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Have Yourself a Tacky Little Christmas

Updated on December 15, 2013
Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannie has been writing online for over 8 years. She covers a wide variety of topics—anything from hamsters to office work.

Ho-Ho-Horribly Tacky!

When it comes to Christmas, some people believe it is serious business. They begin buying new decorations and presents months before Christmas. They try to tastefully decorate their house so visitors can marvel at their work. Some people take great pride in decorating for Christmas. This is not a hub for those folks.

This is a hub about creating a tacky little Christmas for you and your loved ones. Maybe you just don't take Christmas that seriously, nor should you. Perhaps you like artificial trees - the faker the better. Maybe you like barking stuffed Christmas dogs. Good for you! You might even be one of those people that likes to give the reindeer that poops jelly beans for Christmas. No one ever said funny gifts were a bad idea. You need a laugh during a stressful time like Christmas. While you are pulling your hair out trying to buy the perfect sweater for Aunt Hilda, why not have yourself a tacky little Christmas?

Your home can be as ugly and untraditional as you'd like! It is your home and why not have a little fun this Christmas? Why not buy the stuff you really want to buy? You can do it and you can be proud of it. Good taste has just flown out the door!

Get the Most Obviously Fake Tree Ever

In a time not that long ago, people used to try to find artificial trees that looked like real live pine trees. Who were we kidding? Fake trees look fake. They smell like plastic. They are artificial trees, so I say embrace it. When buying a tree, look for a Christmas tree that looks faker than any other tree. Thankfully, it is easy to find something obviously fake in today's day and age.

Buy a pink tree. Isn't pink a pretty color? Yes, I thought so. Why not go out and get a pink tree? How about a purple tree? There is no limit to ridiculous colors you've never seen in nature, so just go for it.

Even better, buy a fiber optic tree. They are really pretty and you don't even have to add lights. Your tree will glimmer with different beautiful colors all night. For that matter, get yourself a white tree and you can really appreciate the awesome array of colors.

By the way, are you lazy? It's OK. You can admit it. If you are lazy, you may want to buy a fake, pre-decorated tree. You can just grab that bad boy out the box and plop it down in your livingroom. Your major chore will be finding a place to plug it in. If you're really lazy, you don't even need to do that. It will probably look OK not lit. Merry Christmas!

Embrace Some Really Weird Decorations

Now that you've got your fake tree up, you need to continue with the theme. You can't stop now, unless of course, you answered, "Yes" to the "Are you lazy?" question. If that's the case, you probably haven't made it this far anyway. Naps are always crucial after reading a few paragraphs.

It's time to liven things up with some tacky decorations. What are some good tacky decorations for your fake tree or just to string around your livingroom? When you see it, you will know it. If it makes you pause and say, "I don't know... this is really awful," then you have a winner.

Good examples of bad taste decorations:

  • Beer can ornaments
  • Anything with pink flamingos
  • Farting ornaments or decorations
  • Santa mooning anyone
  • A reindeer pooping anything
  • Christmas Story leg lamps

Christmas Sweaters - The Ultimate in Tacky

You've come so far, you can't stop now. Now that you've decorated your home with some of the worst decorations ever, you've got to really top it all off. You need a Christmas sweater. Don't be scared! You can't have a whole house full of craptacular decorations without dressing the part.

Aside from a nice Christmas sweater, what you need more than anything else is a light-up sweater. Although they are difficult to find, many thrift stores sell them. Gee, wonder why they ended up there? I know what you are thinking... "Really? Those exist? Why? How? What?" Don't question it. Just embrace it. Just wear your ugly holiday sweater and pretend it is attractive. After all, if you like everything listed above, you might just think a Christmas sweater is cute, too.

You may want to top off your entire look with something else lovely, like a Christmas tree hat or maybe some earrings that light up. Yes, they exist, too. The problem with the Christmas bulb earrings is they tend to blow out rather quickly. I know this because... ummm... just forget I said anything.


Now All You Need is Theme Music

By this time, the only thing you really need is some bad Christmas music. You might not know it, but there is a lot of wacky Christmas music out there you can enjoy. Make sure to pick up some classic hits like:

  • Christmas at Ground Zero by Weird Al Yankovic
  • Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer by Elmo and Patsy
  • Christmas in Jail by Asleep at the Wheel
  • Santa Claus is Watching You by Ray Stevens
  • Jingle Bells by the Barking Christmas Dogs
  • Christmas Don't Be Late by the Chipmunks
  • The 12 Pains of Christmas by Bob Rivers

Now that you've reached the end of this journey into bad taste, I hope you are ready to go out into the world and make this Christmas a Christmas to remember. Have yourself a tacky little Christmas this year!

