Reasons Why New Year's Resolutions Fail and How To Make Them Happen
The Cold Hard Facts
Wouldn’t you love to have a dollar for every time someone made a New Year’s resolution and then failed? We could all retire right now, move to the Bahamas, and keep getting residual checks with each batch of failed resolutions in the future.
Research shows that 80% of New Year’s resolutions are given up by January 31st.
Be honest: how many of you have entered the New Year with a fire in your belly and a firm resolve to boldly change your lives, only to crawl back to reality a month or two later, whipped once again by the sobering thought that you just didn’t have what it took this time? Despite the failure, you try again the following year, and then the next, only to once again tuck tail between your legs and embrace defeat.
Why is that? Why do so many people attempt resolutions knowing full well that the odds are against them? More importantly, why do they continually fail?
Why Do People Fail?
Now we get down to the nitty gritty! Why do we continually fail at something we obviously want so badly? Maybe if we know why we are falling short of our goals, we can do something about it.
I am no psychologist, but to my untrained mind, the reasons why our resolutions end up in the dumpster next to unwanted Christmas presents are as follows:
· We are hard-wired to fail
· Our resolutions are too big in scope
· We forget our resolutions as time moves on
· We forget that we all need support
· We announce our resolutions to the world
· We fail to make our resolutions personal
Let’s take a look at each of these and maybe that will help us to see how we have set ourselves up for failure.
We Are Hard-wired to Fail
Think about this for a second. What is it you want to change with your resolution? Do you want to eat less, drink less, or exercise more? The reason you want to do those things is because you feel you are doing too much of the opposite, correct? You eat too much, drink too much, or hardly exercise at all.
You have formed a habit of mind and body in doing those negative things you now want to eliminate. Your brain is wired to eat too much, or drink too much, or not exercise. This needs to be addressed before any successful change can happen.
Our Resolutions Are Too Big in Scope
Oh my goodness! Does this sound familiar? I’m going to lose twenty pounds by February? I’m going to give up drinking coffee for the New Year. I’m going to eat 1000 fewer calories and exercise one hour per day.
The problem with those resolutions is that they are too big! They are such lofty goals that they are discouraging, and once we become discouraged with a goal, the goal is close to being discarded.
We Forget Our Resolutions As Time Goes On
Remember the hard-wired brain point? We have been doing the opposite of the resolution for months, if not years. That is what we are accustomed to doing. The resolution is new to us, and it doesn’t fit into our normal daily routine. Eventually, it is forgotten….maybe one day the first week, then two days the second week, and before we know it, life got in the way and a whole month went by without even a thought to the resolution.
We Forget That We All Need Support
Yes, we do, so there is no reason to deny it. We all need a cheerleader! We all need a drill sergeant. Well all need someone who is going to support us in our efforts. Without someone like that, we are doomed to fail, because few people have the self-control, determination, and willpower to succeed with a major lifestyle change on their own.
Advise from an expert
We Announce Our Resolutions to the World
To this writer, this is a kiss of death, and for a couple reasons. One, it puts pressure on the person to meet expectations, and pressure and stress are never good things.
Two, once we fail at the resolution, we now have shame and embarrassment, because we told all 2000 of our Facebook friends that we were going to do this thing. Talk about feeling like a loser!
We Fail to Make Our Resolutions Personal
What does this mean? There has to be a reason for doing these resolutions that will touch us in our heart. When we realize on a personal level that this resolution is important for improving our health, or for lengthening our life so we can spend more time with our family, then that is more important than just saying “I’ll feel better.”
Are You Making Resolutions This New Year?
PIPO
- http://billybuc.hubpages.com/hub/Positive-InPositive-OutPIPOHow-I-Changed-My-Life
Positive thoughts produce positive actions and a positive lifestyle. This isn't rocket science folks; you are what you think!
So What Do We Do About All of This?
Now we are really getting down to it, aren’t we? Now we know why we are failing; what can we do about it? Well let’s take a look at each of the reasons listed above and see if we can’t logically defeat them. What follows are a few suggestions that will address many of the reasons why you have failed in the past.
