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Because I Love Her
Her Name Is Ruby
Her name is Ruby and I love her. No one can compare to her beauty or innocence. She’s a real-life angel. Her heart is so pure. The times I've laid on top of her chest, I would press my ear onto her warm skin and hear her heartbeat. It pumps so nice. The only thing I've ever wanted is to be invited to lay with her at night; to lay with her forever. I'm ready for her to be my one and only girl. We were both nine years old when we first met. She moved in with her mother in the house next door. Once we locked eyes we were inseparable. However, at first it was hard for me to breathe whenever she was around. The bright smile that laid upon her delicate face brought nothing but pure joy to my heart. Throughout our entire friendship, I’ve wanted to let her know my true feelings. I need to be the one she wakes up for; her reason for living. If we were to be part of the apocalypse, I'd make sure she is safe. Tonight is the night I need to tell her, I love her.
October 3, 2013
It is a beautiful night. The sky is beautifully decorated with lots of stars and half a moon. The temperature is not too hot, not too cold and the air smells like fresh rain had just finished pouring.
Ruby happens to be very excited. “Should I wear the red one or the blue one?” She switches back and forth between both dresses while she gazes upon herself in the tall mirror. She is very beautiful yet she carries a low confidence. She has a magnificent and exquisite figure with a perfect face to top it off. Anyone would be crazy to be denying the fact that she's ridiculously gorgeous. People are easily attached to her. So there is no surprise when she told me about her big date tonight. It was going to be with a boy named Justin-who happened to be her crush for the past year-and he was planning on taking to her to a very rich and fanciful dinner at L’amour Sincere. “Well, what do you think?” Too bad she won’t be attending. I plan to provide her with so much that even God himself can't even measure up to it. A good life, a beautiful dream house, happiness.
“I like you in blue.” She smiled after taking a deep breathe.
“Alright.” The denied dress was now thrown onto the floor. “I will wear the blue.”
I looked at the clock. About an hour before her big evening. I need to hurry. She must cancel her date with Justin soon. I don't feel bad about it at all. “Actually, you look best in red.”
“Really?” she asked me.
“Yes.” I grab a pretty red one shoulder dress which happens to be my personal favorite. “I know you would be adored in this one.”
The blue dress is now rejected. “Thank you.” She placed it around her neck, over her bra and matching panties and walks around the room. A small amount of confidence entered her body. She began to hug herself. I knew this is what she would really want to wear. “You are always right, aren’t you?” I grinned. “Okay.” She removes the hanger. “We have a winner.” She throws it on top of the bed. “I should finish my face first.” She walks over to vanity and starts to apply her un-needed mask of makeup.
She is an absolutely gorgeous scene. Especially with her velvety smooth, pale skin. All of her features are perfect and so carefully created. After curling her long and wispy lashes, she applied a few coats of mascara on both the top and bottom. Very faint pink blush was covering the apples of her cheeks. There was no need for her to do much to her hair; it was already naturally straight. She pulls out her favorite red lipstick. She starts to paint her full lips.
“You are so glamorous,” I say.
She directed her eyes to look at me through my reflection. “Sometimes you are too sweet.” She continues to finish up her lips.
After admiring her for a few more seconds I walk up behind her and gently move her dark chocolate hair to one side. I place my hand gently around her delicate neck. “I only say what I’m feeling Ruby.”
She finished applying the cherry red color on her sensual mouth. She grabs my hand with a firm grip, holds it tightly, and places the left side of her face on top. “I don’t know what I would do without you.” I caress the side of her face with my fingertips. Feeling the bridge of her nose, the little breaths that make their way out of her small nostrils, the perfectly round beautiful mark right by the end of her eyebrow, all of her was so surreal. I would stare at her until the end of time if I could.
“You never have to know what that feels like.” I can tell she was happy with my response. “I want you to be mine.” She looked at me quite confused. “I love you Ruby. More than you know. I always have. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Permanently.”
She picked up her head and quickly hopped out of her chair. She began to rub her hands together. This was one of her nervous habits. “What’s wrong?”
“You cannot do this to me right now.” I don't understand her reaction.“I’m about to leave… go on a date with Justin.”
“I know,” I say while sitting down on her bed.
She blinked multiple times. Another one of her nervous habits. “You know?” She said with an attitude.
“Of course I do.” I smiled in reassurance. “I know everything about you.”
“Exactly,” she says. “I don’t want to be mean here but you know I’ve been dying for Justin to ask me out. Once he finally does, you throw quite a surprise on me." I sensed a mixture of anger and annoyance in her voice. It's very rare when she acts this immature and honestly, there was no need for her to be upset with me about this whole situation."Not only do you happen to tell me your feelings after Justin wants to take me out, you happen to tell me thirty minutes before my date.” She kept pacing around her room. “I love you. So much.”
"I love you too."
