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Daddy Dearest...

Updated on April 2, 2013
Self Confidence is Lacking..
Self Confidence is Lacking..
Daddy Dearest...
Daddy Dearest...


Parents love their children - it's like breathing in and out,

When reality proves otherwise, the result is shame and doubt.

Self-confidence falls short, whence a Father disregards,

Self-esteem collapses like a flimsy house of cards.


Weaned upon rejection - warmth and love in short supply,

What lengths a daughter stretches - to earn her Daddy's eye.

Shine the shoes and drag the clubs - for him she'd learn to fly,

Throw tricks that kids with safety nets would never think to try!


Daddy Dearest...
Daddy Dearest...

Declining to pay child support ensured financial tribulation,

Having kids to clothe and feed - just a source of irritation.

A charismatic ladies man demanding adulation,

Prioritizing golf and sex - and a much-deserved vacation!


Reality struck like lightning - on a warm day one July,

When the car that hit her broadside would leave her there to die!

Hospitalized for days on end, laying broken and afraid,

Words cannot convey the pain - at the coldness he displayed!


Now any parent reading this will share in her despair,

Of that instant realization that he truly didn't care!

With bladder bruised and missing teeth, and seven bones a-broken,

No card, no call, no visit - condolences unspoken!


Then fifteen years of silence till he once again offends,

Dispatching via Facebook a request that they be 'Friends'!

Now fifty-odd years old - she simply can't pretend,

Such callousness and cowardice she will never comprehend!


After days of shock and sorrow, balance once again regained,

Accepting that some actions can never be explained!

Surviving life's tough lessons supersedes a PHD,

So grateful that this Apple fell a long way from it's Tree!



Thanks for taking the time!

Please SHARE - You know You Wanna!!

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    • ImKarn23 profile image
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      Karen Silverman 3 years ago

      Toughest thing i ever wrote...xx

    • girishpuri profile image

      Girish puri 3 years ago from NCR , INDIA

      Karen, master piece of poetry. hugs.. God bless you

    • ImKarn23 profile image
      Author

      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      Audrey, your words fill my heart as tears fill my eyes! I can't tell you how much you've touched me. Thank you!

      I would love if you would join me at my new blog? i'm not writing on the hub any longer...

      My message seem to make them....uncomfortable..lol...(i don't know how to build a birdhouse out of old tires..sorry..)

      Have an amazing weekend my friend and again - THANK YOU!

    • vocalcoach profile image

      Audrey Hunt 4 years ago from Nashville Tn.

      Leslie, sweet, precious light that you are. I understand how hard it is to leave a comment after you have shared the pain you hold deep inside - so never mind replying.

      What you have done is an act of bravery and courage. I want to hold you in my arms and comfort your 'little child' who still longs for her Daddys love.

      How strong you are! Nothing is as strong as tears. How compassionate you are. Pain teaches this. How trusting you are. Turn that trust inward to your inner child and love and protect her with all your heart. Forgive yourself as easily as you forgive others.

      Our weaknesses allow us to be human and cultivate a better understanding of others.

      You've done a great thing here for others Leslie.

      You'll never know how many lives you've touched and inspired and empowered.

      My heart connects to yours and my love for you is genuine beyond measure. Stay close, lovely Leslie ~ Audrey

    • ImKarn23 profile image
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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      Hello LTM, and welcome to my humble hub-corner. Your words are uplifting, thank you so much. Truthfully, it is nothing but exhausting, as they come out of the past lately, perhaps thinking that i've become 'successful' or something..

      they hadn't expected me to survive, never mind to thrive..

    • LongTimeMother profile image

      LongTimeMother 4 years ago from Australia

      You're not the first daughter and you won't be the last to experience this kind of heartache. You are, however, the only one I've come across who has managed to encapsulate the emotions and disappointment so brilliantly. :)

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Leslie, I didn't recieve an email about you writing on another site. I don't know what happened, but i do want to follow you. I went to the site you sent me. I have tried all morning to join, but when i try to sign in using google, they say my pass word is not correct, i then tried using yahoo and was told the same thing. I applied for a new pass word, it keeps going back to you are a member, i try to get a new pass word, it goes back to the same old shix. I am out of ideas..Please tell me what to do.

