My Pregnancy Journey: Being Young and Pregnant
Not a walk in the park
Ever think about what it is like to be pregnant? Maybe you are thinking about having kids, recently had a scare, or admire social media and how celebrity moms seem to snap back into their hot pre-prego bodies. But contrary to how celeb moms portray their pregnancy, it is anything but a breeze. Whether you are 18 years old or 35, every pregnancy is different and being young does not mean you escape the downs that DO come along with being pregnant.
To those who say "pregnancy was the best thing to happen to me" I say YOU HAVE GOT TO BE LITERALLY SHITTING ME. I can 100% agree that your child, a result of your pregnancy, is the best thing to happen to you. But to say that pregnancy or should I say pissing yourself everytime you laugh, sneeze, and fart is the best thing to have happened to you then I would hate to know what a pre pregnant life was like for you.
Everyone's pregnancy is different. Mine was in a way a breeze. Hear me out. I did not experience morning sickness, sudden food cravings, or chronic back pain. Though that sounds like a dream for some women, there are plenty of things about my pregnancy that were not such a walk in a park like my breast size.
Before pregnancy I was a 32B and during pregnancy I went to a 34D bra size. Obviously I loved the fact that my ta-tas had grown but going to that size left its mark. Stretch marks that is. I experienced skin discoloration, stretch marks and big-round areolas. Some days my nipples would be dry and crusty from the milk seaping out of them (or whatever you call it). That shit was not pretty and it actually caused me to hate changing in front of my partner.
Low self esteem and depression begins to set in. YAYY! I have read plenty of blogs of women who have experienced a new found confidence while being pregnant. Many infact state that they felt sexier! Damn I wish. My sex drive definitely increased but by no means did I envy my current appearance. During my pregnancy I experienced a lack of confidence and depression like never before. If Starbucks had a drink called a Grande Nonfat Depression latte I drank that shit every day. I felt so insecure with my ever growing tummy. My ass and thighs were thick and my feet were swollen. It was as though everything happened overnight. One day I was 120lbs and the next I can barely fit my ass into my underwear. My sudden body change even made me question whether my partner still loved me and was attracted to me. I felt as though based on my appearance that he shouldn't be with me anymore. I envied any woman that was not with child because she could go out and have fun and fit into her skin tight clothes. I on the otherhand waddled like a penguin and my stomach hit my thighs when I bent over. Understandably, it is very common for women to have a decline in their self confidence and I had just that to the 10th degree. I was paranoid. As insecurities flooded in I questioned whether or not I would be a fit mother. Would I regret having my child? Would I truly love her? I would sit in the shower and cry to myself thinking that their is no way I could do this. Who am I to raise a child? I am not financially nor mentally prepared to raise a child. I am 22 years old and am still trying to figure this whole life thing out. But then I would reflect on my mom. She had 8 kids by the age of 32 and I can only imagine the thoughts that went through her head on some days. How did she do it? She couldn't give us back *sarcasm* (lol obviously), she had to deal with all of us day in and day out. She was strong. She didn't have to be, she wanted to be. This was/is the hardest part for me- accepting my new role.
As if I dealt with enough the only time my mind was at ease was when I fell asleep at night. That was not so easy. Being tired was the easiest part, but only being able to sleep on your left side and having extreme round ligament pain on top of that doesn't make for a great nights rest. I was told I had severe round ligament pain after having an andominal cramping episode that lasted for 9 hours. I repeat, 9 FUCKING HOURS. Mind you these "cramps" felt like someone was stabbing me repeatedly with a blunt object. My partner and I went to the ER, worried it might be preterm labor or preeclampsia, only for the nurse to basically say 'it is what it is' you are experiencing round ligament pain. Sure enough the pain eventually subsided and I hadn't felt it again after that but it still does not dismiss the fact that I honestly thought I was about to die. I haven't felt too much of the contractions at all which is surprising because I knew when it was I began to dialate. Fun fact ladies: if you are well into your 3rd trimester and at times it feels like you are wearing a tampon and it is slowly falling out then your cervix is softening and you are beginning to dialate.
Apart from it all pregnancy is not and will not ever be the greatest thing to ever happen to me. No one talks about the invisible symptoms of pregnancy like the emotional effects it can have on a female. Pregnancy is no joke. These 9 months have felt like eternity, but I am excited to meet her and to of course feel like I have a piece of myself back.
P.S Due date is Dec 13th 2018! LETS GO!
© 2018 Chandi