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A Portrait of Self Psychoticism

Updated on July 24, 2020
Missy Smith profile image

Missy is a unique writer who enjoys inviting her readers into her thoughts through her poetry and other topics of discussion.  


Introduction: Proofread? My Explanation of Why Poetry In Any Form Does Not Fall Into Normal Guidelines

Do you understand Prose and what it means to write this way? Prose is a composition piece more than a versed poem. It is not restricted to the normal aspects of what you think a poem is.

I came back here to add this introduction to my writing today, because to my surprise, the Hubpages analyst is not considering this piece of writing as a featured piece. They want me to proofread it again. I have to ask why? This is a composition, but it is a composition of a poetry type not of an article that can establish a common rapport with other articles. It is not sequenced in that way on purpose.

I understand that it throws a reader off who is not familiar with poetry in this type of style. Some prose is more identifiable I suppose, but the creative process of writing this type of poetry is different for every writer. I think outside of the box. I ask myself where I want to take the thoughts I have; do I want to verse? Do I want to explain? Do I want to mix the pot of creativity up? I decided I would stir the pot a bit with this one.

To explain a little more, I decided to play a psychiatrist to myself. I think this is where some may not get this particular prose piece. It's meant to make you wonder. Who is she? Is she her? However, of course, I want the reader to, somewhere within reading my words, realize the fact that indeed this is me writing about me, and analyzing myself.

Another aspect Hubpages brings up in the tutorial for correctly writing is; can a reader get something out of it, or can they be entertained? My answer to that is that I believe a reader can identify with this. I think as humans we all take time to step outside ourselves and analyze our moods, our thoughts, and our way to handle life.

I've looked over prose pieces. Some prose is of metaphoric paragraphs, but some and most I have read are of narrative reflection from the writer's point of view. Some poets/writers who delved into prose were the late Charles Bukowski and the legendary Oscar Wilde. I suggest reading some of their works. They are brilliant!

Recently, I read how Oscar Wilde had to defend his work quite often, as I'm sure, many other famous writers did as well through the years. So, I will not get dismayed by this setback. It's not really a setback. It's just a misunderstanding of my artistic viewpoint.

Again, I am back here to defend my style of prose poetry with what I feel is unreasonable excuses for not giving me a feature status on this one. This has turned into an explanation for my different way of crafting out a prose piece more than it is displaying my unique talent for writing.

I hope this introduction to my writing style helps. I have changed the topic to creative writing instead of prose poetry with thoughts that it may be more acceptable now with this introduction I have written.

Finally, I would like to thank all the readers who do take the time to read my thoughts. In the grand scheme of this, that is all that really matters to me.



Written or spoken language in its ordinary form, without metrical structure.

plain, or dull writing, discourse, or expression.


prose, 3rd person present, proses, gerund or present present participle,


The What Ifs of the Subject (The Poem in Question)

Sometimes she thinks she has wasted her life. She should have been a psychiatrist, or to suit her personality better a tarot card reader. However, her choices have brought her to struggle not only in her life’s career choices but in every area in which we all attempt to grasp as normal in society and daily living.

You see; she has made it to never will marry status when it comes to relationships, and I suppose that’s the way she will stay. She realized her awkward childhood has blossomed into unique and different adulthood that just isn’t looked at as successful gravitation at all by her peers. She made her beds and lays in them if that is truly what has happened to her. Nevertheless, my psyche seems to entice my mind to float off to some other possibilities of what-ifs.

What if – the person she is now was born of no coincidence at all, and the karma that she suffered through was to get her to realize this?

What if – her fate is to be exactly the outcast in which she has always felt she was or the lost soul that could never find a destiny here?

What if – normal achievements were not meant to be for her in these eras that she has lived, or love meant to be conquered and felt in her lifetime, and that should be acceptable to her now, shouldn’t it?

What if – indeed she is a chosen one of some sort by our higher power to enter back into a life that she may have encountered many decades ago? And if that is so, is she failing in his attempts to redeem her, or is she, in fact, not tainted, but perhaps blessed in a way, I cannot tell? Can she possibly be used as some kind of unknown purpose?

Could there be a correlation between psychoticism and creativity??