      Love ya,

      Ruby

    • Kasman profile image

      Kas 4 years ago from Bartlett, Tennessee

      Yep, I think you're right about that. Responding to comments takes a lot of time and energy. And you've definitely got more followers than I have to respond to.

    • ImKarn23 profile image
      Author

      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      Hi Kasman! Nice to see you!

      Thanks for sharing - i don't have much to say about this hub - it's hard to even come and respond to comments..

      ya know?

    • ImKarn23 profile image
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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      Hello my friend! I don't think he wonders why he's being ignored...i believe that narcissists ALWAYS blame others and NEVER see the error of their ways..

      One glance at Jodi arias confirms this - she may be many things - but she is first and foremost a narcissist who grew up with everything she wanted and never knew consequences for actions! She BADLY needed to be SPANKED...oh soooo badly!

    • Kasman profile image

      Kas 4 years ago from Bartlett, Tennessee

      Wow, talk about imagery. I didn't even need the pictures to understand the details. That's a lot of pain and sorrow, but also some redemption on the backend. Great poem and this should be shown to fathers of daughters everywhere, for that reason.....I'm sharing and voting you up.

    • aviannovice profile image

      Deb Hirt 4 years ago from Stillwater, OK

      Yes, I can sympathize, for this hits home with me, too. You said it all, and then they wonder why they are being ignored...

    • ImKarn23 profile image
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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @Eddy: Received and appreciated sweet friend!

      Mmmwwwwaaahh!

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 4 years ago from Wales

      Lots of love and hugs all the way from Wales just for you Lelsie.

      Eddy.

    • ImKarn23 profile image
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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @Wayne...Thank you Wayne..Quite frankly - it takes me a bit of 'steeling' before i can respond to comments on this hub..

      i don't like the subject matter....at all..

      i also don't like...ya know..people feeling bad for me...i consider myself lucky..

    • wayne barrett profile image

      Wayne Barrett 4 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      First: You are a brilliant writer. Second: As a father who raised my daughters and now have grandchildren, I cannot comprehend how a person could be so heartless to any child, let alone their own. I can't comprehend it, but I understand it, because I lived it. It took me a long time, (almost 50 years) to get over the bitterness and depression that my father left me with.

      Very good work, Lesley. Voting up and awesome my dear!

    • ImKarn23 profile image
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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @Carly: I'm so sorry that this one 'hits home' sweet friend! That tells me more than i need to know!

      In my case, however - i don't think tapping the 'friend' key was meant to...'start over'..

      his sister, my aunt - thinks it's because my writing is starting to become a little popular - just like he 'loved me' when i was a star gymnast..

      sigh...

      ps..i DID sweep this under the rug - until....

      Thanks for taking the time, Carly..

    • CarlySullens profile image

      CarlySullens 4 years ago from St. Louis, Missouri

      This one hit's home on so many levels. The thing that get's me is why these parents feel they can just reach back out decades latter and 'start again.' l am lucky I have two sets of parents my adoptive parents who were good and my bio parents who were not.

      Thank you for writing an honest reflection of something so many like to sweep under the rug.

    • ImKarn23 profile image
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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @CMCCastro: hello dear - and welcome! we do need to get to know each other better - we share so many friends in common..!

      Thanks for dropping in...

    • CMCastro profile image

      Christina M. Castro 4 years ago from Baltimore,MD USA

      This is Cute and Sweet and Right to the Point! Men should be cautious around the writer of this hub because she has them figured out!

    • ImKarn23 profile image
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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @Teaches12345: Hello dear...i'm so glad that you were able to forgive your dad...i wish that i could..

      sadly - all hope of that was dashed when he decided to simply reach out a baby finger - and 'friend' me on facebook..not a word to go with it..not a note, a call. etc - just like always...sigh..

      it truly felt as if it left a hand imprint on my cheek..

    • ImKarn23 profile image
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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @RollyAChabot: Thank you Rolly - i know (and feel) that you mean every word you speak..

