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5% of my Soul part 3

Updated on September 26, 2013

This side of panic

On this side of panic the world is in full view. It is darker. It is bleaker. In the midst of panic I was losing you, but here alone on this side you are gone. The worst-case scenario has become reality and all the tears my eyes can make won’t fade this pain and make it bearable.

Swept of my feet by your simple words so like my own, I now sit broken with words that travel without meaning. I write to ease my heart and hope maybe God will hear this cry and bring me peace.

I realized this morning through puffy eyes that we not only share the same thoughts, same dreams, same wants, but also the same fears. I fear I will not ever find somebody I can have completely. I fear I will never stop paying the price for loving him. I fear I will never break free of him, and I fear I will spend the rest of my life as alone as I have been spending the last decade.

No longer here

I never knew lonely until

you came and then left.

I had forgotten

how comfortable you could be.

and how much I loved

not being lonely.

How can you just shut me out?

No notice and I am gone.

Why did you forget?

What did I do wrong?

I am the rejection list

and your no longer here.

Lonely Thoughts

When the stars are bright

and the sky is dark.

When it’s late at night

where silence leaves a mark.

Do you think of me?

Do you wonder?

Do you care?

Do you ever,

wish I was there?

Or do you sit all at ease

Watch the stars

and feel the breeze

With never a lonely thought?



Insecurity runs wild in me today

bouncing around to find it’s way.

Sanity is gone a fading light,

total chaos; loss of sight.

Which way do I go now?

The snowy road is way to slick.

The foggy air is way to thick.

Ive been running circles getting sick.

Which way can I go now?

Now that I know how you feel

nothing today seems to be real.

Now that I know the way you are

the glowing light is way too far

Which way are you going now?

Is the road clear?

Is the sun bright?

Can I come with you?

Will that be alright?

To go the way you go now?

Thoughts go your way

The world is calm today.

The calm before the storm.

The eye of the hurricane

feeling way too warm.

You kissed me this morning

in my imagination

You held me all night

in my dream of deception.

I tell myself your still at work,

But who will be here

to shut off the alert

when you don’t come over

and you don’t call?

When I’m forced to face

you don’t love me at all?

Who will stop the rain

when the lightening strikes?

Who will bare my pain

When my heart breaks,

into the pieces that fall,

When thoughts go your way?


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