The Importance of a Powerful Introduction in Fiction Writing
Some Thoughts Before You Read the Chapter
Truth be told, I read a lot. I mean a lot! I go through a book every two days. It’s always been that way for me. I love to read, and I firmly believe that reading has helped me as a writer.
Most of the books I read are mysteries. I have no idea why. I will go through spurts where I’ll read a bunch of biographies, or accounts about historical events, but I always come back to mysteries. James Lee Burke is my Mystery God; he can do no wrong, and I devour everything that he writes.
However, I have never written a mystery….not even a short story….until now.
I began this novel two weeks ago. Because of my other writing responsibilities, the progress on this novel is a bit slow. I’ve completed six chapters and I suspect I’ll complete the book within six months, at which time the re-writing will begin. My target date for publication is March, 2014.
With that introduction out of the way, I give you the first chapter of “A Season For Killing.”
Remember the Ten Second Rule of Writing as you read this. A writer has about ten seconds to capture the reading audience. If you have done that, then the rest of the first chapter better be fireworks to convince the reader to continue on for 300 pages. As you read this chapter, keep those two points in mind.
Finally, without any further ramblings, I give you the introductory chapter of "A Season For Killing."
Good tips from a lady who knows
More good thoughts on writing
Chapter One
I take no pleasure in killing. Never have, despite my background. The simple fact of the matter is that some people deserve to be eliminated. The molesters, the pimps, the drug dealers and the serial killers, they all deserve death. They deal in death and death they shall receive, and I am the Fed Ex man more than willing to drop by with a little package for them.
Willy Boy Hopkins, kneeling before me, was a prime example. Willy Boy had been making a living off of the misery of others for twenty of his thirty years. He killed a ten year old neighborhood girl when he was ten; sliced her throat from ear to ear on Christmas Eve, 1992. Left her in her backyard, discarded like so much refuse, where her parents found her one hour later.
Since then he had left more refuse behind, a human Katrina plowing through humanity and sucking energy from those he has harmed. I had no idea how many women Hopkins had killed; all I knew was Jeannie Adams had a sister one month ago and now she doesn’t, and this piece of shit was the reason. He met Jeannie’s sister at a bar, followed her to her car, and beat her to death with a Louisville Slugger.
I knew Jeannie; she called me, talked to me about her suspicions, and three months later I’m holding a .357 Magnum to Willy Boy’s ear and asking if he has anything he wants to say, like maybe he is sorry for the fact that Jeannie’s sister will never be twenty-five.
“Screw you, Baker! If you think I’m going to beg you then think again. Pull the damn trigger or shove that gun up your ass. Your choice.”
So I shot him! Old habits die hard.
No matter how many times I shoot someone, I will always be amazed by the amount of damage a high-velocity, soft point bullet can do to the human brain.
Well, in Willy Boy’s case, there wasn’t much left.
There was a church two blocks west and four blocks north. I had seen it driving in, and it seemed as good as any, so I walked there. Nobody was going to be coming for Willy Boy for awhile, not in that part of town.
I entered the stone cathedral and walked down the center aisle, my footsteps echoing off of the walls. I knelt down in the front pew, made the sign of the cross, and prayed to my God for forgiveness. “Bless me Father for I have sinned…”…that sort of thing. I don’t know if He listens to me. I don’t know if He cares. I just know it makes me feel better.
Old habits die hard!
I lit a candle in the vestibule for Willy Boy; dropped twenty bucks in the plate and left.
I had been a priest at one time. This was after my twelve years in Special Forces and before my five years working the down and dirty in Cleveland for the Cleveland Police Department. It seemed like the thing to do after my stay in Afghanistan; turned out to be a mistake. I’m not priest material, despite the dying wish of my mother. I gave it a try, spent three years with a white collar, until the day I met Peter Hodkins in the confessional and he told me he had raped his five year old daughter.
I left the priesthood that afternoon; Peter left this world that evening.
Don’t let anyone tell you that violence does not diminish us, because it does. A part of me died with Willy Boy, just as a part died with Peter and all the others. How can it not be so? If we do not feel the loss of a soul, what does that say about us? Willy Boy and I were united, just as Peter and I were united, and when they left this corporal world I felt it, deeply, and that feeling of loss will never leave me.