Assuming that you are trying to change behavior that has been cultivated over many months, if not years, then your job is not a ho-hum affair. The negative actions that have brought you to the point of resolution need to be reversed, as does your thinking. Think of those negative actions as GIGO, or Garbage In/Garbage Out. Harmful or negative messages have been sent to the brain for a long time. Now it is time to change all that to PIPO, or Positive In/Positive Out.
Do not hesitate to pat yourself on the back when you complete one day of a successful resolution. In that same vein, surround yourself with positive and supportive friends who will support you as well as pat you on the back each and every day. If you do not believe you can do this thing, you won’t do it. In this instance, positive reinforcement will beat back negative thoughts, but it is an ongoing battle.
Tackle your resolution in smaller increments so that they are doable. Instead of saying you will lose fifty pounds by summer, say you will lost ten pounds by Valentine’s Day. Summer is a vague concept, and fifty pounds is a mammoth number to contemplate. Break it all down to totals that can be attained fairly quickly so you can experience some positive reinforcement.
In fact, with that as a guide, don’t make a New Year’s resolution. Instead, make a 1st Quarter resolution, and then a 2nd Quarter resolution, and so on, and each Quarter you can have smaller resolutions that will add up to a big resolution at the end of 2013.
Do not announce to Facebook or your church group or the VFW. Do not set yourself up for failure and personal embarrassment. This should be a personal quest. Why are you doing it? How important is it to you? What will it mean to you to accomplish this? All of those are personal questions with personal answers. You do not need 2000 people involved; your name is not Lindsay Lohan so there is no need to go viral with this.
Finally, set up a system where you cannot possibly forget this resolution. Put post it notes all through your house. Leave messages on your cell phone and your computer account, so that alerts are posted to you daily, or even hourly. Have a trusted friend call you daily to remind you. Do not assume for a second that you will remember to do this; remember, you are trying to change a behavior that has been nourished for quite some time. Forgetting the resolution is easy to do unless you safeguard against it.
Did That Help?
Well, I hope so, and I wish all of you the best of luck in tackling those new resolutions.
If you should fail then pick yourself up and start all over again. Remember that the best hitter in the history of Major League baseball only got a hit four times out of every ten times to the plate. There is no shame in failing to achieve a goal. Figure out where you went wrong and try again. We human beings are pretty resilient, and we have a grit that is admirable.
Happy New Year!
2012 William D. Holland (aka billybuc)
Comments
Hi Bill
You know, the quarter resolutions is a novel idea. It is a way to make strides toward a goal that is reachable. When we make resolutions to do this or that, often they are with long range goal in mind that may be impossible for us to achieve in the long term. But cutting our goal seeking into smaller goals sounds like a plan than I may be able to work with. I stopped making resolutions because I was always so disappointed in myself when I failed. So, maybe '13 will be the year that I begin anew.
have a lovely day...i hope all is good in Washington today.... sending a sleigh full of Angels to you and yours....my Friend....:) ps
Thank you, Bill for another great and timely hub! I agree wholeheartedly that we need to "personalize" our resolutions and make them "doable" Nothing like setting yourself up for failure! This is wonderful and will be shared! Up+
Instead of resolutions I call them "Things I am going to accomplish throughout the year. For example stay in touch with old friends, forgive someone, do something nice for a friend, be more tolerant, write more hubs HAHA. Setting up goals like weight loss, drinking less, cleaning your house more etc..never works. The only thing people seem to do everyday is brush teeth. Starting a exercise program sounds great..miss a few days and the habit is gone. So the big word for 2013 is simple commitment..to commit to doing my best and being a kind a loving person....Thanks for a good hub with lots of ideas. Best to stay thin instead of promising a diet..what about eliminating one bad food per week and then you have an accomplishment to show for your resolution..
Ok, so now you stole my next hub ;) Great job though Bill with so many of the thoughts I was having. Guess I'll be looking for another topic!
Voted up, useful, and interesting.
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LOL....sorry Mary! There were four hubs today about resolutions. Tough competition on this Wednesday! :) Thank you my friend and I'm sorry. :)
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Randi, welcome back, and hooray for you for the work you have been doing lately. I love your compassion and giving spirit. Thank you!
