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A Gay Proposal: Solving the gay marriage issue for Liberals and Conservatives

Updated on April 29, 2010

A Gay Proposal

So much has been made recently about gay marriage. Millions and millions of dollars are being spent to fight what is referred to as “the Gay Agenda” and, frankly, those millions of dollars and all those man hours are being wasted where they could be spent on something more useful. We have a war going on, there are social issues all over, border issues, drug issues, healthcare issues, and the economy is in the tank. But despite all that going on, the nation is still faced with this endless push by gay people who insist on living their lives despite what people point out every day is written in the Bible.

These gays refuse to accept what is clearly written in the scriptures no matter how carefully it is shown and explained. These are instructions for life given with declarations of love by people who only want gays to understand the proper way to live according to God, whose truth is universal and absolute to all Christians.

So, given that these gays will not listen, and given that so much money and time is being wasted on trying to get them to listen – AND also in keeping with the belief that people should try to live in mutual harmony, and that respect and compromise are the order of the day – I propose a modest and entirely feasible solution to the problem that should see both sides at least mollified to the extent where life can begin to function more normally and funds and effort can be put to better use. In fact, if properly executed, my proposal should actually fix almost all of the country’s ills listed above. Let me begin:

First, the gays must accept that their problem is in large part that they don’t like the Christians that keep trying to tell them what to do telling them what to do. The gays must admit this outright. They must say, “That’s right, I don’t want to be told what to do by the Christians that are trying to tell me what to do.” They can’t fumble about with qualifiers or extenuating arguments. They just have to admit that singular fact. They don’t want to be told what to do.

Second, the Christians involved in the anti-gay marriage cause must admit that they, in fact, do want to tell the gays what to do. They must say, “I admit I do want to tell the gays how to live.” They must refrain from inserting “because my God wills it” or any other thing, because if they do, the gays will get all pissy and start pointing out that they might not believe the same way, that they read the Bible differently, that they believe in evolution or are agnostic or whatever else. No matter how strong the urge is in the Christian to point out that he or she knows the truth because it was revealed to all mankind by Jesus Christ Himself, they must NOT say that stuff in THIS particular moment because, remember, we are trying to solve a problem that keeps going on and on and on. So, Christians must NOT say anything more. They can think the second part, but, in the name of peace and harmony, as a true example of forbearance, and in this plan to save our nation, they must just allow that, if boiled down to simplest terms, their purpose is, in fact, to tell gays how to live – not “how to live according to God’s word,” just telling them how to live. It may seem like a technicality, but it is a true technicality. And a necessary one. And if the country can be fixed, the economy repaired, the wars won, nation secure, improve the lives of everyone, the gay marriage issue solved, isn’t a little technicality worth it in the end?

And here’s why it’s so important: By the Christian side admitting that, technically, they do “simply” want to tell the gays how to live, the gays will have at least a small victory, something they need to stem the fury that boils in their veins right now. They will relax some, calmed by the fact that the Christian movement has granted them a point, given ground as it were. A little victory for once after the defeat they suffered in California that has them all riled up. This will soften them towards making compromises of their own.

So, Christians must admit that. At least out loud.

Next the gays, in response, and now softened, must say to the Christians, “Thank you for acknowledging that a large part of our issue was that we were annoyed by you trying to tell us how to live.”

The gays must NOT go on to say, “Because we have a right to live how we want and we don’t believe in your god… or we do believe in your god but not the way you interpret it…” or any other form of trying to prove that there are hundreds of religions in the world that believe differently, or that philosophy in its many forms has really made the ontology of god a complicated and open debate. They must not mention evolution, point out technical conflicts in scripture or bring up things like the Flying Spaghetti Monster. No matter how hard they want to, they must refrain from doing that. Remember, we are trying to solve a problem here, trying to find peace for everyone in a complicated world. So, once the Christian agenda admits that it wants to tell the gays how to live, the gays need to acknowledge that Christians have given way in the spirit of compromise and therefore they, the gays, must now give some compromise too.

The gays must accept that the desire to direct life according to the Bible is paramount for many Christians. For one thing, Christians founded this country – a democratic country at that – and there are more of them than there are gays. So, given these facts, the gays must accept that a religion great enough to create a nation as big and amazing as this one (current wars, social strife, racial inequity and the avarice tanking our economy momentarily aside) has earned the right to provide at least some measure of instructions as to how life in that great country should be lived. Given that these Christians have already compromised in one area to the gays by admitting that they want to tell them how to live, the gays must in turn let these Christians tell them one thing that they do have to do, one thing that directly relates to the Bible, since that is what these Christians want.