I walked back to where Willy Boy was still laying. I tossed a manila envelope, with a picture of Jeannie’s sister taped on the front, on his body, got in my car and drove away. Inside the envelope was all the evidence I had gathered on Willy Boy over the last three months. The cops would be able to close the case on Jeannie’s murder, and they wouldn’t be too eager to solve Willy Boy’s untimely death. Cops are like that; they never expend too much energy on the detritus of society.
So, What Do You Think?
Be gentle now; it’s a first attempt at a genre I am not comfortable with. Oh heck, you don’t have to be gentle if you don’t want to be. I’m just grateful you took the time to visit and read my first chapter.
So now we re-visit those two questions I posed at the beginning. Did I accomplish what I needed to do in the first ten seconds? Did I hook the read in ten ticks of the clock? If so, was the rest of the chapter interesting enough for you to want to read 300 more pages?
That is the challenge every fiction writer faces. Never underestimate the importance of that first chapter. Unless it is a slam-bam, thank you ma'am piece of literary art, you will lose your audience.
And we sure don't want to lose them before we even get started now do we?
2013 William D. Holland (aka billybuc)
"Helping writers to spread their wings and fly."
Comments
AUTHORThanks pickles! I'm making time to work on this starting this week. Let's hope it turns out well. :)
you got my attention from the start! I think you are on to something, Billy Buc. Good luck with this new chapter of writing!!!
- AUTHOR
Thank you Pamela. I am trying to wean myself off of exclamation points. Thanks for the reminder my friend, and the visit. Have a great upcoming week.
Interesting that my reading habits are also identical to yours. I think you grab the attention of your audience immediately, and that is essential. Many will put a book down after a few paragraphs is you can't achieve that goal. I have also been taught to use exclamaton marks very sparlingly. I think you have started to develop a very interesting character and I see a good book developing.
- AUTHOR
wabash annie, congratulations on your new ebook. Have you written a hub about it?
Anyway, the going is slow on this one as I can't seem to find the time it deserves, but I'll get it done eventually.
Thank you!
I like mysteries too, also different kinds of thrillers. Among many authors I read are Karin Slaughter, Carol O'Connell, Jodi Picoult, and Alafair Burke. The characters are so important ... Picoult has excellent ones. I am looking forward to your book coming out. Good luck with it. I just published an ebook on Kindle and am working hard on another. What fun!
- AUTHOR
Randy, mysteries are tough, for the very reasons that you listed. That is one reason why I have never attempted one before. I hope I can put the puzzle together and keep it cohesive.
Thanks buddy!
An interesting beginning, Bill. I've never attempted a full length mystery--meaning book length--but I have sold a few short children's mysteries which are now published on Amazon and AudioBooks.
Of course, I don't get any more money for them since I sold the rights, but my name is still used as author on them, so that's something anyway. lol!
The company wanted more of them but I didn't think it was worth the time at $50 for a 750-1000 word story. Apparently I didn't suck at writing them since they wanted more of them using the same character.
Mysteries are tough to write, especially one which will hold the attention and intrigue the reader for an entire book. Sort of like designing a giant puzzle and having it come together at the very end as all mysteries seem to do.
But I have faith in you, brother! You can do it if you really want to. Good luck in your efforts, as always. :)
--RG
- AUTHOR
Ann.....I don't know the secret....I just sit down and write. :) No exclamation points. :)
Similar to me then; you must have a better writing discipline. Well done! (correct exclamation)
- AUTHOR
Ann....you have to watch out for those exclamation points you know! LOL How do I do it? Well, first of all, I don't have children living at home.....I don't have another job....it's just me, writing, and loving Bev. Pretty simple really.
Very well and happy, thank you Billy. Feeling guilty, though, as I haven't published enough hubs lately and people like you are so prolific. I really must get my act together - how do you do it?! (oops, there's an exclamation mark!....)
- AUTHOR
Thank you Ann, and thanks for mentioning the exclamation points. I will catch that on the re-write. I will for sure let you all know when the book is done, and I really appreciate your comment. Good to hear from you; I hope you are well and happy.
I am very critical of writers of fiction; I've tried some myself and I'm not very good at it but I do know what I like to read. If it doesn't grab you in the first paragraph, or maybe page, then it's failed.
This grabbed me from the start because you give plenty of information for the reader to wonder about, to ask oneself questions about. It's shocking but then you give reasons and the priest come copper scenario has a fresh approach.
