitating nuisance of the mind. Cheers and much love! You can do it!

    • justateacher profile image
      Author

      LaDena Campbell 3 years ago from Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Near Oz...

      Catgypsy....thanks for reading! Thanks for the hugs, too...and one sent back at you! Let me know if there is anything I can do for you! As I said, I forgot how wonderful this community is...and I'm so glad to be a part of it again!

    • justateacher profile image
      Author

      LaDena Campbell 3 years ago from Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Near Oz...

      Genna....Thanks for reading! Thanks for the hugs! I can use all I can get! I forgot how wonderful this Hubpages community is!

    • justateacher profile image
      Author

      LaDena Campbell 3 years ago from Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Near Oz...

      Victoria...thanks for reading. That picture is my oldest granddaughter....she just turned two...she was looking up at her mama...and she is one of the reasons I won't let this depression beat me!

    • catgypsy profile image

      catgypsy 3 years ago from the South

      LaDena, I have also been going through depression/anxiety hell for the last couple of years. I am working on a new medication right now. And I also have not been able to write much. I feel your pain and just want to tell you...be gentle with yourself and hang in there. Take it one day at a time and do whatever you can and know that that is enough. A huge hug sent your way.

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 3 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

      LaDena…please consider yourself hugged. I admire the courage and character it took to write this candid article; two qualities you have in abundance. As for those neighbors, they visit others from time to time. As Will wrote, you are in good company. And we’re always here for you.

    • Victoria Lynn profile image

      Victoria Lynn 3 years ago from Arkansas, USA

      I'm glad you're back! I didn't know you suffered with depression. I think I have my whole life. Sometimes it's just more debilitating than at other times. Yes, writing is an escape to help depression, until it's overwhelmed by other things. You hang in there and keep writing, you hear? Oh, and the first picture, the look in that child's eyes, is just adorable.

    • justateacher profile image
      Author

      LaDena Campbell 3 years ago from Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Near Oz...

      Bill...good to hear from you! Thanks for the hugs and for the blessings! I don't know to be anything other than honest when it comes to my mental health issues....

    • justateacher profile image
      Author

      LaDena Campbell 3 years ago from Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Near Oz...

      Always Exploring....thanks for reading! I am planning on writing more. I think I finally have my medications under control.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Hugs to you, LaDena, and thank you for writing a brutally honest appraisal of depression and anxiety. Blessings to you always.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Richert 3 years ago from Southern Illinois

      I have family members who suffer with bouts of depression, bipolar, highs and lows. Medication helps at times. I do hope you will write more, sometimes when I feel down, I try to write and it always makes me feel better.

    • justateacher profile image
      Author

      LaDena Campbell 3 years ago from Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Near Oz...

      Frank...Thanks for reading....I feel so much better than I did...I'm getting better all the time. I'm glad to be back!!

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 3 years ago from Shelton

      Just you... you'll be in my prayers.. and I really do hope you get better, feel better and yes children can be therapy... bless you and its good to see you here again Frank

    • justateacher profile image
      Author

      LaDena Campbell 3 years ago from Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Near Oz...

      Will....thanks for reading! I'm going to write more often now that I've started again. I find that it is the one thing that really helps! I keep looking for that light!

    • justateacher profile image
      Author

      LaDena Campbell 3 years ago from Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Near Oz...

      Marlena....thanks for reading! Yes, depression and injuries do go hand in hand....I need to be more thankful for what I do have...

    • WillStarr profile image

      WillStarr 3 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      You have a lot of company, LaDena. Depression runs in the family, and I too battle it now and then. All we can do is look for the light at the end of the tunnel, and sooner or later, there it is.

      BTW, I find that pushing myself to write helps quite a bit, especially when it all starts to come together.

    • Marlena Crow profile image

      Marlena Crow 3 years ago from Stockton, California

      I have alot of disabilities and I know injuries and depression run hand in hand because of pain and the fact that you have limitations on what your body can do and can't do.

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