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Announcing Hubpages' First "Dark and Stormy Night" Contest

Updated on September 13, 2011

Celebrate!!

The Original

“It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents--except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness." -- Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, Paul Clifford (1830)

It is my great pleasure to host the first hubpages’ ‘Dark and Stormy Night’ contest. Hurrah!

Celebrating the best of the worst in writing, the dark and stormy night contest is open to all. Consider this a challenge to those creative minds out there; show us what you can do. Stretch that imagination, study that thesaurus, flex those fingers and prepare to dazzle us with tortured metaphors, abused adjectives and profound wordiness.

Imagine if you will, the worst possible novel: horrendously overwritten, dramatically descriptive, pretentious, wordy in the extreme, something only a pompous windbag could pen. Now, compose a suitable opening line (remembering the first rule of writing – one wants to grab the reader’s attention right from the start.)

The link to the right will take you to the world-wide 'Dark and Stormy Night contest' (Bulwer-Lytton contest) and this year's best entries.

Now, the talented, creative minds here at Hubpages will hold our very own festival of bad writing. All of you writers out there -- prepare your worst.

For inspirational purposes: 2009 "Dark and Stormy Night" world wide contest winner

" The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming madly, "You lied!"

Here are the rules:

  • Write the best possible opening for the worst possible novel. (Must be original – no borrowing.)
  • Write one sentence only. (More than one sentence will be disqualified.)
  • Past your entry in the entries box below.
  • Accepting entries until June 15.
  • Multiple entries allowed.

Then:

  • The hubpages team have volunteered to select their ten favorites as finalists.
  • The ten finals will be posted here on this hub and you, the readers will select the winning entry.

The winner will receive:

  • This exquisite virtual trophy. (Shown to the right, delivered by email upon judges decision.)
  • The winning entry will be entered in the next world-wide Bulwer-Lytton Contest in later 2010.
  • Absolutely nothing of any value – no cars, no cash, no trips to exotic places – nothing, nada, zip. (This is for the glory and honor of the title “Hubpages Dark and Stormy Night Contest Champion (2010)" only).

HOW TO ENTER

ENTRIES GO IN THE FIRST COMMENT SECTION, COMMENTS ONLY IN THE SECOND -- SO DO NOT SCROLL DOWN TO THE END OF EVERYTHING AND PASTE YOUR ENTRY. THE TWO SECTIONS ARE DIVIDED BY 2 PHOTOS WITH SOME WONDERFUL AND INTERESTING INFORMATION BETWEEN (THAT EVERYONE SHOULD READ.) SO REMEMBER:

CONTEST ENTRIES -- AFTER THE TEXT OF THE ARTICLE BUT BEFORE THE PHOTOGRAPHS AND INTERESTING INFORMATION (AND THERE'S LOTS OF ENTRIES SO SCROLL AWAY.)

COMMENTS -- ANYTHING YOU HAVE TO SAY THAT IS NOT AN ENTRY AFTER THE TWO PHOTOS AND INTERESTING INFORMATION.

THANKS.

ENTRIES HERE (Comments are welcome in the comments section below. This is for entries only. No comments here. Do we all understand that comments go below?

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    • lmmartin profile image
      Author

      lmmartin 7 years ago from Alberta and Florida

      I already had to erase a comment from this section. Apparently I was not clear enough as to where comments belonged -- which is below, and I am sorry. Please do not leave comments here. Go down to the next section.

      ENTRIES ONLY IN THIS SECTION

    • profile image

      papajack 7 years ago

      The hand, softly and tentatively, alive with purpose, stroked and manipulated the balmy surfaces as the enzymes were galvanized into a force similar to burgeoning magma; why, he thought, had he never attempted this before; the sheer experience of a wireless mouse was almost more than he could bear.

    • itakins profile image

      itakins 7 years ago from Irl

      Standing in the cramped, claustrophobic hallway, Laura could hear the screechy, almost hysterical, high-pitched tones of her mother, ringing raucously, from behind the closed door of the sitting room, and, at the same time, the deep mumbling, measured, manly, monotones of her father as he spoke with his usual well practised delivery – and terrific timing – and all the while, terrified that her presence would make itself known to the couple within (lest she might be invited to join them), Laura plaintively pleaded in whispers, over and over again, to Spot – her faithful little companion since childhood – who now sat patiently beside her with a look of complete compassion in his cute puppy-dog eyes (although it was nigh-on seven years since Spot was a puppy, and he could offer little or nothing in the form of a balm to soothe Laura’s plight) – but nonetheless, mindful of that plight, (or as mindful as a little dog can be), her pleading touched the very core of his little canine heart, while, with each and every whisper, Spot was overwhelmingly aware,( or as aware as a dog can be) ,of his own impotence in the face of such pleas from his young mistress,

      ‘- Oh please stop Dad telling his stupid jokes –‘ the girl begged.

    • itakins profile image

      itakins 7 years ago from Irl

      Like a moth to a flame, James Johnson Jr. zeroed in on the stunningly beautiful woman who sat alone in the casino bar-room, knowing that - if he didn’t play his cards right - he just might get burned.

    • profile image

      papajack 7 years ago

      A vibrant gyro in the empty space of the solar system, the planet Earth silently spun on its axis as the sea of serrated asteroids dashed relentlessly forward; meanwhile, Jenny Johnson rested fitfully suffering precognitive visions of death, destruction, and dismemberment brought on by three large slices of strawberry cheesecake served at her sixteenth birthday bash in Baltimore, unaware of the hasty advance of her concluding cataclysmic day on this planet; it was Earthday 2012.

    • Rafini profile image

      Rafini 7 years ago from Somewhere I can't get away from

      The long, dark night was stormy with the trees bent over almost touching the ground, the birds were silent or gone, and all Mother Nature cared about was crying out in pain, demanding to release the aches of her heart, choosing to liberate the discomforts of her mind, freeing herself from the beliefs of the past and stretching her psyche into tomorrow, the terror of yesterday still fresh in her eyes as she blew here and there attempting to rid the earth of all suffering and yet, without a query, Mother Nature looked down upon Father Time and pushed him out the door into the empty abyss of a neighboring galaxy until such an occasion came to be where she'd want him back to have and to hold, forever and ever.

    • KFlippin profile image

      KFlippin 7 years ago from Amazon

      A dark forest of towering pines surrounded and hemmed in the whitewashed stilted shack that sat rather precariously at the helm of the Trinity River’s east bank; relief from the shrouding darkness would not be found until some two hours hence, when the filtering rays of the morning sun would find their way through the nest of pines to glint a bright greeting off the surface of the somnambulant Trinity.

    • Dobson profile image

      Dobson 7 years ago from Virginia

      Wishing he was anywhere but in line at the returns counter of the ladies lingerie at the local department store, Lester pondered how nice it might be to shop for the size 2,3 or 4 models adorning the posters in the store instead of the hint of a woman he had mistakenly answered a misleading internet love ad for only weeks ago, when his internet dream still had a life to live.

    • Dobson profile image

      Dobson 7 years ago from Virginia

      Ginny thought this tree looked familiar, surely like one she had seen on the trip out from the cabin earlier in the day, but who knew, all trees looked alike in the growing dusk, especially with the sounds in the forest amplifying on a geometric scale as the amount of light decreased, providing even more possible hiding places for the demons she fought her entire life.

    • profile image

      papajack 7 years ago

      It all started in the beginning.

    • profile image

      papajack 7 years ago

      He loved her, but she loved another who was consumed by his work; meanwhile, his employee, who was in love with his fiancé knew that if the project was successful the romance would fail; so he worked doggedly to see that the project succeeded, but in the end they both lost, because she had fallen in love with her.

    • SimeyC profile image

      Simon Cook 7 years ago from NJ, USA

      In the fetid catacombs, under the ancient ruins of the cathedral, lay the broken despondent figure of Astrabolt Fealabuzz surrounded by cobwebs and dust that spoke of a malevolence that infiltrated the very fiber of his being and spoke of unseen dangers that made his current predicament seem like a walk in the park on a hazy summer’s day.

    • jimmythejock profile image

      James Paterson 7 years ago from Scotland

      Shot in the chest, the blood pours from my pierced heart and as I am dead I cannot write anymore.

    • Bill Yovino profile image

      Bill Yovino 7 years ago

      She was only a penny-ante moonshiner, but he loved her still.

    • SimeyC profile image

      Simon Cook 7 years ago from NJ, USA

      As john contemplated his latest article dismissing alien abduction as a conspiracy theorists wet dream something didn’t quite feel right, something in the air was strange and as he closed his eyes to contemplate his latest research he failed to see the shadowy alien-like figure shadowed in his doorway.

    • Specialk3749 profile image

      Karen Metz 7 years ago from Michigan

      "Generally speaking", the doctor said, "she could make a full recovery despite the gunshot wound to the head, stab wound on the chest, and missing an arm and leg, but however, she is DEAD!"

    • profile image

      Duchess OBlunt 7 years ago

      Shivers of fear and discus travel the entire length of Lila's body and she frantically swipes at herself in a futile attempt to clean herself off after stumbling, tripping and falling face first into the mass of gooey, bug infested, foul smelling, pile of rotting desecrated waste in her neighbour's back yard - what kind of people were they?

    • Bill Yovino profile image

      Bill Yovino 7 years ago

      He reached into his pocket for the gun and suddenly remembered that he had removed it before changing into his clown pants.

    • Bill Yovino profile image

      Bill Yovino 7 years ago

      He was a dark and storming knight and left the castle in ruins, like a cake that had been left out in the rain.

    • somelikeitscott profile image

      somelikeitscott 7 years ago from Las Vegas

      It was going to be a long boring evening as the guests were dull and had no interesting tales of any consequence to share with the group.

    • somelikeitscott profile image

      somelikeitscott 7 years ago from Las Vegas

      Once upon a time there were some people who lived magical lives but they all died and were replaced by barren terrain with no signs of life.

    • SimeyC profile image

      Simon Cook 7 years ago from NJ, USA

      Detective Inspector Shire Probes was mystified at the strange disappearances of everyone who had created a short sentence as a comment on a hugely famous website called Hubpages!

    • SimeyC profile image

      Simon Cook 7 years ago from NJ, USA

      Deep deep down on the very edge of sanity sits a thought so insidiously evil that it pervades the soul of every being that lets it wander unfettered into the subconscious mind, tainting the very essence of what it is to be human and to feel compassion or humility.

    • 2uesday profile image

      2uesday 7 years ago

      Montgomery was perplexed by the information that lay scattered across the desk in front of him, as he rested his head in his hand; a huge sigh escaped his weary body and echoed around the room as the confused man continued to wrestle with his paperwork problems.

    • Greek One profile image

      Greek One 7 years ago

      The moon's rays licked the landscape of the small town like an obese man making love to a gallon of ice cream.

    • Greek One profile image

      Greek One 7 years ago

      The inside of her thighs were as well travelled as Route 66.. but the revenue from her toll booth was far more lucrative.

    • Greek One profile image

      Greek One 7 years ago

      The wind stormed through Isabelle’s hair with such fury and intensity that she reminisced about that unforgettable summer she worked at the bean canary.

    • Greek One profile image

      Greek One 7 years ago

      The revolution had brought forth the beginning of a new epoch, when artists could paint what they felt, thinkers could speak what they thought, and righters would not be constrained by the harsh limitations of accepted methods of spelling.

    • Greek One profile image

      Greek One 7 years ago

      James DuPont believed he had entered a room instantly chilled by his presence, until he realized his zipper had not fastened the two dispersing parts of his trousers as fashion dictated.

    • Greek One profile image

      Greek One 7 years ago

      The heavens had been constipated a fortnight before Mother Nature finally acquiesced to the farmers’ pleas, and released from the bowels of the clouds a precipitation so intense that it poured down as those she have given the sky a benevolent enema.

    • JerseyGirl profile image

      JerseyGirl 7 years ago from Jersey Shore

      For starters; not only did I forget to water the plants (they’re dying); but I neglected to feed my girl (she’s crying); I told Hubbie that it all started when I lost my mind but he hadn’t noticed anything different; and that’s only the beginning.

    • JerseyGirl profile image

      JerseyGirl 7 years ago from Jersey Shore

      Once upon a time, far, far away, on the outer edge of the earth not too far from here; where the sun and moon collide and the deep seas part not far from land; the lonely naked sailor scratched his head as the still wind blew through his hair; stepped back and thought to himself “why is this happening to me”?

    • TheGlassSpider profile image

      TheGlassSpider 7 years ago from On The Web

      It was sunny, and there was a breeze; no one was there, and nothing happened.

    • Arthur Fontes profile image

      Arthur Fontes 7 years ago from Fall River,MA

      Twice upon the Time, his picture graced the cover.

    • Arthur Fontes profile image

      Arthur Fontes 7 years ago from Fall River,MA

      The sunset was magnificent, the smell of fresh Okra on the breeze brought a tear to her eye.

    • Arthur Fontes profile image

      Arthur Fontes 7 years ago from Fall River,MA

      The fascination with the deep fryer inspired her to seek out souls with a like mind.

    • frogdropping profile image

      Andria 7 years ago

      The man gazed upon his newborn son with a certain joy, the type a farmer feels when he realizes that all his dreams may come true, according to his last milk quota from his prize heifers, only he had neither cows nor milk but then again he wasn’t about to start quibbling as to anothers man’s right to pleasurably lose himself in his musings about his future business expansion into a world that included three more nanny goats, five new bantams and one very lucrative homogenised milk machine, even if they were founded upon quarts and pints and the possibility of a very big yoghurt order.

    • Uninvited Writer profile image

      Susan Keeping 7 years ago from Kitchener, Ontario

      Sue could not believe it when she found out that the man she loved had once been a female exotic dancer named Bouncy Betty.

    • DavitosanX profile image

      DavitosanX 7 years ago

      Here begins the grandiose tale of our hero, a man consumed by the ardent desire of setting up and managing LAN networks, and the jaw-dropping, tear-inducing ordeal he went through to fulfill this dream.

    • Uninvited Writer profile image

      Susan Keeping 7 years ago from Kitchener, Ontario

      The rainstorm was in full force and made the sky look as gray as gray gravel.

    • frogdropping profile image

      Andria 7 years ago

      Imagine if you will the sun slowly rising, in a similar way that a dung beetle pushes its crap up a sand dune, only the sun isn’t made of crap and there isn’t a dung beetle in sight.

    • R. E. Dawson profile image

      R. E. Dawson 7 years ago from Arizona

      The coed from Idaho puckered her lips prepared for a kiss, her long lavish tongue licked a little drool off her chintzy-chin-chin, her wee-heart thumped, her knees were a quiver, her eyes behind her large steamy glasses bugged out like a praying mantis, as she said, "Yes, indeed, I do, wouldn't you," accepting with her claw a three caret diamond ring from her tall, dark, and handsome fiance, a man from the North, and as the congrgation stood up and roared their apporval, the newly married Mrs. Sarah Palini decided right then and there, without further ado, she would move to Wasilla, Alaska with her angler, dog sledding new husband and run not a dog sled herself, or the Iditarod Race, but for the mayoral office, wouldn't you?

      ?

    • R. E. Dawson profile image

      R. E. Dawson 7 years ago from Arizona

      “Greasy grimy gopher guts, greasy grimy gopher guts, greasy grimy gopher guts,” he screamed out loudly and proudly without any exclamations, three times faster than any of his intellectual food challenged chef nerdy opponents, or food judges, proving once and for all of time immemorial, beyond any contrarian claim by any Doubting Thomas, or even Chef Ramsey, he was and always would be supremely victorious when it came to such tasteful matters concerning his most deserved first prize winning dish of culinary cuisine.

    • BadHubbit profile image

      BadHubbit 7 years ago from Hubbisphere

      It was a dark and stormy nightgown, a reflection of her mood as she paced the deck on that fateful night, waiting, waiting for she knew not what or whom or even why.

    • raisingme profile image

      raisingme 7 years ago from Fraser Valley, British Columbia

      It was a dark and stormy night, the kind of night that made me wish I had more gray goop between my over sized ears than to keep my candles stored at the very back of my cupboard above the fridge.

    • PrettyPanther profile image

      PrettyPanther 7 years ago from Oregon

      Slowly, stealthily, the insidious moisture dripped, dripped and puddled around the ankles of the gentle giant who, mouth agape, held the tiny creature in his monstrous claws and gasped for air at the horror of what he'd done.

    • Bill Yovino profile image

      Bill Yovino 7 years ago

      "Ah ha!" she exclaimed, not realizing that she had forgotten her eyeglasses and the writhing creatures in the pool were two fighting otters, not her husband Henry and her next door neighbor Doris.

    • PrettyPanther profile image

      PrettyPanther 7 years ago from Oregon

      People thought Chris Montgomery was crazy, but Chris didn't mind because she knew the truth about this God-forsaken town, and she intended to expose it, just like her daddy did when he caught the preacher with Mrs. Hegewald's prized rabbit, Flopper, rubbing and stroking Flopper's ears, eyes as glazed and sweet as the gooey donuts served up at Mr. Cooper's bakery.

    • Bill Yovino profile image

      Bill Yovino 7 years ago

      The darkness of the night was exceeded only by its storminess.

    • Kendall H. profile image

      Kendall H. 7 years ago from Northern CA

      The dark and stormy night raged, thundered, hailed, and crashed on and on as the queen labored over the birth of the hoped and prayed for prince, but little did the peasants, courtiers, knights, and much less the King know that the Queen was simply hoping for a child of the human variety and that her moonlight assignation in the forest did not result in some misbegotten amphibious creature, whose first words would be 'ribbet' rather than 'dada,' with such painful thoughts coursing through her already weak body the Queen said, "well that is the last time I fetch a golden ball out of the well!"

    • barryrutherford profile image

      Barry Rutherford 7 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Just like an egg yolk the Sun made it's first appearance for the day when the serenity and marvel of nature was broken as someone barked Gee I must have got really plastered last night !

    • Jackson Riddle profile image

      Jackson Riddle 7 years ago from Melbourne

      It was a dark and stormy night when my father, who right before he died said, 'Hey, watch this!'

    • CMHypno profile image

      CMHypno 7 years ago from Other Side of the Sun

      Daisy sighed as she picked up the large bouquet of peach roses, creamy lilies and gypsophilia, and made to start the long journey down the aisle towards a life with a man that she once thought she had loved, yearning with every fibre of her being to lob the heavy flowers at his head and with a lucky shot extinguish his life force instantly and forever

    • CMHypno profile image

      CMHypno 7 years ago from Other Side of the Sun

      The shadows were beginning to creep down the summer lawn when Kitty finally admitted to herself that the crescendo of love that she felt for Miles was roiling out of control in her breast, threatening to engulf her in its sweet intensity, demanding that she declare her love to him or die the slow death of the unrequited.

    • R. E. Dawson profile image

      R. E. Dawson 7 years ago from Arizona

      It was a bright and sunshiny day as the ruggedly handsome farmer looked over the pastoral bucolically scene before him where he lived in the present tense of the now not the past tense of yesterday where dark and stormy nights had destroyed his hopes and dreams or in the future tense of tomorrow where other, much different, perchance even snowy weather forecasts lurked.

    • Anath profile image

      Anath 7 years ago

      Once upon a time there was a naughty Princess who had to run away from her kingdom to save her life from the envious death wishes of her wicked stepmother; after seducing her killer into letting her free, she run to the nearest forest where she found a little house where seven sleazy men lived together in love and harmony.

    • Greek One profile image

      Greek One 7 years ago

      Once the Admiral saw with his eyes that the sea was wet enough for the ship to depart on its very first maiden voyage, he ordered the trip around the world to begin, with the hope of circumnavigating the globe.

    • gramarye profile image

      gramarye 7 years ago from Adelaide - Australia

      She died.

    • Greek One profile image

      Greek One 7 years ago

      Lord Reginald Doolittle’s accomplishments are noteworthy because he had begun life at very young age, and as such did not have the same amount of time to gain the experience of others his age.

    • SimeyC profile image

      Simon Cook 7 years ago from NJ, USA

      The long and short of it was that he was the tallest dwarf of them all.

