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Announcing Hubpages' First "Dark and Stormy Night" Contest

Updated on September 13, 2011

Celebrate!!

The Original

“It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents--except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness." -- Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, Paul Clifford (1830)

It is my great pleasure to host the first hubpages’ ‘Dark and Stormy Night’ contest. Hurrah!

Celebrating the best of the worst in writing, the dark and stormy night contest is open to all. Consider this a challenge to those creative minds out there; show us what you can do. Stretch that imagination, study that thesaurus, flex those fingers and prepare to dazzle us with tortured metaphors, abused adjectives and profound wordiness.

Imagine if you will, the worst possible novel: horrendously overwritten, dramatically descriptive, pretentious, wordy in the extreme, something only a pompous windbag could pen. Now, compose a suitable opening line (remembering the first rule of writing – one wants to grab the reader’s attention right from the start.)

The link to the right will take you to the world-wide 'Dark and Stormy Night contest' (Bulwer-Lytton contest) and this year's best entries.

Now, the talented, creative minds here at Hubpages will hold our very own festival of bad writing. All of you writers out there -- prepare your worst.

For inspirational purposes: 2009 "Dark and Stormy Night" world wide contest winner

" The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming madly, "You lied!"

Here are the rules:

  • Write the best possible opening for the worst possible novel. (Must be original – no borrowing.)
  • Write one sentence only. (More than one sentence will be disqualified.)
  • Past your entry in the entries box below.
  • Accepting entries until June 15.
  • Multiple entries allowed.

Then:

  • The hubpages team have volunteered to select their ten favorites as finalists.
  • The ten finals will be posted here on this hub and you, the readers will select the winning entry.

The winner will receive:

  • This exquisite virtual trophy. (Shown to the right, delivered by email upon judges decision.)
  • The winning entry will be entered in the next world-wide Bulwer-Lytton Contest in later 2010.
  • Absolutely nothing of any value – no cars, no cash, no trips to exotic places – nothing, nada, zip. (This is for the glory and honor of the title “Hubpages Dark and Stormy Night Contest Champion (2010)" only).

HOW TO ENTER

ENTRIES GO IN THE FIRST COMMENT SECTION, COMMENTS ONLY IN THE SECOND -- SO DO NOT SCROLL DOWN TO THE END OF EVERYTHING AND PASTE YOUR ENTRY. THE TWO SECTIONS ARE DIVIDED BY 2 PHOTOS WITH SOME WONDERFUL AND INTERESTING INFORMATION BETWEEN (THAT EVERYONE SHOULD READ.) SO REMEMBER:

CONTEST ENTRIES -- AFTER THE TEXT OF THE ARTICLE BUT BEFORE THE PHOTOGRAPHS AND INTERESTING INFORMATION (AND THERE'S LOTS OF ENTRIES SO SCROLL AWAY.)

COMMENTS -- ANYTHING YOU HAVE TO SAY THAT IS NOT AN ENTRY AFTER THE TWO PHOTOS AND INTERESTING INFORMATION.

THANKS.

Just a nice space to seperate entries and comments: Entries above and Comments below.

Let's use this space, originally set up to help people find the right box for entries versus comments, to learn a new and interesting fact (after all we'd hate to waste a perfectly good space.)


When people ask what you learned today ....

Be sure to tell them about Manure...

An interesting fact
Manure: In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship and it was also before the invention of commercial fertilizers, so large shipments of manure were quite common.

It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, not only did it become heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by product is methane gas of course. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen. Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM!

Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening. After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the instruction 'Stow high in transit' on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane.
Thus evolved the term 'S.H.I.T.', (Stow High In Transit) which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.

You probably did not know the true history of this word.
Neither did I.

I had always thought it was a computer term.

A space to seperate entries and comments

ENTRIES HERE (Comments are welcome in the comments section below. This is for entries only. No comments here. Do we all understand that comments go below?

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    • profile image

      Sunnie Day 6 years ago

      The rain kept falling, hitting hard against the cracked glass of the picture window. I slowly sipped the cold coffee. With each gulp, a tear would roll down my cheek. My hands held the cup so tightly, I could feel my fingers tingling. I thought to myself, if I sit this cup down, I may lose my mind. It was my only connection to reality. So I sat in silence, in the dark, watching the rain.

    • Kurant82 profile image

      Brett Foster 6 years ago from Tallahassee, Florida

      It was dark and stormy night when suddenly I was awakened to the sound of some unknown fierce clash occurring right outside my bedroom windows. I quickly made my way out side as my curiosity raged chaotically inside of me, “what titans are at battle just outside my bedroom, and exactly how massive are they?”, I thought to myself. As lightening struck, with the brief flash caused by its incredible light immediately, right then and there, I instantly caught a glimpse of him, it was my father, “Rock”, raging furiously back and forth across my backyard in the rain with a pitchfork raised above his head wearing nothing more than a pair of his tight white tattered briefs.

      The deafening roar caused by the thunder preceding the lightning which struck nearby moments before shook the ground beneath my feet. I quickly dove for cover as if I was under fierce attack on some unknown field of battle. While I was shaken, and intimidated by the mighty thunder storm occurring all around me, the horrible noise caused by the thunder storm seemingly irritated Rock. He stood tall, proud, and defiant in nothing but his tattered under garments as he angrily looked at the raging storm clouds in the chaotic sky above him and began beating on his chest with such brute force I could feel the ground beneath my feet begin to shake once more. Then suddenly, without warning, as if he had just been challenged by Apollo himself Rock let out his own ferocious roar of manliness as if he was challenging the heavens themselves.

