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Cafeteria Elegies

Updated on August 1, 2017

The place is still the way I have left it. And the porch I'm sitting at still feels comfortable as always, and the rose - adorned tabletop still exudes the same aura. It is true - there are really things that the withering hands of time cannot tinge. But worse, there are also memories that linger so long in one's mind that even the grains of sand in an hourglass cannot cover.

It has been a month when I last sat on this seat. It has been the longest month ever, a month full of struggling to twitch my every nerve just to spare my mind from an image of a man with red lips, dark complexion and a blue earring. It's hard to free myself from a scenario which I, myself, have instilled in it. Life's irony has played on me.

But though this café seems pretty much the same, the ambience is somehow different
For every time Marcus and I came to visit here for a little romance, the stars twinkle so gleefully and the moon showers a light so faint but mystifying that a kiss from Marcus can mean everything to me. But those times are ancient history. His kisses have long drowned in the forgotten river. But somehow, no matter how hard I saturate my mind, his image does not. Marcus still occupies a space within me. As I prepare to leave to avoid the bittersweet memories that the café brings me, I have startled by the outpour of the heavens. The stars have ran for covers behind the clouds and the moon has retreated leaving Tierra St. dark and wet. Now, Little Lily's Cafeteria is trapped in bands of waters that, though minute, no one will dare to face. I refuse to blame the clouds for forbidding me to leave for I resented my self more for leaving my car unarmed with an umbrella.

Ten minutes have already passed and the clouds' onslaught does not ease. So, I made up my mind to face a cherry-topped chiffon a glass of champagne to help me spend the moment. I glue eyes to the glass walls (the very same walls where I stare before while waiting for Marcus). Then suddenly, a scene struck my eyes. It was so vivid that I could believe it. I could not be mistaken. The blue earring in his left ear could mislead me. It was Marcus. But he was not alone; he was with his fiancée, Elaine. They walked together straight to the cafeteria's counter. Their presence brought the place's monotony to a halt. They sat and I stared. Their eyes pierced each other's. Abruptly, I felt jealousy conquering my entirety. I let the feeling consume me as I gave my champagne glass a maudlin sip. It had been a while, and the two never seemed to get tired of seeing each other's faces. I thought I should leave, but the heavens decided for me as it strengthened its downpours - no. I noticed that Elaine felt uneasy; she stood and headed to the comfort room. And there he was - left alone with no one sitting in front of him. His eyes scanned the vicinity. I felt his gaze inching closely to me then the tempest had occurred - he had seen me. Bravely, I countered him with a black yet heavy stare. My heart pounded hard, then harder. As we exchanged glances, the light nuance in his face disappeared slowly. He stood up and traversed the three-table gap between us. In frontal, I could see the shine of his blue earring, and I knew its luster wasn't for me anymore. Five seconds later, he was right in front of me and then the music played.

That when you throw my love away,
you act as if you don t care.
You looked as if you're going somewhere,
and I just can't convince myself,
for I cannot live with no one else.

I withdrew all my guts of word - a remark that will make him realize that I have moved on though deep inside I haven't yet.

"You're here, why?"

"No one forbids me to," I sighed.

"I missed you. I wanted to say sorry but you never wished to listen. I waited for you. But when my mom knew that we broke up, she forced me to get married with her amiga's daughter. She said I could not be a bachelor forever. I'm sorry," then he left as Elaine marched off from the comfort room.

I wailed deeply. Suddenly, I grew numb. I held my breath to stop the tears from flowing. He moved on. And as he stepped forward, he left me behind. My heart stopped beating intensely, it is now cold. My eyes drooped down and my face fell flat. I hated him before because he had been dating Elaine even he was my boyfriend.

But now, I hate more, He has hurt me again. But I hate myself more because - for the second time around - I permit him to hurt me. I should have left this cafeteria I have never let fate played a game with us. My glass contains no drop of champagne anymore, and though sky still bleeds, the music signals my departure as it plays its last notes.

Now I can only play that part,
where I have to nurse my broken heart.
So lonely, so lonely.

I grabbed my last chance to see his face, before I permanently shut my windows and cast off his picture in my memoirs. For now I know that no matter how hard I try to keep his image within me, I am nothing but a remnant of his past.

It is good to have my longing for him finally over. Yet it is better to leave them alone in this place where I once owned him. But, it is best to face the heaven's sporadic cries where no one - not even him - can see me weeping.

© 2016 Longmire

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