I agree with the comment about exclamation marks, most of the time. They are necessary with some speech, i.e. commands, anger and exclamations themselves of course.
Good luck with this; I'm sure you'll turn out a good story as you are a born writer, that's obvious from your hubs. Your busy schedule requires such commitment and you inspire me to try harder with my own writing. Well done, Billy. Tell us when it's finished and I'll buy a copy; that's a promise. Ann
- AUTHOR
Awww, Glimmer, thank you! If I can sustain this momentum then I'll feel pretty good about the novel.
- AUTHOR
Well Thelma, thank you! Gobsmacked??? I have never heard that word, but it sounds like a good thing in this instance. :)
What a teaser! I read mysteries almost exclusively so I can't wait to read more of this one. Thanks. Up, awesome and pinned.
Wow! I´m gobsmacked. I could read more of that now. This is a beginning of a novel I can´t resist to read until my eyes will be close for tiredness. Awesome.
- AUTHOR
Thank you Dianna! No, no political message with this one; just a good old-fashioned good vs evil drama. :)
You hit the ground running on this novel, Bill. I was into it within the first few lines. Is this going to be a political statement on the current gun issues? Exciting storyline and the characters are already pulling a reader into the plot.
- AUTHOR
Deb....thank you! I don't think I have ever written in 3rd person....that will be my next challenge. :)
- AUTHOR
Thank you so much Beckie! The inspiration for this actually came from the old Charles Bronson movies; I was thinking about the vigilante character of his and I thought why not?
Glad you liked it Irish!
love,
billy
Without a doubt, this captivates and shows true style. Sometimes I also write in this manner, which comes pretty naturally to me. I like and prefer the third person. Keep on going Billy and knock their socks off. Show 'em that crime doesn't pay, and when I say a few words for you when that time comes, I'll let 'em know that I was right beside ya every step of the way.
Billy - I apologize for just getting to this and, for the life of me do not know how this one slipped by me. You also know I will give you my honest opinion.
This is AWESOME! I am stating this from the bottom of my soul - outstanding writing and the gist of the story hooked me in right away. It is along the genre of one of my all time favorite movies called "The Boondock Saints".
Great great job my friend. I have to say again what a great concept for the story.
Be proud, very proud....as I am.
Love and pride your way
Beckie XO
- AUTHOR
Okay Phoenix; the offer is always open. :)
That's very kind of you, Bill, but really it's not necessary. I was just messing with you. It wouldn't be fair to the others who have read this hub. I will wait patiently with everyone else. But that it was very sweet of you to offer. :) Thanks.
- AUTHOR
Phoenix, if you really want it, I'll send you the second chapter....just send me an HP message with your email address. You are too nice a person to make wait. :)
Capture my interest you did. And now I must wait. My daughter pulls this on me. She'll write a chapter or two, ask me to read it, then leaves me hanging for weeks on end while she works on the next chapter or two. (sigh)
- AUTHOR
Thanks Pamela! It will, indeed, be interesting to see where this book goes. It is a work in progress but I feel good about it's progress so far.
- AUTHOR
Thank you PS! I'm the same way on a novel; the author has about three pages to show me their stuff; after that I move on if they can't do it that quickly. I'm happy I at least did that for you.
Love the inspirational angels; thank you dear lady.
Blessings and hugs coming your way
bill
- AUTHOR
Eddy, a bloomin great read is pretty good, right? I love it. Thank you my dear and best wishes on your novel as well. I look forward to its release.
blessings and love,
billy
- AUTHOR
Phoenix.....Dude, not cool! LOL So sorry, but at least I was able to capture your interest, so for me it was very cool, Dude! :) Thank you!
I also read daily and mysteries make up the bulk of my choices. You seem to have gotten off to a very good start as this first chapter captures your attention immediately. It will be interesting to read this book when you are done. It's definitely a good start.
It is an engaging read...the story moves along, there is a flow to it that makes sense and made me want to keep reading.
I am anxious to read more.
To me that is the test of a book. I read a LOT too..always have. And to be perfectly honest, if I am not hooked within the first few pages it is rare that I will continue.
I look forward to publication, Bill.
Sending you inspirational Angels to help you in your writing journey for this novel...:) ps
A brilliant start Billy;and it left me wanting to know more; which means that in my mind it is a bloomin great read.
I have my novel at Chapter 22 and it is such a slow going but as you say with everything else we are doing nothing can be rushed.
