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The problem of denying there is a problem

Updated on December 25, 2011

No Problem.................

No Problem.................

 She rises early, 6.0 a.m. as always, proceeds down the stairs from bedroom to kitchen.  Quiet as  a  mouse....

She fills the coffeemachine and switches it on.  Soon the wonderful gurgling sound can be heard and the smell of good, ground coffee fills the air.,, but she turns her back on this and walks to the sitting room straight over to a beautiful cut/glass decanter.  She chooses her favourite glass and pours the dark red liquid into it. Sip, sip,  slowly, as she walks back to the kitchen with its delicious  aroma of coffee. She takes 2 of her favourite china cups and saucers and places them on the counter.  No mugs, ugh. How she loves the bone china delicate cups.

Yet it's the sherry she continues to sip., .By the time she has emptied the glass she rushes to the sink. No time to get to a bathroom. She throws up! Not only sherry but the tell/tale jet black fluid that can only mean one thing.  Stomach blood. She vomits until there is only dry reaching left, then stands up straight taking deep breaths, cleans out the sink, and immediatelygoes to the decanter and pours another glass of her poison. She sips slowly, knowing from experience that if this drink stays down she'll be ok,........But today it doesn't..................Over the sink again she throws up more of the tar like black liquid and watches it proceed down the drainage system. Her stomach hurts.That's no problem, as soon as a modicum of the slick, dark red sherry will stay inside her...... she'll be fine.

She doesn't have a problem.  She's not swigging rough cider or strong whisky from a bottle, she likes a few sips , ladylike, from cut glass......to start her day.

Third glass.  What a difference!!!!!!!   Stomach settles, no more vomiting, so she downs a small glassof the liquid in one gulp. Ah! That's better.  Now she's ready to begin her day.

No one would guess if they saw her now in her spotless, modern kitchen with the glorious smell of early morning coffee filling the air........

Time to wake the children.......beautiful, smiling mum helping her 5yr old daughter out of bed.

'It's a school day, darling, time to get up.'  Mother and daughter can hear the 7 yr old already making his way to the bathroom, followed by the sound of dad rushing from the 'en suite' in their bedroom, fixing his tie as he goes, he races down the stairs, pours himself a coffee, gulps it down as he gathers all he needs for the office,.  After half a cup of coffee, he has to run, shouting 'love you' to his wife and children,  then jumps behind the steering wheel of the smartest car in the area.

Meanwhile, the children enjoy their breakfast not noticing mum slipping her hand behind the curtain to retrieve her glass, drinking down......So much better now.  She's feeling 'normal '.

A knock at the door gets the children excited because they know it will be the 'big girl'  an older friend who walks them to school.

They happily wave'bye bye' to mum, who looks beautiful as always, by this time of the morning.

Vomiting finished with, enough sherry inside her to give her a little sparkle, her hair brushed to perfection, and just enough make up on to look gorgeous without  being 'over the top' for this time of day., for a morning at home.

She closes the door with a sigh of relief, 'phew!'. Now the day belongs to her. She climbs the stairs to begin with the bedrooms, picking up a doll on her way into her daughters' room. When the room looks perfect, she does the same with the other bedrooms, but needs just a little glass of her poison before tackling the bathrooms. Everything looks lovely, satin cushions in place. No problem.

No.. There's no problem apart from a little tiredness, so she rewards herself for cleaning upstairs with another glass of her favourite tipple.. She sits to relax in her favourite chair, and slowly drifts away into sleep.

When she wakes , the clock on the wall tells her that it's almost time for the children to arrive home from school. Begins to fix their meal with the help of 2 glasses of her best friend. No problem,... When the children come running through the door, she hugs them, asks them about their day. The most attentive, loving mother imaginable. (so there can't be a problem, can there?).

Later she prepares dinner for herself and her husband. He's tired as usual, and talks about his day as they eat their meal together.He pours her a large glass of red wine , which she puts to her lips as though it's her first drink of the day. She doesn't get drunk , so 'no problem'  right? In fact she never gets drunk, but she needs just the right amount of her dark red poison , to keep her at the right level to function. For how long? How long can this 'level' stay the same?She's not worried, She doesn't have a problem.

A beautiful home, a hard working and loving husband, adorable, intelligent children,  the latest fashions. She always looks smart. Perfect family. No problem.

For as long as she believes it.  there's no problem.............

Comments

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  • Dim Flaxenwick profile imageAUTHOR

    Dim Flaxenwick 

    5 years ago from Great Britain

    Dream On., This is a beautiful comment right in line with my hub.

    Thank you so much for reading and leaving that comment.

  • DREAM ON profile image

    DREAM ON 

    5 years ago

    You cleverly tell the tale that so many people can relate to.The pressure to be good at what you do and the struggle that exsists inside of you.A wonderful read that cuts into the heart of life.Choosing to take the drink each time and clearly knowing the results.The sacrifices and the pain of all envolved.It can only get worse as time goes on.You reach out to many but they have to be ready,willing and able to change.To all those who suffer with pain may they seek help and find a way to cope and move on with their lives.

  • Dim Flaxenwick profile imageAUTHOR

    Dim Flaxenwick 

    5 years ago from Great Britain

    Thank you Audrey,

    I truly appreciate your comments.

  • AudreyHowitt profile image

    Audrey Howitt 

    5 years ago from California

    A very interesting look at denial--and it makes for a great read--

  • Dim Flaxenwick profile imageAUTHOR

    Dim Flaxenwick 

    7 years ago from Great Britain

    Thank you for your encouraging words.

  • vocalcoach profile image

    Audrey Hunt 

    7 years ago from Idyllwild Ca.