Now, the first urge of the Christians will be to tell the gays they can’t get married to one another. So, before anyone thinks that, let’s stop and take a breath. The Gay Proposal is ultimately about gay marriage, so I will get to that issue in good time. But we have to get both parties together first, and that is NOT happening right now in our society, so one thing at a time. To obtain that end, we must pick something different to make them do for this early part of the plan.

The Christians get to tell the gays that they have to be carpenters like Jesus.

Now, I realize many gays already have careers. But, remember, this is the spirit of compromise. So, henceforth, all gays must abandon their existing careers and become carpenters (obviously excepting those gays who are already carpenters – they can keep their jobs). The purpose of this is twofold.

The first is that by allowing the Christians to tell gays what to do, the Christians will get some measure of satisfaction for having got to tell the gays what to do. Plus, this command is Biblical in nature, which is good for the gays, who by the reckoning of Christians, need to be more like Jesus. This is a great first step. The second purpose is even better than the first because all these gay carpenters are going to save the tanking economy. That works through a few different mechanisms.

One mechanism is that all the gays from San Francisco southward can converge on the border with Mexico and build a giant fence. It can be huge – as thick as it is tall, as big as we need. We can even cut down all the great Sequoias growing east of Fresno and use those, maybe the gays in Washington and Oregon can cut down the rest of the redwoods and send those too. We’ll have enough carpenters to handle all that work easily. This will stem the tide of illegal immigration that many conservative Christians hate AND it will help prevent the drug violence that escalates daily in Mexico from spilling any further into the US.

Another mechanism of this is that the gay carpenters can repair all the vandalism and decay that is happening to all of the foreclosed homes that are sitting on the market, vacant all across the land. Vagrants and bored teenagers with rocks are destroying them, lowering home values, ruining neighborhoods with blight and all sorts of things. With a sudden and precipitous increase in the number of available carpenters and wood, we could fix up all these blighted neighborhoods, which would in turn increase the property values, which would then allow innovative banks to borrow off the equity of these homes to invest in other projects that would ultimately inflate our economy right back to where everyone likes it.

This economic boom is further accelerated by the new job openings that will suddenly take place when all the gays leave their previous employment to become carpenters. Suddenly there will be openings in every industry because right now those gays are contributing to society in virtually every walk of life there is. But now they will leave those jobs. This sudden vacating of all those posts will help reverse the unemployment spiral that has been going on in this country for so long. With all these unemployed people going back to work taking the old gay jobs, it will relinquish the massive expense of paying unemployment benefits to so many citizens and, in fact, will also add additional tax revenue by their working now, further strengthening the government’s finances, allowing them to make bigger wars, more wars, or to actually pay for the healthcare bill that passed.

In one clean movement, my Gay Proposal solves every major struggle the nation faces right now. The only problem remaining un-addressed is the issue of gay marriage itself. Secure borders, victory in war, and a thriving economy alone are not enough. The simple fact is, Christians still do not want to see gay marriage taking place. This particular problem still needs to be solved so that everyone can enjoy the nation’s new prosperity. And that’s the beauty of this proposal, for the mechanism by which this lone remaining problem is solved has already been set in place.

Because the gays will all be carpenters, they will have access to wood and tools. By the rules of this agreement, all gays must agree to provide any of the following items to Christians at any time: boards, pickets or sharpened sticks. That’s it. It’s simple, really. No matter what they are doing, any gay solicited by a Christian or any other person opposed to gay marriage must stop and provide either boards, pickets, or sharpened sticks.

Any time a Christian or other person who does not want to see gay marriage in the U.S. wishes it, a gay carpenter must board up the Christian’s windows at no charge, and they must do so immediately; or, if that is not convenient, they gay must provide a sharp stick with which the Christian or other person may stab out their own eyes; or, in the most dire cases, a well cut, pointed picket upon which the Christian may fall if he or she so chooses. By doing this, no Christian opposed to gay marriage will ever have to see it, and, therefore, it can be made legal with no risk to these Christians at all.