      I watched in awe of my father as he stood in the middle of our back yard, still looking up at the ferocious lighting storm raging chaotically above him. With one arm Rock raised his mighty pitch fork towards the heavens themselves and pointed it up toward the relentless storm overhead. Teeth clinched, muscles ready for war, Rock was not about to back down until he had finished what he had set out to do on this treacherous night. He remained in that position for roughly 30 seconds daring lightning to try and touch him until suddenly the storm momentarily ceased. Then suddenly, without warning, I watched in amazement as he slammed that pitchfork into the ground with enough brute force to kill a full-grown grizzly, and he let out another ferocious cry of vengeance toward the furious storm above him.

      He had something to say and nothing would prevent his voice from being heard as he let out the sound of his ferocious war cry. “I will not be conquered by this world. I will never give in, not now, not ever!” It was as if he could smell Life’s ruthless scavengers as they began their slow circular descent overhead. Without fear, the man I called Rock and loved with all my heart, continued to stand proud and strong without anyone by his side as he let out one last rebellious roar of defiance. “Tell life, like I have told him every time he has tried to take me before, I won’t be leaving this world on life’s cruel terms—not like my mother, or my father. The only man who has that right is me and I will determine when my life will finally be taken by the wind!”

      I continued to watch in pure awe as Rock raised the pitchfork above his head displaying the carcass of the poor unsuspecting armadillo whose life he had just vanquished. I admired this display of man ruling his domain. Yet I knew without a doubt that the poor creature my father brutally impaled with his deadly pitchfork never had stood a chance! I continued to sit and watch as this Neanderthal looking man wearing nothing more than a pear of the most haggard looking worn old white briefs I had ever seen vanish back into the night with his fresh kill. Rock’s tattered under garments shimmied in the wind as he disappeared into darkness to dispose of his poor unsuspecting victim. He appeared to me as though he was the perfect stealth hunter, and just as I had been awakened unaware of his outside presence, he had vanished without a trace just as quickly as he had struck without warning.

      The next morning at breakfast he simply said to me and my two brothers, “I finally got rid of that damn armadillo that has been digging up our yard.” I simply looked at the man with admiring eyes knowing full well what had happened the previous night, and thought to myself, “you damn sure did Rock, you damn sure did.” This is one of my fondest memories of my father, and to this day I still hold it very dear to my heart. The last time I ever saw the man who knew no boundaries, and could conquer anything without a second’s hesitation, the man I loved, and the man who loved and raised me, was during an unsuspecting stormy night when I was just 16 years old. Unfortunately, the next six years taught me what it was to suffer, and that is exactly what I did.

      I got my first lesson about the harsh realities of life when on one unsuspecting afternoon, my dad called me up from his beautiful Florida home, by this time I was in college and kicking ass, on top of that I had just moved into my very first place. Aaahhh yes, my first place of freedom, 18 dumb as hell, and my very own apartment with no parents to try to reel me in whatsoever. When I got to his house I was shocked at what I saw, my father was in tears, I had never seen the “BIG Guy” so distraught. Deeply concerned about my father, immediately I inquired “Dad, Dad, what’s wrong big guy, what’s the matter, you ok?” But in all reality did I really want to know, if it was something so horrible that it could make my father, the worlds definition of what it was to be a warrior and to persevere no matter how hard things got break down and cry was I strong enough to be there for him as he had been there for me so many times before, as his son I told myself “I damn sure better be able to!”

      Rock quickly began spelling out to me what exactly had happened, and it was bad, and then more like bad getting screwed over by horrible, it was pretty damn awful from where I sat! He had just found out the condo he had spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on so that my mom would be able to have the dream vacation home she always wanted had turned into a lot more than that. The woman he had searched for his entire life “till death do they part” had violated the contract and by doing so, she shattered the unbreakable diamond that was my father’s heart into a million un-reparable pieces.

      My dad was the toughest man I ever knew, and rite then and there the guy I knew would save me no matter what foolishness I got myself into, no matter how bad it was, crumbled to his knees before my very eyes bawling. Man! To imagine the pain his heart must have endured before it finally broke down and allowed him to cry. He had lost his dad when suddenly and tragically when he was 17 years old, but never cried! My father’s mom killed herself right before his eyes, yet he still persevered! It wasn’t tell the woman whose hand he requested in marriage, “tell death do they part” broke the news to him that she didn’t love him anymore that Rock finally let loose the tears he had held inside of him for decades, and man he hurt. It was like he was experiencing the pain from every one of his life’s tragedies all at once, I will never forget it.

      Right before my eyes, the strongest man in the world finally broke down on his hands and knees and cried. A father’s love for his kids is great, but a husband’s love for his Wife, Mom, and Dad, are two different types of love. I see that now. As for my Dad, the thought of loosing not only both his parents in a very untimely fashion, and then finally his wife, in the end they hurt him the worst. Even though each day he woke up loving them as much, if not more than the day before, each one still simply left him suddenly & without warning, without as much as a kiss on the cheek or a hug to tell him good bye.

      When I look back on that horrible day, I can now see that when I looked into my father’s heartbroken eyes there simply nothing left of him. From then on every time my father looked up into the big blue sky above him, it was as if all that he could see anymore were dying angels falling from the once beautiful heavens that existed in the vast skies abov

    • lmmartin profile image
      Author

      lmmartin 7 years ago from Alberta and Florida

      Just in the nick of time, I found an entry in the wrong section -- yes, yet another one. Here it is:

      jreuter profile image

      jreuter 2 minutes ago

      She could only coil and recoil in trepidated fright as the corpulent cashier's fingers, like cheese-filled intestinal bratwurst, fumbled flounder-like with the elusively unattainable zipper of her seven-year old acid-washed Levi's jeans that had been handed down from her sister; a sister who's well-meaning words reverberated similar to how a siren or a banshee's words would reverberate in the deep, wax-filled recesses of her tympanic cavity: "Toby likes you and maybe you should date him!"

