- Death & Loss of Life
hospice care the final choice...
Today after a long time in the Emergency Room I made the hardest decision in regard to my fathers care that I ever had to make. I had to decide if I was going to continue to deny that my father was going to die or was I going to let him go. I realized that he had fought the good fight and he wanted to go home to heaven.
As my husband and I set in the room with him I saw him change. He looked up and I heard him call out to my departed mother and his family members. He called out to Jesus and the angels. The doctor told me that dad was ready to go home. Dad told me good bye which brought tears to my eyes. With the best control I could I told him that the family wouldn't hold on to him any longer.
The doctor came into the room and discussed with my husband and me that it was time to put dad on hospice care. I realized that meant that I had to finally let go and mean it. I looked at dad and realized for the first time in my heart that he wasn't going to get better. No matter how much health care he had all I was doing was prolonging his pain. I saw the pain on his face when I didn't understand what he said and I realized at that point I was being selfish. I didn't want him to pass because I would feel pain. How could I be so selfish as to make him suffer. He didn't want that kind of life and I realized I no longer wanted him to suffer. I signed the paperwork to put him on hospice care.
Hospice care is care that makes him comfortable until finally his suffering ends. Dad cant eat anymore and he couldn't drink so it was cruel for me to make him watch other people eat when he couldn't. He cant take his meds so he will be made comfortable. If you have a terminal loved one check out hospice care. I am glad I did,
The questions I had to answer for hospice care was more than I had expected when they came to the home the following day. Did he have a living will and an advance directive? Did he have a DNR order? Did I want them to use oxygen if it deemed necessary? Some I was sure of and others I had to ask the family about. The family said they would stand behind any decision I made.
Hospice care is so hard to deal with mentally. You know that hospice care is for the terminally ill. I didn't know it meant deciding when to discontinue meds. The home where my dad is still takes him down to eat as little as two tablespoons of food. His liquids are Ensure liquid. He is not able to have a life that has quality to it. I want him to have nature take its course. I was told it was cruel to not feed him because it was starving him to death and it is modern medicines way of extending life rather than letting nature take its course.