I believe that if everyone adopts this simple policy, everyone in the country can live in peace and prosperity. I understand and readily admit that the Gay Proposal requires sacrifice on the part of both parties, but in the interest of a strong, secure nation, reduced unemployment, and the connubial bliss of all parties, this solution is the only way to go about it. Furthermore, I profess with the full sincerity of my heart that I have not the least personal interest in endeavoring to promote this proposal beyond the public good of my country, as I am neither a gay nor a Christian for whom the existence of gay marriage stands as an abomination.

I hope that the people holding the powers to enact this Gay Proposal will take the time to review it carefully and then implement it as quickly as possible so that all peoples, gay and Christian alike, can go on with the business of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness as our founding fathers intended that they do.


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    • Shadesbreath profile image

      Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California

      Yes, I'm a firm believer in equal opportunity offense. We're such a pompous, arrogant race most of the time, we need it. :)

    • tirelesstraveler profile image

      Judy Specht 5 years ago from California

      Lol, Just the mention of Fresno makes me laugh. Might as well offend everyone and have them get over it. Nice work.

    • Shadesbreath profile image

      Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California


      I'm happy that you have found something to center your life around. I truly am. Life is short and I believe everyone deserves happiness. The only issue I take is with the arrogance required for any human to think they have THE answers on how ALL other humans should live. You say you speak for God, that you know what He wants. From your perspective, I'm sure you believe that. But from the perspective of everyone outside your religion, you are dictating how people should spend their years on this planet based on your interpretation of a set of myths and semi-histories cobbled together during the Bronze Age from myth's and semi-histories going back much farther than that. Which, again, is fine… for YOU. I'm happy that that works for you as a source of "fact." What I'm not happy about is people like you telling other people what to do.

      Besides the fact that your particular version of what "God says in the Bible" does not match up with what lots of other Christians say "God says in the Bible," there are also lots of other religions and gradations of spirituality, etc. that say you’re particular reading is inaccurate, manipulative and even filled with hate.

      I realize none of what I am saying will make any difference to you. I am just a man. You believe you have God's word, God's very will behind you. You have the backing of a magical being justifying you (or at least you believe you do), so, anything I say is ignorance and all that other stuff you folks come up with to dismiss everyone else. You are CERTAIN that you speak and act on God's behalf, with his approval, no less. The same certainty, the same justifications used by the Inquisition, Al Qaeda and the Taliban. Just because you’re not blowing up infidels, cutting out heathen’s guts or burning unbelievers at the stake doesn't mean you aren't being cruel and inflicting suffering in the name of your “loving” God.

      I believe you probably actually think you're doing it to be kind. But, for whatever it's worth, it's not kind. It's actually more like evil. It's the type of insidious thing that your Bronze Age Satan would have you do. He would trick you into thinking you're working for God while you cause suffering to others here upon the Earth. And yes, you can say my being loving towards my neighbors and believing in live-and-let-live is really me doing the devil's work, but ask yourself if that really makes sense. … Although, to you, I’m sure it probably does, making this whole conversation pointless. But, at least I tried.

    • profile image

      passingtheword 5 years ago

      Sorry if I hurt your feelings, it was not my intention.

      I am not sure what religious belief you have or if you pick and choose subject to debate.

      You say that God does not approve of my words. My tact is problem not the best but the words that I share are from the bible. They are not my words.

      I don’t want to go back and forth with insults. But If you are a believer. What would God think when you are telling people that they’re behavior is acceptable even though God says it is unacceptable.

      If you are a parent, how would you feel if you tell your child not to play with fire, then another person comes along and tells that child not to listen to the parent? I am sure He probably crinkles up his face and has to hold his nose a little every time you try to speak on his behalf, cursing under his breath and wondering how you could possibly have butchered everything he wanted you to understand, but, I'm sure he still loves you too.

      If you would like to read about someone that was set free from homosexuality, look up Pastor Donnie Mcclurkin. Before he accepted Jesus Christ he believed he was gay.

      And for your information God looks at all sin as bad. Being gay is just like have pre- marital sex, Lust ect.. a sin is a sin.

    • Shadesbreath profile image

      Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California

      Well, passingtheword, I see you are one of those people who operates on belief and assumption rather than facts or the attempts to seek truth. You confirm everything I wrote in this article with that comment.