      ATTENTION!!!!

      AS OF MIDNIGHT TONIGHT EDT, THIS CONTEST IS CLOSED FOR ENTRIES. ANYTHING AFTER THIS WILL NOT BE CONSIDERED. YOU GUYS HAVE DONE A WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL JOB OF WRITING ABONIMABLY (SP?) I MUST ADMIT. THIS HAS BEEN GREAT FUN.

      MAY THE WORST WRITER WIN!!!

      HUBPAGES TEAM WILL NOW SELECT THEIR TEN FAVORITE WORST ENTRIES. THESE WILL BE PUBLISHED IN A HUB -- HUBPAGES DARK AND STORMY NIGHTS FINALISTS AND YOU, THE HUBPAGES READERS WILL THEN VOTE FOR THE WINNER OF THAT FANTASTIC VIRTUAL TROPHY.

      GOOD LUCK TO ALL OF YOU!!

      AND THANKS FOR SUPPORTING THIS NEW AND FUN IDEA. YOU MAY ALL START PREPARING YOUR ENTRIES FOR NEXT YEAR'S DARK AND STORMY NIGHT CONTEST.

      MY BEST WISHES, LYNDA

    • jreuter profile image

      Jason Reuter 7 years ago from Portland, Oregon

      She could only coil and recoil in trepidated fright as the corpulent cashier's fingers, like cheese-filled intestinal bratwurst, fumbled flounder-like with the elusively unattainable zipper of her seven-year old acid-washed Levi's jeans that had been handed down from her sister; a sister who's well-meaning words reverberated similar to how a siren or a banshee's words would reverberate in the deep, wax-filled recesses of her tympanic cavity: "Toby likes you and maybe you should date him!"

    • SimeyC profile image

      Simon Cook 7 years ago from NJ, USA

      Mick Jagger was surprised when the thin supermodel spurned his advances until he realized that it must be true that a Rolling Stone gathers no Moss.

    • Mighty Mom profile image

      Susan Reid 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      "What an unexpected surprise!" exclaimed Mighty Mom, logging in to find the contest still open for more hyperbolic descriptions of dark and stormy night scenarios, only to break out into guffaws of self-deprecation as she realized exactly how oxymoronic her reaction had been.

    • Mighty Mom profile image

      Susan Reid 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Leticia, the scheming, gold-digging trophy wife of Beau Vanderhooter III, who had recently dropped dead in the prime of his luxurious life under dubious circumstances that pretty much all pointed to her, strode through the cemetary triumphantly, her ample hips undulating while her flaming red lips sneered contemptuously beneath her widow's veil, only to find the dessicating funeral flowers strewn haphazardly over the grass and piles of dirt that should have covered the casket six feet under scattered in loamy brown clumps, as if projectile vomited from the grave, and in that instant she knew her diabolical family plot had backfired -- literally.

    • sunshinelady profile image

      sunshinelady 7 years ago from Illinois

      I was looking at this three wheeled bike and wondering what to do about riding it, I decided to get on and low and behold I was riding it on two wheels although there was three on it.

    • Medora Trevilian profile image

      Medora Trevilian 7 years ago

      Between the memsahib's remonstrances and his own premonition of doom, the faqir could not quite decide whether to impale the spider that stood in its path with the hatpin he had borrowed from the memsahib, or to allow the web to be woven and the flies to be caught, for either way a life would be taken, and really, what is a whirling dervish to do?

    • SimeyC profile image

      Simon Cook 7 years ago from NJ, USA

      Wild vines tumbling down tall oaks, whose broad trunks fought against worrisome bracken, could not dissuade the casual observer of the fact that this land was full of intrigue and danger like a malodorous monster so thick in atmosphere that even a knife couldn’t cut it and despite the picturesque look the metaphorical roses hidden beneath the surface of this unworldly land were undoubtedly heavily barbed and poisonous.

    • girlincape profile image

      Kasey Rubenstein 7 years ago from California

      She whispered his name under her breath, “Julio”, and in that moment their unbridled passion stretched as far as the farthest reaches of outer space, brightening even the darkest corners of the universe.

    • girlincape profile image

      Kasey Rubenstein 7 years ago from California

      "But it's only June 14th!" she cried, cursing the fates for having been born on the wrong side of the international date line.

    • Mighty Mom profile image

      Susan Reid 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      As night surely follows day, as rain falls down from the swollen gray skies going splat, splat, splat into puddles, instead of sideways, which it sometimes does when whipped by a fierce and frenetic wind, so, too, did the Dark and Stormy Night contest reach its thunderous crescendo, ending at the stroke of midnight, June 15, 2010, exactly 7 minutes before Walter was at last struck by the metaphorical lightening of inspiration, his hopes for a winning entry dashed upon the cruel rocks of writer's block.

    • jj200 profile image

      jj200 7 years ago from My Bedroom

      The nine hundred kilometer drive from Yellowknife to Moose Jaw, nerve wracking at the best of times, was now infinitely more painful, as my only passengers, the four twelve-year-old girls, described in excruciating detail and incessantly every single attribute of each of the hundreds of boys they had crushes on, and with the utmost in redundancy professed their great admiration, the oh-my-God awesomeness of and undying love for Miley Cyrus for a full thirty hour conversation which I will now quote verbatim.

