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5 Signs You're a Politician

Updated on February 6, 2009

Everyone knows that old joke about politicians, right? Q. How do you know when a politician's lying? A. His lips are moving. This is actually true of many people in other professions as well, so I thought I'd add a few more clues for those who like to know a real politician when you see one. And by the way, these don't only apply to the USA -- these are universal highlights, sadly enough. Of course, there are bound to be obvious exceptions to these 'rules'. The current president, for example, and a few others. Hopefully they won't just be exceptions at some point.

1. You haven't paid your taxes.

Dodging your taxes is generally an acceptable practice when you're a person in power, and doesn't really become an issue until you're nominated for a biggie job. You see, that's when the losing team starts throwing all of their toys out of the pram and comes forward with all kinds of accusations. Not to worry, this is perfectly normal, and just as soon as the losers are back on the winning team, they'll be withdrawing their own nominations when someone raises a brow at their own unpaid taxes, or the five illegal maids they've got cleaning their mansion.

2. You're currently breaking a law you helped create.

It's always amusing (in a sad sort of way) to see the inevitable coming out of those politicians who protest too much. And by closet, I refer to many things, not just sexual preference. For example, the UK just passed an absurd law, with such a broad scope, that it actually criminalizes all sorts of things that only right wingers spend time worrying about. Needless to say, it's only a matter of time before we find out they've all got one of these ladies (see above photo) on the payroll.

3. You're bought and paid for.

Most politicians are, essentially, lobbyists. This would probably be acceptable, if they were lobbying in the interests of, say, free healthcare for every child; but poor, starving families have a hard time coughing up the newest Mercedes, so that kind of thing doesn't happen all that often. Big corporations, on the other hand, are oozing with big bonuses and extra cars -- and that's what being a politician is all about, innit? Perks. Cos the answer to a flailing economy and world crisis surely includes a few major bonuses for those who need it least.

4. You're overcompensating.

It's not your fault that you've got a complex about your size issues, and I'm sure your wife is perfectly satisfied; after all, that's what the pool boy's for. But don't take it out on an underveloped country halfway round the world -- retire and get you a nice Ferrari instead. Visit a gentleman's club. Get that leather jacket you've always wanted. Whatever it takes to keep you as far away from the White House as possible. And by the way, when did politician become synonymous with celebrity? Why are you people always on TV?? If you spent half as much time working as you did in the makeup chair, you'd probably be a lot better at your job.

5. You're a Straight White Male.

I don't want to get into race really, but it does need to be mentioned that race, sex and sexual preference aren't very fairly represented when it comes to world governments. That's not to say we ought to be doing the reverse, and sticking people in office purely because of their color or sex (Oh, hello, Republicans) but it would certainly help bring countries together if everyone's culture were properly spoken for. And if the rationale for this revolves around how many highly educated straight white males exist in comparison to people of other races, the other sex or sexual preference -- this simply means not enough is being done to get the other groups the educations and opportunities they need.


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    • d_admiralz profile image

      d_admiralz 8 years ago

      are they really like that??

      well, i hope the one that i vote fos is not like that ;p..

    • Tom Cornett profile image

      Tom Cornett 8 years ago from Ohio

      LOL! Cool Hub. Many smiles.

    • Mighty Mom profile image

      Susan Reid 8 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      And to think of the extreme lengths they go to to get elected so they can become politicians... No thanks. I'd rather be a "real" garbage collector! Great hub! MM

    • earnestshub profile image

      earnestshub 8 years ago from Melbourne Australia

      I liked this hub Isabella.It makes me wonder if we do get the politicians we vote for, and if we do, what does that say about us?

    • Patty Inglish, MS profile image

      Patty Inglish 8 years ago from USA. Member of Asgardia, the first space nation, since October 2016

      Peewee Herman was great as a substitute host for the Tonight show one evening (in character), so he can probably serve in congress better than some of the others.

      Entertaining Hub!

    • C.S.Alexis profile image

      C.S.Alexis 8 years ago from NW Indiana

      Does this mean that all those women in politics are really drag queens?LOL Fun Hub!

    • Muthusamy R profile image

      Muthusamy R 8 years ago from CHENNAI India

      You have captured and flayed alive the so called policticians

    • profile image

      lindagoffigan 8 years ago

      Liked your article

    • leprechaun profile image

      leprechaun 8 years ago from friendly City by the Sea

      Great hub isabella, Are my lips moving?

    • Madison Parker profile image

      Madison Parker 8 years ago from California

      Good Hub! Sad but true!


    • dana825 profile image

      dana825 8 years ago from Chicago

      I'm sure glad I'm not a politician! Everyone thinks I'm stupid for going into the field of equine assisted therapy when I have a sharp legal mind but I just can't lie like lawyers and politicians have to!

    • laringo profile image

      laringo 8 years ago from From Berkeley, California.

      Isabella, isn't that the truth on everthing you said. Oh and by the way the pool boy is sitting back quite content.

    • Isabella Snow profile image

      Isabella Snow 8 years ago

      Thanks, Christine! :)

    • ChristineRitter profile image

      ChristineRitter 8 years ago from Ohio

      LMAO ! Hilarious and oh so very true ! Fantastic hub !