“But..." There was a moment of silence. "I want nothing more out of us than our friendship.” She holds my hands and kisses them. “My feelings are strictly platonic. I’m so sorry.”
I'm completely shocked. Ruby is the only good I have in me. She's the only good in you. Now she's gone. Anger starts to possess me. I stare straight into her shamrock green eyes. Suddenly, I grab both sides of her face. “Tell me you’re joking.”
“You’re hurting me,” she says. I ignore her. She tries remove me away from her but I'm stuck like glue. I don’t let go. I won't let go.
“But I love you,” I say. "Do you know what would happen if I lose you tonight?"
“You're not losing me," she says raising her voice. "Please stop,” she says. Not realizing my own strength, I start to feel her cheek bones firmly pressed on my sweaty palms. I still refused to release myself.
“I love you,” I yell in her face.
“Stop,” she yells back. “You’re scaring me.”
“I love you Ruby,” I say. “I love you! Don’t you understand?” She manages to escape from my hard grip. She quickly walks away but I beat her to the bedroom door. I lock it, standing right in her way. “Cancel your date with Justin. Hear me out.”
“No,” she answers.
"Let's talk about this!" I scream. I'm afraid to live without you. I can't be by myself.
“I will not call and cancel.” She screams back. “I think you’re just angry. That’s fine.” I could tell she was holding back tears. Ruby is a very sensitive person. “I understand why you would be. Once again, I am sorry.” She clasps her hands together in front of her mouth, in a praying position. “I think you just need to go home, relax, and sleep on it.” A single tear drop delicately flowed straight down her face, then curved, meeting the indention of her mouth. “We can talk about this tomorrow, okay?” She tries to give me a reassuring smile. “I promise.”
After everything we’ve been through, this is all she wants? A friendship and nothing more? The one love, the one heart I longed to be mine, it all just crashed and burned. My heart is now blown and full of ash. For years, I have trusted my faith. I prayed and prayed that Ruby and I will one day be together. But my faith has risen against me. Nothing but backfire. I won’t stand for this.
I punch the door with both closed fists. It made Ruby jump. I didn’t care. She needs to feel my anger. She needs to know how I will not be by myself; alone without her. “We will not talk tomorrow.”
“Calm down,” she tells me. She tries to be polite.
“All I ever longed for was you.” I punch the door again. "I hate this! You were my only escape from the cruel realities of this world. " I noticed a vase on the cabinet next to me. I throw it fiercely across the room.
“Stop!” She demanded.
“You cannot fail me now,” I demand. “For years and years, I’ve wanted you to know my true feelings. And this is the thanks I get?”
“Please,” she says. Her tears are now pouring uncontrollably. Her arms are stretched out in front of her as if that would block out my rage.
“If I can’t have you,” I took one step towards her. Ruby started walking backwards. “No one can.”
“What are you doing?” she asks me.
"I love you Ruby," I say again. "I've always loved you. Always, I've wanted you." Slowly I walk towards her. I look at her, up and down. Thinking of how good she must feel in the inside makes me so happy. My tongue starts off moist but ends up super wet. I can't help but lick my lips and bite down on them. I can feel her now. "Every night I prayed to God for a miracle between you and I." I stop and see beautiful spring colored panties folded on top of her vanity. I pick up the underwear and rub the soft cotton material over my cheeks.
"Can you put them down please?" She asks me. "That makes me uncomfortable."
Mmmm... My mouth is watering. She must taste good too. "Did you know that I have stolen little garments and things from your closet, drawers, kitchen cabinets, bathroom?" She doesn't answer. She just looks at me all wide eyed and frightened. It was as if we were children all over again. "Yeah, I have." I take a deep breathe and get a slight whiff of her sweet aroma. I don't think I could get enough of it but I must stop for now. I place them in the back pocket of my dark blue jeans. "It's true." I slide my fingers across her chair while setting my eyes upon her perky breasts. "I place them in a box that I call my treasure chest. They are my most prized possessions."
Ruby tries to run away but she doesn't get very far. I grabbed her roughly by the wrists and turn her around to face me. Her eye makeup is now smeared. Her watery eyes are glistening. I know she longs to be mine. She needs to have me in her life. So why not have me in an intimate sense? She was always stuck in my head. She had to have been the same way. She can't keep denying her true feelings towards me. I just won't have it anymore. My poor Ruby. Maybe I should try to calm her down.
"Shhh..." Gently, I brush away her tears and start to feel the slight imperfections on her face and the softness of her lips. Her lipstick smeared on my thumbs. I lean in to kiss her.
"Stop," she asks me. "Please."
I stop for only a moment, then lean in again.
"I mean it," she says. With all of her might she tries pushing me away. The harder she fights, the rougher I fight back.
