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A Real Walking Dead -- Brian Butler
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A real survivor in his own right!
A man and a survivor, an old pioneer from a new frontier. His face eroded by time and unforgiving circumstances. He is actually on the top of the world as you will see. He comes out from his realm every now and then. The only place he dearly can call home is Wise River - Montana. Let's dive into his mind and start hearing from his own lips the words that want to say so much before time and life itself take them away into eternity. His name? Brian Butler.
"I want to start from the very beginning of my existence. Let me sit out there before I pen some words. Scrambling the right words to channelize my thoughts!
It's snowing here right now and I love it!
I live.. can you imagine? I live 6,000 feet above sea level, in the back hills of Montana!
What you see above is a view from my home, for all to see!! A true beauty... a gift from nature!
Oh yes, the true beauty I see in front of me as the leaves fall and the rain shows up here in the deep forest of Montana.
My name is Brian Butler from Wise River Montana. I am 59 years and... how can I tell you... literally dying of being overexposed to X-rays at the age of nine days -- technically called CLL-25, the 25 is from the NHI, and is recorded with the FDA and the CDC as well.
As they say it lately, this is Big Sky Country. Yet is just another day and certainly I cannot stay away from all the life coming from within myself and the truest beauty I see before me.
I can see in awe the ducks flying south into the big sky! As they migrate with the other life.
Elks and deers come down to the bottom side of the valley. The bear looks for its food, right before a long winter nap. Still the leaves will fall each day as the wind blows. If you synchronize with me, the leaves will wave like the sea! The color hues of the rainbow and the snowfall will give the hills the beauty of perpetual change! The dreaded and long winter nap is coming once again!!
Life is about to change here in big sky County! It's my new home, a new one that will hold my limitations...
You will notice as I stand here looking toward the horizon for what's to come. The beauty in the deep forest, in the back hills of Montana cannot be described with words!!
HOW I WAS EXPOSED??
Staphylococcus invaded my blood stream ( septicemia). Which is called blood poisoning.
It was on the ninth day of my existence that my grand mother came to see her new grand child. As she reached over to pick me up I cried out loud, as if in pain. Immediately my grand mother called my mom Donna, "to come quick!"
Something was not right! While they were taking off my clothes, they saw blood coming out of the pores, and my feeble skin was yellow and purple. From the yellow marks some puss was oozing out!
Each time they touched me I cried out desperately. Their ears were hurting from my crying. Without delay, they wrapped me up and rush me to the Balboa Naval Hospital in San Diego.
As soon as we arrived I was put in a incubator! In the following days they used radiation to try to kill the infection in very high doses -- back in the 50's man was still learning about radiation. Ten years before my birth the Enola Gay dropped the first atomic bomb on Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
Doctors didn't know how much to give me as they know nowadays. That was the start of what is happening until this very day! Yet it was not the end! For 12 consecutive years they worked on me and used me as a experiment! All started on that 19th of January, nine days after I was born. A guinea pig without being asked!
Now you understand, I got cancer from too much exposure to X-rays! It took over fifty years to show it's dead killing effects on me!!
It is eating me away as I write this! The worst part is that there is no cure! I am a dead man walking!!
A QUICK WARNING
To give you an idea of what's coming, Japan will eventually become a dead island! That's first... and secondly, be careful with the food from the sea!!! All will all be altered as it did it to me! That's not mentioning the rain that comes from across the sea. You know, and you must've seen it: the sun heat draws the sea water into the clouds and come down on us! What effect will cause in us in the next fifty years?
A silent witness of this unwanted fate...
The radiography and the diagnosis: mandibular osteomyelitis
What else is left for me?? Enjoy every single day as the last!
To the ones who find out that they have cancer...
As one who has cancer! I fill your pains.. I fill your cries... I fill your fear, whether you are near or far.
I know who you are! I fill your sleepless nights, even if a friend comes to an end! The love you have grown yet... it comes to a stop! The ones who love you don't know what to say! They seem to distance... to stay away!
As you reach out, no one to seems be near! And you feel yourself very much alone! Yet you are not alone!! There are many like you and I who cry inside! The nights seem so, so long! And the days seem so disgracefully short!
You try to stand tall, yet you fall! It comes to us all, who has the fear inside! Yet I stand by your side to show you... you are not alone! Because of the love I have for you! Some will come.. some will die! Still I will be by your side! As your soul reaches out, I hold your hand to let you know that you are not alone!
Pictures speak better than words! Look!
What Radiation does to you after a long time
What's this you are seeing ABOVE? It's what radiation causes to you!.... the hole you see, goes all the way inside my jaw bone, eating it away with no remorse! To my honest opinion, and God have mercy, I really don't know what's doing inside my body!