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Carol, for sure....it's the old acronym K.I.S.S....keep it simple, stupid! That's what works for me. LOL Thank you my friend!
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PS...laughing about the sleigh full of angels. Thank you and I'll greet them when they get here. As for resolutions....the big ones spread out over an entire year are destined to fail. That would require willpower that is other-worldly, and I sure don't have what it takes.
Thank you my friend; all is well here in Washington and I'm sending hugs and best wishes your way.
a beautiful topic sir :) and you are absolutely spot on in writing about this at this time of the year, i really liked the GIGO part and every point in this hub is something we all can completely relate to... thank u, i enjoyed it :)
aww, Bill, you are too sweet! I have been doing some procrastinating lately! I just did 10 credits in one week that I had 3 years to do! Shall I make it my New Years resolution to do at least 3 credits a year? Thank you, though, OneSight and OneDay are really important to me. I will be posting pics and writing a bit about it soon.
You totally helped first of all here and I loved the idea of doing your resolution in small increments over quarters like you said. Great article and need to figure out what I do want to do as far as my resolution this year. Have of course voted way up and shared all over!!
Awesome tips and suggestions. This is actually very true. I won't forget this. Garbage in and garbage out. Positive in and positive out.
I usually don't make New Year's resolutions, because it's too much of a bummer to look back at the end of the year and realize I've not succeeded at a single one! Great tips for changing that pattern.
I totally agree! Although I usually create multiple long pages of hard-to-reach resolutions, I do enjoy the practice of reflecting and focusing on both this year and the future. But, I would do better to grab one or two resolutions and sticking.
Wonderful advice from a wonderful person! Thanks!
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Shruti, it is always nice to see you visit young lady! Thank you and I'm glad you found this useful.
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Randi, a little procrastination can be healthy. How's that for justification? LOL You deserve a break; just don't make it too long because then we miss you.
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Janine, smaller is always better when talking about a change in lifestyle....otherwise it is too hard to handle. Thank you as always my loyal and devoted friend.
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Doc, I always talk about PIPO on my Facebook page....glad you like it! :) Thank you, so much, for always being here.
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Crystal, I thought I saw a hub from you yesterday, but then I lost it. LOL I'll check back and see if I can find it. Anyway, thank you for the visit; I hope you are well.
Good points Bill, but I'm still leaning towards my reverse resolutions. Peeping Tom or to be self-centered :) I'm anticipating the fail.
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rmcleve, thank you so much for your kind words. I would never be able to handle multiple resolutions; I need to focus on a small number or forget it! LOL I hope these ideas help!
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Linda, I actually liked your list better than my hub. LOL Thank you!
I gave up resolutions years ago after being disappointed in myself for never keeping them. Maybe because I always set such lofty and unattainable goals...I have a much better time now that I am not hung up on them anymore. Great ideas.
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Glimmer, in truth, I don't do resolutions either. I think they are a waste of time and only set ourselves up for disappointment, and who needs more of that? :) Thank you my friend!
As usual, excellent topic and thoughts in order to work that resolution to completion!
Bill great hub.. every year.. is new resolutions.. we all try hard or just give up.. that's life. so sad... . thanks for all the great tips.. God Bless you and Merry Christmas and Happy New year
Debbie
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Thanks Deb! It's always good to see you drop by.
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Debbie, in truth I gave up making resolutions. Now I try to change my behaviors on a daily basis. Much easier to remember that way. :)
Thank you my friend and blessings to you always.
bill
Great hub! I completely agree, announcing the resolution to the world instantly sets you up for shame and embarrassment when you ultimately fail. Baby steps and small changes over time seems less painful!
I like this! I don't make New Year's resolutions--for many of the reasons you so elegantly stated above. BUT, maybe I will make a quarterly resolution! And I agree, don't declare your resolutions to everyone. I hate hearing the snickering or gossip at the office when someone has publicly declared their resolution and then fails. But, if you have a few chosen people as your support team, I do like having them remind you. Great advice!
I really like the idea of the Quarterly Resolutions versus yearly and breaking down the goals into smaller pieces makes it less intimidating. Great advice and I plan to try these two and the one about writing reminders to myself. Thanks for sharing. I like this common sense approach to setting goals.