    • SimeyC profile image

      Simon Cook 7 years ago from NJ, USA

      If intelligence were a pack of cigarettes I’d be a low tar variety.

    • SimeyC profile image

      Simon Cook 7 years ago from NJ, USA

      If handsomeness is judged by the wealth you have, then I’d be a very poor man indeed.

    • Greek One profile image

      Greek One 7 years ago

      Our epic story begins before recorded history, and has been pieced together by the numerous detailed records kept by those who were there.

    • SimeyC profile image

      Simon Cook 7 years ago from NJ, USA

      Perhaps I shouldn’t have put my wife’s diamond wedding ring in the garbage disposal after all!

    • SimeyC profile image

      Simon Cook 7 years ago from NJ, USA

      Life has a way of kicking you in the ass just as your bending over to pick up that four leaf clover.

    • premierkj profile image

      premierkj 7 years ago from Republic of Ireland

      One trip into the future had made me aware that the human race was about to diverge into many groups based on race, wealth and social standing and all these groups would be eternally suspicious of each other unless we built a big wall to keep them apart.

    • SimeyC profile image

      Simon Cook 7 years ago from NJ, USA

      "I get the feeling you don't like me anymore?" he says as she plunges the knife into his heart.

    • premierkj profile image

      premierkj 7 years ago from Republic of Ireland

      The sun finally set over the golden hills and while I gazed into the tranquil lake I finished my beer and threw my can in the water.

    • Greek One profile image

      Greek One 7 years ago

      The Bishop was torn between the more conservative interpretations of his faith, and the social conventions and practices of the time; so although he continued the tender embrace of his young prodigy, it was not without conflicting emotions and angst.

    • archdaw profile image

      archdaw 7 years ago from Brooklyn

      She took great strides,leaps and bounds and took off and ran so fast on winged feet.

    • jkallgood profile image

      jkallgood 7 years ago

      Little did he know?

    • SimeyC profile image

      Simon Cook 7 years ago from NJ, USA

      Rudolf was the best fighter in the pack but sadly he always ended up with a red nose.

    • SimeyC profile image

      Simon Cook 7 years ago from NJ, USA

      “I simply must have that diamond encrusted gold collar” exclaimed Tiffany as her pet Chihuahua rolled his eyes and thought “bimbo”.

    • SimeyC profile image

      Simon Cook 7 years ago from NJ, USA

      If I could talk to the animals……I could ask this Rottweiler to let go of my leg!

    • Daniel Carter profile image

      Daniel Carter 7 years ago from Western US

      Once there was a snowman named Frosty, because twice, as we know, simply isn't possible, even if cryogenics were used to preserve him.

    • Daniel Carter profile image

      Daniel Carter 7 years ago from Western US

      She was as feminine as the Christmas tree she watered with estrogen and pregnantly decorated with small beaded purses, tea cups and painted high heels, sparkling out at admiring onlookers anxiously awaiting the virgin birth.

    • JerseyGirl profile image

      JerseyGirl 7 years ago from Jersey Shore

      I write because I think, but sometimes I think too much and all that I have been thinking about lately is winning that exquisite virtual trophy; but I have to think about how to go about it.

    • itakins profile image

      itakins 7 years ago from Irl

      ‘Could there be anything on earth more boring than this job?’, Frank thought ,as he stood washing dishes in the Flea bay hotel- first a fork, followed by a plate ,a saucer, a cup, a plate , a saucer , a spoon , a knife ,a saucer, a knife, a plate , a saucer , followed by a plate, ,a saucer, a cup,a plate , a saucer , a spoon , a knife ,a saucer, a knife, a plate , a saucer , followed by a plate ,a saucer, a cup,a plate , a saucer , a spoon , a knife ,a saucer, a knife, a plate , a saucer , followed by a plate ,a saucer, a cup, a plate , a saucer , a spoon , a knife ,a saucer, a knife, a plate , a saucer ,followed by a plate ,a saucer, a cup, a plate , a saucer , a spoon , a knife ,a saucer, a knife, a plate , a saucer , followed by a plate ,a saucer, a cup,a plate , a saucer , a spoon , a knife ,a saucer, a knife, a plate , a saucer , followed by a plate ,a saucer, a cup plate , a saucer , a spoon , a knife ,a saucer, a knife, a plate , a saucer , followed by a plate ,a saucer, a cup, a plate , a saucer , a spoon , a knife ,a saucer, a knife, a plate , a saucer,

      ‘-mmm, well maybe,’ he thought.

    • itakins profile image

      itakins 7 years ago from Irl

      Dear readers, the wise man will say that ‘fools rush in where angels fear to tread-’ but alas poor Bob, a conceited fool of a man, knew he had not been true to himself, when he saw the angels had arrived ahead of him,so it is there,dear readers, our story begins.

    • lmmartin profile image
      Author

      lmmartin 7 years ago from Alberta and Florida

      Although the rules clearly stated one and only one complete and grammatically correct sentence is allowed, it soon became apparent that a large percentage of writers out in the ether world are unaware of what the true construction of one sentence is and use some of the most awkward ploys in avoiding adherence to this one important rule, such as leaving out punctuation in the hope the moderator wouldn't notice two subjects and two predicates unjoined by a proper conjunction, leaving a runon sentence of the extreme kind, or the blatant abuse of semicolins in another blind attempt to disguise two sentences as one, causing the moderator to write this abomination of a sentence in order to show just how easy it truly is to write one lengthy sentence complete with several thoughts without destroying or abusing the rules of grammar, particularly that which dictates what is and is not a complete sentence.

    • Greek One profile image

      Greek One 7 years ago

      although it was posted in the wrong Comments box, I vote for the paragraph Immartin just wrote! :)

    • BeccaHubbardWoods profile image

      Mizzery Chick 7 years ago from Outside your window...

      She tore at her hair, crying, cursing herself, questioning how she became such a screw up, wondering how anyone could put up with her nonsense, and whether or not she was truly worthy of love, as she realized, once again, that she had burned the chili.

    • Greek One profile image

      Greek One 7 years ago

      "Up yours, you illiterate fools!” she screamed at her screen, and awarded the trophy to Greek One, as his was the last post she had read before throwing her computer out the window!

    • JerseyGirl profile image

      JerseyGirl 7 years ago from Jersey Shore

      He sweat like crazy, turned five shades of red, trembled and vomited, and tried to think about something his lesbian mother once said while he worried whether he'd have to quit school, get a job, or worse until he came to his senses and realized that none of this was his fault so he simply turned to his girlfriend and said “I thought you told me that YOU couldn’t get pregnant”.

    • Greek One profile image

      Greek One 7 years ago

      It was a dark and stormy night, but the plagiarist worked through the evening on his manuscript: “War and Peace”

    • JerseyGirl profile image

      JerseyGirl 7 years ago from Jersey Shore

      "I quit this job" she said while laughing out loud and reminisced about the education that she received in places other than the U.S.

    • JerseyGirl profile image

      JerseyGirl 7 years ago from Jersey Shore

      The old, wrinkled woman slowly ran to the dressing room and tried on the size 5 polka dotted string bathing suit and hurried to the mirror to assure that her size 38DD breasts and her size 44W waist were, in her rose colored glasses, just so perfectly revealed but didn’t distract from the multi-colored and blood-encrusted tattoo of a snake that she just, moments ago, got on her buttocks and exclaimed to the store clerk “I’ll take it!“

    • Bill Yovino profile image

      Bill Yovino 7 years ago

      With great angst and anticipation, the gray-haired grandfather graciously gravitated toward his grateful but gargantuan grandson, who was grotesquely giggling at his own gigantic girth.

    • itakins profile image

      itakins 7 years ago from Irl

      Stunned by the missile ,which was a flying computer,he was heard to utter in a choking mumble-'Give it to itakins she deserves it more than I.'

    • SimeyC profile image

      Simon Cook 7 years ago from NJ, USA

      The grey haired man let his pencil hover over the yellow paper and mused to himself in his thick German accent “Now this’ll keep them guessing for years” as he finally wrote E=mc (Squared).

    • Greek One profile image

      Greek One 7 years ago

      “She walks with a lisp” he said slyly, as the bombshell in the tight red dress and high heels walked back to the bar.

    • SimeyC profile image

      Simon Cook 7 years ago from NJ, USA

      “This is one small step for man, and…ouch I just stubbed my toe!”

    • SimeyC profile image

      Simon Cook 7 years ago from NJ, USA

      Sheepishly he stepped forward and uttered the immortal words “Baahhhhhhhhhhhh”

    • Greek One profile image

      Greek One 7 years ago

      As the tears of anguish spewed forth from the eye sockets of his very soul, he gaze down upon the marble tiles lying victimized on his kitchen floor and beseeched the gods for his answer: “Once again, spilt milk… when will this agonizing horror end?!”

    • Greek One profile image

      Greek One 7 years ago

      Mark Smith left Dr. Shapiro's office gripped with bewilderment and concerned less about the intense pain he was experiencing, than to why his Optometrist thought it necessary to give him such a thorough proctological exam.

    • itakins profile image

      itakins 7 years ago from Irl

      The moderator, recognised pure unadulterated talent for what it was, and realised that the competitors would wield every trick in the cyber-world book to grasp their way around the complexities of proper sentence formation,therefore in fact, so concerned was she for total adherence to the rules of correct usage of English, she eagerly scanned ,and re- scanned all entries ,and just to be sure ,she scanned them again-and so ,thumping her fist on her desk ,she proclaimed ‘’that lot will not fool me’’.

    • Bill Yovino profile image

      Bill Yovino 7 years ago

      She kept the truth hidden from all who saw her as nothing more or less than the nun she appeared to be on the outside, and not the deeply conflicted woman who longed to be a mime.

    • Bill Yovino profile image

      Bill Yovino 7 years ago

      She walked with the style, grace, and dignity of a woman born of nobility; not the gum-chewing, working class girl with the gigantic rack that she was.

    • TheGlassSpider profile image

      TheGlassSpider 7 years ago from On The Web

      Everyone dies at the end of this story.

    • TheGlassSpider profile image

      TheGlassSpider 7 years ago from On The Web

      Some time ago, it was awfully rainy and the clouds were a sort of washed out grey colour – you know, the colour of dingy old underwear when you haven’t had any bleach for years – anyway, it was a pretty blah day.

    • TheGlassSpider profile image

      TheGlassSpider 7 years ago from On The Web

      Bob lost his pole somewhere in that dark hole, and no other man was brave enough to go in and get it out.

    • Paradise7 profile image

      Paradise7 7 years ago from Upstate New York

      Last night I dreamed I was back on the farm again, with no hope of leaving it for the big city lights, and people.

    • wyanjen profile image

      Jen King 7 years ago from Wyandotte Michigan

      Longing for her former lover, needing him, deeply deeply yearning him, she ran her fingers gently across the smooth bun before ravenously biting into her sub sandwich... savoring the mouthful and pausing only briefly before swallowing, grateful that she had remembered to ask for extra mayo.

    • Trish_M profile image

      Tricia Mason 7 years ago from The English Midlands

      It had been raining, raining, raining, all day, and desperately sad Mona, who was very, very miserable and really cold and quite bored, bored bored, by the tedious monotony of the dismal grey water pouring continuously from the thunderous black clouds hanging in the leaden sky, and by her lack of friends and by her lack of anything interesting to do and by the bleak depressing landscape that encircled her lonely leaking cabin, as she listened to the drip, drip drip of chillingly cold water, suddenly woke up to discover that the sun was shining, the sky was blue and that there were no clouds or leaden skies and that she had actually passed out in the shower and that it had all been a dream, as she lay under the steady stream of its cool refreshing spray.

    • lmmartin profile image
      Author

      lmmartin 7 years ago from Alberta and Florida

      katiem2 profile image

      This is for katiem2 who cannot read directions and left her entry down in the comment sections, and because it is such a sweet entry I have done my best to paste and copy to move it up here, but if she is available to enter it her/himself I would much appreciate her/him doing so, because this way it might look as though I was playing favorites, although I am not AND FOR ALL OF YOU WATCHING THIS IS ONE SENTENCE.

      katiem2 60 minutes ago

      The freezing hot dark night fell casting a beam of light upon my cold shivering spine as if lightening prompting me to venture quicker and ever more readily down the wet slippery path of stone laced with sod which promised to guide me to the entrance of my destiny.

    • Ben Evans profile image

      Ben Evans 7 years ago

      Silence shatters the peacefulness of this quiet town, yet Mary is unaware of her striking presence, and she has not yet met the man whose death will come at the hand of her beauty.

    • ripplemaker profile image

      Michelle Simtoco 7 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

      She surreptitiously tiptoed like a sneaky sly fugitive clutching on for dear life to the last vestiges of rubbish decorum that silently screams of humiliating shame!

    • Winsome profile image

      Winsome 7 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas

      Father Gregory felt the cold fingers of fear clutch at his shriveled insides as he clung to the farm implement he had borrowed from a neighbor when he first felt his emaciated frame shudder as he lifted his feet to begin the journey to give the last rites to yet another victim of the plague which started ironically on the day he had sworn never to eat until a day went without a death and instead of a respite, body upon body called him to a never ending litany of last rites and his flesh shrank to his bones as his eyes receded into their sockets accompanied by a realization that a miracle was taking place because even though it had been a year since he had eaten, each day strength came with the call for another date with a death and another day of blending into shadows with his hood over his skinless head and the sickle brandished at the terrified few who ran from him screaming “The grim reaper!”

    • Faybe Bay profile image

      Faye Constantino 7 years ago from Florida

      The all-consuming darkness enshrouded her soul like a cape worn by some cloaked avenger, while on the outside she just smiled that sunny smile that made her feel like her face would crack if her mother called her 'darling' just one more time, chuckling inwardly at the thought of splitting the matriarchs face into a permanent smile with the meat cleaver as the car pulled up to take them to the family reunion, she slipped the heavy blade into the deep pocket of her dress, lovingly caressing the handle.

    • frogdropping profile image

      Andria 7 years ago

      Mother Nature unleashed her pre-menstrual tension upon an unwary world by nagging at the trees, raging through the oceans and absolutely refusing to darn any more socks among the mountains.

    • R. E. Dawson profile image

      R. E. Dawson 7 years ago from Arizona

      We begin our story one dark and stormy night with Isabella, a flighty girl, a lover of vampires, who accidentally by mistake ran off with a forty-eight-year-old married man who owned the Death to All Vampires and Vermin Exterminator Company.

    • Bill Yovino profile image

      Bill Yovino 7 years ago

      A spider's web of deceit ensnared his mind as he entered the dark, dank, and tumultuous labyrinth that spread before his weary eyes, which had seen too much treachery despite his young age and his newly formed dubious outlook, having been oft-fooled as a result of his innate trusting nature.

    • itakins profile image

      itakins 7 years ago from Irl

      Unsure of his future, and plagued by his past, James had great difficulty coping with the present.

    • Winsome profile image

      Winsome 7 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas

      Father Gregory, clinging to the farm implement he borrowed from a neighbor, felt the cold skeletal fingers of fear clutch at his shriveled insides and he felt his emaciated frame shudder with each footstep of his journey to give the last rites to yet another victim of the plague which started ironically on the day he had sworn never to eat until a day went without a death and instead of a respite, body upon body called him to a never ending litany of last rites and his flesh shrank to his bones as his eyes receded into their sockets accompanied by a realization that a miracle was taking place because even though it had been a year since he had eaten, each day strength came with the call for another date with a death and another day of blending into shadows with his hood over his skinless head and the sickle brandished at the terrified few who ran from him screaming “The grim reaper!”

    • itakins profile image

      itakins 7 years ago from Irl

      Had he known his destiny he might not have gone forward, but had he not gone forward who knows where his destiny lay, and so, it was with these thoughts he sat pondering his fate, a fate which was to lead him to a destiny which was unimaginable- even to him with his overly analytical brain- and it was that brain which would cause him to choose a fate for which he was never destined.

    • itakins profile image

      itakins 7 years ago from Irl

      Plagued by a skin ailment all his life, Joe sat down and scratched.

    • profile image

       7 years ago

      I knew this match-box-sized bar would be overflowing with all kinds of mutants, forgotten lives and lost hopes on a wet and frosty Friday night but I was not quite prepared for what I saw as I carefully stepped inside, placing one foot in front of the other on the slippery-merky floor trying to squint my eyes which began burning from the cigarette smoke lingering heavily like clouds of tear gas in the middle of a riot; at this point there was no turning back to my stale, desolate life hiding from my disgustingly rotten past.

      (Not sure if the above sentence is a run-on-sentence ... kinda hard to aim at doing a bad job at something ...)

    • itakins profile image

      itakins 7 years ago from Irl

      By and large, at the end of the day, life is a game of two halves, and there has to be some give and take, because you get back what you put in, taking into account the swings and roundabouts, so therefore good people, you must be prepared to step into the margins on the page of life, for it is there you will find the answers ,even if you don’t understand the question, so that we can all be on the same page.

    • itakins profile image

      itakins 7 years ago from Irl

      Sarah realised that she loved John fiercely, with such intensity and passion, it defied understanding in a lesser woman, and she knew that he was her raison d’être, her very life-blood, the sun in her life which made each day worth living, the moon that caressed her sleeping mind and body, the dew on her parched lips, the cool raindrops on her fevered brow, the icing on the cake that was her life, the cherry that crowned that icing, but with all this, her tendency to exaggerate, really annoyed him.

    • shancontented profile image

      shancontented 7 years ago from Someplace, Somewhere

      Like a swarming mass of hungry gnats attracted to the warm bare zapper on a trailer house porch, the cloud hung around the moon and every few minutes, as a gnat falling to its tragic life end, a bolt of electricity would run from the moon down to the damp earth below where Annabella lie helplessly, desperately among the earthworms, digging frantically into the dark, black soil of the garden for cover under the bloody soiled body of Frederick and Annabella began to scream back at the thundering of the heavens, "Why? Why? Why?"

    • BL Tween profile image

      BL Tween 7 years ago

      All was well until the storm clouds gathered, then all HELL broke lose!

    • Edweirdo profile image

      Edweirdo 7 years ago from United States

      Miranda stood erect at the edge of the dimly lit pier and the diffuse glow from the vapor lamp highlighted her silky white locks as they waggled in the gentle northerly breeze, which carried the briny scent of salt water that always brought back to mind the love she had so long ago lost, the love that had been her first, and the notion of that first love caused a tingle to caress her bony old spine as she recalled the gentle touch of those rope-roughened hands, hands that had seen so much hard work pulling the lobster pots from the inky depths of the North Atlantic, at least until the shark attack that separated those workman-like hands from the arms of her lover, arms that had once held her close in the darkness of night and helped her to conquer the night terrors that had plagued her since the bear attack that had destroyed her family as a girl; she was sure that she would never love again, but little did she now that fate would bring a new lover into her fading life this very night, on this very pier, and soon she would even forget about the second bear attack that took her hand-less love - all of those painful memories would slink away from her mind, chased off by the light of new love.

    • Ohma profile image

      Ohma 7 years ago

      In another time and place it is likely that she could have become friends with the man who now held the treasure she herself had been searching for all of her adult life.

    • Ohma profile image

      Ohma 7 years ago

      The dark gray fog hung lazily over the field of summer daisies, negating even the power of the bright colored flowers to brighten the pit of depression she had fallen into.

    • Winsome profile image

      Winsome 7 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas

      All too soon she noticed the tell-tale signs of tarnish on the sheen of the feverishly passionate love affair that had consumed her every thought and the hot furnace of her imagination for weeks during her sabbatical in Venice where she kneeled figuratively in apprenticeship to the handsome Leonardo and had surrendered to his bidding like the molten glass he was firing before his warm breath shaped her willing colors into his own creation, dancing her around and blowing the moist wind of his ardour into her until she lay cooling on the sand, the wand of his fancy cut off to seek in another the fresh hot servant of his art.

    • dianacharles profile image

      dianacharles 7 years ago from India

      She walked into my office with a half limp, like she was missing a few bones in her hip all the while toothily smiling at me as she draped herself across the mahogany front of my highly polished desk and held out a half smoked lipstick stained cigarette for me to light.