    Dim, You are a writer of vision and depth. The wine can be substituted for drugs, smoking, over-eating and more. I imagine that we are all in a denial of some sort. Especially now, with so much fear and catastrophy going on. A wonderful read, Dim and God bless you! vocalcoach

  • Dim Flaxenwick profile imageAUTHOR

    Dim Flaxenwick 

    7 years ago from Great Britain

    I quite agree with you. The fast moving world around us makes difficult for anyone to cope without some form of ´crutch´

    Glad that you liked my hub. Cheers.

  • DynamicS profile image

    Sandria Green-Stewart 

    7 years ago from Toronto, Canada

    Wow! Dim, I could visualize the scene as you described it. Sad, but reality for some with all of life's stress, boredom, disappointment and feeling of unlove.We are all drowning ourselves in something - alchol, work, gambling, sex - you name it we have become all addicts.

    Great writing...Rated Up.

  • Dim Flaxenwick profile imageAUTHOR

    Dim Flaxenwick 

    7 years ago from Great Britain

    Thank you for that comment, Astra Nomik. It´s true , many peoples´problems are kept secret, but it´s añmost always because the person can´t admit that they have a problem.

  • Astra Nomik profile image

    Cathy Nerujen 

    7 years ago from Edge of Reality and Known Space

    A sobering and serious article and it made me really think. Must be an awful lot of people who are hiding their habit from the world. The habit with such awful consequences.

  • Dim Flaxenwick profile imageAUTHOR

    Dim Flaxenwick 

    7 years ago from Great Britain

    Thank you for your comment. It cannot have been easy working with people like this.

    I also feel for the close relatives of such ones.

  • d.william profile image

    d.william 

    7 years ago from Somewhere in the south

    Powerfully sad and heart wrenching tribute to the addict.

    Very stirring. I worked for some time in the alcoholic ward of the state hospital when i was much younger, and this was a grave reminder of how much this addiction causes unwitting folks to jeopardize and ultimately lose. And the personal suffering that goes along with it for the addict. Good hub.

  • Dim Flaxenwick profile imageAUTHOR

    Dim Flaxenwick 

    7 years ago from Great Britain

    sorry you haven´t heard from me in a while. You know what we women are like ....when... new baby in the family....

    Thank you for your words about this hub,. l think it goes on (and similar things) more than people realise.

    Take care. x

  • epigramman profile image

    epigramman 

    7 years ago

    ...this is a brave and courageous write ...... and I have come to expect no less from someone like you - because I admire you as a person and as a writer/colleague here at the Hub - I haven't heard from you in awhile (nor you have of I) so here I am wishing you sincere best wishes and keep thinking good thoughts!

  • Dim Flaxenwick profile imageAUTHOR

    Dim Flaxenwick 

    7 years ago from Great Britain

    wonderful comment from you, acaetnna. Thank you very much. l also hope this hub may help even one person.

  • acaetnna profile image

    acaetnna 

    7 years ago from Guildford

    Such a wise and heart rendering piece of writing. Sadly this appears to be happening more and more in our society. It is a long, slow downhill spiral leading eventually to total destruction.

    Vote up and pressing your tabs. Let's hope that someone reading this recognises the signs and tries to get help.

  • Dim Flaxenwick profile imageAUTHOR

    Dim Flaxenwick 

    7 years ago from Great Britain

    DITTO

  • Micky Dee profile image

    Micky Dee 

    7 years ago

    God bless you dear Dim!

  • Dim Flaxenwick profile imageAUTHOR

    Dim Flaxenwick 

    7 years ago from Great Britain

    Micky., God bless you too. At least you are doing smething healthy when cycling and you give so much to us with your tales and pics of your journies.

    love you man , as always. Keep up the fight.........

  • Dim Flaxenwick profile imageAUTHOR

    Dim Flaxenwick 

    7 years ago from Great Britain

    Thank you very much, RussellD and tenderheart. l couldn´t keep writing without your kind of encouragement.

    xx

  • Micky Dee profile image

    Micky Dee 

    7 years ago

    Same here Dim. I wait here every day and night for a change that never comes. I stay secluded with my thoughts. I don't drink. I don't take drugs. I have "habits" and cycling that keep me alive. I'm not sure that my plight is better than the sherry. I can ride though. I can appear to be okay in the fleeting moments at the check-out, at a restaurant, on my bicycle. What problem? God bless you Dim!

  • tnderhrt23 profile image

    tnderhrt23 

    7 years ago

    Perfect example of a closet drinker...and denial at its finest...so sad...its a slow, painful death, physical, mental and spiritual.Great thought-provoking piece!

  • Russell-D profile image

    Russell-D 

    7 years ago from Southern Ca.

    DF -- you're very welcome. I love the hard work you put into your pieces. Having written and been paid for it for 65 years, I know how difficult writing can be - especially, if there's a specific place you want it to take you, in a way that is uniquely yours. You do a good job. David Russell

  • Dim Flaxenwick profile imageAUTHOR

    Dim Flaxenwick 

    7 years ago from Great Britain

    excellent quote .,,,,,,,, thank you very much

  • Russell-D profile image

    Russell-D 

    7 years ago from Southern Ca.

    "Now I walk amongst the wreckage, of the ship wreck, I failed to prevent" is a line this week from 2uesday. Certainly fits here, doesn't it? David Russell

  • Dim Flaxenwick profile imageAUTHOR

    Dim Flaxenwick 

    7 years ago from Great Britain

    Thank you, Sivergenes. It's amazing how much can be hidden isn't it? Same with wife beaters.Ugh!

  • profile image

    SilverGenes 

    7 years ago

    Wow! Very sobering account of how things can get out of hand and go unnoticed until it's very late in the game. My heart goes out to her.

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