I totally agree that resolutions shouldn't be too big, setting too high a goal can be the most demoralising thing...setting them in stages is a better way to go. Personally I don't make new year resolutions because I find it a difficult time of the year to set targets...I find myself getting more motivated as we head towards Spring though. Thanks Bill, this hub will be an awesome help to those who are considering a resolution for the New Year:-))
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Kitkat indeed; baby steps are the only way to go. Why set ourselves up for disappointment? It's not necessary if our aim is low enough. Thank you!
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Melissa, I have heard that snickering in the past as well.....I'm waiting on Facebook...I know there will be all these resolutions announced. No way do I want everyone to know so they can snicker when they see me.
Thanks as always my snowbound friend!
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Efficient, if I didn't have common sense I'd have no sense at all. LOL Thank you and I hope these work out for you.
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Valley, I agree; I am so much more energized with springtime; the winter finds me lethargic and no way I'm tackling any new issues when I'm like this. :) Thank you my friend, and happy holidays to you!
I believe everyone is so hyped by the holiday season they jump in with a flurry of enthusiasm rather than will power. When any individual really wants to change something, they do. The contagious bravado of the masses to participate in the long honored tradition of starting a new year with renewed ideals meets the reality of hard work, often to fall by the wayside, like the dried up Christmas tree. Just like our enthusiasm for decorating the tree flags when it's time to dismantle and get back to the business of real life.
I never make a News Year resolution. I change something when I am tired of talking about it and am sincere about wanting the change. Anything less is a set up for failure. And, I don't like to fail!
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, Bill.
Interesting hub, Bill. I like your suggestions, especially about breaking down your goals into quarterly goals rather than annual ones. It seems much easier to stay on track that way.
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Thank you Kathy! I was just about to go read your new hub; I'll be there shortly.
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Amy, I don't make resolutions either. No point in it. Quite frankly I am constantly re-adjusting my life based on self-reflections, and when I need to change I do. Thankfully, at this point in my life, having experienced what I have experienced, I'm a pretty good judge of when I need changing. :)
Happy Holidays to you, Amy, and thank you for your friendship.
I agree...breaking them down does not create a burden.
I tried doing that last year...and got 25% nirvana. I guess another few years to reach it :)
Voted up as awesome, beautiful and interesting.
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Ruchira, if you attained 25% nirvana I'd say you were doing something right. :) Thank you as always my friend.
@billybuc, I love New Year's resolutions Bill, they always tend to pan out though for most people as you made it so clear as day here in your awesomely written hub.
Sometimes some folks actually luck out and super excede those turn around gigs of great hopeful personal triumph's over things they deemed as potential bad habits maybe and especially the ones that needed to be kicked long ago sometime yesteryear or so.
Your hub is sensational when it comes to each and every aspect for those folks who fail to meet their resolution high expectations quota's sort to speak.
I like how you use certain phrasology to pull the basic understanding of the human tenaciousness and resilience to withstand lifes intensity and all (That baseball analogy was superb!). Bravo on yet another powerful helpful write up bro.
Thumbs up and you know what I do best for hubs that I consider to be Super Hubs! yup this one is getting shared everywhere, and I'll even throw it on my New Google+ community page.
I threw that one in there for ya, because I just found out about it there, I try not to play to much on G+, but I may need to recant my thought process on it all there, and add it to my resolution for this New Year of 2013 if the world don't end and all LOL, because I need to master networking there too.
Happy holidays bro, have a good one and let Bev know I said the same.
The Cloud Dude!
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Mike, you are too much buddy! I will pass the word on to Bev, and please tell your lovely bride I wish her well.
I don't know how you are doing it brother; I'm so far behind on reading hubs that I can't catch my breath, and after eleven hours I'm about to call it quits for the day. As soon as I figure out how to add hours to the day I'll let you know, buddy!
Thank you for being who you are; you are rock solid and I'm proud to be your friend.
bill
I've never made New Year's Resolutions cause I know I won't keep them. I admire people who do, though.
I do make goals for myself and try to achieve those (I rarely do)!