    • Austinstar profile image

      Austinstar 7 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

      It was draped, like a long forgotten flag trampled into the dust of a foreign country, over the silent, ethereal tombstone which screamed out with tortured words that its owner had passed so violently into the realm of the dead and so quickly too without so much as a by your leave, kiss my ass, or other indication of the sickly inhuman condition that takes us all in the end and it, being such a visceral reminder, grabbed me by the gut and twisted its long and sinuous form into the wind of my memories, like the tremulous voice you used to used to use to sing your sad forgettable tomes in the morning damp of your wet, twisted shower which like, just now it was also wet and perhaps just a bit mossy already even though it had only lain across the tombstone for barely a year of wistfully waving miserably in the dark of the cemetery over your moldy, crude, and evanescent grave yet still serving as a marker of the ugly symbol of your crazy beliefs in wearing way too many scarves around your thin and suffocating neck and although they were colorful and wispy, it did put you here after all.

    • martyjay999 profile image

      martyjay999 7 years ago from North Port, FL

      Although he was the perfect picture of health, he woke yesterday morning dead.

    • Alison Graham profile image

      Alison Graham 7 years ago from UK

      Tomorrow will be a bright and sunny day and the singing of birds will be made even more beautiful by the mellifluous sound of the stream babbling over the rocks beside the path that leads toward the church thought Laura as she slipped out from between the sheets of her lover’s bed to make her way back to her own chamber where her wedding gown hung but unfortunately, as she entered the corridor, the steel blade of her Bridegroom-to-be’s stiletto pierced her heart and she concluded with her dying breath that predictions were notoriously difficult to get right, especially about the future.

    • kimh039 profile image

      Kim Harris 7 years ago

      Crack ho’s come and crack ho’s go, but as far as crack ho’s go, she was by far the skankiest; with nothing beneath her wet white boyfriend shirt but lean flesh stretched across the skeletal remnants of a once loving suburban mother who has now resorted to selling her only daughter for a rock at the corner of 16th and market streets, with no hesitation or sign of conscience, as if she were pulling her hanky from her pocket for the millionth time and was aggravated by the need to do so.

    • SimeyC profile image

      Simon Cook 7 years ago from NJ, USA

      The hot sun beat down ravaging the terrain as the snowman regretted his vacation choice.

    • Tammy Lochmann profile image

      Tammy Lochmann 7 years ago

      Ahh, your lovely electric green hue, and your salt laden sinewy top has made me quiver with absolute anticipation of your succulent coldness sliding down my throat and the subsequent numb euphoria that is certain to pursue.

    • Tammy Lochmann profile image

      Tammy Lochmann 7 years ago

      She lay writhing and squirming upon the distorted blanket that had been the picnic lunch that they had enjoyed beside the chilly cold lake where Mother Nature was demonstrating her wizardry with the first signs of long anticipated springtime weather and the fire ants joined them biting and stinging because they had lain their repast over their habitation.

    • Tom Cornett profile image

      Tom Cornett 7 years ago from Ohio

      "Look at me daddy," shouted the Princess to King Arthemius, while riding her birthday present, a white stallion which was plunging off of an extremely high cliff!

    • ECDupree profile image

      ECDupree 7 years ago

      Twin moons glowed brightly in the indigo sky indicating night is upon them, and since this night is probably their last they were going to enjoy it; acta est fibula, this is the final scene.

    • Greek One profile image

      Greek One 7 years ago

      There’s was a love that dared not speak its name… which is a good thing as he had forgotten what her was shortly after the third drink

    • Greek One profile image

      Greek One 7 years ago

      The happy bird of joy finally laid its droppings of glee upon her household, for after an eternity of pleading over three years of marriage, Reginald had finally succumbed to her resilient struggle and put the toilet seat down.

    • Greek One profile image

      Greek One 7 years ago

      He gently drizzled oil upon her tender breasts and drooled with anticipation, for in just four short hours his first Thanksgiving turkey would be ready to be devoured.

    • SimeyC profile image

      Simon Cook 7 years ago from NJ, USA

      The cake was absolutely fantastic and as he ate it he mumbled those very famous words “Mffps bmmmp smmmpt grumppps dumpps ssummps”

    • SimeyC profile image

      Simon Cook 7 years ago from NJ, USA

      “To be or not to be?” said the illiterate school boy looking for his English class.

    • SimeyC profile image

      Simon Cook 7 years ago from NJ, USA

      He was an enigma hidden in a mystery and dressed in a gorilla suit.

    • SimeyC profile image

      Simon Cook 7 years ago from NJ, USA

      Although he couldn’t see them in the false dawn he could feel the dew covered cobwebs as they brushed through his hair eerily speaking of hidden denizens in the night and he suddenly wished he hadn’t been born a house-fly.

    • SimeyC profile image

      Simon Cook 7 years ago from NJ, USA

      He was a dark and stormy knight….

    • SimeyC profile image

      Simon Cook 7 years ago from NJ, USA

      It was a stark and wormy nightstand weathered as if the ages had come and gone and left their imprint in its old withered drawers with an insidious brutality culminating in decrepitude so deep that even the ancient God of furniture attested this dereliction to be a mere pile of wood.

    • Naartjie profile image

      Naartjie 7 years ago from UK

      His torso was ripped, tanned and tight as he tore off his shirt and looked longingly at her with his deep blue eyes, eyes as deep and blue as the ocean.

    • Naartjie profile image

      Naartjie 7 years ago from UK

      She was lost, confused, a stranger in a strange place that was full of such very strange people that she had never ever met before, nor dreamed of meeting, even in her nightmares.

    • Naartjie profile image

      Naartjie 7 years ago from UK

      His nostrils flared, in and out, like a horse- not a racehorse, but more like a working horse - a mule perhaps.

    • Naartjie profile image

      Naartjie 7 years ago from UK

      He loved her like the moon loved the sun; like the fish loved the sea; like the woman loved the full-cream organic fairtrade chocolate that she got on sale at M&S.

    • CMHypno profile image

      CMHypno 7 years ago from Other Side of the Sun

      Gavin sat with his feet up on the desk, disconsolately picking his nose and flicking the snot into the wastebin, wondering whether he would ever get a lead in this case and be able to revenge the murder of his beloved Fifi LeTease.

    • kimh039 profile image

      Kim Harris 7 years ago

      It was his incooperativeness that ticked me off so much and made me go at him like a bat out of hell.

    • kimh039 profile image

      Kim Harris 7 years ago

      It was a hot day in February somewhere and I was going to find out where.

    • kimh039 profile image

      Kim Harris 7 years ago

      When you figure it takes two to tango, and he didn't tango, but she wound up pregnant, you start to thinking maybe there was something to the milkman story after all.

    • kimh039 profile image

      Kim Harris 7 years ago

      It's not like there isn't anything more funner to do, or even that there isn't anything needing to get done; it's just that time has away of passing you by if you don't chase down your dreams once in awhile.

    • Bill Yovino profile image

      Bill Yovino 7 years ago

      She was lost, tired, and bewildered, like the brain-damaged turtle she had once owned, that thought it was a bird and would try to climb trees to build a nest for the eggs he would never lay.

    • imadork profile image

      imadork 7 years ago from St. Peters, MO

      After walking into street abundant with heavy rush hour traffic John Smith yelled out, "Oh my God!" as he was struck down by a black muscle car barreling down the crowded road like an angry bull taunted by a Spanish matador wielding a crimson cape.

    • profile image

      Patty 7 years ago

      I don't belong here, she thought, so she left.

    • itakins profile image

      itakins 7 years ago from Irl

      The old oak stood not so proudly anymore, as it leaned over the neighbouring fence, and groaned with the weight of gnarled branches and newly grown leaves which embraced its thick aged frame, while casting an ominous shadow on the garden below, and hidden within that embrace, a feral tomcat sized up the offerings destined for the neighbour’s barbecue, while he carefully gauged his distance, knowing he would have one chance and one chance only to grab a mouth-watering piece of fish from the ice tray, before it would be assigned to its fate on the burning charcoals where it would cook it to delicious lip-smacking perfection for the hungry diners beneath him, and so silently ,he stalked along the branch , and all the while he measured his distance, with the confidence of a cat who had done this so often in the past, he leapt ,sadly over-estimating the distance, and landed on the wrong plaice, while his loud howls distracted the afternoon revellers ,one of whom was JJ Browne, party host and fish connoisseur extraordinaire, a man now on a mission –a mission to exterminate feral cats in that neighbourhood- for so determined was he that no cat was going to make a cod of him again, by hook or by crook, however,JJ Browne was a man who might just have bitten off more that he could chew at that fateful barbecue.

    • randslam profile image

      Rand Zacharias 7 years ago from Kelowna, British Columbia

      It was an obsidian shrouded eve and curly clouds of ill repute teared angrily upon the plastic lawn furniture strewn with no regard acrost the poorly laid ricotta tile--suddenly someone screamed from just inside the whitened sepulchre of a mansion.

    • randslam profile image

      Rand Zacharias 7 years ago from Kelowna, British Columbia

      As I bent over something ripped and then I farted.

    • randslam profile image

      Rand Zacharias 7 years ago from Kelowna, British Columbia

      Once at the beginning someone ended.

    • randslam profile image

      Rand Zacharias 7 years ago from Kelowna, British Columbia

      The butler did it...so you can stop reading now.

    • randslam profile image

      Rand Zacharias 7 years ago from Kelowna, British Columbia

      I was born on my birthday, at a very young age.

    • randslam profile image

      Rand Zacharias 7 years ago from Kelowna, British Columbia

      You will find that this is the most interesting and greatest story ever told.

    • randslam profile image

      Rand Zacharias 7 years ago from Kelowna, British Columbia

      Are we there yet?

    • randslam profile image

      Rand Zacharias 7 years ago from Kelowna, British Columbia

      It was at this point that I thought the frontal lobotomy hadn't taken, THAT the doctor had botched it, but then, I thot an open-minded person wouldn't mind have a botched lobotomy, but then I ordered a bottle to be place in front of me, but then I lost my whole train of thinking. Thn i frgot hwo 2 spppell....an riwte..and then...

    • lmmartin profile image
      Author

      lmmartin 7 years ago from Alberta and Florida

      THE FOLLOWING PEOPLE POSTED ENTRIES IN THE COMMENTS SECTION. PLEASE COME BACK AND ENTER CORRECTLY.

      Wayne Orvisburg 4 hours ago

      The booming thunder outside only amplified the horrendous sound of the phone ringing while the called id flashed the number for the Visa collections department.

      trooper22 19 hours ago

      They said I wouldn’t dream as I was placed within this chamber; yet it is this endless tumult of thoughts and nightmares that tumble through the recesses of my mind…this infinite wait that is cryogenic slumber, a sleep without oblivion, a consciousness without action, a torment unending – my sanity; the victim of technology.

      Pamela99 19 hours ago

      As Katie walked along at dusk in a misty rain, worried about the pile of work she couldn't finish, she felt something wet and furry run up her right leg under her skirt.

    • randslam profile image

      Rand Zacharias 7 years ago from Kelowna, British Columbia

      Thrice upon a time these triplets went to the well three times to discuss the trinity and all things that come in triplicate, but when the threesome returned to the well for the third time--they realized that duality was better so they killed one of themselves.

    • Rafini profile image

      Rafini 7 years ago from Somewhere I can't get away from

      The whispering pines of tomorrow shine brightly on today as if it were yesterday, and everywhere you look all you can see are billowing clouds, surrounding blue skies, and birds flying in between the dreams of yesterday and the thoughts of tomorrow, all complete with the rays from the sun guiding them up and down in search of something to fill their needs and send them home.

    • Rafini profile image

      Rafini 7 years ago from Somewhere I can't get away from

      There comes a time, in everyone's life, and hers was no different, when to speak up and be noticed, with or without interest, can only be the goal for a short stretch of time, less than but not more than, one year, whereby a person comes to know not only the truth about the world, but the truth about themselves, and it just so happens that now, today, is her time to shine and discover the truth hidden deep inside her that she has yet to unleash.

    • raisingme profile image

      raisingme 7 years ago from Fraser Valley, British Columbia

      Be it a stroke of genius or a stroke of dumb luck the old town clock in the city square struck midnight just as Lorelle slid onto the last available bar stool at the Do Drop Inn, right next to a dark and dashing stranger.

    • ediggity profile image

      ediggity 7 years ago

      It was the darkest time in my life, so I turned on the light; it's funny how drinking makes you forget to do things.

    • lmmartin profile image
      Author

      lmmartin 7 years ago from Alberta and Florida

      NOT AN ENTRY: I must say that some of these entries are superb, wonderful and a joy. I wish I had the time to give each of the entrants a thank you, but time constraints don't allow (after all I have to chase down all the mis-entered and get them corrected) but allow me to say right now, how wonderful it is to see such a great response. Thanks all of you for making this Dark and Stormy Night the success it has become. Lynda

    • bonnebartron profile image

      bonnebartron 7 years ago from never one place for too long

      Twas at the crack of noon in a land of the exact same where, but a differing when from this unattainable parallel replica of earths exact position and moment in rotation, differing only by the clause of a single moments impulse to the breath in time that remains with the viewer at the very instant it is read by the viewer, that the cheerful, beautiful, blissfully ignorant housemaid determined it was time to, finally, unburden her reality of the man who had been her keeper, and discover ways of traveling between the realities where she is the Queen of England and where she is also a bum.

    • Bill Yovino profile image

      Bill Yovino 7 years ago

      The cold, salty waves washed over his face, temporarily obscuring the moon from his vision as he clung like a barnacle to the transom of the overturned boat that he had built with his own two hands and rushed to launch before fully testing its seaworthiness in nearby Baker Lake, where he had frequently sailed as a child and knew all too well how a sudden and unexpected wind could cause even the most seasoned skipper to lose control and capsize.

    • trooper22 profile image

      trooper22 7 years ago from Chicago

      They said I wouldn’t dream as I was placed within this chamber; yet it is this endless tumult of thoughts and nightmares that tumble through the recesses of my mind…this infinite wait that is cryogenic slumber, a sleep without oblivion, a consciousness without action, a torment unending – my sanity; the victim of technology.

      Moved as requested....I blame my mouse scroller :)

    • trooper22 profile image

      trooper22 7 years ago from Chicago

      So, this bug-eyed green chick materializes within the entry chamber and struts her shapely hips towards me and she says; “Do you come here often?”

    • itakins profile image

      itakins 7 years ago from Irl

      Detective Black has a secret.

    • lmmartin profile image
      Author

      lmmartin 7 years ago from Alberta and Florida

      "Dark and stormy night, dark and stormy night," the poor, tortured woman was heard to whimper plaintively as she tossed and turned on her sweat sodden mattress, unconsciously ripping out shocks of hair by the roots with hands showing badly chewed nails and bleeding cuticles, trembling and jerking in nervous tremors as they wiped at a face tear-stained and swollen, and indeed, so piteous was her state that he reached forward to comfort the miserable wretch, only to pull back, startled, as she suddenly and abruptly sat straight up and screamed, "ONLY ONE SENTENCE!"

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      Rand Zacharias 7 years ago from Kelowna, British Columbia

      Whether t'is nobler to be mediocre or not to be mediocre--this is the sentence.

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      Rishad I Habib 7 years ago from Bangladesh

      I were learnning English on UK during one winter ago but my shemale teacher fired me from skool for over adult behavior but I were sexless & good learnning english.

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      Rand Zacharias 7 years ago from Kelowna, British Columbia

      Once at the beginning of one of my earlier lives I came to a conclusion only to discover that I was in the middle of something that was extremely redundant, so just to be overly repetitive about the importance of reincarnating life into my many lives I decided to see if I could end one life only to pop up in another less interesting, and certainly more boring, kind of life that may or may not include a gender swap, that was of no real importance, because I was always uninterested in sex, or romance, or erotic love, so when I ended that middle beginning of a mid-life life, I came to realize that the question of life wasn't important--only the sentence was important--and the powers that be had sentenced me to life imprisonment.

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      Author

      lmmartin 7 years ago from Alberta and Florida

      OKAY, I'VE DILIGENTLY EMAILED ALL WHO HAVE HAD THEIR ENTRIES DENIED AND EXPLAINED WHY, BUT IT STOPS NOW. LACK OF PUNCTUATION DOES NOT MAKE NUMEROUS SENTENCES INTO ONE. POETRY IS NOT ONE SENTENCE, NOR IS IT THE OPENING LINE OF A NOVEL. A PARAGRAPH IS NOT ONE SENTENCE. STICKING A SEMICOLIN IN TWO UNRELATED SENTENCES DOES NOT MAKE IT ONE SENTENCE. STICKING AN ELIPSE IN THE MIDDLE CANNOT JOIN TWO SENTENCES INTO ONE. AND USING AN AMPERSAND INSTEAD OF AND HAS NO PLACE IN WRITING AT ALL. SO, FROM THIS POINT ON, I SHALL SIMPLY DELETE ALL ENTRIES THAT ARE NOT ONE GRAMMATICALLY CORRECT SENTENCE WITHOUT NOTICE OR EXPLANATION, BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT A SENTENCE IS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON A SITE FOR WRITERS? HMMMM?

      AND TO FURTHER EXPLAIN, I AM SPENDING HOURS TRACKING YOU GUYS DOWN AND SENDING YOU CORRECTIONS AND SOME OF YOU DON'T HAVE EMAIL CONTACTS, AND I'M BEHIND ON MY WORK -- MY REAL WORK -- THAT I GET PAID FOR -- AND I'M AN EDITOR FOR CRYING OUT LOUD SO THIS IS DOUBLE DUTY -- AND IF YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED: TO ADD INSULT TO INJURY, THE HARDER I WORK AT THIS THE LOWER MY AUTHOR SCORE GOES -- THANKS A HEAP HUBPAGES. AND, AND, AND --

      ONE AND ONLY ONE GRAMMATICALLY CORRECT SENTENCE -- OR IT'S GONE. (I'M NOT KIDDING!!!)

      Hey honey, where'd you put that bottle of vodka? Would you believe out of 26 entries this morning alone 21 of them were denied? Don't they teach basic grammar anymore. Nimwits!! Oh, is the voice command still one. Oops

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      Rishad I Habib 7 years ago from Bangladesh

      The story started with the opening of my anus by an arab surgeon according to whom it was badly infected due to intimate gay relationship.

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      dingdong 7 years ago from South India

      They fell in love with each other at their first sight in a deadly accident.

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      DarkSinistar 7 years ago from North Carolina

      Eleanore's sycophantic mastication in her extravagant endeavor to win favor with Chef Porky made the hankering to see her choke upon the osseous matter of a cockerel not only my nethermost yearning but in fact the universe that had become my disconsolate abode.

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      RedElf 7 years ago from Canada

      He wasn't sure if things could possibly get any worse, for, though things showed no signs of getting any better, they were still not mired the same deadly quagmire of emotional desolation as that in which they had begun their journey out of the awful slough of despond that had once been a joy-filled and vibrant relationship, but he knew, beyond any shadow of any doubt, that they had only each other to cling to and trust in the maelstrom of dark and stormy nights which now stretched before them in a seemingly endless round of day after despair-filled days to come.

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      Enelle Lamb 7 years ago from Canada's 'California'

      Sweating copiously, within the confines of the cramped, smoke filled, squalid kitchen, Stephanie laboriously manhandled the steaming, malodorous, gelatinous-like substance that threatened to bubble over the grimy, soot-caked, cast iron cauldron hanging precariously over the manure-stoked, smoldering fire, into several, large, misshapen, roughly hewn, splinter-laden wooden bowls, heaped haphazardly with week old, mould spotted, stale bread crusts with her enormously unwieldy, rusted and dented ladle, as she narrowly avoided stepping on several chunks of unidentifiable, goo-covered meat that slopped onto her worn, tattered shoes and dirty, threadbare, laddered leggings, and screeched above the raucous din of emaciated court-yard workers, “Come and get it, yer breakfast is ready!”

