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A Man Depraved

Updated on August 29, 2012

What if the reasons I became the person I am today were inexistent? What if I had chosen to give up instead of strive past the seemingly non-stop obstacles that came my way? Then how would my life be? After having a dream of what I would be like if certain choices were different and events of my childhood never occured I woke up and thought about it. Those were the questions I thought about while trying to go back to sleep but to no avail. So being me I started writing. This would be the story of the life of a different Irell. I thought of it as a different dimension's me. As scary as it was I attemped to relive the dream, adding in the aspects of parts of my actual dream. It's interesting to think about how my life would have been if I would have made the choice of giving up on life and gave in to the doubts and fears that I dwelled upon growing up.

Darkness.

Trapped in a bottomless pit.

Descending to hell, void of soul and spirit.

Tossed around and beaten down, like a rock through the ages.

He threw his life away amidst a fit of rages.

Blew up from anger suppressed deep inside.

Tried his best but it was only amplified.

Blamed it on his past, an unfortunate abyss.

Took the the wrong path, through a shadowy mist.

Faced things a child should not have to witness.

Gave up on fighting because he was hopeless.

Chose to trust none, distanced from all love.

Abandoned the chance of righteousness from God above.

Couldn't take another severed relationship.

Suffering hardened him and he grew used to the whip.

Lashed upon by those who enjoy to destructively criticize.

Childhood molded him into a man with stone cold eyes.

Alone and heartless, no hope.

Suicidal attempts frequent, a noose from rope.

Always failing miserably and stuck in his life.

Wishing he'd lived differently, a few kids and a wife.

Waking from that dream he would never possess.

Insomniac, but not from studying all night, he failed each test.

High school drop out couldn't take the pressure.

Struggling through years of settling for lesser.

Convinced there was never a chance.

For happiness, a future, family, love or romance.

It wasn't in his destiny.

Growing old and decaying locked up not free.

As true as the sun, setting in the west, rising in the east.

So he believed this til death, may he rest in peace.

All that remains is the tombstone with his name engraved.

Along with the sad words "A Man Depraved".

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