5% of my Soul part 3
This side of panic
On this side of panic the world is in full view. It is darker. It is bleaker. In the midst of panic I was losing you, but here alone on this side you are gone. The worst-case scenario has become reality and all the tears my eyes can make won’t fade this pain and make it bearable.
Swept of my feet by your simple words so like my own, I now sit broken with words that travel without meaning. I write to ease my heart and hope maybe God will hear this cry and bring me peace.
I realized this morning through puffy eyes that we not only share the same thoughts, same dreams, same wants, but also the same fears. I fear I will not ever find somebody I can have completely. I fear I will never stop paying the price for loving him. I fear I will never break free of him, and I fear I will spend the rest of my life as alone as I have been spending the last decade.
No longer here
I never knew lonely until
you came and then left.
I had forgotten
how comfortable you could be.
and how much I loved
not being lonely.
How can you just shut me out?
No notice and I am gone.
Why did you forget?
What did I do wrong?
I am the rejection list
and your no longer here.
Lonely Thoughts
When the stars are bright
and the sky is dark.
When it’s late at night
where silence leaves a mark.
Do you think of me?
Do you wonder?
Do you care?
Do you ever,
wish I was there?
Or do you sit all at ease
Watch the stars
and feel the breeze
With never a lonely thought?
.
Insecurity
Insecurity runs wild in me today
bouncing around to find it’s way.
Sanity is gone a fading light,
total chaos; loss of sight.
Which way do I go now?
The snowy road is way to slick.
The foggy air is way to thick.
Ive been running circles getting sick.
Which way can I go now?
Now that I know how you feel
nothing today seems to be real.
Now that I know the way you are
the glowing light is way too far
Which way are you going now?
Is the road clear?
Is the sun bright?
Can I come with you?
Will that be alright?
To go the way you go now?
Thoughts go your way
The world is calm today.
The calm before the storm.
The eye of the hurricane
feeling way too warm.
You kissed me this morning
in my imagination
You held me all night
in my dream of deception.
I tell myself your still at work,
But who will be here
to shut off the alert
when you don’t come over
and you don’t call?
When I’m forced to face
you don’t love me at all?
Who will stop the rain
when the lightening strikes?
Who will bare my pain
When my heart breaks,
into the pieces that fall,
When thoughts go your way?