      I'm not gay. I'm simply reasonable and believe it's wrong to use religion as an excuse to tell other people how they have to live their lives. Nobody is telling you you can't run around spouting ignorance like you just did in that comment, or even that you can't spend your life being as offensive, patronizing and overbearing as you want. I'm sure God loves you despite that tendency. He probably crinkles up his face and has to hold his nose a little every time you try to speak on his behalf, cursing under his breath and wondering how you could possibly have butchered everything he wanted you to understand, but, I'm sure he still loves you too.

    • profile image

      passingtheword 5 years ago

      I knew that you were gay.

      Just know that God still loves you. he might not like what your doing but he love you. Don't let people mess up what God is telling us.

      Don't Follow religion follow God's Word.

    • Shadesbreath profile image

      Shadesbreath 6 years ago from California

      LOL, yes, they might well take a-fence, mightn't they? LOL clever! I needed a laugh, been editing all day and was getting grumpy. You cured it! Thanks.

    • Scarface1300 profile image

      Scarface1300 6 years ago

      If the Christians take a-fence perhaps the gays can rebuild it LOL... Totally different meaning to the term "Tool-belt". Great Hub UP and Awesome...

    • Shadesbreath profile image

      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      lol, while I am with you to a certain extent here, I'm not sure I've heard the Catholic church officially come out in favor of having sex with young boys. :D Think what satirical fun I could have with that. Thanks for reading and commenting.

    • eventsyoudesign profile image

      eventsyoudesign 7 years ago from Nashville, Tennessee

      The Catholic church condemns same sex marriage, they quote the scriptures, pointing out the virtues of living by the bible and yet they condone priests having sex with young boys? Give me a break. I enjoyed your article. I found much humor in your words. You are very witty. I cannot wait to read more.

    • Shadesbreath profile image

      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      Self selected. :)

    • Mighty Mom profile image

      Susan Reid 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Yeah, that works.

      I had been picturing them all permanently boarded up inside their houses or impaled on stakes....

    • Shadesbreath profile image

      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      I don't think it's skewed in favor of gays, I think it's still tilted in favor of Christians. They don't have to give anything up if they don't want to. The gays on the other hand all have to give up their careers to become carpenters, whether they like working with wood or not. (LOL).

      As for those designers and Diana Ross impersonation jobs, well, once the stigma is removed from them because everyone can finally just relax and stop worrying about who's porking who, then all the hetero guys that actually like that stuff can finally stop pretending they are all, to the last man of them, into the NFL and NASCAR, put down their wrenches and beer and sing out, "I WILL SURVIVE" at the top of their lungs.

    • Mighty Mom profile image

      Susan Reid 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Isn't wanting to tell the gays what NOT to do the same as telling them what TO do? It's about moral domination and superiority either way, dontcha think?

      Shadesbreath -- You really do belong under the dome, either here or in DC! You've crafted a truly win-win (aka nonpartisan) solution. A bit skewed in favor of the gays, but that's only right, given years of discrimination.

      Question, though. Long-term, all the gays have become carpenters. So who, then, will take over professions like clothing designers, interior decorators and Diana Ross impersonators?

    • Shadesbreath profile image

      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      Hi Brenda. You get props for being able to take a joke. I would argue that your countering that "it's not telling them what to do but what not to do" is a semantic one, but I understand the rest. It's too bad Christ didn't figure out a better way to deliver His message than to hand it off to a handful of dudes in a desert with no real mechanism to perpetuate it. I guess he never played the telephone game before, so he didn't know how badly his message would be butchered over time. Maybe if someone had read him Shelley's "Ozymandias" or something at least.

      Thanks Jeff. Some of the comments are kind of fun. Especially the religious ones that, seem to me at least, to have liked it without reading it. Thanks for the rates!

    • Jeff Berndt profile image

      Jeff Berndt 7 years ago from Southeast Michigan

      Loved the article, skipped most of the comments, but I just had to say that you and Jonathan Swift would have had a lot to talk about over coffee. Rated funny and up.

    • profile image

      Brenda Durham 7 years ago

      Shadesbreath, I love your wit! I knew there was a reason I'm following you; just hadn't read this before.

      But your proposal doesn't work; your original premise is based on error; because Christians (at least I) don't want to tell gays what to do; we want to tell them what NOT to do, because their souls are headed for the bad place, just like ours are if we don't have Christ to keep us from falling.

      livelonger, your comment is duly noted. But no thanks. I have every right to the public arena, and while I may close my eyes in some instances, I won't gouge them out nor allow my "house" to be boarded up at the expense of my civil rights. Perhaps you could work on boarding up your own place and only venture out into the big open when you can refrain from calling what is wrong, right.

