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The Fawn Caught in the Cruel Headlights of Life

Updated on January 17, 2020

I was 47 or 48 it is hard to remember the time. I had no friends that I knew of. I had just been handed the hardest thing I had ever had to do. My mother had passed away shortly before and I had never lived on my own. My mother had controlled my whole life. As one girlfriend later told me it was like I had Stockholm Syndrome. I had had to make all my mother's funeral arrangements at the time. Most people had friends, a soul mate and maybe some siblings on the scene or family to help but I had none. My mother had made it where there was no one.

It was one year after mom passed away that my father had his stroke. I had to check him into a skilled nursing facility. I had to fill out his Medicaid papers because there wasn't enough money to pay for a home. Dad and Mom hadn't owned anything. I had to suddenly live on my own and learn to survive. Well, there was a wonderful person who stepped forward and told me that my mother and father hadn't done me any good by keeping me at home. I had one month to get Dad in the home. Everything in one month and I didn't have a job. I had been my parent's caregiver for the last 9 years with no outside contact.

I was glad this lady stepped forward as I was overwhelmed. I could have easily been put on the street and Dad a ward of the court. The hospital wanted to put Dad in a nursing facility that was far away. He had Alzheimer's and didn't have a clue what was going on. They finally put him in a home that I had no idea where it was. This lady told me where it was and helped me to finally get started with a life of my own. She spent the next month spreading her time between me and her family. The Medicaid papers just about made us both lose our minds. They wanted to know when parents had married when Mom had died, the name of all my Dad's siblings. I hadn't had anything to do with any of that. Finally, after a week we got through that and had Dad in a home. Then all there was left was cleaning out Dad's clothes and getting rid of Mom's clothes and when we looked through mine I thought my new friend would cry. All my clothes were for a woman born in the '40s and 50's not age-appropriate for me. She would leave for the day and tell me to call the two or three numbers that were listed for an apartment for low income. I finally got an answer from one. I filled out all the paperwork and within a week had an apartment then it was clean out the three-bedroom trailer and try to figure out what I was going to need in a one-bedroom apartment. What did I do with all the stuff? I had a storage shed to go through as well. I was slowly overcome with stress and realizing I was on my own.

We finally got through all the clothes and Dad in a home then it was time to get me packed and ready to move. I had to cancel all my Dad's utilities and didn't have any legal paperwork to do that except a notice from the doctor saying I had to do it. I never realized that Mom and Dad had so much stuff I had to get rid of. I had two television sets which were able to be kept and three dressers and two beds. Well, the garbage can got a lot of junk. My mother had had so many knick-knacks that I had to take until I could do it a little at a time. So many dishes I didn't know what was for and oh I even had to fit in getting myself signed up for food stamps and keep myself healthy and think about a job as well during all this. Another lady came forward with a job taking care of her mother with housekeeping and then her grandma. Thank God for all these wonderful women I now call my friends.

I had gotten through most of this when I was going through the storage unit and had no use for any of it. One of my new girlfriends, her fiancé took the nuts, bolts, and tools that I didn't need. I knew I didn't need a snow shovel but took one to get rid of curtains for a three-bedroom trailer and hope I had enough for a one-bedroom apartment. I finally got moved into my apartment and was scared beyond anything that I wouldn't be able to do it. It is now about five years later and I am married. Yes, I have had to go into counseling to deal with my sudden push into life. I am glad someone saw that I needed help and I love all my friends like sisters because I couldn't have made it without them.


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