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      ediggity 7 years ago

      As I stared into her beautiful blue eyes I felt her body shudder, and when I removed the knife she collapsed like melted butter.

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      Bill Yovino 7 years ago

      * lmmartin - (This is a reworked version of an entry I made above - the original was too good)

      The cold, salty waves rose above his trembling blue lips and washed over his colorless face, temporarily obscuring the alabaster moon from his vision as he clung like a barnacle to the freshly painted transom of the overturned craft that he had built with his own two hands and rushed to launch before fully testing its seaworthiness in the comfort and proximity of Baker Lake, whose warm and shallow waters he had frequently sailed as a child and which had taught him all too well that a sudden and unexpected change in the wind could imperil even the most seasoned skipper piloting a boat of superior design.

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      blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

      Oh he bent to kiss the softness of her underarm skin only to find six inches of hairy growth, ah a French woman.

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      Greg Boudonck 7 years ago from On A Mountain In Puerto Rico

      As he gripped the steering wheel her jaws flapped in an unbearable squelching and whining which reminded him of the a.m. radio he had in his 1932 Studebaker.

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      Pamela Oglesby 7 years ago from United States

      I awoke groggy not knowing where I was, realizing by hands and feet were tied to stakes in the ground with tall trees blocking out most of the light; but I noticed a short haired woman wearing a plaid skirt walking quickly toward me and suddenly the wind blew up her shirt showing me she was a he.

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      Simon Cook 7 years ago from NJ, USA

      In the darkest realms of the fantastical sits a mystical character of obsequiousness whose tenet on life is akin to a bumblebees love for pollen in the most opulent of roses and whose cheerful nature infects the very fabric of nature insidiously penetrating where laughter and joy have no place to be.

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      manyinterests 7 years ago from North Carolina

      Her unpretentious foible concluded more erroneous than she could have ever conjectured in her burgeoning, callow, mind.

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      Michelle Simtoco 7 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

      On a sunny sun-drenched day, I cheerfully beamed with merriment at the sight of my precious son rolling and undulating on the floor trying to catch the elusive pale subtle sunbeams that were scattered all over our room shouting, “Give sun to mommy!”

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      Pamela Oglesby 7 years ago from United States

      As Katie walked along at dusk in a misty rain, worried about the pile of work she couldn't finish, she felt something wet and furry run up her right leg under her skirt.

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      Pamela Oglesby 7 years ago from United States

      I awoke abruptly, soaked in sweat, from the same tormenting dream I'd had for the past ten years, which started after the costumed intruder broke into my home holding a 6" knife through the back window to murder my dog and as I grabbed my Ruger 9 mm, I wondered why he thought I had a dog.

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      Pamela Oglesby 7 years ago from United States

      As I slipped off the bar stool, I felt the warm glow of feeling a little tipsy and while balancing on my high heels I headed for my car with my head held high, noticing the tall good looking man who had been watching me over the past hour rise from his seat and move my way, and as we reached the parking lot he was suddenly ahead of me, opening my back door, pushing me down in the back seat, climbing on top of me, and as I felt his excitement, I succumbed to his kisses, nibbling on his tongue, thinking he was the most exciting husband a girl could ever dream up.

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      itakins 7 years ago from Irl

      Aggies’s entire body was consumed by an extremely abrupt sneeze, one of those sneezes that sneaks up without warning,one which not only causes a sudden and ve ry loud explosion through the nose and mouth, and sends shockwaves right down to the feet and through the very floor, but one that also caused her false teeth to be propelled furiously from her mouth and into a neighbouring shoppers carrier bag,(an occurrence which went unnoticed by the neighbouring shopper),and thus caused Aggie to yell in aggrieved toothless tones ‘’teef…teef………you…teef...’’ while pointing dramatically at the startled shopper, who up until now had been going about her business in her quiet and inoffensive way, as was her wont,and so rather unfortunately, poor Mrs Murphy, a harmless lady by all accounts, stood trembling in the supermarket manager’s office, trying to explain her innocence to the, overly quizzical and highly accusatorial ,wimp of a man who appeared to have a liking for oversized badly cut clothes, while at the same time she sought desperately to make sense, with her frazzled brain, of the last ten minutes, and why no one seemed to believe one word she was saying, because her plaintiff cries ‘’I am not a thief’ fell on deafened ears, so distracted was the owner of those ears-the wimp himself- by the loud wailing of Aggie, still roaring ‘teef…teef’’

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      LEWJ 7 years ago

      My dear reader, let me clearly explain that when the hero of this story first fell down to get up, he figured it would be a good idea to get back up in order to fall back down at the risk of being slightly redundant, totally disregarding the likely result that he had previously believed would transpire if he, in fact, had merely gotten up after figuring what he figured when he found he'd fallen down with the clear and distinct notion that, if he DID decide to get back up after having fallen twice and perhaps even a THIRD time, he might be liable to the accusation of more than slight redundancy and have to conclude by getting up still again for the express purpose of proving, by unassailable logic, the value of disproving that which only SEEMS to be supported by a series of apparently supportable, and true, events that may or may not be labeled redundant, which value by now I'm sure you the reader can easily understand as here explained in this first chapter of the great English novel you are about to read entitled, "GREAT OBFUSCATIONS", by me, CARLS PICKENS!

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      Amanda Severn 7 years ago from UK

      "Oil and water just do not mix," Giuseppe announced, as he plunged the bright steel of his stilletto knife sharply up, under the ribs of his startled victim, "but blood and water, well that's a different matter."

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      Butterman Jones 7 years ago from Logan, Ohio

      The copious pompous gentlemen leisurely crooked to scrutinize his fastidiously crafted epistle as his overly large sweating hands slightly smudged the ink, which was glistening optimistically against the pallid parchment on which it was written with the exquisite pen of ivory, which came from the tusk of an African elephant slain by the very hand that now brandished the writing implement with such precision and masterful flair.

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      Sheila 7 years ago from The Other Bangor

      Years later—four, or maybe five, if not six or seven, but really, now that she thought about it carefully, no more than nine, or nine and a half, anyway—she would remember that day (however many years previously) as being the first (or if not the first, then nearly the first; perhaps it was the second) time she had ever known the silent pangs of envy—those creeping, soul-destroying, rampantly pernicious tendrils of despair—at knowing that she stood outside the plated palaces of all that she had longed for and had believed herself worthy of attaining, or, if not attaining, of having thrust upon her by an outward force of destined opulence and outright entitlement to majesty that she now realized was not to be, was never to be, could never have been, and all she could then envision for her future was the bleakest of attainments: the second-rate perch of a tawdry, failed presumptive; an armoire of the cast-off robes of superannuated ministration; and the mealy, dun-colored appurtenances of shadow-dwelling officiates in the sequestered gloom of servile, downward-gazing, lick-spittle lackeys who know nothing of the amenities, indulgences, and superfluities of success.

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      Sheila 7 years ago from The Other Bangor

      Not to be outdone by the apparent dark humor of his fate, Jack (having blenched at the prospect mere hours before) mounted the hobby-horse of malignant destiny and galloped off into the sunset of inconsequentiality.

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      Sheila 7 years ago from The Other Bangor

      Rubicund John was marvelously tickled by the appearance of a nun in his gun club refectory, and, assuming her to be on an errand of mercy, suggested she try packing a Glock “Safe Action” pistol for those annoying moments in life when prayers, harsh words, or stringent disciplinary measures just won’t do.

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      Jeff Berndt 7 years ago from Southeast Michigan

      In many cases, scientists, in their pursuit of the light of knowledge, forget that knowledge can come at a price too dear to pay, as our heroine learned after several hours crouching in the blind and operating the parabolic microphone that was to have settled once and for all the controversy surrounding the question of whether the subject of her dissertation had a call that sounded more like “brans,” “grains,” or “greens,” when she discovered, much to her dismay and professional embarrassment, not to mention personal inconvenience, that there are, after all, no vegetarian zombies.

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      Jeff Berndt 7 years ago from Southeast Michigan

      As a linguist specializing in phonology, I ought to have known enough to check that I had heard correctly before I arranged to have a box containing a young hen hidden in my journalist fiancee's desk on the assumption that she had told me her goal was to receive a pullet surprise.

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      itakins 7 years ago from Irl

      Even the rain seemed depressed and half hearted that Monday morning, and just dribbled down making everything it touched damp and miserable, and everywher e the dribbles landed,they dribbled a little bit more in a slow monotonous dribbler fashion, as they dribbled on to lazy dribble receptive surfaces, to dribble a bit more on to even more surfaces- and on and on and on until all the day long, the rain just dribbled ,like one big mouthful of saliva- incontinently dribbling its glutinous contents.

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      Author

      lmmartin 7 years ago from Alberta and Florida

      lmmartin 1 second ago

      Edit Your Comment (open for 5 minutes)

      Here I am gathering sheep to the fold from afar. KJ posted this laudable entry on the wrong hub -- it's a first KJ. Thanks for the entry.

      K J Page 79 minutes ago

      The insidious words so lavishly displayed upon the surface of the writing medium leapt from the page with profound ingenuity in their simplicity, displaying august depth in robust rigidity for a time long past its due, imparting both wisdom and humor in layered tiers that could only be described as all inclusive in creativity and genius for reaching out to all those who would lower and endeavor to drink in that which has so little taste in illustrative literature at every level.

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      Michelle Simtoco 7 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

      He powerfully thrust with a forceful vigor his immensely large fist against the aging rusty bedpost and thunderously insisted to the rapidly dying man, “But dad, I really saw mommy kissing Santa Claus!”

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      Jane Bovary 7 years ago from The Fatal Shore

      Geoffrey Samsa awoke one morning to find himself transformed into a giant inflatable pool toy, which was inconvenient as he had a big day ahead at work but he somehow managed to roll out of bed onto the floor, unfortunately hitting the sharp corner of the bedside table on the way down, after which he noticed a loud hissing sound, causing him to mumble "thats torn it" as he felt himself disappearing entirely.

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      Jane Bovary 7 years ago from The Fatal Shore

      Ken watched in amazement as the elephant's skin crumpled like a deflated balloon onto the jungle floor and out stepped the proud warriors of the Umbumba tribe, carrying his wife Debbie, who had disappeared seven years earlier when she went out to buy a tube of putty from the local hardware store, on a bamboo throne.

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      ns1209 7 years ago from UK - England

      Looking around James saw a dark, stormy night and a large pair of glowing eyes in the distance.

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      EpicNoob 7 years ago

      Taking one last look at the pastry and shedding a single tear, our hero conceded that he was too bloated to finish his pie.

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      Farhan Kathawala 7 years ago

      It was a dark and stormy night; nonetheless, Abigail, foaming at the mouth with poor, misguided enthusiasm, pulled into the dank, abandoned parking lot as the screeching, terror-filled cry of a nearby crow poised the scene for a world filled with miseries and sorrows, a world which our innocent and unsuspecting Abigail would be thrust into as soon as she shut the rusty, battered car door and left the only portal to her old life behind her.

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      sheila b. 7 years ago

      They were a somber family of five who lived next door in the old Parish house, the house now sagging with age and neglect, set on a lawn of crab grass and weeds.

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      Faye Constantino 7 years ago from Florida

      The deep dark sinking feeling that she had felt only once before, reemerged as she stepped through the dark damp stone archway leading to Graymoore Castle's cobblestone courtyard.

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      Nancy Hinchliff 7 years ago from Louisville, Kentucky

      Despite the driving rain, Meg and Ellen managed to drag the trampoline into the tiny space where they eagarly threw off their clothes and jumped into the icy water which had gathered in the center of the bounce mat.

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      MojoJojo49 7 years ago

      They were the best of times, they were the not so great of times.

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      MojoJojo49 7 years ago

      As far back as I can remember I've always wanted to be a telemarketer.

    • MojoJojo49 profile image

      MojoJojo49 7 years ago

      Oxy was a moron but he was an incredibly smart one at that and his life was filled with so many beautifully normal and outstandingly ordinary days that after 62 years of such happy depression it was no open secret he dullily ended it with a sharp knife.

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      Nancy Hinchliff 7 years ago from Louisville, Kentucky

      It lay on the desk for most of the day until with the darkness of night came a piercing wind crashing through the fragile window pane taking with it the solitary promise which would free Emily forever from the oppression she had known for years, causing her to suffer repeated and extreme emotional trauma of the worst kind, despite the many attempts to secure her release through a simple and straight forward signature from one who no longer cared if she lived or died.

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      Nancy Hinchliff 7 years ago from Louisville, Kentucky

      Although they had persistently wandered though the twisted and tangled underbrush and scoured the wet, murky swamp for most of the exhausting day they knew, since darkness was settling upon them, that they would not be able to recognize anyone in the menacing and turbulent storm that raged in their path and that forbiddingly threatened their every move, nor would they be able to survive themselves if those they suddenly encountered were the portentous ones from whom they were desperately trying to escape, an escape that held with it the much longed for promise of a better and more fulfilling life.

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      Nancy Hinchliff 7 years ago from Louisville, Kentucky

      Seeking revenge, they dressed in stark black, masked their faces, and gingerly exited the metal bubble with weapons in hand only to find that the night violently maligned them with jarring, thunderous and resounding crackles and pummeled them with incredulous amounts of icy pellets as it drenched them with a frigid liquid so cold that they shivered uncontrollably until they retreated back to the safety of their silvery lair, lavishing in the comfort they were so accustomed to and desiring nothing more than to return to where they were coddled and revered while doing nothing except waiting for the next opportunity for further revenge on those who would annihilate them with one fell swoop.

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      JYNXART 7 years ago

      Damien approached the edge, his feet slapping the warm tarmac of the roof, pebbles wedging between the gaps of his toes, and with a leap of faith he leapt from the building into the giant abyss below him and looking back over his shoulder, the city shooting passed his eyes in a blur, he wondered if he had sewn enough squirrels to his suit for this flying stunt to work.

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      JYNXART 7 years ago

      Tightening his fingers around the leather of his steering wheel, knuckles cracking and sweat oozing between them, his right foot slipped slowly down onto the accelerator and pushed until it dug into the rug covered floor of his car, leg fully extended and muscles twitching; he was determined to nail this one, there was no way he was going to let this fly get away.

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      EpicNoob 7 years ago

      Alas, my tongue was stuck.

    • lmmartin profile image
      Author

      lmmartin 7 years ago from Alberta and Florida

      Moving two entries up from the comments section. If your folks notice this, please come back and re-enter up here.

      lorlie6 11 hours ago

      That shrill voice of hers bounced off the walls of the basketball court from all sides, making his insides boil at the very thought of her.

      Status: Shown

      ip: 69.180.64.47

      Pamela99 profile image

      Pamela99 13 minutes ago

      It was a cold rainy morning with dense fog as I ran through the forest disturbing the birds in the trees, till finally I reached the sunny beach knowing I had finally escaped and my jet ski was tied to the dock; then I jumped on the skis careening into the mouth of the biggest shark I had ever seen.

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      ambikac09 7 years ago from UK

      They pulled up high the wet, ripped sails while they struggled to stand on the bulwark against the raging wind and pouring rain as the storm brew under the darkest night since they set sail with stalwart herculean sailors in quest of the lost trade vessel a long dreary week ago looking out more anxiously for the reward on the head of the notorious yardbird on the lost ship who they believed was the reason for the ship's disappearance as it sailed past the perilous prison island on its way to the prosperous shore of the growing pompous colony which now lay under the dark storm clouds awaiting its sailors and wealth that would have been enjoyed for many a thousand generations that the land would see after these merciless invaders from the mainlands who came a decade ago with no desire to return the generous hospitality shown on their arrival,barbarously slaughtered the natives but now saw the gods disown them with disapproval and contempt letting them suffer the plague demyelinate life from within, the convicts and pirates pulverizing their possessions on sea and the storm opening up the mouth of hell upon their steadfast men who had brought wealth to them and death to the ones before since they stepped on the ISLAND of SPEARS.

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      Nancy Hinchliff 7 years ago from Louisville, Kentucky

      As the rain beat down over head, Marci thought about how fond she was of Harold, in a strange sort of way, and how she detested his supercilious manner when it came to meeting her friends Percy and Adeline who were the best lanyard weavers this side of the Blueridge and if she could ever get up enough nerve, she thought to tell him that she would not put up with his nonsense another minute, even though she knew that it might mean the end of their relationship and no more trips to the University where he was president and she worked the night shift emptying trash cans in such a manner that Harold actually broke down and cried one day, from the sheer joy of being able to see clear down to the bottom of his can, a vision Marci would never forget.

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      R. E. Dawson 7 years ago from Arizona

      The dark and stormy man’s mood matched the weather as his life matched a unique one-of-a-kind tautological cliché of a life he led, although somewhat true, went unmatched without saying.

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      Mary Krenz 7 years ago from Florida's Space Coast

      My life, being pelted with insults and innuendos, had become like the proverbial dark and stormy night, and I longed for the sunrise.

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      MojoJojo49 7 years ago

      The bewildered archeologist stared down at the uncovered elephantine bones and gargantuan tusks at his feet on the dust floor of Death Valley and he finally realised what a mammoth task he had taken on.

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      Nancy Hinchliff 7 years ago from Louisville, Kentucky

      Exhausted and confused as he was, Gregory frantically continued to search the vault with relentless persistence, driven by the anticipation of fulfilling the promise he had so reluctantly made in the haste of that unpredictable and utterly unexpected evening with the most unusual of gentlemen, with whom he was now incureably bound in a harrowing partnership, one which he prognosticated, would result if fulfilled in an excruciating and insufferable existence filled with the most implacable anguish he could imagine.

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      Simon Cook 7 years ago from NJ, USA

      As he surveyed the bones he had just found noting the large size of the skull that was domed but strangely was severed entirely in half with a very large protruding nose Peter picked up the only other bone fragments found that resembled two hands without thumbs and mused “Kilroy really was here!”

    • SimeyC profile image

      Simon Cook 7 years ago from NJ, USA

      Sedentary statues can be seen to sway slightly as if feeling the waves of emotion flowing through the castle that expunged the happiness that once adorned the very walls and chambers with a weary pleasantness and are now dispelled by a cacophony of hatred and fear that seeps out of the very souls that only minutes ago were embedded in the humans that now lay slaughtered in the kitchen amongst the parsnips and turnips like some rag-a-muffin dolls discarded by their weary and malevolent child.

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      ediggity 7 years ago

      It was a dark and stormy night, so I decided to stay home and watch Threes Company re-runs in my underwear.

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      Cindy Weyant 7 years ago from Costa Mesa, California

      The tentacles of the enormously hideous and bulbous alien creature embraced me as some sort of maternal octopus would, and I tried to scream but nothing came out but vile acid; it was a normal day.

    • JustColl profile image

      JustColl 7 years ago from Durban, South Africa

      It was alarm that she realised that the competition about which she had been so enthusiastic did not offer a prize of any real value, merely the glory of having the most creative imagination, and that there would be nothing to sell in order to support her desire to be a great novelist.

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      JustColl 7 years ago from Durban, South Africa

      Talulah and Trixie, the dancings elephants, drew in their breaths, sucked in their stomachs, zipped up their pink tutus, and prepared themselves for the show of a lifetime.

    • Mark Knowles profile image

      Mark Knowles 7 years ago

      Blindedly, willfully and with a complete lack of forethought bordering on self-destruction, Albert Crimmins ignored the smell emanating from the dead cat in the hallway and blundered down the rain sodden carpet, unaware that today, as had been foretold by the disagreeable Gypsy fortune teller in the third block of flats from the end of the street with the bleached red front door and the bad, not to say malodorous breath, was indeed, whether he acknowledged it or not, the first day of the rest of his soon to be snuffed out like a candle in the wind, life.

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      Simon Cook 7 years ago from NJ, USA

      Jonas Sebastion Alfredus thought “They were wrong” as he felt the bullet embed itself in his forehead for he had been told that in the instant of time before your life is in danger of being ended in the most callous or frightening way that your life would flash before you as a kaleidoscope of your fondest memories.

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      itakins 7 years ago from Irl

      Spelling would never have been a strong point with Simone’s parents, and right now ,he resented that fact enormously.