Santa Claus is Watching You!


Submit a Comment
  • Jeannieinabottle profile imageAUTHOR

    Jeannie Marie 

    7 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Thanks so much! I am happy you enjoyed it.

  • B. Leekley profile image

    Brian Leekley 

    7 years ago from Bainbridge Island, Washington, USA

    Delightful! Up and funny.

  • Jeannieinabottle profile imageAUTHOR

    Jeannie Marie 

    8 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Oh no! Not smiley face abuse! :-) I have to admit, I love tacky glittery trees, too.

  • That Grrl profile image

    Laura Brown 

    8 years ago from Barrie, Ontario, Canada

    Tacky... I like those glittery plastic trees. You're going to make me commit smiley face abuse. :( :( :(

  • Jeannieinabottle profile imageAUTHOR

    Jeannie Marie 

    9 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Why yes, wear that ugly sweater and wear it with pride. It all goes with the tackiness of the season. Thanks for the comment - I am happy you enjoyed the hub so much.

  • adrienne2 profile image

    Fierce Manson 

    9 years ago from Atlanta

    Voted up! You are to funny Jeannie. Love this hub. You had me going on the holiday sweater. You had me sitting here talking to my computer going what, what. Of course then the sign of relief when you said oh go ahead and wear your ugly sweater. LOL Totally loved reading your hub.

  • Jeannieinabottle profile imageAUTHOR

    Jeannie Marie 

    9 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    That sounds so wonderful! Maybe I should move to Spain. Christmas in the U.S. is all about making money. The 4th Thursday of November is Thanksgiving in the U.S. After that holiday, we have something called "Black Friday" which is not an official holiday. It is when every single retailer opens at the crack of dawn (some even at midnight) and there are crazy shopping bargains. It is all about people just spending a small fortune (that most people can't afford) for Christmas. It is disgusting. Sometimes fights break out over the limited amount of merchandise for some of the major bargains. People have been trampled trying to run through the doors at stores to get to items first. I am not a fan of Christmas shopping at all because of it.

  • Suki C profile image

    Barbara C 

    9 years ago from Andalucia, Spain

    The good thing about Christmas here in Spain is how un-commercial it is. When I lived in the UK we were bombarded with all the Christmas hype from about mid August!

    Here - in our local village at least - you would hardly notice it at all, it's all very low-key and quiet - lovely.

    (I DO have a tacky little tree that stands on the mantelpiece though - ooh, and I put reindeer antlers on the dogs :-D )

  • Jeannieinabottle profile imageAUTHOR

    Jeannie Marie 

    9 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Thank you for reading and for the comment. I do understand what you are saying. I think Christmas is so commercial now that most people forget the real meaning behind it.

  • James A Watkins profile image

    James A Watkins 

    9 years ago from Chicago

    You Hub is very good. The only thing I find serious about Christmas is Christ. He is the reason for this holiday (Holy Day), yes?

  • Cloverleaf profile image


    9 years ago from Calgary, AB, Canada

    I'm on it!

  • Jeannieinabottle profile imageAUTHOR

    Jeannie Marie 

    9 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Hahaha... the beer can ornaments are easy... when you are done drinking the beer, you just use a paper clip to put it on the tree. In a sense, you are recycling so that is a good thing!

    If Cloverleaf buys you that light up sweater, let me know. That would be so funny.

    Thanks for reading and for the votes up!

  • Movie Master profile image

    Movie Master 

    9 years ago from United Kingdom

    Hi Jeannie, I have got to get me some of those fabulous beer can ornaments for the tree..

    And a light up sweater, wow! I see Cloverleaf has read this hopefully she might buy me one for Christmas!

    Brilliant hub as always and voting up, best wishes MM

  • Jeannieinabottle profile imageAUTHOR

    Jeannie Marie 

    9 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Thanks for the votes and the comment! Yes, I like having an anti-Christmas. Good taste just isn't any fun. Santa Claus on the loo sounds really awesome!

  • Angie Jardine profile image

    Angie Jardine 

    9 years ago from Cornwall, land of the eternally youthful mind ...

