Comedy And Funny Stories About ADHD: How To Make An Impression In A Department Store

COMEDY AND FUNNY STORIES ABOUT ADHD

Folks, I kid you not.  I know I've regaled you now with several of my Jonathan chronicles and living with a child with ADHD.  However, I have but begun to relate my many trying moments raising as I liked to call him "Mr. Electric."

Every day was a ride with our sweet little Jon.  I have to say as kids go, he was never lacking for a smile....though a few times it was rather wicked. 

He was always good natured to a fault and still is.  However, raising him was definitely a ride and one I will not forget any time soon.  I have been in more embarrassing situations than I would care to admit and by the end of our journey together, I actually expected it to be the norm.

Come along with me on a trip on a sunny day to Chicago's Frederick & Nelson's where I mistakenly thought I had my child under control.

HOW TO MAKE A SPECTACLE IN A DEPARTMENT STORE

When you have a child with ADHD you have to plan some of your outings.  It usually revolves around how much you think you can possibly deal with in one day and you try and pick your moments. 

Fortunately or unfortunately, which ever way you want to look at it, our second child, Patrick, was born legally blind.  Our little girl thank goodness was born "perfect" and the only thing I can say about that is obviously, I had more children than I had hands! 

This being said, actually you might be wondering then "What in the Sam hell was she doing going into a nice department store on her own with three children?"

I find the older I get, the more wisdom I have in these matters and when I look back on it all and how stupidly naive I was, I gotta say right along with you...."Are you freaking kidding me?"

MAKING A SPECTACLE IN A DEPARTMENT STORE

An unknown fact here....I am basically a very shy person. I may be outspoken and I may have the ability to make a comedic spectacle of myself, but down deep, I do not enjoy negative attention. EVER!

At 27 years old, I obviously had my little lady hands full. I worked full time from home but I also had to do all the other "things" that most moms have to do. I generally tried to schedule my outside activities though around times when I could at least have reinforcements in the person of one wonderful husband, my Bob.

It was torture trying to manage all three kids in the tin-can tuna car we had and going anywhere was rather like a trip to the moon if I had all three kids in tow. I never knew what was going to happen and most of this unfortunately came from the ADHD quarter. However, sometimes you just had to suck it up and go against the current.

On one such fine Chicago day, I absolutely had no way around going to pick up a present I needed at the last minute, and the only place where I could get said present was at the nearest Frederick & Nelson. So off I went boldly defying the odds with the three children along for the ride.

I could never take my eyes off Patrick and of course, my Kate was so small that I was still carrying her in my arms. Pat was very independent but he had learned in public that he needed to stick close to mom lest he wander off with the wrong person! After this happened a couple of times, he began to realize the importance of holding onto at least my pant leg if not my hand!

This entwining of small humans around my person of course left me no body part available for Jonathan. Before exiting the car, I made it clear in my sternest voice that there was indeed to be "no trouble pal or you're going to be hearing about it and spending time in your room when we get home." How much does a 5-year-old ADHD child hear? I might have asked myself that question before the incident.

We got into the store without any mishaps. So far so good. Unfortunately the floor I needed was up a flight so we had to go on the escalator. I wasn't thrilled about this because I knew already what kind of things could go wrong on an escalator with Jonathan. He had not only attached himself to the outside of one while I was pregnant with Patrick, but he had also become very adept at finding buttons and pressing them at inopportune times - including turning the escalator off at JC Penneys on another trip - where I might add I had reinforcements!

Staying mentally alert at all times, my head spinning around much like an owl's to watch his every movement, I was relieved to say the least when we stepped off the escalator and all seemed to be well. I ended up going to the department where I needed to pick up the sweater for my sister's birthday and thinking to myself quite happily that things were going along swimmingly well, I suddenly was jerked back to reality....by an enormously loud crash.

As I gazed down to see if Jonathan was standing next to me, I already knew the answer. He was not!

ADHD CHAOS IN THE DEPARTMENT STORE

"Clean up on aisle 4" doesn't even begin to cover what happened. As everyone on the floor stopped what they were doing and stood with their mouths gaping open like carps, I turned to look down the mezzanine to see what my son had gotten into this time.

There on the floor after tumbling down was a pile of mannequins all broken into pieces. There were heads rolling about, arms and legs tumbled together, and standing in the midst of all of them, there was my son Jonathan, looking very sheepish indeed.

The time that had passed? Roughly the snap of 2 fingers or so it felt. In that instant that I had lost track of him while paying for the sweater, he had darted down the mezzanine to the display of mannequins.....several men and women happily posing showing off their beautiful clothes.

As I sprinted towards my son who was the devil reincarnated at times such as these in my mind's eye, he actually had the nerve to look worriedly up at me, smiling all the while. I head the words that had now begun to be a constant in our home...."I'm sorry, mom." Followed by "I was just trying to look up under their skirts to see if they had underpants on!"

By all that is holy, I swear I could not have been more mortified. Some people were giggling, some people were still standing there with their mouths gaping open. I honestly did not know what to say.

I looked down to realize that I had somehow managed to drag Pat and Katie along with me to the scene of the crime and they were doing what they usually did....just standing there looking unbelievably at the mess created by their brother.

I started muttering to the sales person about how should I go about cleaning this up and was trying in vain to pick up some arms and legs and put them back together. I was on the verge of tears because I was embarrassed beyond belief to have allowed this to have happened.

Someone came over and touched my arm and whispered to me "Don't worry about it, dear...I think you have quite enough on your hands at the moment." With that, I turned on my heel and marched back to the counter to pay for my purchase and be gone!

EPILOGUE ON HOW TO MAKE AN IMPRESSION IN A DEPARTMENT STORE

I had a lot of friends back in those days that preferred that I not go with them if I brought my children.  I know...hard to believe eh? 

Seriously, I knew that I had my hands full and most times just preferred the steady hand of my Bob to help guide us through our daily escapades with my kids. 

I think I waited a year to go back to that particular Frederick & Nelson's as I was quite sure that at least the sales people remembered me and my demonic son....what 5-year-old child looks up the mannequins' dress to see if she has underwear on?

I maintain it could have happened to anyone but then on the other hand I constantly said and still say "Why me?"  I rather have surmised that it was because eventually I would be able to laugh it off and realize that it was just what it was...another funny day in the life and times of one Jonathan K. 

I wish I could say that he grew out of it, but unfortunately, there are many, many more chapters to go in the Jonathan Chronicles.  Hope you enjoyed this little trip to the mall with Audrey and her ADHD son!