    • Mark Knowles profile image

      Mark Knowles 7 years ago

      Not only was it a dark and stormy night, it was the darkest and stormiest night in living - well, not living exactly, more recorded by the hag in the brown dress, which is as piercingly accurate as it was possible to get at that time, and could hardly be considered alive - memory, making Edward George Bulwer-Lytton's dark and stormy night look like the sunny day at the beach it really was, considering our scene lies in Manchester; well regarded as producing far darker and stormier nights than London could ever manage, no matter how violent the wind.

    • JerseyGirl profile image

      JerseyGirl 7 years ago from Jersey Shore

      The whitty, and somewhat intelligent woman sighed, and kept sitting in front of her computer for hours on end, simply hitting the refresh button every now and then with great anticipation to find out if she was maybe, just maybe, the biggest looser of them all in some crazy writing contest that she stumbled upon on a stormy, and very dark night.

    • Mighty Mom profile image

      Susan Reid 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      The practical-joke-loving amateur ophiologist reveled in his ability to saunter up to a crowded craps table, reach into his jacket pocket and watch the horrified expressions on his unwitting fellow gamblers as he'd make the unexpected call, "Snake eyes... and I'll roll my own, thanks", drawing from his vast collection of vipers, garters, boas and cottonmouths.

    • getitrite profile image

      getitrite 7 years ago

      Sitting at the back table of the coffee shop, he looked up from his newspaper, and saw her sitting there pretending not to be lonely, and feigning a confident smile, yet her body language betrayed her.

    • John B Badd profile image

      John B Badd 7 years ago from Saint Louis, MO

      This long drive was boring; the type of boring you only experience when you are home alone and you wake from a long nap only to realize the power is out, and you do not have any candles or enough gas in your car to get you anywhere un-boring, offering you nothing more interesting than a road as straight as a ruler and fields so flat that the flattest pancake would seem fluffy in comparison, and woe and behold, the only thing to be found on the cars dilapidated stereo (which only received AM) was the static encrusted voice of some certainly psychotic preacher telling the few listeners he could reach that the world would end tomorrow.

    • getitrite profile image

      getitrite 7 years ago

      As the moonlight danced softly upon the mist of the ominous waves, a lone figured walked slowly along the shore of the beach that had been the center of the village, until recently, when all the tourist left to return to their respective homes.

    • John B Badd profile image

      John B Badd 7 years ago from Saint Louis, MO

      The middle-age man did not look both ways before crossing the street, but it did not matter; there were no cars coming as usual.

    • johnnyco12 profile image

      johnnyco12 7 years ago from Pascagoula, Ms

      Once upon a mayhem, Bedlam broke forth, as lunatics lay in wait of sanity’s son, who paraded through the padded walls, in seamless search of something solid, to cram a cranium which now lay deserted, bemoaning a useless cry, echoing from a soul far too long perverted.

    • wannabwestern profile image

      Carolyn Augustine 7 years ago from The Land of Tractors

      "The brownies are burning," the evil Dr. Voodoo cackled down the phone at the misguided Girl Scout Leader, who later would deny delegating her duties to demagogues who dabbled in the dark arts.

    • Splyt profile image

      Splyt 7 years ago

      "Shadow" Ramsey intended to live forever and so far so good, but now, with beads of sweat dampening his forehead, he pulled up a nervous seat opposite his gunslinging archrival and gripped his pencil for a game of sudden death noughts and crosses until inevitably, they drew.

    • Susana S profile image

      Susana S 7 years ago

      She had captured my heart, not in spite of, but because of, the diaphoresis, that endlessly conspired to form cool, diminutive, lagoons over the totality of her largest organ, which were at once mesmerizingly beautiful because they revealed, not only her quintessential liquid essence, (which I happened to delight in thoroughly through my senses of smell, touch and taste) but equally because this astonishing ability of hers to precipitate with uncontrolled abandon, created a shimmering and dancing effect on her skin in such a way as to cover her in dazzling, salty, rainbows, so appealing that I had no hope of resistance.

    • Splyt profile image

      Splyt 7 years ago

      He twisted, wreathing and wriggling his repugnant corpus, resolutely secreting enzymes to dissolve the dead and decaying flesh of the magnanimously decomposing badger, corkscrewing with the intransigent mind of steel which would one day see him rise as king of all the maggots.

    • bschrodt profile image

      bschrodt 7 years ago

      On the second cement step of the front deck he sat, worn-out, drawn and hazzard, as his right arm quickly rose the .38 special in his hand connected under his chin slightly pointing toward the back, when a loud cold bang resounded, the bullet shattering the right side of his jaw ripping a gapping bloody hole through his toungue, almost blinding him as the bullet exits busting to pieces the bottom of his left orbital socket, coming to an abrupt stop in the stud of the mobile home next to him.

    • Mighty Mom profile image

      Susan Reid 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      The day Goldilocks received the cease and desist order, she went through the 5 stages of grief in about 2 hours, finally reaching acceptance that, even though she'd fared very well in her confrontations with bears, as a mere fairy tale character she would be better off changing her signature slogan than to fight the global sneaker moguls, even though she knew in her heart she was right, which is the exact moment the new,shorter slogan popped into her golden-locked head.

    • Mighty Mom profile image

      Susan Reid 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      In the wee small hours of the exceedingly dark, yet eerily quiet night that was so devoid of external noise that Stella could easily hear the thrump, thrump, thrumping of her maiden heart beneath her heaving, silicone-implanted double d's, but could not effect a parallel response below her Clairol #32 platinum curls, leading her to grab her telephone, dial 9-1-1, and wail into what turned out to be the wrong end of the receiver, "I can't hear myself think!"

