Confession of a Saint to an Angel

Everything I have never done has been my sin of selfishness. All the choices I don’t make, everything I ever avoided doing, has been for myself alone.

do they even matter to you

My whole life I have been the focus of my thoughts, obsessing narcissistically, while concocting elaborate schemes, all of which I never enacted.

wasted

Every ounce of blood, sweat, and time given to others, for the sake of myself.

negated, negated

Consistently, selflessly, putting aside my very need for survival, to entertain the comforts and frivolers of others.

unrepentant, blasphemer

This was all a façade. It was only ever actions, feelings, but never thoughts. All of which arouse from my personal view of beauty, the life in others I so savored to watch.

pervert, voyeur

The whole time I plotted, plotted ways to get what I needed . I choose to take all the weight upon myself, to be the yoke of neutrality, only sharing as I deem fit, never fully trusting.

narcissist

Food, clothes, medicine, I know how to obtain these for myself, and because of the depths of my knowing, I have chosen not to.

lazy, stubborn

For truly, if I were to accomplish these designs, achieve these goals, it would be devastating for those who are not I. Truly, people would suffer, die perhaps, yet I would prevail, living, strong.

this is the fate of all those who walk the earth

For this is the reason, I have chosen not to act, not to continue my plans, not to make the decisions necessary for my descent to infamy. Never for them, but for my own desires, human love, beauty.

weak, coward

This was not one solitary moment, or choice. My sin has evolved, premeditated over a period of years. My selfishness cannot be surmised as one, brief moment of passion, but in itself a life-long passion, a way of existence.

psychopath, deviant, plague

And if I should be judged as a self-absorbed misanthrope, and sentenced to die for my life of carefully undone deeds, that would be a fair judgment.

you may yet be,

For all these evil things,

in sound mind, and sound body,

willing I admit,

I have done none of them.

Signed, the Saint of the Middle Path