Bargain Pie-Stage Three in Grief Series
I'll trade you this for that!
Apple crisp? Aloo? Banana cream, Blackberry, Pumpkin? Well, pies, that is.
Ummm...doesn't really matter which flavor you choose, in my line of thinking. Bargaining for something that can't come to fruition, is either an exercise in futility--or a very simple notion! I wonder which? I am guessing it's the former. Funny thing is, we all do it! Not only that, but we all want to do it! It brings comfort, peace, transient happiness. It brings pies that delight; then get ravaged in no time. And, that empty tin spitting back in your sad pie face--is not pleasing in the least.
We all get to pick our choice of pies though--and choice is critical to personal well-being; whatever unbearable hunkering is blanketed in pure ambrosia-- in the moment. One electric word for surviving this painful process--whether it's brought about by loss of a loved one; a job, or any other significant loss in your life is: coping. We'll reach for whatever will alleviate, or lessen, the pain in a whole mess of ways. (Just how some say it in the South! Then, you'll hear, "She's such a mess!" It almost sounds good. Doesn't it? It's not intended to be nice, however. You got that though, I know.) Ultimately, what's bad is just that--and we try our best as humans to make it better. And, eventually, we get there... Well, most of us do, I think. Sort of. Time plays with us like the grand puppeteer that it is, for just a while first. Kind of like a fat cat batting a three-legged, baby mouse about for as long as he pleases--as an appetizer to the inevitable. Need I say more?
Apparently, we all find methods of coping ( good, bad, or both!) in our response to loss. Even more than Baskin Robbin's offers! Here are a few that you can read about in-depth on changingminds.org. Well, these are principally the negative approaches we gravitate toward:
- Adaptive : provides positive help.
- Attack: pour misery onto others.
- Avoidance: run from the issue.
- Behavioral: effects what we do.
- Cognitive: alters what we think.
- Conversion: turns one thing into another.
- Defense: Freud's theory.
- Self-harm: do bad stuff to ourselves.
If you wish to learn about the more positive and productive coping measures to take--after you've exhausted (and gotten bored with) all of the destructive options; there are a number of them to choose from, according to this site. (Why do I find the negative choices so much more interesting? I'll answer that: Probably, because they require less effort on my part, and don't justify indulging in pie over and over, again.)
In the end, I say, find the flavor that works best for you--and stick with it! It won't let you down. But, before we go, please pass that lovely Rhubarb Cream pie with the lattice crust, over there. The one that tastes best suits me (at least for now). It's bittersweet. You know, just like life. Besides, I know how to make a mean version. Want some? Don't we all like pie?