    • Shadesbreath profile image

      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      Yeah, satire takes some set up. Thanks for sticking with it. :)

    • Kael Myril profile image

      Kael Myril 7 years ago from Tacoma, WA

      That was absolutely brilliant! I started reading thinking, "oh no, not another one," but by the end I was rolling on the floor. Kudos!

    • Shadesbreath profile image

      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      Yeah, two or three genders would really screw them up. Not only would they have to face the absence of a scriptural guideline, they'd twist themselves in knots trying to find the one they missed. And yes, all the great people of history tend to get painted with a broad brush - good or evil - when really they were just people, absolutely no different than anyone else, except gifted with particular intelligence, charisma or luck of the birth-draw of the sort that gets one remembered for centuries.

    • lxxy profile image

      lxxy 7 years ago from Beneath, Between, Beyond

      A very well written and profound argument. Communication(poor, or none.) can often be the cause of so much strife.

      I think the simplest solution is to abolish marriage as a governmental institution, really.

      At any rate--it's bound to go on for years. Wait to Christians meet a species with more than two genders!

      And while the Founding Fathers are often regarded as humble and serving Christians, we must remember that history books do tend to say strange things that aren't always true. ;)

    • Shadesbreath profile image

      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      That is the best compliment I've ever gotten. Oscar Wilde is one of my writing (and sarcasm) heroes. Thanks :) And yeah, Ian's stuff is so entertaining. I had a great evening reading through his stuff last night.

    • seanorjohn profile image

      seanorjohn 7 years ago

      Shades this could have been written by Oscar Wilde. Brilliant.Came to read your stuff after your forum comment on Ian's excellent writing.

    • Shadesbreath profile image

      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      Thanks, TGS. I had a lot of fun layering stuff into this. It's gratifying to hear that people are having fun with it. It truly is. Somtimes I go a little crazy when the stuff I just crank out in like two seconds like the Lowe's thing or even the Excrement Inc. thing get so much attention, and the ones I really spend time, lots of time, working on sort of sit and get dusty on the HP shelf. I still cry a little when I see the meagre hit-count on my vampire ones. But, that's the nature of the beast. Thanks for the kind words and ... lol... allowing me to whine a little here. :)

    • TheGlassSpider profile image

      TheGlassSpider 7 years ago from On The Web

      Oh my goodness...this made me laugh so hard there are tears coming out of my eyes! Haha! Have them poke their own eyes out with sticks...It's Oedipal and reminiscent of Swift all at once. Fabulous!

    • Shadesbreath profile image

      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      [Blinks a wide-eyed, vacant stare of supreme innocence at Antecessor.]

    • Antecessor profile image

      Antecessor 7 years ago from Australia

      Lol. Wood. Erect. Pointed. Lol.

      Written with enough innuendoes to spoil a dirty teenage boy. Great stuff.

    • Shadesbreath profile image

      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      Ambien dream for sure, Sunflowerbucky. And, I totally agree that problems would vanish if people judged themselves, but then what would they have to justify their sense of superiority? It's really hard to sustain a totally pompous ass persona if one is acutely aware of one's own failings. That's why I always look outwards. :D

    • sunflowerbucky profile image

      sunflowerbucky 7 years ago from Small Town, USA

      Great hub Shadesbreath! Thaks to Stan, I now have "We are the gays" running through my brain. I'm also playing a little music video scenario of "YMCA" with men in hard hats and tool belts, complete with spackling tools. And people throwing bibles at them. And Christians being stabbed with picket fences. Man, this is like an Ambien dream. :) All joking aside, though, it does seem like most of the world's problems could be solved if people spent as much time judging themselves as they do judging others. Entertaining!

    • Shadesbreath profile image

      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      Yes, I agree with you, if we could solve this, we could move on to other issues. Frankly, your watch being slow is a far fairer question than one that pretends to struggle with whether stepping on an entire, and very large, group of people's rights is a "question." Hopefully, we'll be working on your watch problems soon.

    • sunforged profile image

      sunforged 7 years ago from

      Your too lenient, I would suggest, lets just kill them and eat their babies, but as procreation isnt likely, I think your swift thinking may be our only current recourse. But, once this gay agenda is fully figured I can move on to bigger issues, like why is my watch two days late?