    • SimeyC profile image

      Simon Cook 7 years ago from NJ, USA

      The pain was so deep and internalized that even his toes strained to get away from it as the unending torture and strife threatened his sanity so much so that he exclaimed loudly “Put me out of my misery and tell me the winner of the Dark and Stormy Night contest before I go crazy writing twenty more entries”.

    • MojoJojo49 profile image

      MojoJojo49 7 years ago

      There are times in all our lives when we are totally speechless, voiceless, non-plussed, mute, gob smacked, dumbfounded, tongue-tied, verbally paralysed, incappable to talk, inarticulate, suppressed, petrified, overcome, dazzled or dazed and confused but luckily for Harold this was not such a time.

    • SimeyC profile image

      Simon Cook 7 years ago from NJ, USA

      Edward was truly surprised as the second hand slashed his wrist until he remembered the lifetime guarantee that came with the Swiss watch.

    • SimeyC profile image

      Simon Cook 7 years ago from NJ, USA

      With the granite to the left of him and the biker's bar to the right of him, John realized he was truly between a rock and a hard place.

    • easy1 profile image

      easy1 7 years ago from Ireland

      The wildness of the valley was only calmed and supressed by the murderous barbarity of the ferocious hurricane.

    • ediggity profile image

      ediggity 7 years ago

      While wiping her bloody powder filled nostrils she was distracted by the sizzle of water overflowing from a boiling baby bottle pot on the stove, but unfortunately she just used the last of the formula.

    • Balmung profile image

      Balmung 7 years ago

      Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, on a dark and stormy night, a wolf howled the howl of a wolf, in a dark and stormy night, in a land far far away, that lived once upon a time.

    • SimeyC profile image

      Simon Cook 7 years ago from NJ, USA

      Somewhere in the outer recesses of the universe lurks a being so malevolent that the space around it warps and twists so much that unwary spaceships that traverse into the region are taken by surprise by its powerful earth shattering jaws that crush them and so when Captain Simon the Intrepid realizes that his tin-can cargo ship is about to become lunch for this ferocious space carnivore he really hopes that the escape pod lives up to its guarantee of “Your escape pod will save your life or your money back”

    • RedElf profile image

      RedElf 7 years ago from Canada

      It was far, far too late, he now realized, to retrieve the idle words spoken in moment of jest, nay, in a moment of propinquity that could only be recalled with a certain horror, or perhaps, a distinct lack of satisfaction over the simple fact that the words had, in fact been spoken, and were now, and forever it seemed, irretrievably and irrevocably alive, as if with a life of their own, returning to haunt his every waking moment of consciousness, or at least, of wakefulness, for the very words he'd spoken were so seemingly redolent of their own conflicted and self-ridiculing self-consciousness that he could only shudder at the thoughtless jocularity that had given them birth, or some infinitely finite semblance of meaning.

    • Mekenzie profile image

      Susan Ream 7 years ago from Michigan

      The wiggliest wacko went traipsing through my yard after farming through the marsh hills on the other side of peppercorn tottling trail where he was tootling mischievously on his foghorn rider blasting rambunctiously among the lilies and cattails.

    • lmmartin profile image
      Author

      lmmartin 7 years ago from Alberta and Florida

      Another entry rescue from the wrong section.

      Winsome 5 hours ago

      "It was dark" she said and when she said "dark" it sent cold, amorphous chills down into his very soul, reminding him that he was hanging by a thread, his sanity intact, but just barely now that the blood red sun had dipped below the horizon and there was nothing stopping her except perhaps the occasional flash of lightning from the storm that ripped into the night like crazed clearance sale shoppers fighting for the same Dolce and Gabbana gown and yet somehow he knew it only drove her on, her lust and hunger mounting with each pyrotechnic display and accompanying bass roll of thunder until she would be on him and even as he struggled with renewed strength against the knots that she had tied the night before, he knew it was no use and finally something in him sagged and surrendered to the inevitable and when at last she stood before him, a lightning flash reflected off her two perfect fangs, her red lips moist with anticipation, he felt no satisfaction when they were now twisting in horror as she saw the hirsute muscles bursting the bonds and saw too late the claws slashing towards her porcelain throat.

    • Mekenzie profile image

      Susan Ream 7 years ago from Michigan

      Why would you ever discuss such a fragile funny faced formidable tempermental personality with the most notorious liar one could compute when a speck of a chat would be somewhat mind compelling if one considered the weight it carries to squeeze the wiggles of the racing fancy's into the space within the skullframe.

    • msannec profile image

      msannec 7 years ago from Mississippi (The Delta)

      Once way back in the day, the frazzled old girl left the curtains drawn and stumbled her drearily dressed self out to the street and screamed "Whyyyyyyyy?????"

    • aware profile image

      aware 7 years ago from West Palm Beach Florida.

      The race starts here' it's line drawn in crayon, no better a place to begin the rematch between the now three leg ed tortoise, and the hare dressed like a clown, backwards and cross country will make this run twice as long and by the time it's over both will change the path their on.

    • Mighty Mom profile image

      Susan Reid 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Slinging hash for a living suited Francie just fine, until that fateful day when old Mr. Petrie, a regular since 1978 who tipped 16.5% and always ordered the #4 with eggs over hard and a biscuit instead of toast, forgot to duck.