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      Dobson 7 years ago from Virginia

      Boring holes in swiss cheese was the only job poor Lenny had not managed to screw up yet, but it was only 8:02 and 7 hours and fifty eight minutes of high powered concentration remained in his day.

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      TheGlassSpider 7 years ago from On The Web

      In an absurd turn of events, the contest moderator-cum-editor lost control of her commas, appropriated apostrophes, and spun out of control over semi-colons; she had to be hospitalized.

    • lmmartin profile image
      Author

      lmmartin 7 years ago from Alberta and Florida

      The semi-colins are what caused the breakdown, according to the psychiatrists who examined her thoroughly, looking for the root cause of this unexpected and absurd breakdown, resulting in a strange diagnosis which was a first in medical history and sure to be extensively reported in medical journals around the world and later hailed as semicolinphobiaosis, a fear of improperly joined sentences, in particular those sloppily disguised as related thoughts but are not; only unrelated ones joined inappropriately by semi-colins, which to the unsuspecting do indeed resemble a one sentence thought, but the moderator-cum-editor saw through the deceit which led to an unreasonable paranoia of all submitted sentences and a complete destruction of her psyche in which semicolinphobiaosis untreated and uncontrolled revealed itself as full-blown darkandstormynight syndrome, but still, they said, there's hope for her recovery.

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      DSPickett 7 years ago from Orlando, FL

      "Tangie Angie's got the vapors again!" shouted Hestor the Housekeeper as she trundled an unwieldy breakfast tray on the wobbly tram of her vanquished hopes, all the while picturing herself on that cricket-covered beach in the Hebrides, her lover Gerald sprinkling her with almond juice as Green Day played on a nearby gramophone, even though it was 1942, and that band wasn't even born yet, but yes THAT was the kind of sacrifice she had to make as she began to fling fervent forkfuls of fibrous foodstuffs at Tangie Angie's grasping maw, ducking to avoid the thin streams of venomous sputum that passed for conversation in the old Cummerbund family mansion these days.

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      imadork 7 years ago from St. Peters, MO

      (Correction of previous post, inserting an omitted "the")

      After walking into the street abundant with heavy rush hour traffic John Smith yelled out, "Oh my God!" as he was struck down by a black muscle car barreling down the crowded road like an angry bull taunted by a Spanish matador wielding a crimson cape.

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      Charlotte Gerber 7 years ago from upstate New York

      The ferocious winds whipped the young girl's long, blonde hair into knots as she stood at the edge of incredibly high cliff, which incidentally was adjacent to a golf course of some notoriety, but nonetheless she considered how the drop from such a high place would feel when she plummeted to the dark, wet and dank depths below, and if her limp, bruised and horribly disfigured body would be found before the raven-winged turkey vultures began consuming her delicate, porcelain-like flesh, bit by bit.

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      Simon Cook 7 years ago from NJ, USA

      Jumping out of a plane is exhilarating as the air rushes past your face and the earth rushes towards you causing the adrenalin inside you to pump so fast in anticipation of the sudden force of the parachute opening or even more so of the fear that suddenly appears on the face when you realize that you left the parachute in a copiously nice pile on the plane.

    • SimeyC profile image

      Simon Cook 7 years ago from NJ, USA

      In a land that time remembered, but stored away in the deepest recesses of its mind, stood a dark figure standing against a wall in a mean and angry alleyway that looked like it could chew you up and spit you out without a second thought just before the insidious denizens of the piles of garbage sprawled on its sides jumped you and stole your handbag.

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      TheGlassSpider 7 years ago from On The Web

      The man in the neon green polyester suit escaped across the desert and the dilettante followed.

    • Pamela Kinnaird W profile image

      Pamela Kinnaird W 7 years ago from Maui and Arizona

      Ginger adored her evening walks along the deserted beach road even when it was dark and stormy like this night and so she didn't bother to think about the remote possibility of a vehicle racing up behind her and two men jumping out of the car and shoving her into the back seat with murder gleaming in their eyes although she had let the terror of the possibility cross her mind once last week during her nightly walk and she had made a mental note to watch the new Karate Kid when it comes to the theater so she could pick up some self-defense tips, but tonight she was thinking about more important things than scenes that would never happen, so when the wind howled extra loudly and the rain began to fall like cats and dogs, she did not hear the purring, stealthy V8 engine of the F150 Ford XLT Triton Off-Road truck as it glided in behind her with its lights turned off.

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      Rick Carter 7 years ago

      Linda looked at her patient, monologuing about his obsession with flatulating in public, and, reflecting on her Ph.D. in clinical psychology and years of experience as a private therapist, thought "My God this guy is freaking nuts!" and wondered what she would get for lunch.

    • Adamgreen profile image

      Adamgreen 7 years ago from Peterborough

      Jonathon the large, hairy bellied fisherman was beginning to stir on an ice cold wintry morning, boilies soaking away in stagnant slimey water in the kitchen and maggots stinking like rotten flesh while wiggling around with a look resembling a chopped worm.

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      Author

      lmmartin 7 years ago from Alberta and Florida

      This entry was in the wrong place so Wealthmadehealthy, if you read this, please come back and re-enter in the right box. Thanks. Lynda

      Wealthmadehealthy 10 hours ago

      Gazing out of the freshly cleaned window, into the oncoming storm front-the grass was a clean green and the sky darkening when suddenly the lightning leaped from the sky; windows shook and one shattered while she trembled in silent horror as the twisted figure slithered across the field....unsure of what it could be she ran from the room fearing it would knock on her door and pretended she was not home, and then wondered what she would do if if really did?

    • SimeyC profile image

      Simon Cook 7 years ago from NJ, USA

      As epiphanies go you have to say that Princess Casandra’s could be crowned the ultimate winner for her realization that the frog was indeed more handsome than the prince made her regret the slimy kiss and re-evaluate every old wives tale or fairy story she had ever heard.

    • pzazz-linda profile image

      pzazz-linda 7 years ago

      THE DARKEST, STORMIEST NIGHT IN HISTORY

      It was the darkest, stormiest night in the history of the small town – a town with a mysterious past, which included painted ladies showing their bums to an all-male audience while manly hoots and hollers drowned out the music played for their performances, and yet, one lone sound muffled out the laughter and gaiety of the room, turning to cries and sighs and pleadings of the customers to spare their lives; lives broken by booze and broads in this one-horse town, with its most mysterious past – but I cannot reveal the happenings of that night, nor will I ever be able to share my knowledge of the horror that ensued on that fateful day, situated on a little patch of land known only as “Fever.”

      Linda Robertson(pzazz-linda)5-27-10

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      Terri Meredith 7 years ago from Pennsylvania

      It was a dark and stormy night; the freezing rain tumbling to earth by the buckets except when the sun suddenly leapt from the clouds to light up the skies and boil the puddles previously created, as the mad scientist flipped the dials back and forth on his newly invented weather machine, all the while cackling at his evil genius.

    • Adamgreen profile image

      Adamgreen 7 years ago from Peterborough

      The sun was setting, bubbling, and boiling, over the bustling city at 5 o clock that evening, and as it had been a strange day, when Nev and Violet left the office together (literally, after being sewn together in an unfortunate transplant incident) they realised everything was not quite as it seemed.

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      JYNXART 7 years ago

      Stumbling through the forest Jacob wheezed heavily, his chest heaving with each forced breath, his lungs seizing on the precious air that he so desparately needed as what he had dreaded most finally caught up with him, crashing through the undergrowth behind his frail and exhausted body.

    • profile image

      JYNXART 7 years ago

      Pulling the inch long thorns from his fleshy, bruised buttocks he stared at the bull that had refused his rubber gloved forearm.

    • profile image

      JYNXART 7 years ago

      The dogs eyes stared upwards filled with panic, darting side to side, as it struggled to stay afloat in the icy water desperately tryig to locate the hole it had fallen through but had now had been silently sealed locking him within the freezing tomb.

    • Hokey profile image

      Hokey 7 years ago from In the energy.

      A story to you I must proclaim but I beg of you to please show personal restraint as to forestalling all queries until the finality of the aforementioned tale has been drawn to conclusion.

    • gramarye profile image

      gramarye 7 years ago from Adelaide - Australia

      Last tuesday fortnight ago I perambulated into the international art gallery located in the metropolitan library building to view a plethora of paintings and other various works.

    • cvanthul profile image

      cvanthul 7 years ago from Florida

      Lightning lit the night sky in forks and zags, painting the apartments in vivid flashes that exposed the crude reality of five-story walk-ups in the city's most forbidden haven, where only cockroaches and humanoid night crawlers dared to venture beyond the false security of barred windows, only to scatter back to their corners and hidden lairs with every strike of vengeance Mother Nature could levy against the darkness.

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      Susan Reid 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Valerie slowly opened her eye, the only eye she could open, since the other was swollen shut with a goose egg the size of a goose egg, and winced the kind of full-body wince that left no doubt her dignity had been shattered along with her cheekbone, muttering abjectly to no one in particular, "Dammit! I knew I shouldn't drink the worm."

    • Mighty Mom profile image

      Susan Reid 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Margaret entered the pitch dark confessional, her sins swirling through her brain like a filthy maelstrom of guilt, anticipating absolution from Monseignor Culligan, but realizing, too late, that the visiting priest was actually her former lover Richard, the very man responsible for leading her into temptation in the first place.

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      Susan Reid 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Genevieve's body felt every minute of the six hours she'd baked in the tropical sun, resembling a cookout wiener dangled too carelessly over the flame that shrivels into a pruny pink oblong, the only difference being that Genevieve was not oblong.

    • ediggity profile image

      ediggity 7 years ago

      It was a dark and stormy night; I can't stand the weatherman.

    • ptosis profile image

      ptosis 7 years ago from Arizona

      ___________________________________________________

      The lonely Bula'ia, who had fed a behemothic breakfast of long pig for all his big brothers, cleaned up the last of the discombobulation in the mess hall when an alarming clamorous crowd burst in and demanded that he join their posse to hunt down the escaped fugitive, whereupon he burped and said, "No need, we just finished him."

      ___________________________________________________

    • Jenny Anne profile image

      Jenny Anne 7 years ago from California

      It was a dark and stormy night (for the sun has set already) that found winters first words melting into a crisp cool pool of composed conjecture and running off into brisk Spring streams of sound lyrical prose so fretfully long and arduous that one would rather place a earthy stick in their eye, accepting injury, then continue to witness the overflow of pondering, questioning and wondering if this really is just one sentence?

    • profile image

      Kathryn LJ 7 years ago

      Full of the exuberance of his own verbosity, Neville gushed his felicitations into the telephone as the automated weather forecast predicted precipitation, with a cold front moving south and then only pausing to seize a raincoat and flash light, dashed back out into the cruel world.

    • itakins profile image

      itakins 7 years ago from Irl

      André, the great French maestro, knew that in a few short minutes, he would have to go out and face the music.

    • Smellen profile image

      Smellen 7 years ago from Florida

      No one my age rides a scooter, especially at six o’clock in the morning; nevertheless there I was looking young and fit as ever in the early darkness when I heard some large teenage boys talking to me but the sound of the scooter on the pavement was extremely loud and I could not decipher what they were saying until they began an all out run, thundering and chasing me into the moment my life changed forever.

    • lucieanne profile image

      lucieanne 7 years ago from Boston United Kingdom

      "I will not tolerate such diabolical impertinence from a low-down phenomenae such as yourself and furthermore, your rude insinuations are far too obnoxious to be appreciated," she whispered lovingly, as she gazed into his glass eye.

    • tantrum profile image

      tantrum 7 years ago from Tropic of Capricorn

      Why things looks so messy and way out of line when one has not slept very well and has a hell of a flu making its way from the feverish limbs to the aching head, mussed to herself Gladys Lilly Rose, while putting the brains back on the skull, and the liver where it belongs, and finally stitching the corpse of the late Mr. Dumbhead, laying gray and mute on the withered steel table, in the sad and grim morgue of Vastartville County.

    • ladyjane1 profile image

      ladyjane1 7 years ago from Texas

      It was a dark and stormy night when Scarlett turned to her sister and said in the southernest accent that she could muster, "Oh my Valerie, I cannot wait for Colonel Lingus to arrive because there is a fire burning in me that only he can put out".

    • lmmartin profile image
      Author

      lmmartin 7 years ago from Alberta and Florida

      Although the night raged dark and stormy, the morning debuted as quite the opposite, brilliant, with a promise of sultry heat to come later, judging by the sun blazing in the clear azure sky beaming down in gay abandon over the shimmering silver crystal sands, virginal in their whiteness between the grassy dunes and drifts of shells, weeds and other debris, but sullied, dark, wet and violated where the waves thrust ever higher, one after the other on the incoming tide, and the undulating water, blue-green close to the shore and turquoise blue-farther out, frosted with foaming whitecaps spending their force upon the beach, then returning to the deep salty place of their origin – a magnificent morning, presenting, all in all, a lovely sight, thought Felix, excepting the small crowd of bodies basking like pinkish, lumpy seals which prompted him to pose one of those introspective questions to which he was prone, demanding answers of the world at large, seeking explanation from God himself, or perhaps just asking the passing breeze, “Why is it nudists are almost always people you don’t want to see naked?”

    • Adamgreen profile image

      Adamgreen 7 years ago from Peterborough

      Despite it being a dark and stormy night, the man still wandered around his garden in his summer shorts desperate to prolong the summer sensation.

    • Alta5656 profile image

      Alta5656 7 years ago from Davao City, Philippines

      It was a dark stormy night, the eerie moaning of the night wind made her vividly recall the fateful saga of the doomed prince and her princess from a far way and almost forgotten kingdom, so far that she has lost track of the story that would somehow ease the anxiety the dark and stormy night brought her.

    • profile image

      greyfox26 7 years ago

      How could I have guessed that this of all nights would be the night that I would be so disappointed.

    • profile image

      greyfox26 7 years ago

      We met in the shadows and I had no idea how ugly she was until I saw her face the next morning.

    • profile image

      greyfox26 7 years ago

      My mind raced, how can I get out of here before she wakes up, but it was too late.

    • profile image

      greyfox26 7 years ago

      The moon peeked intermittently through the leaves of the oak

      tree, casting an eerie shadow on his blood soaked body.

    • profile image

      blatva 7 years ago

      It all started with a man in a space suit, Covered in plum jam and sunflower seeds.

    • Diane Inside profile image

      Diane Inside 6 years ago

      I sat there at my desk, bewildered at the fact that I had submitted an entry to a contest I had found in the wrong section, but once I had gathered my thoughts once more I found the correct place to submit an entry; and I submitted it.

    • Diane Inside profile image

      Diane Inside 6 years ago

      too little too late as usual.

    • Kesstra profile image

      Kesstra 6 years ago from Texas

      Up one hill down the other which is the way the crow flies in the pouring rain, and the sky is a dark as the night because it is night.

    • bearnmom profile image

      Laura L Scotty 6 years ago from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

      "When pigs fly!" he commented to his pet rock.

    • Arthur Windermere profile image

      Arthur Windermere 6 years ago

      He couldn't help but think--and I mean really think, not just that thinking-about-dinner sort of thinking--about his grandfather's immense sexual potency at yet this age, how those incredible gonads that had squirted forth the very substance of his being and with his fleshy paintbrush had arted his essence into that pure material being--those very gonads, now wrinkled, smashed hither thither by imprudent knees till they were blacker than the heart of a Zulu, still could rumble and rise to the occasion at the presence of a voluptuous female figure, eager to implant within any sufficiently ripe womb its life-generating seed with all the might of a fierce volcano destroying the Pompeii of infertility; but then he remembered he had that crime to solve.

    • profile image

      JYNXART 6 years ago

      She'd been feeling a little light headed, so taking a sip from the glass of water infront of her she noticed a strange flavour - tangy, sweet and sour all at the same time.

    • profile image

      JYNXART 6 years ago

      She'd always been a little naive, no, stupid was probably the best description for her, henceforth the reason it took her ten minutes before she realised that the cigarette she had been so happily smoking had infact been placed into her mouth via her dainty, newly painted finger nails - the wrong way round.

    • profile image

      JYNXART 6 years ago

      Mr Lea Chatfield of 16 Valve Street stood naked and cold in the bath tub, holding up one of the many rings of fat that surrounded his body he reached for his newly purchased Colgate toothbrush and began scrubbing at the accumulated filth.

    • profile image

      JYNXART 6 years ago

      It was the worst case of flatulence the mouse had ever had.

    • profile image

      JYNXART 6 years ago

      Standing before such wondrous beauty he wanted to tear it all down and watch it burn.

    • LoneWolfMuskoka profile image

      LoneWolfMuskoka 6 years ago from Huntsville, Ontario, Canada

      Rushing towards the comfort of the cold porcelain in the restroom, I could feel the contents of my stomach swirling and churning, building towards a powerful climax of expulsion as I once again asked myself "Why, oh why, did I volunteer to judge this contest?"

    • profile image

      Temoring 6 years ago

      With head pounding and fingers shaking in anticipation of what wonders lay ahead, the writer took to her computer and lovingly stroked each and every key her fingers touched only to find out in the end, the words made no sense at all.

    • SimeyC profile image

      Simon Cook 6 years ago from NJ, USA

      The great oaks stood watching like stalwart guards with an ancient tenet as the battered forlorn figure desperately fought to keep its head above water and the crescendo of sound threatening to burst its eardrums suddenly fell into silence for the tiniest instance just long enough for the figure’s piercing scream of anguish to be heard echoing along the cavernous walls of the valley eerily resonating and rebounding to create a cacophony of a symphony that even the hard of hearing would dismiss as gargantuan nonsense.

    • Aya Katz profile image

      Aya Katz 6 years ago from The Ozarks

      Notwithstanding that one time, when intimidated by the crowd of relatives peering into his crib, he had pretended to be asleep, when in fact he was wide awake, or that other time, when he was four years old and had discovered the dead bird and had lovingly fondled it, but when his mother asked in her loud, high pitched voice, "You didn't touch that dirty thing, did you?" and he had answered, by reflex "No!", or that other time when at sixteen the girl next door had asked "You didn't see that, did you?" and he'd agreed that he had not, except for once or twice when he had claimed not to remember the exact time when the cock had crowed or when that gun went off, and they had asked him under oath, except for these few instances of moral lapse, he was an exceptionally honest and forthcoming human being, and not at all one given to deceit.

    • lmmartin profile image
      Author

      lmmartin 6 years ago from Alberta and Florida

      Aya -- special.

    • waynet profile image

      Wayne Tully 6 years ago from Hull City United Kingdom

      And a pidgeon called Grace sat aloft the window tower and let rip a huge force ten gale out of it's feathered cheeks, but the devil was watching, waiting for the right moment as the ginger maiden flashed her Jane Austin Cleavage and frightened the poor pidgeon away!

    • wannabwestern profile image

      Carolyn Augustine 6 years ago from The Land of Tractors

      Eating lunch with your vampire boyfriend is so lame when he's hungry and he's looking at you like "you look like an un-tenderized steak" and you're like "but I'm a vegetarian" and he's all "but you're so hot" and you're all "I know, but I'm really deeper than that, you know?" and then you remember how good you look together and smile because nobody but you realizes that he is like, one-hundred years older than everybody else in high school, and how cool is that, anyway?

    • Eric Calderwood profile image

      Eric Calderwood 6 years ago from USA

      Having two slightly shriveled and terribly discolored left arms that swung uncontrollably, slapping people in embarrassingly impolite places, was too much for the lonely, doddering old man man who wished the fish sticks the waitress had just brought to his table didn't look as bad as his arms.

    • Tom Cornett profile image

      Tom Cornett 6 years ago from Ohio

      As lightning struck and thunder clapped, he shouted passionately down to her from atop the turret,"Hey, I can see my castle from here!"

    • Mighty Mom profile image

      Susan Reid 6 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Dr. Norm Kornblatt meticulously selected a card, expertly flipping it over to face his client, Roscoe Strong, then sat back, his best poker face disguising his desperate yet clinical desire for an outcome different from the previous 13 cards, only to find his hopes dashed for the 14th time like so many splotches of ink, as Roscoe once again reported, "Sorry, Doc, all I see is a dark and stormy night."

