Announcing: Dark and Stormy Night -- Finalists
The ten finalists now compete for the glorious virtual trophy
- To see all the entries on Hubpages very own Dark and Stormy Night Contest
For those who somehow missed it, and for many more laughs, here is our contest page.
- The big dark and stormy night -- the international Bulwer-Lytton Contest
A look at the best of world class bad writing -- winners of the Bulwer-Lytton contest. (AKA the "dark and stormy night" contest.)
Who will be the winner (oh, how the tension mounts)
Hello everyone out there in hubland. Here it is, the moment you've all been waiting for!
Hubteam has delivered the ten finalists! Drum roll, please.
Now here's how this will work. Each entry has been assigned a number -- in no particular order -- and is printed here for your perusal, enjoyment and final judgment. Another drum roll, please.
You must vote for the number of your favorite.
The entry with the most votes by July 15th is the winner. Anticipatory silence, please.
So, with no further ado -- gasps of suspense now, please -- here they are:
The ten finalists of the first annual Hubpages Dark and Stormy Night Contest!!!!!
Applause now, please.
In no particular order:
All entries were magnificently terrible. Hubteam tells me this was the most difficult of decisions ever made in their entire careers, and they are now exhausted by the effort and require at least three weeks rest to recuperate.
For those whose efforts do not show up here -- well, what can I say? Grab a kleenex; dab your eyes dry and repeat after me -- too bad, so sad -- now get over it.
"It was a dark and stormy nightgown, a reflection of her mood as she paced the deck on that fateful night, waiting, waiting for she knew not what or whom or even why." - Bad Hubbit
"Years later—four, or maybe five, if not six or seven, but really, now that she thought about it carefully, no more than nine, or nine and a half, anyway—she would remember that day (however many years previously) as being the first (or if not the first, then nearly the first; perhaps it was the second) time she had ever known the silent pangs of envy—those creeping, soul-destroying, rampantly pernicious tendrils of despair—at knowing that she stood outside the plated palaces of all that she had longed for and had believed herself worthy of attaining, or, if not attaining, of having thrust upon her by an outward force of destined opulence and outright entitlement to majesty that she now realized was not to be, was never to be, could never have been, and all she could then envision for her future was the bleakest of attainments: the second-rate perch of a tawdry, failed presumptive; an armoire of the cast-off robes of superannuated ministration; and the mealy, dun-colored appurtenances of shadow-dwelling officiates in the sequestered gloom of servile, downward-gazing, lick-spittle lackeys who know nothing of the amenities, indulgences, and superfluities of success. " - Teresa McGurk
"He was a dark and stormy knight…." - SimeyC
"His nostrils flared, in and out, like a horse- not a racehorse, but more like a working horse - a mule perhaps." - Naartjie
"Not only was it a dark and stormy night, it was the darkest and stormiest night in living - well, not living exactly, more recorded by the hag in the brown dress, which is as piercingly accurate as it was possible to get at that time, and could hardly be considered alive - memory, making Edward George Bulwer-Lytton's dark and stormy night look like the sunny day at the beach it really was, considering our scene lies in Manchester; well regarded as producing far darker and stormier nights than London could ever manage, no matter how violent the wind." - Mark Knowles
"Shot in the chest, the blood pours from my pierced heart and as I am dead I cannot write anymore." -jimmythejock
"He reached into his pocket for the gun and suddenly remembered that he had removed it before changing into his clown pants." - Bill Yovino
"The sunset was magnificent; the smell of fresh Okra on the breeze brought a tear to her eye." - Arthur Fontes
'As the tears of anguish spewed forth from the eye sockets of his very soul, he gazed down upon the marble tiles lying victimized on his kitchen floor and beseeched the gods for his answer: “Once again, spilt milk… when will this agonizing horror end?!” ' - Greek One
"Mother Nature unleashed her pre-menstrual tension upon an unwary world by nagging at the trees, raging through the oceans and absolutely refusing to darn any more socks among the mountains." - frogdropping
Ta - daa!
Now: cast your votes:
Which of these outstanding efforts will win the virtual trophy?
While not selected as a finalist by the hubteam (due in part to unfair discrimination) I have personally selected my own entry as deserving of honorable mention. Applause, please.
"Dark and stormy night, dark and stormy night," the poor, tortured woman was heard to whimper plaintively as she tossed and turned on her sweat sodden mattress, unconsciously ripping out shocks of hair by the roots with hands showing badly chewed nails and bleeding cuticles, trembling and jerking in nervous tremors as they wiped at a face tear-stained and swollen, and indeed, so piteous was her state that he reached forward to comfort the miserable wretch, only to pull back, startled, as she suddenly and abruptly sat straight up and screamed, "ONLY ONE SENTENCE!"
Another vote required:
This entry is deserving of honorable mention
I hope you all enjoyed this Dark and Stormy Night Contest, and found it as much fun as I did. As promised, the winning entry will be sent to the international Dark and Stormy Night Contest -- and to whoever you are to be -- Good Luck!
And thanks to all of you who entered, commented (and even to those who complained and emailed me to bitch me out.) Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Let's make this an annual event -- shall we? Vote on this question below.
Comments may be left in the usual place.
Tune in July 15th for the announcement of the winning entry.
Good night, all of you.
Thunderous applause, please.