Here's to you publishing your novel my friend.
Lots of love from my little corner of Wales.
Eddy.
I cannot believe you would post this, suck us into the story and leave us hanging! And now we have to wait till the END OF THE YEAR. Dude, not cool. Not cool.
I like the occasional mystery myself but I prefer true crime. I really like the opening here and will try to bide my time while the rest of the story comes to life. Great start, Bill.
- AUTHOR
Thanks Melissa! This is quite a stretch for me; I hope I can maintain the character and story for 100,000 words.
Very intriguing! The main character is really interesting and its much easier to relate to a killer who is only killing "bad guys who deserve it". I love that you are writing in a genre that you have never tried before...that is so great. Keep going and if you want to share any more chapters, we'll all be here to read it.
- AUTHOR
Alan, I'm shooting for 100,000 words....probably 30 chapters the way it sets up now.
Good vs evil.... the eternal struggle within us all....vengeance is mine say Eli Baker, and let God sort it all out.
I will keep you posted. Thank you Sir!
- AUTHOR
Amy, no vitamins....just clean living. LOL
I saw that movie and it was incredibly sad and Theron did a remarkable job of acting in that.
I hope I can keep the book going; pacing is one of my biggest problems when we are talking about 100,000 words. Here's hoping.
Love coming back atcha from Olympia
bill
- AUTHOR
Paula, never in a million years would I believe that one day I would write a book about vigilantes....but the truth is that I loved Bronson too, and I could understand him quite well. So Mr. Eli Baker is now my Bronson, and he's going to clean up a few streets before he is done.
Thank you Paula; I just hope I can keep it going.
Quite a lot of traffic on here already! I 'dropped by' to say it looks promising. It all depends on how you take it from here in the killing season. How many chapters are there going to be in this book?
Your character is similar to mine, Ivar, inasmuch as Ivar only kills to fight his way out of a tricky situation or because there is no other course of action. He hasn't a grudge against those he kills, however. They are invaders, or those who have invaded in the past. Mind you, the closest Ivar gets to the priesthood is in having them amongst his acquaintances, or a former layman.
I suppose your man's enemies are also 'invaders' of a sort, invaders of other people's liberty or rights. Let me know - when you get there - how your last chapter reads, short of the last pages of course. Wouldn't want to spoil a good thing, would be?
What do I think? You're kidding, right? Oh brother.....I think that December 2013 is too damned far away.
Vigilantism is our natural right...often, an obligation.....and I don't care what the saints and pacifists claim. They'd best reserve comment unless and until a loved one is robbed of life, by a scumbag.....then, they can speak.
Charles Bronson has been my Hero since the original "Death Wish."...True confession? exposure of my approval of vengeance ? I have sat in sheer awe and devotion, at least 8 times, glued to "Law Abiding Citizen," starring Gerard Butler.......SO much deeper than mere vengeance, I feel every need of his character.
You made an excellent choice of genre....I am impressed by this sampling, but I expected to be.
"The simple fact is that some people deserve to be eliminated."
Finish this book, please, bill....and get it out there!...UP+++
I love Chapter 1, Bill, of "A Season for Killing". It has all the markings of a pyschological thriller.
About a week ago I watched the movie "Monster", a true story starring Charlize Theron and since then, keep thinking about how she became a vicious killer. By the end of the movie, I wondered how she managed to have the will to live, as her life was completely void of hope. In the end, she got the death penalty. The movie was true, and unbearably sad to think any human being, from childhood on, lived such an absymal existence. I understood her lack of hoping for better.
Chapter one of your book makes me want to read the whole story, Bill. You are off to a wonderful start. You are an ambitious writer and voracious reader. What vitamins do you take?
Love to you from me in St. Lou
- AUTHOR
Thank you Ruby! I respect your opinion; now I hope I can sell the idea to a publisher or agent. :) If not there is always ebook, right? :) Have a great day my friend.
I won't lie to you. I think this is a great story, written with a flair for justice and revenge. I loved the idea that you were a Priest that couldn't stand to hear any more horror stories, yet you returned to the church after the murders and prayed. This it the type of writing that sells. Go for it. You could make a bundle. ( I really believe that. )
- AUTHOR
MsDora, thank you so much! I hope I can continue to interest people. A first chapter is fairly easy; it is maintaining the interest of the reader for thirty chapters that is the challenge.