    Voted up and funny, Jeannie ... I kept thinking 'ugh' and shuddering ... so you were definitely on the right track!

    Just loved the idea of the 'anti-Christmas' ... now where did I put my Santa Claus on the loo ...

  • Jeannieinabottle profile imageAUTHOR

    Jeannie Marie 

    9 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Katharella - Ugly Sweater Parties are the best. We had one at work and I won for ugliest sweater. I ended up painting my own design on a normal sweater and adding sparkly buttons. I had what I thought was an ugly sweater, but everyone at work said it just wasn't ugly enough. I had to step it up! And a dollar store gift exchange sounds really fun. Maybe I should try that this year. Thanks for the idea!

    stephaniedas - Wow! Those lights sound... well... really groovy. I can actually picture those. Scary stuff! Thanks for sharing and thanks for the votes up!

    Rob Jundt - That sounds like quite a tree. I think the rotating light probably just added to the awesomeness of it. It is amazing some of the frightening stuff that used to be sold for holidays. That does sound like a fire hazard. Thanks for the comment!

    Cloverleaf - That is so funny! That is exactly what I did last year. I had the white fiber optic tree (pre-decorated, I might add) beside the TV with the yule log burning on the TV. Ah, the tackiness! I am glad you enjoyed the hub. Thanks for the vote up!

  • Cloverleaf profile image


    9 years ago from Calgary, AB, Canada

    That's it, I'm getting a pink and purple tinsel tree...I've decided. I will put it next to the TV while I watch the log-burning channel.

    Voting up, Jeannie - another hub that I enjoyed immensely!

  • Rob Jundt profile image

    Rob Jundt 

    9 years ago from Midwest USA

    When I was a kid, my grandparents had this aluminum-leafed artificial tree that literally dripped tackiness. But it was a great kind of tacky I may say. Making the scene all the better was the illuminating, rotating light with its four-color color wheel adding to the beauty. Needless to say it was a childhood memory of Christmas tackiness I'll never forget, not to mention quite the fire hazard. Oh... those were the days!

  • stephaniedas profile image

    Stephanie Das 

    9 years ago from Miami, US

    When I was little, my parents decorated our tree with huge technicolored lightbulbs. As if these weren't bad enough, I remember putting these tin reflectors around them that were shaped like flowers. I guess that was the damage done to them during the 60's.

    Another awesome hub, voted up and funny :)

  • Katharella profile image


    9 years ago from Lost in America

    haha... my friend has her annual "Ulgy Christmas Sweater Party" If you don't show up in one... you DON'T FIT IN! My mom was a beautician and theirs was silver with curlers, perm rods, short comes, clips etc. lol Oh my friend with the sweater party, she also has Dollar Store gifting! I got her a plastic perogie LOL and that thing ended up going on TRIPS with her and her friends! I should make a hub about ol' "Crazy Eyes" she named it! GREAT hub v-up! Thanks for the laugh! :D

  • Jeannieinabottle profile imageAUTHOR

    Jeannie Marie 

    9 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Thank you! Glad you liked it.

  • kayecandles profile image


    9 years ago

    I like it!!!

  • Jeannieinabottle profile imageAUTHOR

    Jeannie Marie 

    9 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Stephanie Henkel - Hehehe... Do you really have a light-up sweater? Somewhere out there, there is a photo of me wearing a sweater like that. Hopefully, it will never show up online! I am glad you enjoyed the hub.

    ThePracticalMommy - That is so funny. My parents used to take me to see Christmas lights, too, but I honestly can't remember a time when we ever thought anything was too tacky. Guess that is why I think my white fiber optic Christmas tree is normal. And yes, grab yourself some beer cans and start decorating. I've never seen this myself, but I've heard of people really doing that. Thanks for the votes!

    Thank you both for your comments.

  • ThePracticalMommy profile image


    9 years ago from United States

    Every year on Christmas Eve, my father would take us for a ride after the family party to see Christmas lights. He would make such a big deal of it and yell 'Tacky!' if any display was too outrageous. We always laughed so hard on those trips...This hub brought back that memory!I think I'll go find him some Christmas beer cans to decorate with! ;)

    Great hub! Voted up and awesome.

  • Stephanie Henkel profile image

    Stephanie Henkel 

    9 years ago from USA

    Wait, are you saying that my Christmas light-up sweater and my favorite "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" CD are tacky? Very funny!


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