— The Thoughts of Psychologist Hans Eysenck

As you can surely read thus far, I am a deep-thinker. Some may say a real loon. However, I consider myself normal, which is strange too, because I’m not really standard in version at all, and I do know this. It’s kind of comical to think, because it does seem confusing even to me. So, who is she? Well, she is all and then she is nothing. Pretty much like everyone else, but everyone else would not see her this way. It’s true she has lived in a desolated arms reach from humanity; never feeling a part of what others deemed real life to be. She has made no embedded connections' here-excluding her precious children of course. Analyze. I must ponder in order to grow and keep her going. It’s what I’ve learned to do through prose and poetry, mostly.

Dorian Gray
Dorian Gray | Source

Flaws of Inhibition Made Into Personal Character (The Poem in Question Continues)

One thing I wonder is; had her inhibitions through life hindered her? Could she have fought more to come out of them? Moreover, what happened to her as a small child, and what made her so lost and alone early at the start of life; scared to speak; trapped in solitude for some kind of unknown fear? I contemplate, but have no answers for this. Uncertainty locked her into an insecurity that she actually learned to hide as a teenager in her bad-ass party demeanor that she obtained through a crowd of other misfits, not at all like her, but like her. Yes, hiding. She was used to that, by the time she hit her twenties and in every relationship of hers through the years, she tried her best to keep hidden, just to eventually be found out and shamed by her lovers’ infidelities and then her feeling of unworthiness.

Eventually, I started bringing a character to her; much like Mary Shelley’s characters of Frankenstein and his monster, one lonely in determination to be someone and then to find absolution for his deed of choice to do so. Edgar Allan Poe in his debilitating solitude and memories of lost loves. Sylvia Plath is a lot like her with her tormented up and down life that ended up burdening her thoughts and bringing her to a fatal final illusion. And Dorian Gray, Oscar Wilde’s fantasy character of himself that in his captivation of purity and uninhibited lifestyle, was unable to achieve unless a soul was sold. Yes, I identified her with these unique characters of history-fictional and non-fictional. The land of tormented misfits who work hard to console themselves in some way in the hopes of surviving life. She should be marked as having this type of unique character traits as well.

Do You Think My Prose Poetry is difficult to Grasp?

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Realities and Fate We All Will Share (The Poem in Question Ends)

In her own sense of reality, I believe she has finally reached humbleness. I don’t know exactly when, I can’t pinpoint a moment from her life that it happened, but it happened. She gave in. She decided to accept herself as she was and was now, and though it continues to be a hard road at times, and she still feels like she is on this journey, which is never-ending. A journey that I’m not sure will finally bring her to a spot in life that she understands fully. Where she continues to wonder if one part of her being may be fulfilled as normalcy.

Fate, well it awaits her no matter if it comes with no exhilaration over accomplishments of her own. It will find her one day maybe in a hospital room when she’s 80 years old. It may come while sleeping peacefully under a Tuscan sky. Will I still have the questions I have tucked in me now? I fear she will be alone, and then again; I don’t fear that at all. I embrace her solace that she has grown accustomed.

I guess at the end of this session of self-help therapy, my point is that she is making it. She is who she is, and she accepts herself. She wasn’t meant to be straight forward and readable. She was born to be a complicated mystery. I think I like that about her. Do I really have a choice?


© 2016 Missy Smith


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    • Missy Smith profile imageAUTHOR

      Missy Smith 

      4 years ago from Florida

      Hahaha...Yes, Shan, I could not imagine someone taking that as literal at all. That is so funny! And I really did find the moderators comments and apprehensions not to feature this piece kind of surprising, but humbling. It just made me work harder to get noticed that's all. ;) lol. Thanks again!

    • Missy Smith profile imageAUTHOR

      Missy Smith 

      4 years ago from Florida

      If I'm honest, Paula, I am one that does like things to be equal. I think my personality and mannerisms shows that about me very well. However, you are right, looking at that debate again will not sway what I believe was a fair moderation.

      Now, in saying that, I also like to be completely honest with you and myself. So, in doing that, I will say; I possibly could have missed signs of unfairness on Mr. Holt's part for the sheer fact that Mr. Trump would hold no validation for fair play in my mind. He degrades women, rapes women and children, has no respect for the country he is trying to run, or the people in it; which includes all races and religions. He swindles this government that he wants to lead by not paying taxes and saying he knows more than the generals of our military. Along with trying to make John McCain out to be a fool for being a prisoner of war instead of a hero who survived a nightmare for our country. And mind you, I am not a fan of John McCain either, but in "fairness" he doesn't deserve Donald's wrath for his traumatic experience.