Happy Holidays to you and yours, Mary
Of course, when I did NaNoWriMo I told everyone because there was no way a "writer" was not going to do some bona fide writing. Hehahe.
Resolutions? I NEVER make them. There's no time like the present to improve our lives. People think I'm weird, but well, I'm very okay with that. Yours is such a thought-provoking hub and mindset, BB. Refreshing. :)
Great hub. I make resolutions and break them along the way!! As yous say I must make a quarter resolution!!
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Vellur, I don't make resolutions for exactly that reason. :) Perhaps I should take my own advice. LOL Thank you!
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He lil' Sis, how ya doing? I'm busier than a one-armed paper hanger with crabs. LOL Looking forward to the weekend and a little relaxation.
Thank you Cyndi; I don't do resolutions either; I much prefer to change as I go along. :)
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Thank you Mary, and Happy Holidays to you and yours as well. I am goal-oriented, but I never do resolutions. For me, life is all about change; looking at it that way, every day I make a new resolution. :)
You know i used to make a new years resolution every year, to stop smoking, of course it never worked. Then one day i said, " I am going to quit smoking, no matter how difficult it was. I asked God to help me, every time the urge hit me , i prayed. God help me, i am so very weak. I found a site ' about . com that walked me through the steps of withdrawal. When i was close to lighting up and posting nutty things like, " i refuse to be fat, i would rather smoke than be fat, i would recieve a post that said, " Oh that's ok lady, when you get cancer, you will be skinny. I am happy to report that it has been twelve years and i haven't gained a pound, and i feel so much better. Thank's for giving me the opportunity to share. Wonderful hub.
Thank you for this. My resolution is to publish as many books as I can before my fingers are useless. 10 is the "hard" goal.
Thank you for this. My resolution is to publish as many books as I can before my fingers are useless. 10 is the "hard" goal.
Hi Bill,
I like to make resolutions even though I may not be able to successfully meet them all. I feel making a list of what I'd like to achieve the next year sets me up positively in attempting a change rather than not attempting it at all. I like your idea of setting up smaller goals and I think this to be high on the list of causes of failure to make resolutions a success. Our goals most of the time are indeed too lofty so they fall mightily the moment we lose track of them.
I also like your suggestion of making quarterly goals.
Voted up.
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Ruby, that is fantastic my friend, and I love your comment and personal recollections. I admire you for doing that, but then I already admired you greatly. :)
blessings and a hug from Oly
bill
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Martin, ten is a nice solid goal for sure. Best of luck to you, and thank you!
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and thank you again, Martin!
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Rajan, I like setting goals as well; I'll be doing the same thing as this year ends.....however, if I don't meet mine I'll just readjust them to fit reality. LOL Thank you my friend; I hope you are eating salmon today. :)
Oh yes Billy full of truth is this hub!!! I think the only resolution for me next year is to push a little harder with my writing and to promote my work more!!!
The usual ones are out for me !!!I don't drink and three years ago last December 2nd we both gave up smoking!!
However there is the small matter of after giving up smoking a few extra pounds settled around this waistline.This bothered me greatly but somehow doesn't anymore!!I know I need to lose a little because since having two ops to remove two discs in my spine the extra weight doesn't do much good; I am probably talking about losing a stone to a stone and a half!!
I am not adding extra pressure by making a target which I won't follow so I shall see how things go!!Thank you so much for sharing yet another great hub and here's to so many more for us all to appreciate.
Here's to a wonderful day for you and Bev.
Lots of love
Eddy.
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Eddy, you'll have to explain a stone to me. :) We Americans are quite slow when it comes to your language quirks. :) Damn Yanks!
I think it's wonderful that you gave up smoking, and you and I share goals for next year....write more and promote more...I've been lazy on the promotion side of things.
I will come and visit you soon my dear; have a great day.
love,
billy
Bill, I think your 'cheerleader' tip is essential. Having an accountability partner helps me hugely, someone I check in with about my progress. As for 'outing' your goal, I have sometimes had success proclaiming my goal loudly-- and sometimes not. For me, the jury is out.
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Louisa, for me the jury is always out. LOL It's what you call a hung jury, and it's been hung now for sixty-four years.
thanks for the visit my friend; always appreciated.
