parenting your parents at age 34 (they are 82 and 77)

1. 79

   schoolgirlforrealposted 13 years ago

   Hi.
   Just hear me out first.
   I'm a young person, who's not fully established in life. Most of my friends get way more help from their parents than I.
   I'm not trying to be non independent. But there are times I need a little help...
   Especially when I visit my (parents) who live far away and help (from my heart).
   I expect some help in return. My dad has (alot) of $ tucked away and being one of the few in the family who are not completely on thier feet, I really think He should help me occassionally, or else why should I go to his house and clean, empty his comode, and help and help my Mom too. (not to mention alot of chaos there.)
   I like visiting occassionally but I feel that if I give from my heart, why arent'they?
   
   I hope this is not in the wrong forum.
   
   So, reading my story, and taking all into consideration would you advise me to not visit them at all and save my gas $ and $ I have to pay to eat out -because they don't keep any food for visitors-they hide it,
   Or do you think I should continue as I am, but maybe visit less and be careful of my $.
   
   It hurts to be treated like a slave. They give me a small amount but why do I have to wait till they die (I need some help now)? I'm the youngest of 10 and I'm too young to have parents in diapers for 3 yrs now.
   
   I just want to be treated properly (and so do my other siblings but they have no guts (or why I don't know) to take a stand.
   
   My Mom flat out refused (and father) to pay ANYONE (professional) to clean, cook, or whatever.
   
   My father yelled so much, his nurse and bather stopped coming.
   
   What to do?
   
   I paid $220 to fix my car (my spending money for the month is 300.00. I was so broke. And my dad did NOT care or help---and I help him all the time---and he HAS money (lots I was informed.)
   
   Can you honestly tell me I should not try to do something?
   
   ps I have gotten advice on this before, but maybe some new perspective whould help.

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   1. 79

      schoolgirlforrealposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      also it comes down to this- I spent 3 days there this week
      
      and I get attacked as if I'm leaving too soon
      
      Do you know I spent weeks there at a time and ended up in respite, from the stress? It's too much.
      
      I think I answered my own question-be selfish and take care of me and visit when I want to-

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2. 79

   IsadoraPandoraposted 13 years ago

   It is hard to give advice when you're on the outside looking in. I know I would walk over hot coals and shards of glass for my mom and grandparents. Even if they treated me like poo. They do not treat me poorly though--we share what we have.
   
   Money, homes, medicine and advice are always shared.
   
   That is just my personality--and how I was raised. I was brought up to know that family comes first. Unfortunately, indirectly my family also taught me to suffer to help family. Not every family member is good at heart and they can take advantage of your kindness.
   
   Parents sometimes will do this.
   
   There is a running joke in my family-- basically saying "I will change your diapers when you're too old to do it yourself". But I have to say, that saying goes both ways. They would care for me just as I care for them.
   
   And taking care of yourself is not being selfish.
   
   The whole hiding food is a bit disturbing. How did your parents grow up? Sounds like they had a soddy life at some point.
   
   
   Maybe next time they need some help you can tell them you do not have the gas money. It might nudge them to offer a few dollars your way.
   
   I cannot really help you, I just wanted to say that I feel for you and, "HUGS".
   
   
   Have a happy flower.
   
   
   
   
   

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   1. 79

      schoolgirlforrealposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      thanks
      i know in my heart what i must do
      and i feel better already letting this go
      thanks for your response
      
      I agree w/ what you said , and there's more
      but some other time!

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