    • Mighty Mom profile image

      Susan Reid 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Dr. Norm Kornblatt meticulously selected a card, expertly flipping it over to face his client, Roscoe Strong, then sat back, his best poker face disguising his desperate yet clinical desire for an outcome different from the previous 13 cards, only to find his hopes dashed for the 14th time like so many splotches of ink, as Roscoe once again reported, "Sorry, Doc, all I see is a dark and stormy night."

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      Tom Cornett 7 years ago from Ohio

      As lightning struck and thunder clapped, he shouted passionately down to her from atop the turret,"Hey, I can see my castle from here!"

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      Eric Calderwood 7 years ago from USA

      Having two slightly shriveled and terribly discolored left arms that swung uncontrollably, slapping people in embarrassingly impolite places, was too much for the lonely, doddering old man man who wished the fish sticks the waitress had just brought to his table didn't look as bad as his arms.

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      Carolyn Augustine 7 years ago from The Land of Tractors

      Eating lunch with your vampire boyfriend is so lame when he's hungry and he's looking at you like "you look like an un-tenderized steak" and you're like "but I'm a vegetarian" and he's all "but you're so hot" and you're all "I know, but I'm really deeper than that, you know?" and then you remember how good you look together and smile because nobody but you realizes that he is like, one-hundred years older than everybody else in high school, and how cool is that, anyway?

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      Wayne Tully 7 years ago from Hull City United Kingdom

      And a pidgeon called Grace sat aloft the window tower and let rip a huge force ten gale out of it's feathered cheeks, but the devil was watching, waiting for the right moment as the ginger maiden flashed her Jane Austin Cleavage and frightened the poor pidgeon away!

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      Author

      lmmartin 7 years ago from Alberta and Florida

      Aya -- special.

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      Aya Katz 7 years ago from The Ozarks

      Notwithstanding that one time, when intimidated by the crowd of relatives peering into his crib, he had pretended to be asleep, when in fact he was wide awake, or that other time, when he was four years old and had discovered the dead bird and had lovingly fondled it, but when his mother asked in her loud, high pitched voice, "You didn't touch that dirty thing, did you?" and he had answered, by reflex "No!", or that other time when at sixteen the girl next door had asked "You didn't see that, did you?" and he'd agreed that he had not, except for once or twice when he had claimed not to remember the exact time when the cock had crowed or when that gun went off, and they had asked him under oath, except for these few instances of moral lapse, he was an exceptionally honest and forthcoming human being, and not at all one given to deceit.

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      Simon Cook 7 years ago from NJ, USA

      The great oaks stood watching like stalwart guards with an ancient tenet as the battered forlorn figure desperately fought to keep its head above water and the crescendo of sound threatening to burst its eardrums suddenly fell into silence for the tiniest instance just long enough for the figure’s piercing scream of anguish to be heard echoing along the cavernous walls of the valley eerily resonating and rebounding to create a cacophony of a symphony that even the hard of hearing would dismiss as gargantuan nonsense.

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      Temoring 7 years ago

      With head pounding and fingers shaking in anticipation of what wonders lay ahead, the writer took to her computer and lovingly stroked each and every key her fingers touched only to find out in the end, the words made no sense at all.

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      LoneWolfMuskoka 7 years ago from Huntsville, Ontario, Canada

      Rushing towards the comfort of the cold porcelain in the restroom, I could feel the contents of my stomach swirling and churning, building towards a powerful climax of expulsion as I once again asked myself "Why, oh why, did I volunteer to judge this contest?"

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      JYNXART 7 years ago

      Standing before such wondrous beauty he wanted to tear it all down and watch it burn.

    • profile image

      JYNXART 7 years ago

      It was the worst case of flatulence the mouse had ever had.

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      JYNXART 7 years ago

      Mr Lea Chatfield of 16 Valve Street stood naked and cold in the bath tub, holding up one of the many rings of fat that surrounded his body he reached for his newly purchased Colgate toothbrush and began scrubbing at the accumulated filth.

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      JYNXART 7 years ago

      She'd always been a little naive, no, stupid was probably the best description for her, henceforth the reason it took her ten minutes before she realised that the cigarette she had been so happily smoking had infact been placed into her mouth via her dainty, newly painted finger nails - the wrong way round.

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      JYNXART 7 years ago

      She'd been feeling a little light headed, so taking a sip from the glass of water infront of her she noticed a strange flavour - tangy, sweet and sour all at the same time.

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      Arthur Windermere 7 years ago

      He couldn't help but think--and I mean really think, not just that thinking-about-dinner sort of thinking--about his grandfather's immense sexual potency at yet this age, how those incredible gonads that had squirted forth the very substance of his being and with his fleshy paintbrush had arted his essence into that pure material being--those very gonads, now wrinkled, smashed hither thither by imprudent knees till they were blacker than the heart of a Zulu, still could rumble and rise to the occasion at the presence of a voluptuous female figure, eager to implant within any sufficiently ripe womb its life-generating seed with all the might of a fierce volcano destroying the Pompeii of infertility; but then he remembered he had that crime to solve.

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      Laura L Scotty 7 years ago from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

      "When pigs fly!" he commented to his pet rock.

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      Kesstra 7 years ago from Texas

      Up one hill down the other which is the way the crow flies in the pouring rain, and the sky is a dark as the night because it is night.

    • Diane Inside profile image

      Diane Inside 7 years ago

      too little too late as usual.

    • Diane Inside profile image

      Diane Inside 7 years ago

      I sat there at my desk, bewildered at the fact that I had submitted an entry to a contest I had found in the wrong section, but once I had gathered my thoughts once more I found the correct place to submit an entry; and I submitted it.

