Comedy And Funny Stories: Fun In the Sun And A Comedic Day At The Lake

Last week, we were thrilled to have our daughter Katie and her husband Kevin along with our middle son Patrick all come down for a visit to Central Oregon.

Any time that we have company at our house, I am thrilled to death! First off, I get some new material usually for my hubs...inevitably....and second, I get to see my kids and Kevin. And lastly, I get to try out all my latest and not so latest recipes! It is a win-win situation for all of us.

Last week was packed full of fun activities such as getting pedicures (Kate and I), a huge hike at Smith Rock on Friday where Katie ran into a rattlesnake on the trail (oh joy), and finally on Saturday before they left to go back home on Sunday, a trip to Lake Billy Chinook where I've never been in all the time we've lived here (6 years).

It was a blistering day and the thought of a dip in the lake sounded like just the thing. We loaded up everyone, food for an army, blankets, towels, etc. and the 3 dogs - and off we went. Katie and Kevin have a puggle who is just over a year old - we have our 2 malamutes, Griffin who is just over 1 year, and our resident Queen of the Mals, Denaya who is about 9 years old.

Griffin and Molly have become best friends since they first met last November. They both eagerly greet each other with total abandon and joy - and they do not stop running and playing from the time they get up in the morning and re-greet each other until they drop into exhausted slumber at night. Denaya basically plays her grand damme part and oversees their play but never deigns to 'engage' - she after all is royalty and she must not shatter her image or let down her regal screen to indulge in something as frivolous and lowly as 'common play'. She is a good old girl but she is a very serious dog!

At any rate, we arrived at the lake and find much to our horror, that there are dogs staked out everywhere in the state park - snarling and snapping dogs. Also, about a million people or so it seemed. All the public beach parts of the lake were absolutely swarming with campers and day park users - and again, millions of dogs.

Thinking this would not do, we decided to pull off the side of the road as we had seen others do and MERELY scramble down the hillside to a spot on the lake where we could frolic on our own. This proved easier said than done!

As we all know, water and I go together about as well as water and fire; wherever I go, however, there is an adventure in store! Why would this day be any different I ask you? Once we come to that conclusion, the rest is just history!

We trudge down the steep embankment to the water's edge - luckily Kevin had taken Griffin, the urban mushing wonder, and he had promptly skied down in his flip-flops (Kevin not Griffin). We all followed with the other 2 dogs and various bags and blankets, towels, sunscreen, dog bowls, etc. It looked like we were going away for a week to tell the truth but down we trudged.

Our boy Patrick as I have mentioned has a 'bit' of a sight problem - he is at his very best severely visually impaired, at most legally blind. He was very happy as he tripped and slid over rocks and boulders on the way down to the lake. He had not counted particularly on a swimming excursion this trip but as usual, he always cheerfully goes along with us!

Finally we get down to the bottom of the blasted hill and get everything set up - after realizing that I had first set us up on a nice hill of red ants! So we quickly revamped our spot and settled Bob and Pat under the trees with Denaya while I took Griffin out to see how he swam, Kevin took the incredible swimmer Molly out, and Katie sat on a rock and read and got tanned. (Somehow later I thought she was the one with the right idea here)

I ASSUMED Griffin would love the water! He loves the water at home! He has his own little wading pool and when he gets hot, he goes in it. He and Molly had in fact been playing in and out of it for 2 whole days so the fact that Griffin was afraid of swimming never even entered my blond head.

I was dressed this day in a white tank and shorts - along with my Teva sandles. I wasn't quite sure if I wanted to don my bathing suit but I'd brought it along - the more the pity for that! Had I known, I'd have at least put that on first!

Molly immediately took off jumping into the lake and splashing about like an old pro - she weighs about 25 pounds and is faster than greased lightning. Griffin was watching her and howling after her because he wanted to play so I assumed that this was happy howling - as in 'let's get in there and swim'. So without a second thought, Kevin throwing the tennis ball out for Molly to retrieve, and her swimming after it, leash in hand, I led Griffin further and further away from the shore.

Now this particular part of the lake did not have a beach per se. It had about 3 inches if that of 'land' before the lake began and right under the water at the edge, there was nothing BUT rocks. Thank goodness they were not moss-covered rocks because it could have been even trickier. The rocks though were the ones indigenous to our area, those of pumice and volcanic rock - so in other words....quite sharp and craggy.

Well, I thought Griffin was going to love swimming. I thought he was going to LOVE being wet - with all that fur and his panting constantly! He seemed not to notice at first - probably because he was watching Molly. As we clambered over the uneven rocks though, he was tugging a bit on the leash and I imagine I should have seen the signs coming. However, as in most things, I persevered. I was hell bent on teaching my little guy to swim and cool off and by George, we were going to do it!

As we stepped off the last rock and he became 'water borne', I saw his massive paws strike out in a dog paddle. 'Oh this is WONDERFUL' I thought! 'He is loving it - he is going to swim right out after Molly!'

Wrong oh blond one.....he was NOT thrilled. In fact, he was having a heart attack when he realized that there were no more rocks under his poor big paws! He went into panic mode and panic mode in a huge malamute is NOT a pretty sight.