    • Mighty Mom profile image

      Susan Reid 6 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Slinging hash for a living suited Francie just fine, until that fateful day when old Mr. Petrie, a regular since 1978 who tipped 16.5% and always ordered the #4 with eggs over hard and a biscuit instead of toast, forgot to duck.

    • aware profile image

      aware 6 years ago from West Palm Beach Florida.

      The race starts here' it's line drawn in crayon, no better a place to begin the rematch between the now three leg ed tortoise, and the hare dressed like a clown, backwards and cross country will make this run twice as long and by the time it's over both will change the path their on.

    • msannec profile image

      msannec 6 years ago from Mississippi (The Delta)

      Once way back in the day, the frazzled old girl left the curtains drawn and stumbled her drearily dressed self out to the street and screamed "Whyyyyyyyy?????"

    • Mekenzie profile image

      Susan Ream 6 years ago from Michigan

      Why would you ever discuss such a fragile funny faced formidable tempermental personality with the most notorious liar one could compute when a speck of a chat would be somewhat mind compelling if one considered the weight it carries to squeeze the wiggles of the racing fancy's into the space within the skullframe.

    • lmmartin profile image
      Author

      lmmartin 6 years ago from Alberta and Florida

      Another entry rescue from the wrong section.

      Winsome 5 hours ago

      "It was dark" she said and when she said "dark" it sent cold, amorphous chills down into his very soul, reminding him that he was hanging by a thread, his sanity intact, but just barely now that the blood red sun had dipped below the horizon and there was nothing stopping her except perhaps the occasional flash of lightning from the storm that ripped into the night like crazed clearance sale shoppers fighting for the same Dolce and Gabbana gown and yet somehow he knew it only drove her on, her lust and hunger mounting with each pyrotechnic display and accompanying bass roll of thunder until she would be on him and even as he struggled with renewed strength against the knots that she had tied the night before, he knew it was no use and finally something in him sagged and surrendered to the inevitable and when at last she stood before him, a lightning flash reflected off her two perfect fangs, her red lips moist with anticipation, he felt no satisfaction when they were now twisting in horror as she saw the hirsute muscles bursting the bonds and saw too late the claws slashing towards her porcelain throat.

    • Mekenzie profile image

      Susan Ream 6 years ago from Michigan

      The wiggliest wacko went traipsing through my yard after farming through the marsh hills on the other side of peppercorn tottling trail where he was tootling mischievously on his foghorn rider blasting rambunctiously among the lilies and cattails.

    • RedElf profile image

      RedElf 6 years ago from Canada

      It was far, far too late, he now realized, to retrieve the idle words spoken in moment of jest, nay, in a moment of propinquity that could only be recalled with a certain horror, or perhaps, a distinct lack of satisfaction over the simple fact that the words had, in fact been spoken, and were now, and forever it seemed, irretrievably and irrevocably alive, as if with a life of their own, returning to haunt his every waking moment of consciousness, or at least, of wakefulness, for the very words he'd spoken were so seemingly redolent of their own conflicted and self-ridiculing self-consciousness that he could only shudder at the thoughtless jocularity that had given them birth, or some infinitely finite semblance of meaning.

    • SimeyC profile image

      Simon Cook 6 years ago from NJ, USA

      Somewhere in the outer recesses of the universe lurks a being so malevolent that the space around it warps and twists so much that unwary spaceships that traverse into the region are taken by surprise by its powerful earth shattering jaws that crush them and so when Captain Simon the Intrepid realizes that his tin-can cargo ship is about to become lunch for this ferocious space carnivore he really hopes that the escape pod lives up to its guarantee of “Your escape pod will save your life or your money back”

    • Balmung profile image

      Balmung 6 years ago

      Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, on a dark and stormy night, a wolf howled the howl of a wolf, in a dark and stormy night, in a land far far away, that lived once upon a time.

    • ediggity profile image

      ediggity 6 years ago

      While wiping her bloody powder filled nostrils she was distracted by the sizzle of water overflowing from a boiling baby bottle pot on the stove, but unfortunately she just used the last of the formula.

    • easy1 profile image

      easy1 6 years ago from Ireland

      The wildness of the valley was only calmed and supressed by the murderous barbarity of the ferocious hurricane.

    • SimeyC profile image

      Simon Cook 6 years ago from NJ, USA

      With the granite to the left of him and the biker's bar to the right of him, John realized he was truly between a rock and a hard place.

    • SimeyC profile image

      Simon Cook 6 years ago from NJ, USA

      Edward was truly surprised as the second hand slashed his wrist until he remembered the lifetime guarantee that came with the Swiss watch.

    • MojoJojo49 profile image

      MojoJojo49 6 years ago

      There are times in all our lives when we are totally speechless, voiceless, non-plussed, mute, gob smacked, dumbfounded, tongue-tied, verbally paralysed, incappable to talk, inarticulate, suppressed, petrified, overcome, dazzled or dazed and confused but luckily for Harold this was not such a time.

    • SimeyC profile image

      Simon Cook 6 years ago from NJ, USA

      The pain was so deep and internalized that even his toes strained to get away from it as the unending torture and strife threatened his sanity so much so that he exclaimed loudly “Put me out of my misery and tell me the winner of the Dark and Stormy Night contest before I go crazy writing twenty more entries”.

    • Mighty Mom profile image

      Susan Reid 6 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      In the wee small hours of the exceedingly dark, yet eerily quiet night that was so devoid of external noise that Stella could easily hear the thrump, thrump, thrumping of her maiden heart beneath her heaving, silicone-implanted double d's, but could not effect a parallel response below her Clairol #32 platinum curls, leading her to grab her telephone, dial 9-1-1, and wail into what turned out to be the wrong end of the receiver, "I can't hear myself think!"

    • Mighty Mom profile image

      Susan Reid 6 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      The day Goldilocks received the cease and desist order, she went through the 5 stages of grief in about 2 hours, finally reaching acceptance that, even though she'd fared very well in her confrontations with bears, as a mere fairy tale character she would be better off changing her signature slogan than to fight the global sneaker moguls, even though she knew in her heart she was right, which is the exact moment the new,shorter slogan popped into her golden-locked head.

    • bschrodt profile image

      bschrodt 6 years ago

      On the second cement step of the front deck he sat, worn-out, drawn and hazzard, as his right arm quickly rose the .38 special in his hand connected under his chin slightly pointing toward the back, when a loud cold bang resounded, the bullet shattering the right side of his jaw ripping a gapping bloody hole through his toungue, almost blinding him as the bullet exits busting to pieces the bottom of his left orbital socket, coming to an abrupt stop in the stud of the mobile home next to him.

    • Splyt profile image

      Splyt 6 years ago

      He twisted, wreathing and wriggling his repugnant corpus, resolutely secreting enzymes to dissolve the dead and decaying flesh of the magnanimously decomposing badger, corkscrewing with the intransigent mind of steel which would one day see him rise as king of all the maggots.

    • Susana S profile image

      Susana S 6 years ago

      She had captured my heart, not in spite of, but because of, the diaphoresis, that endlessly conspired to form cool, diminutive, lagoons over the totality of her largest organ, which were at once mesmerizingly beautiful because they revealed, not only her quintessential liquid essence, (which I happened to delight in thoroughly through my senses of smell, touch and taste) but equally because this astonishing ability of hers to precipitate with uncontrolled abandon, created a shimmering and dancing effect on her skin in such a way as to cover her in dazzling, salty, rainbows, so appealing that I had no hope of resistance.

    • Splyt profile image

      Splyt 6 years ago

      "Shadow" Ramsey intended to live forever and so far so good, but now, with beads of sweat dampening his forehead, he pulled up a nervous seat opposite his gunslinging archrival and gripped his pencil for a game of sudden death noughts and crosses until inevitably, they drew.

    • wannabwestern profile image

      Carolyn Augustine 6 years ago from The Land of Tractors

      "The brownies are burning," the evil Dr. Voodoo cackled down the phone at the misguided Girl Scout Leader, who later would deny delegating her duties to demagogues who dabbled in the dark arts.

    • johnnyco12 profile image

      johnnyco12 6 years ago from Pascagoula, Ms

      Once upon a mayhem, Bedlam broke forth, as lunatics lay in wait of sanity’s son, who paraded through the padded walls, in seamless search of something solid, to cram a cranium which now lay deserted, bemoaning a useless cry, echoing from a soul far too long perverted.

    • John B Badd profile image

      John B Badd 6 years ago from Saint Louis, MO

      The middle-age man did not look both ways before crossing the street, but it did not matter; there were no cars coming as usual.

    • getitrite profile image

      getitrite 6 years ago

      As the moonlight danced softly upon the mist of the ominous waves, a lone figured walked slowly along the shore of the beach that had been the center of the village, until recently, when all the tourist left to return to their respective homes.

    • John B Badd profile image

      John B Badd 6 years ago from Saint Louis, MO

      This long drive was boring; the type of boring you only experience when you are home alone and you wake from a long nap only to realize the power is out, and you do not have any candles or enough gas in your car to get you anywhere un-boring, offering you nothing more interesting than a road as straight as a ruler and fields so flat that the flattest pancake would seem fluffy in comparison, and woe and behold, the only thing to be found on the cars dilapidated stereo (which only received AM) was the static encrusted voice of some certainly psychotic preacher telling the few listeners he could reach that the world would end tomorrow.

    • getitrite profile image

      getitrite 6 years ago

      Sitting at the back table of the coffee shop, he looked up from his newspaper, and saw her sitting there pretending not to be lonely, and feigning a confident smile, yet her body language betrayed her.

    • Mighty Mom profile image

      Susan Reid 6 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      The practical-joke-loving amateur ophiologist reveled in his ability to saunter up to a crowded craps table, reach into his jacket pocket and watch the horrified expressions on his unwitting fellow gamblers as he'd make the unexpected call, "Snake eyes... and I'll roll my own, thanks", drawing from his vast collection of vipers, garters, boas and cottonmouths.

    • JerseyGirl profile image

      JerseyGirl 6 years ago from Jersey Shore

      The whitty, and somewhat intelligent woman sighed, and kept sitting in front of her computer for hours on end, simply hitting the refresh button every now and then with great anticipation to find out if she was maybe, just maybe, the biggest looser of them all in some crazy writing contest that she stumbled upon on a stormy, and very dark night.

    • Mark Knowles profile image

      Mark Knowles 6 years ago

      Not only was it a dark and stormy night, it was the darkest and stormiest night in living - well, not living exactly, more recorded by the hag in the brown dress, which is as piercingly accurate as it was possible to get at that time, and could hardly be considered alive - memory, making Edward George Bulwer-Lytton's dark and stormy night look like the sunny day at the beach it really was, considering our scene lies in Manchester; well regarded as producing far darker and stormier nights than London could ever manage, no matter how violent the wind.

    • jj200 profile image

      jj200 6 years ago from My Bedroom

      The nine hundred kilometer drive from Yellowknife to Moose Jaw, nerve wracking at the best of times, was now infinitely more painful, as my only passengers, the four twelve-year-old girls, described in excruciating detail and incessantly every single attribute of each of the hundreds of boys they had crushes on, and with the utmost in redundancy professed their great admiration, the oh-my-God awesomeness of and undying love for Miley Cyrus for a full thirty hour conversation which I will now quote verbatim.

    • Mighty Mom profile image

      Susan Reid 6 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      As night surely follows day, as rain falls down from the swollen gray skies going splat, splat, splat into puddles, instead of sideways, which it sometimes does when whipped by a fierce and frenetic wind, so, too, did the Dark and Stormy Night contest reach its thunderous crescendo, ending at the stroke of midnight, June 15, 2010, exactly 7 minutes before Walter was at last struck by the metaphorical lightening of inspiration, his hopes for a winning entry dashed upon the cruel rocks of writer's block.

    • girlincape profile image

      Kasey Rubenstein 6 years ago from California

      "But it's only June 14th!" she cried, cursing the fates for having been born on the wrong side of the international date line.

    • girlincape profile image

      Kasey Rubenstein 6 years ago from California

      She whispered his name under her breath, “Julio”, and in that moment their unbridled passion stretched as far as the farthest reaches of outer space, brightening even the darkest corners of the universe.

    • SimeyC profile image

      Simon Cook 6 years ago from NJ, USA

      Wild vines tumbling down tall oaks, whose broad trunks fought against worrisome bracken, could not dissuade the casual observer of the fact that this land was full of intrigue and danger like a malodorous monster so thick in atmosphere that even a knife couldn’t cut it and despite the picturesque look the metaphorical roses hidden beneath the surface of this unworldly land were undoubtedly heavily barbed and poisonous.

    • Medora Trevilian profile image

      Medora Trevilian 6 years ago

      Between the memsahib's remonstrances and his own premonition of doom, the faqir could not quite decide whether to impale the spider that stood in its path with the hatpin he had borrowed from the memsahib, or to allow the web to be woven and the flies to be caught, for either way a life would be taken, and really, what is a whirling dervish to do?

    • sunshinelady profile image

      sunshinelady 6 years ago from Illinois

      I was looking at this three wheeled bike and wondering what to do about riding it, I decided to get on and low and behold I was riding it on two wheels although there was three on it.

    • Mighty Mom profile image

      Susan Reid 6 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Leticia, the scheming, gold-digging trophy wife of Beau Vanderhooter III, who had recently dropped dead in the prime of his luxurious life under dubious circumstances that pretty much all pointed to her, strode through the cemetary triumphantly, her ample hips undulating while her flaming red lips sneered contemptuously beneath her widow's veil, only to find the dessicating funeral flowers strewn haphazardly over the grass and piles of dirt that should have covered the casket six feet under scattered in loamy brown clumps, as if projectile vomited from the grave, and in that instant she knew her diabolical family plot had backfired -- literally.

    • Mighty Mom profile image

      Susan Reid 6 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      "What an unexpected surprise!" exclaimed Mighty Mom, logging in to find the contest still open for more hyperbolic descriptions of dark and stormy night scenarios, only to break out into guffaws of self-deprecation as she realized exactly how oxymoronic her reaction had been.

    • SimeyC profile image

      Simon Cook 6 years ago from NJ, USA

      Mick Jagger was surprised when the thin supermodel spurned his advances until he realized that it must be true that a Rolling Stone gathers no Moss.

    • jreuter profile image

      Jason Reuter 6 years ago from Portland, Oregon

      She could only coil and recoil in trepidated fright as the corpulent cashier's fingers, like cheese-filled intestinal bratwurst, fumbled flounder-like with the elusively unattainable zipper of her seven-year old acid-washed Levi's jeans that had been handed down from her sister; a sister who's well-meaning words reverberated similar to how a siren or a banshee's words would reverberate in the deep, wax-filled recesses of her tympanic cavity: "Toby likes you and maybe you should date him!"

    • lmmartin profile image
      Author

      lmmartin 6 years ago from Alberta and Florida

      Just in the nick of time, I found an entry in the wrong section -- yes, yet another one. Here it is:

      jreuter profile image

      jreuter 2 minutes ago

      She could only coil and recoil in trepidated fright as the corpulent cashier's fingers, like cheese-filled intestinal bratwurst, fumbled flounder-like with the elusively unattainable zipper of her seven-year old acid-washed Levi's jeans that had been handed down from her sister; a sister who's well-meaning words reverberated similar to how a siren or a banshee's words would reverberate in the deep, wax-filled recesses of her tympanic cavity: "Toby likes you and maybe you should date him!"

      ATTENTION!!!!

      AS OF MIDNIGHT TONIGHT EDT, THIS CONTEST IS CLOSED FOR ENTRIES. ANYTHING AFTER THIS WILL NOT BE CONSIDERED. YOU GUYS HAVE DONE A WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL JOB OF WRITING ABONIMABLY (SP?) I MUST ADMIT. THIS HAS BEEN GREAT FUN.

      MAY THE WORST WRITER WIN!!!

      HUBPAGES TEAM WILL NOW SELECT THEIR TEN FAVORITE WORST ENTRIES. THESE WILL BE PUBLISHED IN A HUB -- HUBPAGES DARK AND STORMY NIGHTS FINALISTS AND YOU, THE HUBPAGES READERS WILL THEN VOTE FOR THE WINNER OF THAT FANTASTIC VIRTUAL TROPHY.

      GOOD LUCK TO ALL OF YOU!!

      AND THANKS FOR SUPPORTING THIS NEW AND FUN IDEA. YOU MAY ALL START PREPARING YOUR ENTRIES FOR NEXT YEAR'S DARK AND STORMY NIGHT CONTEST.

      MY BEST WISHES, LYNDA

    • Kurant82 profile image

      Brett Foster 6 years ago from Tallahassee, Florida

      It was dark and stormy night when suddenly I was awakened to the sound of some unknown fierce clash occurring right outside my bedroom windows. I quickly made my way out side as my curiosity raged chaotically inside of me, “what titans are at battle just outside my bedroom, and exactly how massive are they?”, I thought to myself. As lightening struck, with the brief flash caused by its incredible light immediately, right then and there, I instantly caught a glimpse of him, it was my father, “Rock”, raging furiously back and forth across my backyard in the rain with a pitchfork raised above his head wearing nothing more than a pair of his tight white tattered briefs.

      The deafening roar caused by the thunder preceding the lightning which struck nearby moments before shook the ground beneath my feet. I quickly dove for cover as if I was under fierce attack on some unknown field of battle. While I was shaken, and intimidated by the mighty thunder storm occurring all around me, the horrible noise caused by the thunder storm seemingly irritated Rock. He stood tall, proud, and defiant in nothing but his tattered under garments as he angrily looked at the raging storm clouds in the chaotic sky above him and began beating on his chest with such brute force I could feel the ground beneath my feet begin to shake once more. Then suddenly, without warning, as if he had just been challenged by Apollo himself Rock let out his own ferocious roar of manliness as if he was challenging the heavens themselves.

      I watched in awe of my father as he stood in the middle of our back yard, still looking up at the ferocious lighting storm raging chaotically above him. With one arm Rock raised his mighty pitch fork towards the heavens themselves and pointed it up toward the relentless storm overhead. Teeth clinched, muscles ready for war, Rock was not about to back down until he had finished what he had set out to do on this treacherous night. He remained in that position for roughly 30 seconds daring lightning to try and touch him until suddenly the storm momentarily ceased. Then suddenly, without warning, I watched in amazement as he slammed that pitchfork into the ground with enough brute force to kill a full-grown grizzly, and he let out another ferocious cry of vengeance toward the furious storm above him.

      He had something to say and nothing would prevent his voice from being heard as he let out the sound of his ferocious war cry. “I will not be conquered by this world. I will never give in, not now, not ever!” It was as if he could smell Life’s ruthless scavengers as they began their slow circular descent overhead. Without fear, the man I called Rock and loved with all my heart, continued to stand proud and strong without anyone by his side as he let out one last rebellious roar of defiance. “Tell life, like I have told him every time he has tried to take me before, I won’t be leaving this world on life’s cruel terms—not like my mother, or my father. The only man who has that right is me and I will determine when my life will finally be taken by the wind!”

      I continued to watch in pure awe as Rock raised the pitchfork above his head displaying the carcass of the poor unsuspecting armadillo whose life he had just vanquished. I admired this display of man ruling his domain. Yet I knew without a doubt that the poor creature my father brutally impaled with his deadly pitchfork never had stood a chance! I continued to sit and watch as this Neanderthal looking man wearing nothing more than a pear of the most haggard looking worn old white briefs I had ever seen vanish back into the night with his fresh kill. Rock’s tattered under garments shimmied in the wind as he disappeared into darkness to dispose of his poor unsuspecting victim. He appeared to me as though he was the perfect stealth hunter, and just as I had been awakened unaware of his outside presence, he had vanished without a trace just as quickly as he had struck without warning.