It is necessary for me to make "New DAY," resolutions, bil. I'm one of those chicks that needs to be constantly nagged and reminded.....but, it works!...............Happy Holidays to you and Bev and Family!...UPPP
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Paula, Happy Holidays to you and that hunk of a husband. Thank you for a wonderful year of friendship.
I thought of this hub today as I came up with a New Year's resolution I plan to follow. I am breaking all the rules, and announcing it to the world!
I have decided to devote January to eating my way through my deep freeze. As I tried to shove some holiday food in there today, I had to put a full laundry bin on top to keep the lid down.
I can't recall the last time I saw the bottom of it. Probably some freezer burn experiments going on down there! I don't like to waste anything, so will have to get creative eating it all up.
My resolution will be to try and keep a list of what I have frozen in the darn thing!
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Kitkat.....LOL...what a great resolution! I wish you all the luck in the world; I'd hate to see you fail with such lofty goals. :)
Bill, as I mentioned in Linda's (or was it Beckie - I'm so confused!!) hub regarding New Years Resolutions, I just don't make them. If I can't resolve to make a change throughout the year, the day we're supposed to eat black-eyed peas for good luck is not going to make a bit of difference! Do or don't - the day doesn't matter. Not to me, anyway! It's just like giving. Don't save it for the time of year it's expected - live it every day.
Just sayin'....... Cop out on my part maybe? Who knows.
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Sha, I don't know why that would be a cop out. I'm always slightly amused by people who make a big deal out of giving once a year during the holidays....there are needy people out there daily, 24/7/365....make it a daily act of giving....a daily act of kindness....then it becomes a lifestyle instead of a one time thing. :) Thank you Sha!
A well-summed up Hub but I don't make new years resolutions.
very useful article, its really true that we need to personalize our resolutions and make it as specific as possible. This way, it could be more achievable for us and we would feel a lot better in achieving those what we have planned.
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DDE, I don't either; instead, I change my life, one day at a time.
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Lindsay, as an old teacher, I can tell from your comments that you are a good writer. I'm glad I am following you. Thank you and have a great weekend.
I haven't decided on any New Year's resolutions yet but will probably make at least one (can't share it -- as you suggested!). I am happy to say I kept last year's and that's a record for me.
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Dianna, way to go! You are in the top 5% by making it a year.
Thank you and Happy Holidays!
You've shared lots of sound, practical tips in this hub.
I think the most important is what you said about making it personal:
"There has to be a reason for doing these resolutions that will touch us in our heart. When we realize on a personal level that this resolution is important for improving our health, or for lengthening our life so we can spend more time with our family, then that is more important than just saying “I’ll feel better.”
When my husband had his first heart attack before the age of 40, our son was only 10 years old, and Fred vowed that he would still be alive to see all the milestones in Dave's life- school graduation, marriage, birth of grandchildren.
That was almost a quarter-century ago. We're still waiting for our son to marry and have kids, but I find comfort in knowing the long wait is still giving hubby important reasons to live much longer. (smile)
Seriously, though, hubby hasn't always kept his resolutions to live a healthier lifestyle, but picturing why he wants to keep making healthy changes does motivate him to take better care of himself and follow-through with medical appointments and treatment regimens.
Am voting this hub up across the board except for funny.
Hope You Have a Merry Christmas With Bev and Your Family and That 2013 Brings Many Blessings,
Hub Hugs,
Gail
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Gail, that is an amazing addition to the discussion. Congrats to your husband; I hope this finds him well and in excellent health.
Thank you my friend; you have been with me for almost the entire year, and I am grateful of you and your loyal support. Merry Christmas to you and yours, and I look forward to many more months and years of friendship.
hugs,
bill
Billy
Here are my resolutions for the New Year. I will wake up every morning and go to sleep every evening. I will continue to take in sustenance of food and water. I will remember to keep breathing on a consistent basis. I will throw in an occasional harmless sneeze and cough just for good measure.
These have been my resolutions every year. I have yet to fail !
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Beckie...LOL....shoot for the moon my friend! You are batting 1.000 so far in your life; no reason to change now.
Have a wonderful day Beckie, and thank you!
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