    • Shadesbreath profile image

      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      Getmyback, I'm glad you enjoyed it. I felt it needed to be said.

      Breakfastpop: Whatever makes people just get along and let each other live their lives in peace, I'm all for, so if that works, I'd be for it. Thanks for the comment. :)

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 7 years ago

      Sounds like a plan. Of course, the Christians should stop worrying about the gay carpenters because if they want the gays to emulate Jesus, then they are Jewish carpenters and therefore the Christians can wash their hands of the whole problem!

    • profile image

      getmyback 7 years ago


      and i"m gay, married legally as a lesbian but absolutely loved this hub

      Thank you


    • Shadesbreath profile image

      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      Hmmm, you bring up an interesting question, PrettyPanther. Maybe we could have them work at Lowes or Home Depot. They could use one half of their sexuality when working in the lumber department and the other for the rest of the store.

      I'll have to think on that.

    • PrettyPanther profile image

      PrettyPanther 7 years ago from Oregon

      Your ideas are brilliant! But, what do you propose to do about bisexuals? I'm sure that once the gays have all become carpenters, the Christians will look for someone else to tell how to live and surely it will be bisexuals. What do you think?

    • Shadesbreath profile image

      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      Mythbuster - thanks. I was surprised when I thought of it, or shall I say, when the muse handed it over.

      Uninvited Writer - Glad you could stop by for the fun. And yeah, the comments are great on a number of levels. :D

      Livelonger - hah, it was so her that gave me this idea too. After reading that latest forum for a week or two I was like, my god, someone has to do something.

      Stan !!! Your song is hilarious! And, I'm curious to see who gets offended. Anyone who gets offended either doesn't read well or is part of the problem. So, will be fun to see. So too will it be fun to see (have seen ? lol) people agree who don't but are poor readers too. :D A little traffic on this will sure be fun to watch. But we shall see. Might be too much to ask for on HP for this type of piece, and I'm too lazy to do any of that Digg, Stumbleupon etc. And yes, the add potential is one of the joys of combining things in hubs for me. Its funny how the right topical recipe can make the ad-bot crash in on itself. If I'm not going to make any money off ads, they might as well at least be amusing. Be fun to right a pooper-scooper and brownie mix hub or maybe road-kill and baby food. Anyway... :D

    • Stan Fletcher profile image

      Stan Fletcher 7 years ago from Nashville, TN

      This hub creates some interesting Google ads too. "Free Gay Chat Rooms" and "Free Sermons for Pastors" were right next to each other. Classic.

    • Stan Fletcher profile image

      Stan Fletcher 7 years ago from Nashville, TN

      Never have so many people been potentially offended in one hub. And yet you come out smelling like a rose. President ShadesBreath?

      To the tune of We Are the World: (everyone get your lighters in the air as we sing together)

      We are the gays,

      We are the Christians,

      And all because of Shadesbreaths hub,

      we've quit our bitchin'

      There's a choice we're makin,

      to lay our diffs aside,

      And take up a brand new trade,

      gay carpentry!

    • livelonger profile image

      Jason Menayan 7 years ago from San Francisco

      I'll be the first gay carpenter! I'll even volunteer to board up Brenda's house.

    • Uninvited Writer profile image

      Susan Keeping 7 years ago from Kitchener, Ontario

      This is great. Made me did some of the comments.

    • mythbuster profile image

      mythbuster 7 years ago from Utopia, Oz, You Decide

      Gay Carpenters...I never would have come to such a solution - luv this hub.

    • Shadesbreath profile image

      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      Thanks, MPG.

      You'd think anyone not Catholic would remember having their rights taken... or at least have run across the odd story from the Old Country. :D

      LAWL, Stan. What they can't fit in the trunk and back seat, they can put in a little trailer.

    • Stan Fletcher profile image

      Stan Fletcher 7 years ago from Nashville, TN

      Shades, you are a genius.

      One thing I would like you to address though. I'm digging the idea of thousands of gay carpenters, but everyone know carpenters drive big pickup trucks. Is it possible to haul all of the necessary supplies to a job site in a convertible VW Cabriolet?