      The next morning at breakfast he simply said to me and my two brothers, “I finally got rid of that damn armadillo that has been digging up our yard.” I simply looked at the man with admiring eyes knowing full well what had happened the previous night, and thought to myself, “you damn sure did Rock, you damn sure did.” This is one of my fondest memories of my father, and to this day I still hold it very dear to my heart. The last time I ever saw the man who knew no boundaries, and could conquer anything without a second’s hesitation, the man I loved, and the man who loved and raised me, was during an unsuspecting stormy night when I was just 16 years old. Unfortunately, the next six years taught me what it was to suffer, and that is exactly what I did.

      I got my first lesson about the harsh realities of life when on one unsuspecting afternoon, my dad called me up from his beautiful Florida home, by this time I was in college and kicking ass, on top of that I had just moved into my very first place. Aaahhh yes, my first place of freedom, 18 dumb as hell, and my very own apartment with no parents to try to reel me in whatsoever. When I got to his house I was shocked at what I saw, my father was in tears, I had never seen the “BIG Guy” so distraught. Deeply concerned about my father, immediately I inquired “Dad, Dad, what’s wrong big guy, what’s the matter, you ok?” But in all reality did I really want to know, if it was something so horrible that it could make my father, the worlds definition of what it was to be a warrior and to persevere no matter how hard things got break down and cry was I strong enough to be there for him as he had been there for me so many times before, as his son I told myself “I damn sure better be able to!”

      Rock quickly began spelling out to me what exactly had happened, and it was bad, and then more like bad getting screwed over by horrible, it was pretty damn awful from where I sat! He had just found out the condo he had spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on so that my mom would be able to have the dream vacation home she always wanted had turned into a lot more than that. The woman he had searched for his entire life “till death do they part” had violated the contract and by doing so, she shattered the unbreakable diamond that was my father’s heart into a million un-reparable pieces.

      My dad was the toughest man I ever knew, and rite then and there the guy I knew would save me no matter what foolishness I got myself into, no matter how bad it was, crumbled to his knees before my very eyes bawling. Man! To imagine the pain his heart must have endured before it finally broke down and allowed him to cry. He had lost his dad when suddenly and tragically when he was 17 years old, but never cried! My father’s mom killed herself right before his eyes, yet he still persevered! It wasn’t tell the woman whose hand he requested in marriage, “tell death do they part” broke the news to him that she didn’t love him anymore that Rock finally let loose the tears he had held inside of him for decades, and man he hurt. It was like he was experiencing the pain from every one of his life’s tragedies all at once, I will never forget it.

      Right before my eyes, the strongest man in the world finally broke down on his hands and knees and cried. A father’s love for his kids is great, but a husband’s love for his Wife, Mom, and Dad, are two different types of love. I see that now. As for my Dad, the thought of loosing not only both his parents in a very untimely fashion, and then finally his wife, in the end they hurt him the worst. Even though each day he woke up loving them as much, if not more than the day before, each one still simply left him suddenly & without warning, without as much as a kiss on the cheek or a hug to tell him good bye.

      When I look back on that horrible day, I can now see that when I looked into my father’s heartbroken eyes there simply nothing left of him. From then on every time my father looked up into the big blue sky above him, it was as if all that he could see anymore were dying angels falling from the once beautiful heavens that existed in the vast skies abov

    • profile image

      Sunnie Day 6 years ago

      The rain kept falling, hitting hard against the cracked glass of the picture window. I slowly sipped the cold coffee. With each gulp, a tear would roll down my cheek. My hands held the cup so tightly, I could feel my fingers tingling. I thought to myself, if I sit this cup down, I may lose my mind. It was my only connection to reality. So I sat in silence, in the dark, watching the rain.

    Just a nice space to seperate entries and comments: Entries above and Comments below.

    Let's use this space, originally set up to help people find the right box for entries versus comments, to learn a new and interesting fact (after all we'd hate to waste a perfectly good space.)


    When people ask what you learned today ....

    Be sure to tell them about Manure...

    An interesting fact
    Manure: In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship and it was also before the invention of commercial fertilizers, so large shipments of manure were quite common.

    It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, not only did it become heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by product is methane gas of course. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen. Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM!

    Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening. After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the instruction 'Stow high in transit' on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane.
    Thus evolved the term 'S.H.I.T.', (Stow High In Transit) which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.

    You probably did not know the true history of this word.
    Neither did I.

    I had always thought it was a computer term.

    A space to seperate entries and comments

    COMMENTS HERE -- Do not put comments in the first section. Your comments go here. Entries above. Okay?

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      • lmmartin profile image
        Author

        lmmartin 7 years ago from Alberta and Florida

        Leave comments here -- no entries. Thanks. Sorry if I am insulting to those with working brain cells -- this is directed to the rest.

        NO ENTRIES IN THIS SECTION

      • itakins profile image

        itakins 7 years ago from Irl

        At long last-I have been looking forward to this one.Great news.

      • Nellieanna profile image

        Nellieanna Hay 7 years ago from TEXAS

        Sounds fun. I can just write in my normal style! hahaha!

      • MyWebs profile image

        Anthony Goodley 7 years ago from Sheridan, WY

        No problem immartin. On a good day I need a MRI to locate 2 active brain cells to rub together to generate a creative spark to produce a crappy hub. :)

        This is a cool idea, but probably not for me. I will be following this with interest.

      • lmmartin profile image
        Author

        lmmartin 7 years ago from Alberta and Florida

        Hi itakins, yes your entry is masterful (you can do more than one you know.) And good to see you, or at least your labrador.

        Hi Nellianna -- looking forward to your entry.

        Come on MyWebs -- your excuse is colorful enough to qualify. I know you can do it. Give it a try.

      • itakins profile image

        itakins 7 years ago from Irl

        Boy.I'm on a roll here-great fun.

      • lmmartin profile image
        Author

        lmmartin 7 years ago from Alberta and Florida

        Wow, Ita -- go to it! Remember though, we have six weeks to think up and post our worst entries. Lynda

      • itakins profile image

        itakins 7 years ago from Irl

        The worst is yet to come!

      • lmmartin profile image
        Author

        lmmartin 7 years ago from Alberta and Florida

        Hi Itakins: We're waiting. I'll have to get mine together.

        Hi Hello,hello: Sorry I had to remove you comment but you put it in the entries box instead of comments. If you come back, you can put another one here.

      • profile image

        papajack 7 years ago

        I'm glad you moved forward with this idea Lynda. This is a hellova lot of fun.

      • Rafini profile image

        Rafini 7 years ago from Somewhere I can't get away from

        Okay, sure. Why not? I'll give it a try. :D

      • lmmartin profile image
        Author

        lmmartin 7 years ago from Alberta and Florida

        Hey papajack -- have fun -- yes!

        Hi Rafini -- give it two tries.

      • Rafini profile image

        Rafini 7 years ago from Somewhere I can't get away from

        lol um, sure. why not? I'll hafta come back, though, after I give it some thought...

      • profile image

        papajack 7 years ago

        I can't help myself, this is fun

      • profile image

        Duchess OBlunt 7 years ago

        Too bad HubPages doesn't recognize the genius at work here! Will be blogging about this one. Hopefully it gets some great input.

      • lmmartin profile image
        Author

        lmmartin 7 years ago from Alberta and Florida

        Thanks Duchess -- hope you enter as well. Come on -- you can do it; surely you can write as badly as anyone else. Lynda

      • profile image

        Duchess OBlunt 7 years ago

        I'm sure I can! Maybe over lunch I'll work on getting a few brain cells working on it. LOL

      • Maddie Ruud profile image

        Maddie Ruud 7 years ago from Oakland, CA

        For the record, Duchess, we DO recognize the genius. I'm just running a few days behind because of illness. Head on over to the HubPages blog and check out the shout-out. ;)

      • wrenfrost56 profile image

        wrenfrost56 7 years ago from U.K.

        Great contest, will be back with a few more awful ideas.

      • lmmartin profile image
        Author

        lmmartin 7 years ago from Alberta and Florida

        Sorry wrenfrost,but I denied your entry -- has to be one sentence -- one only. I'm emailing you. Lynda

      • jimmythejock profile image

        James Paterson 7 years ago from Scotland

        lol I love this idea .....jimmy

      • lmmartin profile image
        Author

        lmmartin 7 years ago from Alberta and Florida

        Sorry Jimmythejock but: I am dead I cannot write anymore is actually two sentences despite the lack of period. I'll email you.

      • jimmythejock profile image

        James Paterson 7 years ago from Scotland

        thanks lol fixed....jimmy

      • SimeyC profile image

        Simon Cook 7 years ago from NJ, USA

        Oooh I'm having so much fun with this! Thanks for the challenge!

      • 2uesday profile image

        2uesday 7 years ago

        Thank you for this it is a great idea. I have voted it up.

      • JerseyGirl profile image

        JerseyGirl 7 years ago from Jersey Shore

        This should be fun; I think I might be good as this!

      • Deborah Demander profile image

        Deborah Demander 7 years ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

        So far, you have delightfully horrific entries. I will watch closely from the sidelines. Unless, of course, I am stricken with a perfectly horrible and noble idea, with which to entertain your audience, in which case, and with much candor and ease, I would most humble and with great pride, submit aforementioned idea.

        Namaste friend

      • frogdropping profile image

        Andria 7 years ago

        I don't think I have to try very hard to produce a bad narrative. Great idea, good luck to everyone. Top idea Immartin, looks to be picking up speed :)

      • Uninvited Writer profile image

        Susan Keeping 7 years ago from Kitchener, Ontario

        I love "it all started in the beginning" papajack :)

      • Bill Yovino profile image

        Bill Yovino 7 years ago

      • Kendall H. profile image

        Kendall H. 7 years ago from Northern CA

        I've been looking forward to this Lynda! And I'm so excited to think up some more 'dark and stormy' entries! Thanks for putting this together!

      • calpol25 profile image

        Callum 7 years ago from Edinburgh, Scotland, UK (At Home With My Wonderful Partner)

        This is fantastic, I cant wait to add a few more lol :)

      • lmmartin profile image
        Author

        lmmartin 7 years ago from Alberta and Florida

        There are far too many entries here to comment on each and every one -- so I will simply say Bravo to all of you. For those who received an email and had their entry denied, I am sorry but the rules dictate ONE SENTENCE (NOT TWO OR THREE WRITTEN AS RUN ONS BUT ONE) ONLY. Please keep that in mind.

        I'd better get busy and create an entry of my own, I think.

      • lmmartin profile image
        Author

        lmmartin 7 years ago from Alberta and Florida

        Hi again. I'm trying to be liberal, but I have to say a semicolin does not necessarily turn two sentences into one; not should it. However, I will stretch the rules of grammar as much as I can without snapping them completely.

      • gramarye profile image

        gramarye 7 years ago from Adelaide - Australia

        There is some pretty tough competition here! I'll make an entry when and if I can stop laughing!

      • SimeyC profile image

        Simon Cook 7 years ago from NJ, USA

        Is there a 'Dark and Stormy night' anonymous? I'm getting addicted to this - I'm sure my boss is going to fire me!

      • Daniel Carter profile image

        Daniel Carter 7 years ago from Western US

        Oops, sorry about above. Just headed to the bottom to respond....(too fast on the draw, I guess!)

      • JerseyGirl profile image

        JerseyGirl 7 years ago from Jersey Shore

        I think I'm addicted as well. Thanks fellow Hubbers - I really just can't stop laughing. This is exactly what I needed. You guys are great!!! :)

      • JerseyGirl profile image

        JerseyGirl 7 years ago from Jersey Shore

        Dearest Miss Lynda:

        I applaud you. While the contest is fun, I can only imagine what you are going through. Thanks for being there for us Hubbers! If I don't win that Virtual Trophy - it's okay. It will certainly be a learning experience for me. :)

      • lmmartin profile image
        Author

        lmmartin 7 years ago from Alberta and Florida

        Thanks Jerseygirl -- you would think that a website full of writers would understand what a sentence is ... Oh sorry, venting. I mean this is the most fun I've had in ages and it is a true pleasure to moderate all of these fine entries.

        Loads of fun, just as I suspected it would be.

      • Greek One profile image

        Greek One 7 years ago

        if I don't win i will hold hostile feelings towards all my fellow Hubbers and launch a class action lawsuit against every single one of you.

        that aside, I am having fun

        PS Miss Lynda, we Canadians have to stick together, you know.

        ;)

      • lmmartin profile image
        Author

        lmmartin 7 years ago from Alberta and Florida

        Your name doesn't say Canadian One; it says Greek One.

        I don't respond to threats, you know. If you want to win that badly you'll have to earn it, the old fashioned way by entering one that is SO bad, it will have to win. By the way, I'm not the judge, only the host and moderator -- the hubpages team will select their favorite ten and then I will post them and everyone can cast a vote for the winner.

        (So you can save the sucking up along with the threats.) LOL

      • Greek One profile image

        Greek One 7 years ago

        so bribery is out of the question?

        how unfairly fair!

      • JerseyGirl profile image

        JerseyGirl 7 years ago from Jersey Shore

        Dearest Miss Lynda:

        Thanks for your comment!

        Unfortunately, I’m not a writer. I’m just a dreamer and a person with something to say and likes to share it.

        All I know is that maybe... juuuuuust maybe... after all of this… I may be able to teach my 7 year old daughter how to constructively & properly write a sentence. Only the good Lord knows that I haven’t figured this out yet.

        Thanks again for stepping up to this line of duty!

      • JerseyGirl profile image

        JerseyGirl 7 years ago from Jersey Shore

        Hey, GreekOne: Bribery and Class Action Lawsuit may be a great thing to write about. Thanks for the idea. You're it!

      • Greek One profile image

        Greek One 7 years ago

        damn you Jersey Girl!!!

        damn you!!!!

      • JerseyGirl profile image

        JerseyGirl 7 years ago from Jersey Shore

        Hey... take that back!

      • lmmartin profile image
        Author

        lmmartin 7 years ago from Alberta and Florida

        This is for SimeyC -- your boss said you should keep your entries for your own time. His pen name is lmmartin.

      • JerseyGirl profile image

        JerseyGirl 7 years ago from Jersey Shore

        Hi lmmartin - don't worry - I was the one who ratted SimeyC out. I can't wait to get that promotion!

      • Greek One profile image

        Greek One 7 years ago

        i meant it in a good way Jersey :)

      • JerseyGirl profile image

        JerseyGirl 7 years ago from Jersey Shore

        Greek One!... I know that you did. Don't be silly. I'm actually in the middle of reading some of your hubs. Great, may I add!

      • Greek One profile image

        Greek One 7 years ago

        I can not marry you.. i am sorry.. i am working on a proposal for Immartin in the hope that my love might help my efforts here

      • lmmartin profile image
        Author

        lmmartin 7 years ago from Alberta and Florida

        Forget it.

      • Greek One profile image

        Greek One 7 years ago

        darn it... that is the 15th time i have been shot down by a woman before even asking!

      • JerseyGirl profile image

        JerseyGirl 7 years ago from Jersey Shore

        Greek One - lmmartin means what she says.

        She is no fool to this kinda stuff. She means what she says, and she stands by it.

        Let's team up and see if we can obtain the virtual trophy together.... What the hec - We could be the JerseyGirlGreekOne and no one would ever notice. What do you think?????

      • Greek One profile image

        Greek One 7 years ago

        you mean I shoot and you bury the bodies?

        (.. and you mean GreekOneJerseyGirl, right?)

      • JerseyGirl profile image

        JerseyGirl 7 years ago from Jersey Shore

        No... I meant JerseyGirlGreekOne - but I guess that it's a matter of opinion. How much really do you wish to win that viritual trophy?

      • Greek One profile image

        Greek One 7 years ago

        can i think about it, contact my parole officer, and then get back to you?

      • JerseyGirl profile image

        JerseyGirl 7 years ago from Jersey Shore

        Certainly.

        Parole Officer may be yet another good topic to write about. Thanks again:)

      • profile image

        Home Girl 7 years ago

        It was a dark and stor-r-r-my night,

        And I was angr-r-r-y at my plight,

        Two stupid beggars broke a fight,

        The shoe I've lost was very tight,

        Thw shelter was nowhere in sight,

        Can I borrow 5 bucks, please?..

      • lmmartin profile image
        Author

        lmmartin 7 years ago from Alberta and Florida

        Okay homegirl -- although this is not a sentence -- it is five sentence and one question -- I am tired of telling "writers" that what they've submitted is not a sentence, I simply can't be bothered to do so again, at least it is in the comments section so welcome and thanks for the comment.

      • TheGlassSpider profile image

        TheGlassSpider 7 years ago from On The Web

        Immartin: Have you read Lynne Truss' Eats, Shoots and Leaves? I suspect you would love it.

      • Paradise7 profile image

        Paradise7 7 years ago from Upstate New York

        These are HILARIOUS!!!! It's gonna be awfully hard to pick a winner...they're all winners, in their own inimitable way!

      • katiem2 profile image

        katiem2 7 years ago from I'm outta here

        The freezing hot dark night fell casting a beam of light upon my cold shivering spine as if lightening prompting me to venture quicker and ever more readily down the wet slippery path of stone laced with sod which promised to guide me to the entrance of my destiny.

      • Trish_M profile image

        Tricia Mason 7 years ago from The English Midlands

        Sorry, I put my sentence in the wrong place :) :)

      • lmmartin profile image
        Author

        lmmartin 7 years ago from Alberta and Florida

        Trish-M -- where is your sentence?

      • wyanjen profile image

        Jen King 7 years ago from Wyandotte Michigan

        Ben Evans - Hey, I want to read that novel! :D

      • ripplemaker profile image

        Michelle Simtoco 7 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

        I'm giving it a try! Hehehehe

      • lmmartin profile image
        Author

        lmmartin 7 years ago from Alberta and Florida

        This is the wrong place for entries Ben Evans -- please submit it above in the entries.

        Hi wyanjen -- this must be fan mail.

        Hi again JerseyGril -- this one goes, in other words your last comment is gone, gone, gone as shylocking is not allowed on my site. Make your business arrangements elsewhere. (And I 'm not scared of Jerseygirls.) LOL. Seriously, let's keep things one track.

      • Ben Evans profile image

        Ben Evans 7 years ago

        Why thank you wyanjen. I will send you the first copy.

      • Ben Evans profile image

        Ben Evans 7 years ago

        I am sorry. I placed it in the correct section.

      • Winsome profile image

        Winsome 7 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas

        Immartin, thank you for this delightful exercise. I fear I was made for this kind of literary half-life. =:)

      • Faybe Bay profile image

        Faye Constantino 7 years ago from Florida

        Oh I wish I were a plagiarist right now. I clicked a link that was supposed to lead me to a calorie calculator web site, what it lead to was the worst dialog on weight loss I have ever read, and I have read plenty. Oh to steal some of those lines...

      • Winsome profile image

        Winsome 7 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas

        Ok the first version's beginning was iffy, but the second should pass even the master's scrutiny. Thanks again. =:)

      • itakins profile image

        itakins 7 years ago from Irl

        This has shades of an unruly classroom, and a teacher trying desperately to be calm-so funny!

      • lmmartin profile image
        Author

        lmmartin 7 years ago from Alberta and Florida

        Laugh away itakins and did you correct YOUR error?

      • itakins profile image

        itakins 7 years ago from Irl

        Me error never !Yes I did it immediately-thank you .

      • lmmartin profile image
        Author

        lmmartin 7 years ago from Alberta and Florida

        Good.

      • Trish_M profile image

        Tricia Mason 7 years ago from The English Midlands

        I managed to put my sentence in its rightful place.

        I told my daughter about it and she thought that it was dire.

        This is good fun! :)

      • JerseyGirl profile image

        JerseyGirl 7 years ago from Jersey Shore

        Dear llmartin:

        I apologize. The comment that I made was in response to a question on the HP "Latest Personal Finance Questions", being asked by Princessa .

        I'm uncertain how it appeared here, on your site, and not where I intended it to be posted. I had two browsers open at the time of my post.

        Please accept my apology. (Damn this computer!)

      • lmmartin profile image
        Author

        lmmartin 7 years ago from Alberta and Florida

        Hi Trish -- yes, we are dire, indeed. And it's supposed to be fun -- so I'm glad.