- AUTHOR
Jon, thank you! Even though I have read a great deal of mysteries, I feel like a fish out of water writing one.
- AUTHOR
Thank you Rajan! I'm taking it slow because it is a different type of writing for me and I have to work at it. I hope it turns out well.
You got my interest from the start. Sounds authentic and I'd like to read more -- and much more. Thanks for sharing and all the best!
Very interesting start to a mystery novel Bill. I'm sure you will do full justice to this genre of writing as well. Good luck my friend.
I rather enjoyed the main characters transition from priest to killer. The style in which you write mystery is most comparable to Tony Hillerman, in my own opinion. Although this may only be your first chapter, it is the first step in climbing that stairway to completion.
- AUTHOR
Martin, I will gladly accept your wish of luck. Thank you!
Honestly, I have not read much of this genre, so I am a poor judge. But I can wish you good luck.
- AUTHOR
Well thank you Russ! I trust that you were not just being nice. Your encouragement has me jazzed to continue. I like this character; he is one I can relate to....the good guy, the bad guy...the struggle that, to a certain extent, is in all of us. I will try not to let you down in later chapters, and stay true to the character. Eli Baker sends his regards. :)
In my humble opinion Bill, I think you have one ass kicking book by the tail. I don't know what you call this genre or sub genre, where you like and cheer the hero - Even though he is doing really bad things, like murdering people. I love your writing. I look forward to future chapters and to buying the book, which I shall fulsomely praise on amazon. I'm not just being nice, I love this.
- AUTHOR
Jaye, you are right, we all have different rhythms. I have been a morning person for decades now. Even on my days off I'm up at six. If I'm really in need of relaxation I'll push that to six-thirty. LOL On the flip side, I'm in bed by ten-thirty every night.
I will take a look at your message. Thank you so much and I hope you are having a nice weekend.
- AUTHOR
Doc, I think most of us who are fans of mysteries love to try and solve them before we get hit over the head with the answers. LOL At least I do. I hope to be true to that formula in this book and keep people guessing throughout. As always, thank you!
- AUTHOR
Valleypoet, that means a lot to me. I appreciate it my friend.
- AUTHOR
moonfairy, again, thank you! I hope I can maintain the pace and "flavor" of this book throughout. :)
- AUTHOR
Thanks Mark! I'm enjoying the writing process on this one. I hope it turns out well.
- AUTHOR
Thank you Gypsy! This is a stretch for me, but stretching makes us better writers, right? That's my hope anyway.
In my opinion, being a good writer requires being a good reader. Your introduction hooked me in. I like the way you introduced your characters. Willy Boy Hopkins is a criminal and therefore, should be sentenced to death. Looking forward to reading more. I enjoy reading mystery novels too. It's fun to dig up clues.
Although I'm not a reader of mystery novels, this chapter nonetheless kept me gripped to the end and left me wanting to read more...so that is a big thumbs up from me :-))
Hey...this is great! The reader gets to live vicariously through you and "get the bad guys". I like the flavor of it so far.....anxious to read more =)
An excellent teaser, and if this book is anything like the 12/59 Shuttle, I think you will have a winner.
Mark
I love mysteries and this is one I want to definitely read! Great start Bill, I like your writing style.
Bill...I wish I could add your flair for organization to the list of our commonalities. My organizational skills took a "hit" after retirement, with more than one cause. I am also much slower at everything I do these days.
I do, however, get plenty of sleep, especially when the weather is bad. My dog, who sleeps on the next pillow, also likes to sleep in, and it's one of the perks of retirement for a woman who is not a natural "morning person." I hated having to get up to a 5:30 a.m. alarm for 30 years, so promised myself I would not be ruled by an alarm clock once I retired...and I'm not, except for those occasions when I have plans that require earlier rising. I must admit that I usually stay up late--often until 2:00 a.m., so it evens out. To each his or her own circadian rhythms, eh?
By the way, I sent you a message on your website with additional feedback, and the form has my email address should you want to answer.
Jaye
- AUTHOR
trueblue, thank you for stopping by and reading! I hope my story holds the attention of the reader throughout the entire novel.
This is pretty good :). Not that I know anything about writing novels lol but I do like to read them. Good start.
- AUTHOR
Thanks Stephanie; I hope I meet my deadline. :)
Great, I look forward to reading the final copy in December!!!