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      blatva 7 years ago

      It all started with a man in a space suit, Covered in plum jam and sunflower seeds.

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      greyfox26 7 years ago

      The moon peeked intermittently through the leaves of the oak

      tree, casting an eerie shadow on his blood soaked body.

    • profile image

      greyfox26 7 years ago

      My mind raced, how can I get out of here before she wakes up, but it was too late.

    • profile image

      greyfox26 7 years ago

      We met in the shadows and I had no idea how ugly she was until I saw her face the next morning.

    • profile image

      greyfox26 7 years ago

      How could I have guessed that this of all nights would be the night that I would be so disappointed.

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      Alta5656 7 years ago from Davao City, Philippines

      It was a dark stormy night, the eerie moaning of the night wind made her vividly recall the fateful saga of the doomed prince and her princess from a far way and almost forgotten kingdom, so far that she has lost track of the story that would somehow ease the anxiety the dark and stormy night brought her.

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      Adamgreen 7 years ago from Peterborough

      Despite it being a dark and stormy night, the man still wandered around his garden in his summer shorts desperate to prolong the summer sensation.

    • lmmartin profile image
      Author

      lmmartin 7 years ago from Alberta and Florida

      Although the night raged dark and stormy, the morning debuted as quite the opposite, brilliant, with a promise of sultry heat to come later, judging by the sun blazing in the clear azure sky beaming down in gay abandon over the shimmering silver crystal sands, virginal in their whiteness between the grassy dunes and drifts of shells, weeds and other debris, but sullied, dark, wet and violated where the waves thrust ever higher, one after the other on the incoming tide, and the undulating water, blue-green close to the shore and turquoise blue-farther out, frosted with foaming whitecaps spending their force upon the beach, then returning to the deep salty place of their origin – a magnificent morning, presenting, all in all, a lovely sight, thought Felix, excepting the small crowd of bodies basking like pinkish, lumpy seals which prompted him to pose one of those introspective questions to which he was prone, demanding answers of the world at large, seeking explanation from God himself, or perhaps just asking the passing breeze, “Why is it nudists are almost always people you don’t want to see naked?”

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      ladyjane1 7 years ago from Texas

      It was a dark and stormy night when Scarlett turned to her sister and said in the southernest accent that she could muster, "Oh my Valerie, I cannot wait for Colonel Lingus to arrive because there is a fire burning in me that only he can put out".

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      tantrum 7 years ago from Tropic of Capricorn

      Why things looks so messy and way out of line when one has not slept very well and has a hell of a flu making its way from the feverish limbs to the aching head, mussed to herself Gladys Lilly Rose, while putting the brains back on the skull, and the liver where it belongs, and finally stitching the corpse of the late Mr. Dumbhead, laying gray and mute on the withered steel table, in the sad and grim morgue of Vastartville County.

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      lucieanne 7 years ago from Boston United Kingdom

      "I will not tolerate such diabolical impertinence from a low-down phenomenae such as yourself and furthermore, your rude insinuations are far too obnoxious to be appreciated," she whispered lovingly, as she gazed into his glass eye.

    • Smellen profile image

      Smellen 7 years ago from Florida

      No one my age rides a scooter, especially at six o’clock in the morning; nevertheless there I was looking young and fit as ever in the early darkness when I heard some large teenage boys talking to me but the sound of the scooter on the pavement was extremely loud and I could not decipher what they were saying until they began an all out run, thundering and chasing me into the moment my life changed forever.

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      itakins 7 years ago from Irl

      André, the great French maestro, knew that in a few short minutes, he would have to go out and face the music.

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      Kathryn LJ 7 years ago

      Full of the exuberance of his own verbosity, Neville gushed his felicitations into the telephone as the automated weather forecast predicted precipitation, with a cold front moving south and then only pausing to seize a raincoat and flash light, dashed back out into the cruel world.

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      Jenny Anne 7 years ago from California

      It was a dark and stormy night (for the sun has set already) that found winters first words melting into a crisp cool pool of composed conjecture and running off into brisk Spring streams of sound lyrical prose so fretfully long and arduous that one would rather place a earthy stick in their eye, accepting injury, then continue to witness the overflow of pondering, questioning and wondering if this really is just one sentence?

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      ptosis 7 years ago from Arizona

      ___________________________________________________

      The lonely Bula'ia, who had fed a behemothic breakfast of long pig for all his big brothers, cleaned up the last of the discombobulation in the mess hall when an alarming clamorous crowd burst in and demanded that he join their posse to hunt down the escaped fugitive, whereupon he burped and said, "No need, we just finished him."

      ___________________________________________________

    • ediggity profile image

      ediggity 7 years ago

      It was a dark and stormy night; I can't stand the weatherman.

    • Mighty Mom profile image

      Susan Reid 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Genevieve's body felt every minute of the six hours she'd baked in the tropical sun, resembling a cookout wiener dangled too carelessly over the flame that shrivels into a pruny pink oblong, the only difference being that Genevieve was not oblong.

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      Susan Reid 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Margaret entered the pitch dark confessional, her sins swirling through her brain like a filthy maelstrom of guilt, anticipating absolution from Monseignor Culligan, but realizing, too late, that the visiting priest was actually her former lover Richard, the very man responsible for leading her into temptation in the first place.

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      Susan Reid 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Valerie slowly opened her eye, the only eye she could open, since the other was swollen shut with a goose egg the size of a goose egg, and winced the kind of full-body wince that left no doubt her dignity had been shattered along with her cheekbone, muttering abjectly to no one in particular, "Dammit! I knew I shouldn't drink the worm."