It started three years ago on the side of my chin. Like in a new chapter of a Frankenstein saga, I just found out that there was no cure. My blood count is above 75.5! No Dr. on this star called 'earth' knows what to do! I am a very rare specimen!
Why are you seeing this? Or why am I exposing my own torture? To help you understand what radiation can do to a human body. Each day I learn what it's doing, yet no Dr. knows what to do. I am on my own until this day!
The so called physicians haven't seen me over six years now! Because I was told by the cancer hospital in Seattle-Washington -- by their own cancer Dr. next to the children's hospital -- "don't ever come back until blood runs out of your nose and mouth. Even better if it pours down your behind." That was in 2008 and I was given 6 months to live. Never ever trusted my life to them!
Growing up and trying to live a normal life!
So, how was my personal life regarding women? Ugly, I felt my face was ugly, not saying or mentioning what my body looked like.
I was not with any lady, until I was 25 years old. Before that, they wouldn't even look at me. I was a class clown, funny little person. I remember being just 4'11" until I got into my early 20's, then I grew up to a reasonable 5' 7". They used to call me 'peewee', even sold newspapers on the street, that was back in the early 60's.
Going back a little...I lived in a pool hall until I reached my early teens in San Diego, needless to say, I was in the hospitals until I turned 12. The doctors told my mom that I would live until that age, then when I reached those dreaded 12, they told her... maybe 21. Now I am 59, will be 60 in January.
My ex, she lived in her separate room for almost 16 years because of what was wrong with her state of mind. I raised my kids for 16 years before she one day something changed my life. In a few words, when I came back from working on Dr. Harder's house she was gone!
Before her, I was married one time for 30 days, when I was 25. Then I met my ex; I married her nine years later when I was 35. She was 26, yet I knew her since she was 16. She used to come over my place when I was asleep. Actually, that was the night that she went out partying. She would come in and rest in bed, knowing I would never touch her. Her family had a psychiatric history. Even her brother was at Napa State Hospital -- a psychiatric hospital in Napa, California.
At that time I was just a friend of hers, and love grew naturally. My kids are normal up to this day, thank God!
"Regarding my poems I write, I don't know where the inspiration comes from. It just started about two years ago. I feel honestly... I think is through God, knowing that I am dying ,or the fact that I have a big heart."
Anomalies, radiation and the 2011 Fukushima-Daiichi nuclear disaster
Scientists and governments are reluctant to blame the anomalies on radioactive particles leaked into the ocean from the 2011Fukushima-Daiichi nuclear disaster, however, that this could possibly be the cause has not yet been completely ruled out..........The fact that the federal government recently procured 14 million doses of potassium iodide, a compound meant to protect the thyroid gland in the event of a nuclear disaster, in addition to the fact they would not address the purchase during a phone call, has only stoked concerns that radiation is impacting the West Coast.
Our measurements indicate the radioactivity is concentrated along the West Coast of California. For instance, readings taken at beaches in Bean Hollow State Park and Salinas River State Beach read 100 CPM or higher, compared to readings taken on the Charleston, Oregon, beach which only gave maximum readings of 54 CPM.
A view from up above
As the seasons come and go relentlessly, autumn starts as I look down deep into the land of life. I begin to see the true colors from the valley floor. The green grass is turning into a yellowish brown!
The trees above the hills and beyond, yet change is coming with a subtle mood. As I said, first the yellow leaves start to show up!
The deer run up into the hills! The bear looks for food before the winter comes so it can rest! The winds come to bring in the rains! As the pre winter leaves fall before the snow! As the rain falls to valley below, the rivers start to grow!
Canadian geese go north as they migrate with other birds of the sky! the beaver down stream is building its home! and by valley floor, the sparrow goes south! It will be another day in my life! I do enjoy and like to put nature into writing!
Where my inspiration comes from? The need to express my pain into a let out allowed by God. I would be death by now. Some people would think... why I am still alive? I guess there is a plan or a message that needs to be delivered!"
Here we go again... hum!
As I seek out in a distant place in time to delve into the heart of man, yet I only find the sadness in the eyes of man's greed.
Whilst he does not intend to replace! As it was done at one time. I walk this earth, or as they call it a star! I look beyond the place of time and space, yet even my seeds I leave behind.
It will grow and learn the ways of man, my soul reaches out for all to see and hear. Yet your ears and eyes can't see or hear me. Still it's a dream that we all have within our own worlds. So, as my seed grows to bring forth their own seed into this world! I come to terms with my own destiny.
- The Walking Dead Brian Butler -- How All Started
A baby boy is born on January 10, 1955 in San Diego. Right before the space race and right after Korea. So we had that time, in between, to build this country for the better. But something went wrong