      If Donald had to endure any of the hardships and terrors a lot of our military men and women went through during war, he just may have achieved a better temperment to run a nation today. But, we all know he got out of fighting in the depths of Vietnam. He got away with tax evasion and rape of children and women. The luck of a spoiled rich kid hey???

      As you can tell, I could go on and on about this grotesque human being. These were actually the ones off the top of my head. There are just too many negatives to choose from when it comes to DT. If he indeed makes it into the White House, I will accept that. I'm not one that will deny outcomes. If he doesn't win, he on the other hand, will keep us all in suspense on the issue of acceptance. Just Scary!!!

      To further my honesty, Paula, I think you are a great friend, and I listen and appreciate every bit of advice along with encouragement you send my way. I DO! There is no doubt, yet I do not get your reasoning on this petty moderator thing at all if you do not care which one of the candidates makes it to the chiefs chair. I care for neither that much either, but I will admit I'm standing firm that I believe, out of the two, Hillary is with no question, for me, the best choice at this point. I really didn't need a fair moderator to know that; Donald buried himself with my vote a long time ago. It didn't matter who got to run against him.

      I have compassion for all types of people; fat, Mexican, Muslim, African, and war heroes. In a nutshell... The Real People Who Make Up America!!! It does not consist of only White, Waifs, or Wealthy!!!! It never has and hopefully, by the grace of God, never will.

      I apologize if I make you mad in saying all this, but I have always been honest to a fault. Take care. ~Missy

      Further apologies if this comment is wonky and hard to understand-I'm typing it on my phone. Peace!

    • fpherj48 profile image


      4 years ago from Carson City

      Missy...and I "used to like" Lester. See, that's all it takes for me to lose respect for someone. He was blatantly biased toward HRC. Like I said, I'm for fairness & objectiveness. He literally could not hold his true slant at bay. I have a feeling if you watched that debate on video once again, you might just have a slightly different perception....or not. I guess maybe I've watched too many hundreds of debates through the decades...I'm keenly aware of the responsibilities of the moderators. I always said too bad there couldn't be a pool of individuals who have mastered the art of being fully open-minded & objective. Those are human traits nearly impossible to find. Opinions, ideals & beliefs are HUGE in the Human nature Dept!

    • shanmarie profile image

      Shannon Henry 

      4 years ago from Texas

      You're probably right about the prose vs prose poetry thing. But doesn't matter. It's YOUR creative piece and YOUR satisfaction with it is all that really matters. (I never follow rules with my poetry anyway, so I stand by that statement.) But I do like your work here. Label or no label. Spoken or not. I do think many people can relate to this because of the feeling you obviously put into it. But I imagined it as spoken because the passion that comes from people reciting spoken poetry is often different from what comes from reciting general poetry. I felt that passion coming through as I was reading your work. What do some editors, particularly general moderators know anyway? LOL

      I mean, I'm all for taking general advice from editors, specific feedback suggestions, or writing to editor specifications when I am writing somewhere where rules apply. But sometimes I wonder if these people have half a brain or maybe don't' speak English. One time, on another site, I had an editor tell me that I needed to change something because she said the readers would think pets turn into human babies or something like that. Or that I implied that to be the case. This was some web content piece for a client on reasons to own a dog or a cat. . .some kind of pet. And by saying that pets turn into babies or become our little babies. . .whatever it was that I said. . ..surely any idiot would not assume I was being literal!

    • Missy Smith profile imageAUTHOR

      Missy Smith 

      4 years ago from Florida

      Hey Shanmarie, you are correct. It is to be read as spoken poetry. I think it is hard to understand for some. I changed the topic to creative writing rather than prose poetry, because some may feel it is prose, but not in prose "poetry" form. I happen to disagree, but only because I think this is written how prose poetry is described in some instances as different rhythmic view. It flows differently than just simple prose, but I will take any label or no label at all on this one. It's simply my own form of writing really. :) I hope that explains it even further. So, again, labeling it isn't really something that is of importance to my creativity. As long as it is read and liked by some; I am happy with that. Thanks for reading and I hope you liked it.

    • Missy Smith profile imageAUTHOR

      Missy Smith 

      4 years ago from Florida

      Thank you, Chitrangada. I appreciate you taking the time to read and understand my work. I couldn't have asked for a better compliment as what you have given me.