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      Cristina Vanthul 7 years ago from Florida

      Lightning lit the night sky in forks and zags, painting the apartments in vivid flashes that exposed the crude reality of five-story walk-ups in the city's most forbidden haven, where only cockroaches and humanoid night crawlers dared to venture beyond the false security of barred windows, only to scatter back to their corners and hidden lairs with every strike of vengeance Mother Nature could levy against the darkness.

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      gramarye 7 years ago from Adelaide - Australia

      Last tuesday fortnight ago I perambulated into the international art gallery located in the metropolitan library building to view a plethora of paintings and other various works.

    • Hokey profile image

      Hokey 7 years ago from In the energy.

      A story to you I must proclaim but I beg of you to please show personal restraint as to forestalling all queries until the finality of the aforementioned tale has been drawn to conclusion.

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      JYNXART 7 years ago

      The dogs eyes stared upwards filled with panic, darting side to side, as it struggled to stay afloat in the icy water desperately tryig to locate the hole it had fallen through but had now had been silently sealed locking him within the freezing tomb.

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      JYNXART 7 years ago

      Pulling the inch long thorns from his fleshy, bruised buttocks he stared at the bull that had refused his rubber gloved forearm.

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      JYNXART 7 years ago

      Stumbling through the forest Jacob wheezed heavily, his chest heaving with each forced breath, his lungs seizing on the precious air that he so desparately needed as what he had dreaded most finally caught up with him, crashing through the undergrowth behind his frail and exhausted body.

    • Adamgreen profile image

      Adamgreen 7 years ago from Peterborough

      The sun was setting, bubbling, and boiling, over the bustling city at 5 o clock that evening, and as it had been a strange day, when Nev and Violet left the office together (literally, after being sewn together in an unfortunate transplant incident) they realised everything was not quite as it seemed.

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      Terri Meredith 7 years ago from Pennsylvania

      It was a dark and stormy night; the freezing rain tumbling to earth by the buckets except when the sun suddenly leapt from the clouds to light up the skies and boil the puddles previously created, as the mad scientist flipped the dials back and forth on his newly invented weather machine, all the while cackling at his evil genius.

    • pzazz-linda profile image

      pzazz-linda 7 years ago

      THE DARKEST, STORMIEST NIGHT IN HISTORY

      It was the darkest, stormiest night in the history of the small town – a town with a mysterious past, which included painted ladies showing their bums to an all-male audience while manly hoots and hollers drowned out the music played for their performances, and yet, one lone sound muffled out the laughter and gaiety of the room, turning to cries and sighs and pleadings of the customers to spare their lives; lives broken by booze and broads in this one-horse town, with its most mysterious past – but I cannot reveal the happenings of that night, nor will I ever be able to share my knowledge of the horror that ensued on that fateful day, situated on a little patch of land known only as “Fever.”

      Linda Robertson(pzazz-linda)5-27-10

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      Simon Cook 7 years ago from NJ, USA

      As epiphanies go you have to say that Princess Casandra’s could be crowned the ultimate winner for her realization that the frog was indeed more handsome than the prince made her regret the slimy kiss and re-evaluate every old wives tale or fairy story she had ever heard.

    • lmmartin profile image
      Author

      lmmartin 7 years ago from Alberta and Florida

      This entry was in the wrong place so Wealthmadehealthy, if you read this, please come back and re-enter in the right box. Thanks. Lynda

      Wealthmadehealthy 10 hours ago

      Gazing out of the freshly cleaned window, into the oncoming storm front-the grass was a clean green and the sky darkening when suddenly the lightning leaped from the sky; windows shook and one shattered while she trembled in silent horror as the twisted figure slithered across the field....unsure of what it could be she ran from the room fearing it would knock on her door and pretended she was not home, and then wondered what she would do if if really did?

    • Adamgreen profile image

      Adamgreen 7 years ago from Peterborough

      Jonathon the large, hairy bellied fisherman was beginning to stir on an ice cold wintry morning, boilies soaking away in stagnant slimey water in the kitchen and maggots stinking like rotten flesh while wiggling around with a look resembling a chopped worm.

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      Rick Carter 7 years ago

      Linda looked at her patient, monologuing about his obsession with flatulating in public, and, reflecting on her Ph.D. in clinical psychology and years of experience as a private therapist, thought "My God this guy is freaking nuts!" and wondered what she would get for lunch.

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      Pamela Kinnaird W 7 years ago from Maui and Arizona

      Ginger adored her evening walks along the deserted beach road even when it was dark and stormy like this night and so she didn't bother to think about the remote possibility of a vehicle racing up behind her and two men jumping out of the car and shoving her into the back seat with murder gleaming in their eyes although she had let the terror of the possibility cross her mind once last week during her nightly walk and she had made a mental note to watch the new Karate Kid when it comes to the theater so she could pick up some self-defense tips, but tonight she was thinking about more important things than scenes that would never happen, so when the wind howled extra loudly and the rain began to fall like cats and dogs, she did not hear the purring, stealthy V8 engine of the F150 Ford XLT Triton Off-Road truck as it glided in behind her with its lights turned off.

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      TheGlassSpider 7 years ago from On The Web

      The man in the neon green polyester suit escaped across the desert and the dilettante followed.

    • SimeyC profile image

      Simon Cook 7 years ago from NJ, USA

      In a land that time remembered, but stored away in the deepest recesses of its mind, stood a dark figure standing against a wall in a mean and angry alleyway that looked like it could chew you up and spit you out without a second thought just before the insidious denizens of the piles of garbage sprawled on its sides jumped you and stole your handbag.