    • MPG Narratives profile image

      Marie Giunta 7 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      I'd like to see how Christians react if their rights are taken away from them, Live and Let Live I say! Gays contribute just as much if not more to society, so let them be. You have a great way of looking at life Shadesbreath, good for you.

    • Shadesbreath profile image

      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      Mordechai, I think you're right about the distance between posterior and brain resevoirs of the "enlightened old testament scholars" being one that could be bridged with spackle.

      De Greek. I'm certain they will be able to take each other up the aisle. While it may not be something everyone wants to participate in, I hardly think its anyone's business either. :D As for my title, thank you for noticing. It's the part of this with which I think I had the most fun.

      Hi Austinstar,

      I would come up with some witty remark were I capable, but I am still hung up on the visual you created with that whole "nose in the pee" thing. I can just see some dude in a suit coming over and, you know, literally testing the samples... and, well, I wish I couldn't see that, but now I do. So, thanks. lol.

    • Austinstar profile image

      Lela 7 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

      Aha! I was just thinking there must be some flaw in this argument and De Greek almost nailed it! The Carpenters union will definitely freak and hastily call for a vote to ban gays in the woodworking professions.

      They will devise some test, like the corporate nose in the pee test, which will weed out the gays AND the recreational drug abusers. Something that will have absolutely no bearing on whether or not they are capable of building a fence or a table, and will use it to punitively fire any current woodworker that hits his thumb with a hammer because of being distracted by Christians that insist on aiding and abetting the less fortunate illegal immigrants.

      Hey, good luck with this plan! It sounds doable.

    • De Greek profile image

      De Greek 7 years ago from UK

      Yes, but will they be able to legally take each other up the aisle? One wonders whether the Christians will participate in this. In some states the law frowns at such practices, even between Christian non gay, already married couples…

      And what about the straight Christian carpenters of today? Will they be required to wear pink? Will all Christian future trainee apprentice carpenters be required to do a term in the navy? One must not rush into this, one must consider, one must mull over the problem and create committees to investigate.

      And what an inspired title your “Gay Proposal” is Shadesbreath, what a hoot!

    • MordechaiZoltan profile image

      MordechaiZoltan 7 years ago

      You have my vote for President. It is a fantastic idea, in addition to hammers they could arm their tool belts with spackle,to bridge the gap between the posteriors and brain reservoirs of the enlightened old testament scholars that feel the need to speak for all of us.

      Maybe a few could come by and help me remove wallpaper?

    • Shadesbreath profile image

      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      LOL Randy,

      I'm glad you are having fun with this. There's so much fun to be had in this thing if people spend time looking. I'm glad you found that little egg in the spirit of Easter and all right now at spring break. :)


      I have been tempted to wander off myself, but I'm too lazy. I debated sending this to the New Yorker or some periodical in S.F., but, meh, if it's meant to be, it will do something from here. I'm glad you found it and enjoyed it. And I hope you do stick around. I need people who get stuff. :)

    • Elena. profile image

      Elena. 7 years ago from Madrid

      Who knew one could find satire in its finest form, here at good ol' hubpages?! I may stick around yet! Laugh

    • Randy Behavior profile image

      Randy Behavior 7 years ago from Near the Ocean

      I don't know Shades. I just don't see the majority of gays working with wood, getting nailed, or being gifted at erecting... Oh, you might be on to something.

    • Shadesbreath profile image

      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      I'm here to help, you know? I just want peace in the world and the endless fighting and stuff is tedious. Can't we all just drink and get along to the line for the bathroom?

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      The possibilities with your plan are groundbreaking and exciting. I mean, this could actually work, especially the part about all the gays quitting their jobs and becoming carpenters. They'll go for that. I mean, why not? Who doesn't want to become a carpenter? The depths of you social reforms continue to mystify me.

    • Shadesbreath profile image

      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      Yeah, I'll be able to weed out the ones who don't read all the way... on either side.

    • Rochelle Frank profile image

      Rochelle Frank 7 years ago from California Gold Country

      I really wondered where you were going with this until I got to the fence.

      Good idea.

    • Shadesbreath profile image

      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      Well, let them in on it... see what they say. :)

    • msorensson profile image

      msorensson 7 years ago

      Oh, the way you have written this conveys so much passion.

      I have no political affiliation, was brought up very strictly as a Christian and I can tell you that 99 percent of my relatives would hail this article.

      On the other hand, I leave all judgments to God, for only in God there is no unrighteousness.