    • shanmarie profile image

      Shannon Henry 

      4 years ago from Texas

      A few things. . .

      First, I don't think anyone should have to defend their creativity. It's a shame when we feel we have to. Especially when some moderators and editors calling the shots don't seem to listen when we do attempt to defend it. I would say that whoever read your piece wasn't looking at it from a poetry standpoint and got confused with your exchanges between "she" and "I". Oh well for them. To me, it reads a little like something that could be. . .damn, now I can't even think of the words I'm searching for becasue I'm so tired. . . spoken poetry. Why couldn't I think of that? The rhythm of it and the way it smoothly reads, to me anyway. I like it. I think probably more people can relate to your words than even you know. Even if they don't relate in quite the same way you do. And I love that picture of the black rose! Roses are my favorite. Green is my favorite color. Black is not bad either. The artisticness of it. I'm a weirdo, I know, but I do like that picture a lot.

    • ChitrangadaSharan profile image

      Chitrangada Sharan 

      4 years ago from New Delhi, India

      Great hub and I must admire your creativity!

      You write your hubs with passion and it shows. You are unique and have your own style and I appreciate that.

      Keep up the wonderful work! Thanks for sharing!

    • Missy Smith profile imageAUTHOR

      Missy Smith 

      4 years ago from Florida

      And that is probably where my misinterpretation happened, Paula. See, I thought Lester Holt was all but fair in his moderation. I thought each received ample time to state their answers. I probably thought you may be more toward DT, because after the debate, it seemed to be only his supporters who were voicing their unhappiness at Mr. Holt's part in the debate.

      I think; give Lester a break maybe. I mean even if he did cut the Don off sometimes, can we blame him? I don't see where he did, but if he did, who wants to hear the ramblings of a madman that makes no sense, and has no common decency to be civil to the opposing opponent. He has no plans, only promises with no backup proof of procedure. I have to say, at least Hillary has her plans mapped out on her website for the world to view, and she did try her best to answer those questions precise. Not that I am going for either though; just stating what I saw.

      I guess what I'm saying is; I like LESTER!!! Lol...

    • fpherj48 profile image


      4 years ago from Carson City

      LOL...No Missy, of course I wasn't "mad." I felt I needed to clarify what the real intent of my comment was. I was criticizing Lester Holt! I have no love for either of our illustrious candidates! You seemed to misinterpret I was FOR DT......I am for fair, equal & balanced reporting/moderating.

      When it comes to politics....I am 100% FOR US.....the American people!

    • Missy Smith profile imageAUTHOR

      Missy Smith 

      4 years ago from Florida

      Hey Paula, and yes, you have been a cheerleader for my unique expressions more than once, and I appreciate that more than you know. I take all the advice you give me to heart, and it does help me to continue writing my way. If some identify with me, that's all I need. I have to say, the ones that do back my work with encouragement, are the most intelligent, so I can't be mad at that. The ones that have been critical-well, it just takes deep thinkers, and open minds to get me, and if they choose not to bother than I can't make them.

      Writing-especially poetry writing- is a journey into another dimension that breaks me out of the normal everyday routines. I would be depressed on a constant if it wasn't for my writing taking me away from my daily woes. lol.

      As far as that question I answered, I haven't been back. I tend to write what I feel in the moment on those things, and then go about my business. I'm sorry if I made you feel bad for something I said. Yes, I think in that moment, after reading your comment, I felt a little dismayed. However, I certainly could have interpreted your words wrong. To me, it doesn't matter; I would never hold a grudge for something I didn't agree with if a friend said it. I would say what I feel, then separate the two things. A friend can be true, even if political views are different.

      At this point, I have written my feelings on this election a few times, and probably right after I wrote the comment on Faith's question, I decided it was time to let it all go. It is not me to keep going on politics. I really can't believe I got so worked up this time. However, we are talking about a Trump possibly tainting and destroying our world, so I guess that is why. lol. Let the chips fall where they will now is my conclusion to it all at this point. It will be over soon, and no one will be able to change the outcome. :)

      Thank you, Paula, for all your support and encouragement. Again, I appreciate it. I treasure the friendship I've found in you! ~Missy

    • fpherj48 profile image


      4 years ago from Carson City

      It is the unique or the odd man out, so to speak, (seen this way by only the single-minded, self-restricting individual) whom I sincerely find fascinating and well worth my interest.