Hmmmm...before I could utter a 'whoa', a 'holy crap', or something even more colorful, I was on the business end of a fleeing malamute! This has happened to me before sadly and I should have seen it coming. But alas, as usual, I did not. Griffin bolted for the shore and in so doing, of course he upset the applecart - the old lady holding onto his leash for dear life lest he get away and run up the embankment to the busy road. The next thing I knew, I was lurching forward, splashing into the water front on, and being pulled over the rocks by a freight train.

Was that ever fun! I vaguely remember my left big toe being caught on a rock and part of my toenail being ripped off (there goes that pedicure).....then I realized that my entire right leg was throbbing like a son-of-a-gun and stinging like nettles; my wrist was also throbbing and I had scratches all over my right hand - and I was soaked to the skin....in my nice translucent white tee shirt to boot!

Lucky for me, Kevin heard me gasp or shriek or swear - I don't know which to be honest - and reached out and very easily grabbed hold of the leash just as I cleared the last row of rocks and was about to get dragged up the embankment through the juniper and sand, probably into another couple of large boulders.

He turns to look at me and asks 'Are you OKAY? That so did NOT look good'....of course in my typical Audrey fashion I answer as I always do...'Sure - I'm great - I do this kind of stuff all the time - no worries....so I lost half my toenail and I've got scrapes the entire length of my leg and my hand and wrist feel like they may be broken - what's a few scrapes and scratches?' Not to mention the wet tee shirt!!!

Bob and Pat of course are just sitting under the trees laughing away - thanks for the help, guys!!! They assured me that they were going to leap up and grab Griffin as he sped by with me in tow - should the need have arisen. They felt that I had it well in check of course so they did not see the reason to get up and get wet!

Hmmph - whatever! I spent the next half hour or so snapping pictures - after I tied Griffin to the tree where he sat and whined and cried over Molly out there swimming all by herself. TOO BAD for you, pal! I wasn't going to try that little scenario twice!

Finally, Pat felt so bad for Griffin that he braved going out into the water with him. I insisted on going even though my son kept trying to dissuade me from 'helping' - what's THAT about? Just because every time I get near him in the water, something happens, like the lake incident or the whale watching incident! I can't believe he's holding those things against me!

At any rate, he got Griffin about to the same spot that I did, and the moment that Griffin's paws did not feel big craggy rock, he was forced to swim a stroke or two but then promptly panicked again and literally LAUNCHED his entire huge self at Patrick - as if to say 'GET ME OUTTA HERE'.  Luckily, Pat is 6 feet tall and he could hold off 'my dear little beast' but to his not-so-much delight, he was now soaking wet as well!

Bob eventually got Griffin back out to walk along the shore but that was as far as he got him after that. As much as he wanted to go after Molly in the water, his fear of it somehow kept him back and I think if we plan on him having an Olympic swimming career, we will have to invest in a life jacket for him and teach him in a lake that has a smoother entry/beach area and gradually get him over the fear. Of course having the strength of Hercules might help as well if/when he decides to bolt - I may pass the baton to Bob!

I always say that in many ways, my 'little' Griffin is my Kodi coming back to see me - and my lake adventure reminded me of another day and another time with dear old Kodi.

We had taken both Kodi and Denaya with us to a hugely crowded leaf festival in Washington state and on this particular day, it was 95 degrees in the shade and then some.  Our dogs were absolutely melting. We left the leaf festival and walked out of town down to the river thinking to give the dogs a dip for a bit of refreshment. Denaya as usual pulled her regal ways and decided that 'one dip was quite enough thank you and I'd like to exit to my throne now if you please.'

Kodi was never one for being without his 'woman'. He worshipped Denaya and could not let her out of his sight without howling up a storm or going crazy. When he saw Bob turn with Denaya and start to exit the river, Kodi decided we were leaving as well. Too bad I wasn't ready - too bad I had the leash wrapped around my fingers (to keep it from getting wet - brilliant).

I remember for a few minutes or seconds perhaps feeling that I was literally walking on water....I was running THAT fast to try and slow him down or catch up with him as he yanked me from the river and proceeded to not only run but LEAP through the river. I had heard the first snap on the first pull of the leash and knew that he had at least dislocated my ring finger but probably rebroken it (I had already broken it once urban mushing when the gangline snapped on the same finger).

I came out of the river running, grabbing my hand and trying to scream but nothing was coming out. By the time I had tried to get my rings off, it was too late and they would later have to be cut off at the emergency room! At any rate, my little body surfing episode with Griffin surely reminded me of my dear departed Kodi and all I can say is thanks a lot boys! Thanks for the ride!

I went to swim aerobics this week beaten to a pulp and everyone was asking what was wrong with my one toe and why half of my pretty nail polish was missing - and why the opposite leg was bruised and scraped from north to south....what can I say? You cannot keep a good woman down - and I make one heck of a floatation device!

Bob is totally right - I need to start going to the water with a helmet on at all times and perhaps body armor. Although it will be killer on the tan, it might just save my body parts!

Thought for the day: 'If every word I said could make you laugh, I'd talk forever... ' Author unknown