- AUTHOR
Eric, that was a great description of Baker...an angel and a devil. For sure he is both.
No more sneak previews of this book; this was just enough to wet your appetite. :) Thank you Sir!
- AUTHOR
Vinaya, thank you! I'm so glad you enjoy the book so far!
- AUTHOR
Thank you Alicia; I'm enjoying the process and I like the main character.
- AUTHOR
Jaye, I manage to get seven good hours of sleep each night. I am a fairly organized person and I am definitely goal-oriented. I think that's safe to say. LOL I'm glad you like Baker; he is an interesting character, one I have no problem envisioning and understanding.
Thank you my friend! Any follower of James Lee Burke is a friend of mine. :)
At least Baker is not conning himself. You have set up a man with an angel on his left shoulder and the devil on the right. Rythm and tempo is awesome.
I think you should not worry about what some would call original. Remember in school the best lessons were the ones we caught ourselves saying "I knew that". I am afraid I will not read anymore of your hubs on this ---- I want to go out and buy the book!
Billy you have a great book title. Thanks for this sneak peak on A Season For Killing.
It's a dramatic beginning, Bill, and certainly mkes the reader want to read more! Well done!
We have a few things in common, Bill. I read as much as you do, mysteries are my favorite genre (with biographies second), and I revere James Lee Burke's writing.
One question, though--you read a lot and are very prolific as a writer, plus you "have a life" with Bev. When do you sleep? Ha.
As for your foray into mystery writing, I think you've made a good start with this first chapter/first draft. Like many of the best protagonists in the mystery/thriller arena, Baker is a flawed human.
Jaye
- AUTHOR
Thanks Janine! I'm nervous as I venture into a type of writing I have never done, but how else am i going to grow as a writer?
ill, this is amazing and definitely want to read more. Loved the premise and the characters you laid out so far. Oh I so need to continue with my editing efforts and you have reminded me that I do so desperately need to do this now. Great job and have voted up, shared and tweeted, too!!
- AUTHOR
Linda, I hope you are right. I'm happy that you like this character. He is a complicated man with a very clear concept of right and wrong.....his version of right and wrong of course. :) Thank you Kindred!
- AUTHOR
Well thank you Monis! I hope it's half as popular as you envision; if it is I'll be able to retire in luxury. LOL I do like this character; he's one I have no problem envisioning and writing about.
Well, I think I could get totally wrapped up in this character and am now looking forward to the publishing of your new adventure. I too enjoy a good mystery and your first chapter has captured my imagination. Keep writing my friend. This one has the potential to be a great one.
I read it. You are good, this is good, your book is going to be GOOD. I mean it. The first chapter makes me want to read more. The idea is genious, I can't wait to see what your are going to do with it. I feel honored to be able to see the of something big.
- AUTHOR
Thanks Mary! I wanted him unique and yet somewhat believable....if that's possible when talking about a fictional character of his stature. :)
I have to agree with the others, you have opened your novel on a very high note...murder and avenging the murdered..it appeals to the vigilante in all of us. You have set up your protagonist well. With a background like his you've got lots of places to go. Now you have to keep us involved! Following along I am anxious to see where you go.
Voted up, awesome and interesting. Shared so others can get in on the ground floor.
- AUTHOR
Thanks Carol; the characters development comes in the second and third chapters. Sure...send your pm...I'm always interested, and thank you!
- AUTHOR
Sha, thank you! I hope to spend more time on this in the near future. I'm enjoying the process now that I have gotten to know the characters a bit better.
- AUTHOR
Austin, Reacher is a classic. My first mysteries were by John McDonald and his character McGee. My hardest task is to create a character that is not like all the others I have read about. Good tip on the exclamation points. Thank you!
I am the expert on mystery writers. I have read hundreds of at least 100 authors or more. I know what I like and what resonates with my want to keep reading. I think you have a good beginning. Make sure we know the characters and the relationships are so important. I am going to write you a pm...something to share with you if you are interested.
I love it! I, too prefer mysteries. You're off to a good start, Bill! I look forward to the next chapter!
I do like the way you have set up the characters. It very much reminds me of my favorite characters, Jack Reacher or Dexter.
I would eliminate any and all exclamation points. It causes a break in the flow.
At least you have the cojones to get started writing and that is saying a lot. I've been trying to write a novel since 1984.
You're doing great, keep up the good work.
94