Arkansaw Limericks No. 1

Arkansas has been forgotten, ridiculed, forgotten and then ridiculed again. The ilk like Bob Burns and his Bazooka and Lum and Abner and their Jot ‘em Down Store played Arkansas as a backwards, barefoot, coon-chasin’ bunch of hillbillys. One president (I think it was Reagan) said that Arkansas was a state somewhere between the Texas and Oklahoma border. What a squeeze that would be! Our buddy Bill Clinton didn’t help matters much, either. So what the heck, I may as well join them. Here’s Arkansaw Limericks No. 1, a tribute to the good folks in our cities, towns and wide spots in the road.

HERE'S TO THE COON HUNTERS

Hey Homer, don’t you see

Your coon dog’s up a tree

He may be a runt

But he sho can hunt

He took “tree dog” literally

Guion

A coon hunter from Guion

Had a big spotted canine

The dog was so big

He looked like a pig

But he hunted real fine

(Guion is pronounced Gine by the locals)

Jasper

A farmer from Jasper named Lou

Had a coon hound named Blue

The dog was so dumb

He caught a possum

And didn’t know what to do

JUST FOR FUN!

De Queen

A young mouse named Bean

Was driving a limousine

Drove so fast

He ran out of gas

On his way to see De Queen

NOW BACK TO THE FOLKS

Possum Grape

T’was a man from Possum Grape

Who lost his roll of duct tape

Couldn’t fix his canoe

Didn’t know what to do

Poor guy was in bad shape

Possom Grape was inspired by a true story from my son. He and a companion were preparing to fish in Greers Ferry Lake in the Ozarks. As he and his friend were off-loading their kayaks, he said a man in a pickup pulling a canoe was traveling across the bridge connecting the Narrows. The fiberglass canoe came lose and fell crashing to the rocks below. My son remarked "that canoe won't go fishing today." His fishing buddy replied, "That's what you think. Just you wait and see."

Late that afternoon as my son and his fishing buddy were hauling their kayaks out of the lake, here came the same man returning across the bridge. He was pulling the canoe, obviously wet, with duct tape everywhere. The fishing buddy gloated, "See, I told you so."

Fifty-Six

There's a town called Fifty-Six

Whut's plumb back in the sticks

The boys hunt squirrels

And chase the girls

That's how they get their kicks

Big Rock

T’was an ugly girl from Big Rock

Whose face stopped an 8-day clock

She sang a little ditty

She sang it so pretty

Then the clock went tick tock

Ash Flat

An old woman from Ash Flat

Ate until she grew too fat

Had a bed with a keel

and chairs of steel

Upon which she sat

I can’t help but pick on Mountain View because my Mama’s family done been around there since before the New Madrid Earthquake. Proves we're movers and shakers, don't it!

An old man from Mountain View

Kept drinking that mountain dew

Put his money in a sock

And hid it under a rock

Where, he had nary a clue

A young gal from Mountain View

Got her bloomers in a stew

Put down her fiddle

So she could diddle

Can’t end, HP won’t publish if I do

If you enjoyed these, stay tuned, there’s more to come.