      You express wisdom beyond that of the average person and a depth that most would envy. More than once I know I have applauded your individuality and encouraged you to hold your head high in your uniqueness and rise above the blase and ordinary.

      This has done quite well by you. You have a firm understanding of precisely who & what you are and more profoundly, what your message is. Fabulous read.....Paula

      (BTW..I hope by NOW you have read my response to you on Theresa's (Faith Reaper) Q&A about the first debate reactions.) Quite obviously you took away a very wrong impression. I made certain to correct that for you immediately!)

    • Missy Smith profile imageAUTHOR

      Missy Smith 

      4 years ago from Florida

      Thank you very much, Usha R68. :)

    • Missy Smith profile imageAUTHOR

      Missy Smith 

      4 years ago from Florida

      Hey Jodah, it is sometimes hard to express creativity in a boxed-in way. I don't think it is possible when it comes to any form of artistry. Everyone is different.

      You are correct. The exact reason I share with the world my own soul, is to reach out to those who may come across one of my poems or personal prose and feel a connection in this world that maybe they haven't experienced before. Perhaps a loner who is unable to interact with others. It is not inconceivable for me to think and want my life story to give them a feeling of belonging. I feel this is more significant than how to bake a caramel cake or build a birdhouse. And it is definitely more important than who's getting divorced in Hollywood and unimportant stories such as that.

      I don't know; Creative writing is so influential in so many ways, but how do you pull that point across in a world that is in a state of disillusionment from watching crazy reality stars and over-the-top presidential debates among other things.

      I work hard to keep my inner peace and reality of my own self, and society tries to fight people like me every step of the way. It's depressing!

      Thank you for your input here and always. I do appreciate that I have found some like-minded friendships here at HP at least. ~Missy

    • Missy Smith profile imageAUTHOR

      Missy Smith 

      4 years ago from Florida

      I noticed you mentioned that you were going to move your work elsewhere at the introduction of one of your stories, Bill. Surely you have not been faced with rejection here too? That would be totally preposterous!! However, something feels different here. Do we have new people going over our work?

      I thought the reason for the network sites was to place us in our individual platform where others with similar interests could find our work and read it. I'm very confused. I will probably find somewhere else to write as well if this keeps happening.

      Thank you for the encouragement you give me to keep writing my way, Bill. You have been a great friend to me. ~Missy

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 

      4 years ago from Queensland Australia

      I get it, Missy. Creative writing comes in many different forms and prose or prose poetry is part of that. The fact that you choose to use it here to self-analyse should not detract from that.

      You do have a unique ability to be your own therapist. It is sometimes hard to figure out why we are different or we face more trials in n life than other people we know. Maybe your purpose is to share your life and testimony with others through your writing. It may help someone else who feels the same realise they are not alone.

      HubPages sometimes seems to try and act like God in respect of what is acceptable writing. In fact they know so little about creative writing and that is obvious in how they rate our hubs. They have said some of mine have blocks of text that are too big and need breaking down into smaller capsules with pull width photos in between etc. Maybe you can try that. It is often not the writing they care about, but the structure of the hub. Very pedantic but it is their site. Anyway, thank you for sharing your inner thoughts once again. Hugs.

    • Usha R68 profile image

      usha r 

      4 years ago from Bangalore India

      Keep up the great work

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      That's one of the reasons why I'm moving many of my creative pieces either to NIUME or the Creative Exiles. I can't believe HP is trying to change our creativity and tell us what is acceptable and what isn't. I hope you continue to write the way you feel. You personify creativity and the world needs more of it, not less.

    • Missy Smith profile imageAUTHOR

      Missy Smith 

      4 years ago from Florida

      Hey Whonu, and thank you for taking a look at this hub and really exploring the meaning of it. I think some will not get it. When I wrote it I was aware of this, but I didn't think it wouldn't pass hubpages quality status. I don't know how to change this one, because I wrote it in just the way I planned to. I guess I would describe it as a hidden message prose piece. I strive to be different and I am so glad you thought it was a nice piece from me. I am pleased when readers actually get my purpose. Whether it eventually passes QA or not. Thank You! :)

    • whonunuwho profile image


      4 years ago from United States

      Those of us who are so fortunate in being able to take a good look into what makes us tick, are so blessed. Many of us go through life never acknowledging our shortcomings and wrongs. When we learn to accept our lacks and find appropriate answers we are on the healing path. Nice work my friend. whonu


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