She manages to get me off of her, but within a second, I catch her again. This time, her back is pressed up against my body. "Shut up," I whisper in her ear. Ruby tries to escape and gives out a huge scream. In an instant, I cover her mouth. Why can't she just listen to me damnit? "Shut the fuck up," I scream loudly. "All I want to do is talk Ruby," I tell her. "Now, I'm going to move my hand and you better not scream or say anything. Just listen. Do you understand?" She couldn't stop crying but she managed to contain herself a little and nodded her head. "Alright."
And just like that, she got silent. That's right. Just be silent. Be still. I lay my forehead in between her shoulder blades and my hands are caressing her small hips. My fingertips barely feel the inside of her panties. Oh god how I love the way her silky smooth skin feels. "All I'm trying to tell you my love is this." I'm in between her warm flesh and the lining of her panties. Slowly I move my hand lower and lower.
"Stop!" She began to fight me again. Ignoring her, the tips of my pointer and middle finger are about to enter her sex. Ahhhhh! She screamed This time, it sounded like a cry out for help.
"Ruby that's enough!" I demand. Quickly I twist her arm, force her to bend over on the bed. I lower her garments, exposing her bare behind. "Take a deep breathe. You'll be alright."
"Ruby?" Someone called out.
Who is that? "Who is that?" I ask her. The person knocks. "Is that Justin?"
"Ruby?" It's a man's voice. It has to be that asshole Justin. The one who is trying to steal my love away from me. Ruby should've done what I asked of her. He shouldn't be here right now. "Sweetie. You okay? I heard someone scream. I'm only hoping it wasn't coming from you."
"Tell him you're fine," I whisper in her ear. "Let him know the truth. He needs to know you love me. Not him."I pick her up by grabbing the back of her head. I pull on her by her hair and take her with me.
He was now messing with the door knob. "I'm sorry for letting myself in but I wanted to make sure you're okay. I'm assuming you're in there since the door is locked."
"Meet him in the living room and send him away." I grab her dress from earlier and hand it to her. "Get decent. He doesn't deserve to see this much of your perfect body.
"Fuck you," she tells me.
"Excuse me?" I ask her. She has no right to speak to me in that manner.
"Fuck you," she repeats.
Smack! I slapped her hard across her face. She loses her balance and falls to the floor. "Don't you ever raise your voice like that at me ever again!" I yell.
"Ruby?" Justin called out again.
"Justin!" Ruby responds.
"No," I think outloud. Fuck! "Don't you dare bring your ass in here mother fucker!"
"Get help," Ruby yells out.
I don't know what to do. This is not what I had planned. We should be kissing one another right now. The moon should be shining over us while we lay in bed together and talk about our future with a perfect white house, a beautiful green lawn and blue skies. Preferably in a location no one can interfere with us. I can't help but pace back and forth across the room. Shit. My heart is rapidly beating. I'm banging both sides of my head with hands. I can't think. All I want to do is be with Ruby. But she won't let me have her. If I can't have her, no one will. I will not be alone.
I took three giants steps back to her. She tries to crawl away from me. "No, no, no, no..." I corner her. "Please. No. Stop!"
I turn around. Justin was trying to force the door open. He banged the door with such an impact he was close to breaking it down it seems.
"Get out of here Justin!" I order him. I grab a pair of scissors from one of her drawers. I knew where she kept everything. "You will never take Ruby away from me. You hear me?" Bang! There goes the door again. "Never!"
Justin managed to the kick the door open. He runs inside the room and I my focus went straight to his widened eyes. Quickly I hid the scissors behind my back before he could notice them. "What the hell is this?" He kept switching his eyes back and forth between Ruby and I. "Julia?" I didn't answer him. "What... What the hell are you doing Julia?"
I straightened myself up then clear my throat. "I..." Why is this any of his concern? "I desperately needed Ruby tonight and she was being quite stubborn." I glare at her. If she would've just cancelled her date, none of this mischief would've happened. This is all her fault. "I love her. More than you'll ever know." I slowly moved towards him.
He put his hands out in front of me. "Okay," he says. "Don't you think you're taking this too far?"
"What do you mean dear?" I can feel the adrenaline kicking in. I can feel the rapid beats my heart was giving. He needed to be dealt with. If this meant he had to die tonight then so be it. "You fucked this up for me."
"I did no such thing and you know it," he tell me. "Now let's all calm down before someone gets hurt." Why is he pressuring me?
"Oh no?" I ask. "If you never asked her out, Ruby would be mine right now."
"No Julia," he says. "Ruby is your friend. Yes, every time she talks about you she practically glows but that's because you are her best friend." Sweat started forming at the top of his forehead. His mouth kept hanging open. I'm assuming he was extremely nervous; as he should be. I didn't like what he was saying though. Nothing but utter filth and lies. "You and Ruby are like sisters. She loves you very much. But that's all it is Julia." Lies! "Can you understand that? You're hurting her right now. Both emotionally and physically." I close my eyes for a second and listen to the sound of her cries. "Think about what you're doing."