        Hi JerseyGirl -- no worries, none at all. I thought you were drumming up business (smile) You know, it's a truth, but no one can multi-task, no one at all --- not really.

      • Edweirdo profile image

        Edweirdo 7 years ago from United States

        That was fun! Thanks for the idea of this contest :D

        This little exercise is a great tool for fighting my writer's block...

      • JerseyGirl profile image

        JerseyGirl 7 years ago from Jersey Shore

        Dearest llmmartin:

        Well thank you for understanding.

        Lessons learned here: a) I must quit thinking that I can multi-task, b) only open one browser at a time, c) stick with my "homey" topics; they are just safer.

        Thanks much! Now... back to thinking about that Virtual Trophy!

      • Austinstar profile image

        Austinstar 7 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

        Yes, indeedy, very fun contest! Thanks for hosting and putting in all the work! May the best, er, worst writer win.

      • Alison Graham profile image

        Alison Graham 7 years ago from UK

        Thanks for the email Lynda!

      • Patty Inglish, MS profile image

        Patty Inglish 7 years ago from North America

        I am laughing so much, I can only get through 1/3 of the thread at a time and I shall wake up in the middle of the night tonight, laughing - unless, of course, I cannot get to sleep in the first place, in which case the cats will be up as usual, laughing at me; but this will be laughing in my actual awake face rather than at my innocently sleeping countenance; and I shall then get up and make coffee and then none of my 10,000 eyes will sleep for the next week or fortnight or so, depending on what era's calandar I am using this half-year...

      • kimh039 profile image

        Kim Harris 7 years ago

        I've got a shot at winning this contest! Everyone's entries are way better than mine!

      • lmmartin profile image
        Author

        lmmartin 7 years ago from Alberta and Florida

        Actually kimh039, I liked yours, not because it made me laugh but because it truly could be the first line in a modern novel of our times. Anyway -- write another (and another.) There's no limit.

      • browsed profile image

        browsed 7 years ago

        Imaginations to a scary maddening horror level. Nice contest to take part in.

      • jacobkuttyta profile image

        jacobkuttyta 7 years ago from Delhi, India

        Very interesting

        Thanks

      • Tammy Lochmann profile image

        Tammy Lochmann 7 years ago

        This is so hilarious. I finally have some time to get caught up. I put in a couple of my best (or should that be worst?) entries. I am so excited I am free from work for the next 10 days.

      • profile image

        Home Girl 7 years ago

        Thanks, Immartin.

        You know,it's hard to put a restraining order on a writer (especially on a crazy one) and you have to be crazy to write, because no one wants to read any more! By the way I like your avatar. Is it really you or The Queen? Looks kinda victorian. Pardon my stupid question, just curious.

      • lmmartin profile image
        Author

        lmmartin 7 years ago from Alberta and Florida

        No, it's not me. Yes, she has the classic look, but approachable, welcoming and ready to discuss anything -- and people are polite to me when they think I'm her. Lynda

      • ECDupree profile image

        ECDupree 7 years ago

        This is a great idea!

      • kimh039 profile image

        Kim Harris 7 years ago

        There, that's much worse!

      • itakins profile image

        itakins 7 years ago from Irl

        Oops-they're gonna be in for it:)

      • randslam profile image

        Rand Zacharias 7 years ago from Kelowna, British Columbia

        This is a great idea. Looking forward to seeing how bad some good writers can write. Good use of HubPages space. Thanks, IM, for starting this contest.

      • lmmartin profile image
        Author

        lmmartin 7 years ago from Alberta and Florida

        NO ENTRIES IN THIS SECTION. ENTRIES GO IN THE FIRST SECTION. THANK YOU. AND MAKE SURE THOSE ENTRIES ARE ONE AND ONLY ONE SENTENCE. THANK YOU. I HAVE TO GO AND TAKE MY MEDS NOW. lYNDA

      • lmmartin profile image
        Author

        lmmartin 7 years ago from Alberta and Florida

        I must say that some of these entries are superb, wonderful and a joy. I wish I had the time to give each of the entrants a thank you, but time constraints don't allow (after all I have to chase down all the mis-entered and get them corrected) but allow me to say right now, how wonderful it is to see such a great response. Thanks all of you for making this Dark and Stormy Night the success it has become. Lynda

      • bonnebartron profile image

        bonnebartron 7 years ago from never one place for too long

        roger, almost did...

      • lmmartin profile image
        Author

        lmmartin 7 years ago from Alberta and Florida

        NO ENTRIES IN THIS SECTION. ENTRIES GO IN THE FIRST SECTION. THANK YOU. AND MAKE SURE THOSE ENTRIES ARE ONE AND ONLY ONE SENTENCE. THANK YOU. I HAVE TO GO AND TAKE MY MEDS NOW. lYNDA

      • Uninvited Writer profile image

        Susan Keeping 7 years ago from Kitchener, Ontario

        We appreciate your moderating duties.

        And, really, how hard is it to remember ONE SENTENCE ONLY?

      • lmmartin profile image
        Author

        lmmartin 7 years ago from Alberta and Florida

        Hi Uninvited Writer -- I don't think it's because no one remembers one sentence only; I think it's many of us have forgotten what constitutes a sentence.

        Which is kind of a sad revelation on a site for writers, don't you think?

      • randslam profile image

        Rand Zacharias 7 years ago from Kelowna, British Columbia

        I have to thank Lynda for making me a poorer writer than I already am. This is way too much fun...and how bad can this get?

      • JerseyGirl profile image

        JerseyGirl 7 years ago from Jersey Shore

        Dearest Miss Lynda:

        Forgetting what constitutes a sentence is one thing.

        Not following instructions (entries on top, comments below), is a shocking revelation. Glad we are having so much fun with this contest! Good think you are getting paid the big bucks!

        Keep smiling - it's all good ;)

      • JerseyGirl profile image

        JerseyGirl 7 years ago from Jersey Shore

        Thing, I meant :) Some of can't spell, either.

      • lmmartin profile image
        Author

        lmmartin 7 years ago from Alberta and Florida

        Has anyone read the interesting information I inserted between the entries and the comments? Highly informative!

      • JerseyGirl profile image

        JerseyGirl 7 years ago from Jersey Shore

        Holy S.H.I.T.!?!? - Yes it was very informative. Thank you for sharing that piece of history.

      • RedElf profile image

        RedElf 7 years ago from Canada

        ...and highly appropriate, too I might add! Perfectly placed right after a large pile of entries, I might add. My entry being, right now, the most recent, looks right at home in its spot just above your interesting and "Highly" informative dissertation about shipping practices - though I could have sworn it refers to computers, too. I only hope I'm highly placed enough to avoid forming methane. ;)

        Thanks so much for this lovely piece of whimsy - I haven't had such a good laugh in a while. Kudos to some very creative and literate folk.

      • Enelle Lamb profile image

        Enelle Lamb 7 years ago from Canada's 'California'

        Actually RedElf, I followed you, so you should be well away from any methane gas! Mind you, after my entry, methane might be preferable!

      • bonnebartron profile image

        bonnebartron 7 years ago from never one place for too long

        This really was a ton of fun, I'm sure it had a bit of headache attached for you, but fun for me. Thanks!

      • lmmartin profile image
        Author

        lmmartin 7 years ago from Alberta and Florida

        Actually it's fun for me as well. The headache is just part of it all.

      • Bill Yovino profile image

        Bill Yovino 7 years ago

        I love ediggity's entry. Though it doesn't fit the criteria for this contest, it does display a talent for psychotic reasoning.

      • lmmartin profile image
        Author

        lmmartin 7 years ago from Alberta and Florida

        Yeah, I like it too, and why doesn't it fit the criteria -- it is after all ONLY ONE SENTENCE. Lynda

      • Pamela99 profile image

        Pamela Oglesby 7 years ago from United States

        This is really interesting and fun.

      • SimeyC profile image

        Simon Cook 7 years ago from NJ, USA

        How the devil are you going to cut the entries down to 10? I have about 40 I like (and that's just my entries LOL) - seriously though - it's going to be amazingly difficult to cut down to 50 let alone 10!!!! Good luck and thanks!

      • lmmartin profile image
        Author

        lmmartin 7 years ago from Alberta and Florida

        Well, Simeyc, you see I have not yet entered my entry, and once I do, the whole thing will be simplified -- the hubpages team will see it, know that all other entries pale before it, give it standings one through ten -- end of story.

      • itakins profile image

        itakins 7 years ago from Irl

        Ha ha!I love impartial moderators:)Sorry but my worst has yet to come!

      • Stevennix2001 profile image

        Steven Escareno 7 years ago

        wow, this is like only the second hub i've read that has more than one comment capsule in it. lol. anyway, thanks for the heads up.

      • SimeyC profile image

        Simon Cook 7 years ago from NJ, USA

        LOL Immartin - how silly of me to forget that!

      • Jeff Berndt profile image

        Jeff Berndt 7 years ago from Southeast Michigan

        This hub has been a ton of fun, and it took me a while to come up with something worth entering. I almost didn't try, based on the sheer awesome badness of some of the previous entries. But there we are.

      • Faybe Bay profile image

        Faye Constantino 7 years ago from Florida

        Okay, it's been a long time, but I thought my first entry was a run on sentence, and that was what everyone seemed to be doing. While my last one is equally bad, and not quite so long, I hope it qualifies as a single sentence.

      • lorlie6 profile image

        Laurel Rogers 7 years ago from Bishop, Ca

        That shrill voice of hers bounced off the walls of the basketball court from all sides, making his insides boil at the very thought of her.

      • Pamela99 profile image

        Pamela Oglesby 7 years ago from United States

        It was a cold rainy morning with dense fog as I ran through the forest disturbing the birds in the trees, till finally I reached the sunny beach knowing I had finally escaped and my jet ski was tied to the dock; then I jumped on the skis careening into the mouth of the biggest shark I had ever seen.

      • alekhouse profile image

        Nancy Hinchliff 7 years ago from Louisville, Kentucky

        Lynda, what an undertaking! I know you're an editor and read text all the time, but this is really above and beyond...

        Thanks for getting so many hubbers, including myself, excited and writing up a storm. This has been so much fun. I've written four entries.....haven't received any emails from you as yet, so hope that means I'm on the right track.

      • mquee profile image

        mquee 7 years ago from Columbia, SC

        Wow, there are some pretty imaginative writers here!!

      • alekhouse profile image

        Nancy Hinchliff 7 years ago from Louisville, Kentucky

        Hooray! I think I've written the worst one so far. But I'll keep trying....maybe I can do better....or ...I mean, worse.

      • Diane Inside profile image

        Diane Inside 7 years ago

        It wasn't the best of times, but it wasn't the worst of times.

      • Aley Martin profile image

        Alice Lee Martin 7 years ago from Sumner, Washington,USA

        Holding excrement that needs to be released is akin to trying to stop a baby during the final push from the womb......

      • itakins profile image

        itakins 7 years ago from Irl

        oops-moved

      • TheGlassSpider profile image

        TheGlassSpider 7 years ago from On The Web

        Hehehehehe...Immmartin, GREAT sentence!!

      • Gerber Ink profile image

        Charlotte Gerber 7 years ago from upstate New York

        I have to stop reading the entries now before I hurt myself laughing...!

      • lmmartin profile image
        Author

        lmmartin 7 years ago from Alberta and Florida

        Moved Red Elf's comment to the comment section, and now I'm about to more two entries from the comment section to the entries section.

        RedElf profile image

        RedElf 6 hours ago

        This is the most fun I've had in a while - the comments are almost as much fun as the entries!

      • profile image

        JYNXART 7 years ago

        This is just too much fun. I sit infront of a computer all day, headfones firmly shoved deep into my ear drums, so anything random and bizarre is sealed off from the world and kept deep within the confines of my slowly disintegrating mind... until I get home and then it's tappy, tap, tap!

        Thanks so much for something that is simply so addictive.

      • Mighty Mom profile image

        Susan Reid 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

        What a GREAT idea! I have been a fan (or maybe afficionado would be a more appropriately grandiose word) of the B-L contest for years.

        Kudos to you for bringing this to HP! MM

      • profile image

        greyfox26 7 years ago

        How could I have guessed that this of all nights would be the night that I would be so disappointed. We met in the shadows and I had no idea how ugly she was until I saw her face the next morning. My mind raced, how can I get out of here before she wakes up, but it was too late.

      • profile image

        VenomsEdge 7 years ago

        A simple entry, not complex but to the point.....

      • Its Angel profile image

        Its Angel 6 years ago from Charleston, SC

        She woke up.

      • Its Angel profile image

        Its Angel 6 years ago from Charleston, SC

        Life sucks and then you die, she thought

      • Its Angel profile image

        Its Angel 6 years ago from Charleston, SC

        "Cool!" ?She exclaimed

      • Its Angel profile image

        Its Angel 6 years ago from Charleston, SC

        "Cool!" ?She exclaimed

      • lmmartin profile image
        Author

        lmmartin 6 years ago from Alberta and Florida

        It's Angel -- if this is meant to be an entry -- it's in the wrong area, dear.

      • LoneWolfMuskoka profile image

        LoneWolfMuskoka 6 years ago from Huntsville, Ontario, Canada

        I hope that you have fun reading and judging the contest. I wrote my entry from your point of view 8=) Hopefully it isn't too accurate.

        There are sure an awful lot of awful entries! Great to see so many people inspired by your contest.

      • lmmartin profile image
        Author

        lmmartin 6 years ago from Alberta and Florida

        Hi LoneWolf -- lucky for me, I will not judge this contest. The hubpages team will pick their favorite ten, I will post them and you, the readers, will decide. No way would I want to try and do that -- I would be doing exactly what you wrote in your entry.

        Thanks though, for thinking of my welfare. Lynda

      • waynet profile image

        Wayne Tully 6 years ago from Hull City United Kingdom

        And a pidgeon called Grace sat aloft the window tower and let rip a huge force ten gale out of it's feathered cheeks, but the devil was watching, waiting for the right moment as the ginger maiden flashed her Jane Austin Cleavage and frightened the poor pidgeon away!

      • wannabwestern profile image

        Carolyn Augustine 6 years ago from The Land of Tractors

        It just goes to show we're all suckers for a virtual trophy! How varied and marvelous bad writing can be!

      • Eric Calderwood profile image

        Eric Calderwood 6 years ago from USA

        It has made my day to see how forcefully you've stressed throughout this hub that the entries go in the top box and the comments go in the second one, only to read through the second box and see all the entries in it. It's probably a pain for you but it picked me up.

      • lmmartin profile image
        Author

        lmmartin 6 years ago from Alberta and Florida

        Yeah Eric -- makes my day too. But how else will we differentiate between entries and comments?

      • SimeyC profile image

        Simon Cook 6 years ago from NJ, USA

        Is there going to be a virtual 'Oscar' style ceremony - with cameras on the faces of the ten finalists? *grin*

      • lmmartin profile image
        Author

        lmmartin 6 years ago from Alberta and Florida

        Uh -- I suppose we could line up the finalist's avatars and call out the honorable mentions 1 and 2, second runner up, first runner up and finally -- winner -- have them write a gushy thank you to all the little people who made this honor possible -- (then later take it away when we learn their performance was enhanced by the use of human growth hormones -- and ...

        No.

      • valery elias profile image

        valery elias 6 years ago

        With that, she closed the door, walked down the stairway and into her new life.

      • Mekenzie profile image

        Susan Ream 6 years ago from Michigan

        Now that was FUN! When I was a teenager I used to do this kind of crazy banter with my Dad ... all the time. We would think up the most hilarious non-sensical conversations and go back and forth. ahhhhh Good memories.

      • k@ri profile image

        k@ri 6 years ago from Sunny Southern California

        Hats off for a most wonderful fun idea! Thanks for sharing about this contest. I had not previously heard of it, but now my mind will work constantly (in the backround) to find the perfect wreckence. :D

      • susanlang profile image

        susanlang 6 years ago

        Oh girl..a dark and stormy night contest. Suddenly, he parked his car in the sidewalk and continued to run over the wheel of the little boys bike. Wait, the little one said, don't keep going! I like my bike that way!

      • mythbuster profile image

        mythbuster 6 years ago from Utopia, Oz, You Decide

        Haha - laughing so hard from reading the first section entries that I can't possibly think of anything to write, myself...in fact, I have to log out... NOTHING can top this hub tonight for laughs.

      • archdaw profile image

        archdaw 6 years ago from Brooklyn

        I was reading some of the entries and your comments, you sure have your work cut out for you. God bless!!!!

      • John B Badd profile image

        John B Badd 6 years ago from Saint Louis, MO

        As I pulled myself from my soft warm comfortable bed (thinking of the wonderful day I was to have) I placed my pretty pedicure toes into a stinking steaming pile of should-of-let-the-dog-out; my perfect plans were forgotten as I hobbled and hopped over to my too tiny bathroom.

      • John B Badd profile image

        John B Badd 6 years ago from Saint Louis, MO

        Immartian I posted my entries here by mistake. I moved them to where they belonged upon realizing it but was not able to pull the words from the first one.

        Would you be so kind as to delete these here from the comment section.

        Thank you :)

      • John B Badd profile image

        John B Badd 6 years ago from Saint Louis, MO

        Immartian, thank you for the editing assistance. I can really tell the difference reading it aloud after using your recommendations. It flows much better.

      • JerseyGirl profile image

        JerseyGirl 6 years ago from Jersey Shore

        Hi! I know that we only have until June 15th for entries... When will the "winners" be decided? can't wait to find out who the worst writer really is!! :)

      • jj200 profile image

        jj200 6 years ago from My Bedroom

        Unfortunately, my sentence is only a slight exaggeration of true personal experiences and also the subject of many a nightmare/flashback.

        In other news, maybe I'm just a complete dullard, but I'd read most of these stories...

      • md_azamkhan profile image

        md_azamkhan 6 years ago

        really is!! :)

      • lmmartin profile image
        Author

        lmmartin 6 years ago from Alberta and Florida

        Well, that's it. We're closed for entries. What fun! Now it's up to hubpages team to come up with the top ten. Those will be posted in a new hub, and you, the readers will vote for the winner.

      • SimeyC profile image

        Simon Cook 6 years ago from NJ, USA

        Immartin - thanks for all the hard work! I cannot wait to see and vote for the top ten!

      • lmmartin profile image
        Author

        lmmartin 6 years ago from Alberta and Florida

        You're welcome SimeyC, and thanks for sticking up for me. Some people are too quick to anger and lack a sense of humor. Lynda

      • SimeyC profile image

        Simon Cook 6 years ago from NJ, USA

        Any news on when the winners (or losers?!?!?!) will be announced??!!

      • lmmartin profile image
        Author

        lmmartin 6 years ago from Alberta and Florida

        Not yet. I asked but have yet to receive an answer.

      • itakins profile image

        itakins 6 years ago from Irl

        So it's over ..and I hoped my worst was yet to come ...woe is me.

        Well done on a fantastic job,and as far as I'm concerned the best fun yet on hubpages.

        Ita

      • lmmartin profile image
        Author

        lmmartin 6 years ago from Alberta and Florida

        Thanks Ita. Hubpages team just sent me their top ten favorites, and I hope to post the new hub tomorrow. (Tonight I work on paying writing.) Glad to hear from you.

        Lynda

      • profile image

        dorothyblueeyes 6 years ago

        "this comment will be posted if the author approves it." there's mine.I just love being censored,and having even my comments"approved".gee,I feel so hurt!!! (which author?author,author!!!)

      • GiulianaMoore profile image

        GiulianaMoore 6 years ago

        This is fabulous! I just had to catch my breath after reading some of the entries and laughing so hard. I'll have to keep my eyes open for the next contest...

        http://on.fb.me/heartsweepstakes

      • lmmartin profile image
        Author

        lmmartin 6 years ago from Alberta and Florida

        Good -- look forward to seeing your entry then. Lynda

      • Nadine May profile image

        Nadine May 3 years ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

        This all happened well before my time on hubpages, but that is why I like hubpages. As a writer you keep learning from other hubbers. Thanks

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