"I know what I'm doing," I say. I re-open my eyes. I cannot stand this guy anymore. "I will do whatever it takes to get rid of the pests in her life. With my all, I will kill the whole world if I have to, just to be with her. Why?" This conversation is over. "Because I love her."
I tighten my grip on the scissors and sprint to Justin. I knock him down. I smile as I pull his hair. "Ready to go bye-bye Justin?" I don't bothering aiming. I plan to stab him over and over again all over his chest and torso. And each time I promise to get deeper and deeper inside his body. I lunge my arm forward.
"No!" Ruby has my arm and is pulling it back. "Get off of him," she yells out loud. I grab her face and push her back.
I'm about to turn back to my position but Justin manages to get me off of him. My weapon slides across the room under the bed. "Damnit!" Justin and I look at one another and without thinking twice I race him to the scissors. Suddenly, I'm being pulled back. I turn my head and notice Justin has me be by one of my legs. He climbs on top of me. Argh! I start to go crazy. With both arms I'm punching him, shoving him, scratching him even. He will not budge.
"Enough!" Both of his hands are at my neck. He's choking me. I'm having trouble breathing. I can feel my face turning red. I try to smack his hands. Nothing. Am I convulsing?
"You're going to kill her," I faintly hear Ruby say.
"This bitch is crazy," he quickly says. "I'm not letting her get away with any shit she's trying to pull." I can now feel the back of my head banging the wooden floor. My breathing is now barely visible.
"Let her go." Ruby is crying. I knew she loved me. "Please."
"But... Ruby," he says.
"Now," she yells.
He lets me go. I cough over and over again. I'm too weak to move. I need more air. I close my eyes and try to think of my next move to destroy Justin. Fucking bastard.
"What are you doing?" I hear Justin ask.
I open my eyes.
"I'm sorry," Ruby tells me. "God, please forgive me."
Within a matter of seconds, Ruby stabs me right in the throat with the pair of scissors I failed to get. I felt Justin finally get his body off of mine but I'm struggling to get up. I try to get the scissors out of my mouth. I feel nothing but blood clogging up my throat. I felt Ruby's hands on top of the weapon she injected into me. She wasn't letting go. I can hear her crying. I'm going to die. I can't believe it. I'm going to die. And the worst part of this whole situation? I was killed by my one true love.
I'm almost gone now. There's no point in fighting. My angel gave me a torturous death. All I ever did was love her. "I love you Julia," she tells me.
I knew it. I thought. I feel like my faith poisoned me. I didn't want to be alone. Now, even in death, I'll be alone. But one day, I will see my sweet Ruby again. By that time, we'll be together. Forever.
Later on October 3, 2013
I put my hand on the window as the paramedics take Julia's dead body away. I can see myself crying through my reflection. How could this have happened? Why did she have to go?
I've known Julia since I was nine years old. Never in a million years would I have believed that a sweet person like her could possibly become an obsessive and disturbed individual. She was my best friend. The sister I never had. Beautiful she was. Five feet, four inches tall. She had a petite figure, long black hair, and sky blue eyes that made any man who encountered her melt. However, she never gave anyone her slightest attention. Now I know why.
As I see the paramedics close the door to their ambulance vehicle, I can't help but ask myself why. Why didn't she share her feelings long ago? Maybe if I would've known the truth in high school, the situation wouldn't have escalated like it did tonight. I would've given her my time then. My feelings were never more than friendly, but maybe she would've handled it better. Or maybe it would have the same result. I will never know.
"Hey." I see Justin at my door way. I gave him a slight grin and we head outside. "This is probably a dumb question, but how are you holding up?"
I tried to not cry but I can't stop myself. I would be lying if I said I'm glad she's gone. I would also be lying if I said she deserved to die. "Not good," I said. "But with time, I'll heal."
He sat next to me on my front porch and placed a blanket over me. "It's going to take time." He locked one of our hands together and wiped away tears trailing down my cheek with the other. "Just try not to blame yourself, if you are."
It's going to be a long night. "Will you stay with me?" He assures me he'll stay as long as I need him. I curl up into a ball and he holds me close. I relax a little after I felt Justin's fingers running through my hair.
A ton of memories start to jog through my mind; Ruby and I playing video games on my Nintendo 64, fun Christmas' at her mother's house, mini vacations we took together, her being there whenever I needed her, etc.. We have been through so much together. I will never forget the times we've shared.
I squeeze Justin's arm and start to lose it. I cry. Hard. I don't know if I will ever recover from this night. Even though I saw a different side of her tonight, I hope she forgives me; wherever she is. I will choose to remember only the positive and not the negative. I forgive her and all she has done tonight. Most people will probably think crazy of me but I don't care. Why? They may ask. My answer...
Because I love her.