      Soooo...thanks again!

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 4 years ago

      Very touching post. My father was not much at expressing his love for us kids, but over time I have come to forgive him. Thanks for sharing this bit of your life here.

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image

      Rolly A Chabot 4 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Hi Leslie... Hugs are with you today.... know that you are loved by all who you touch...

      Rolly in Alberta

    • ImKarn23 profile image
      Author

      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @JackieLynnley: Hello Jackie - welcome dear! This is a very difficult hub for me to...visit...

      please excuse my tardiness is responding to your sweet and heart-felt comment..

      i agree - writing is cathartic...

      Thank you for your kind words!

    • Jackie Lynnley profile image

      Jackie Lynnley 4 years ago from The Beautiful South

      Was hoping to hear this wasn't a true story but of course it is probably the true story of many. I know what you mean about some things being so hard to write but it brings such a cleansing and healing once you do. That brought me here screaming three years ago and I had never written anything before. Then the words that spilled out shocked me more than anyone.

      Thanks for sharing. Beautifully written.

    • ImKarn23 profile image
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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @DeniseHandlon: Sigh..thank you Denise..this hub is very difficult for me to comment on..for obvious reasons..

      i'll never understand some people's actions..

      i do however - appreciate your taking the time to muddle through my...muck!

    • Denise Handlon profile image

      Denise Handlon 4 years ago from North Carolina

      Parents can be so toxic and their insensitive, narcissistic behavior can be forever damaging. You are an awesome and very strong woman who is greatly admired-for your talent, your messages behind the words, and your activism. Hugs to you, my friend. :) UP/U/A/B

    • ImKarn23 profile image
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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @MaryQueenofTillson: You are sooo sweet, my friend - i had no doubt you'd understand completely and - i could almost expect your outrage - being YOU!

      You are soo lucky you wound up with a real Dad - i wound up with a real 'Coach' - as in gymnastic coach...Lol..

      Thanks for your caring words, Mary and thanks for sharing!

    • ImKarn23 profile image
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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @CrisSp: Yes, it sure is, was - and will always be happening in this fucked up world..

      As long as we demand that our plumbers and back rubbers have training and licensing to perform their VERY important tasks, ya know?

      Kids? No worries - have at 'er! Have as many as ya want - no one cares whether you're 'qualified' or not!

      After all- it's our 'right' to abuse our children - what perfect, helpless little targets they can be...

    • ImKarn23 profile image
      Author

      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @RollyAChabot: Sigh..you know what they say, Rolly -what doesn't kill ya makes ya stronger?

      i'm was so strong...till i broke..

      lol

      backatcha - from maniSNOWba...xx

    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 4 years ago from New York

      Are you sure this apple was even from the same tree? Some men have no conception of how to be a "Daddy", it is just not in them. It makes my blood run cold. My "real" father walked away when he found out his friend was pregnant...lucky for me because I wound up with a real Dad!

      This is an amazing and touching piece...not your usual but your talent shines through with every word.

      Bless you Leslie for being the wonderful lady you are!

      Voted up, useful, awesome, and interesting.

    • CrisSp profile image

      CrisSp 4 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      Very powerful message! Sadly, this is truly happening in this world, much as we would like to keep peace and harmony in every place we call home, sometimes we get that elusive things far away from home.

      What pensive thoughts from you but greatly worded and bravely shared. Thank you.

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      sad content but great poem!

      I think some adults do not realize their children will remember exactly what they do or don't do - when they grow up. My gram used to say "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree" all the time ....made me fear being like my bio dad - coward.

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image

      Rolly A Chabot 4 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Hi Leslie... how painful it must have been for this child then and later in life. We have long ago entered the world of the absent father in the home. Some are there in body but in mind and spirit not.

      "Fatherless Society" is what I call this. What a shame when I think of all the young children and the way they are seeking love and far to often in all the wrong places... well done and sharing

      Much love from Alberta

    • ImKarn23 profile image
      Author

      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @DDE,

      @DeborahBrooks,

      @DanaTeresa,

      @Xstatic: Thanks very much, kind friends for your unwavering support! It is appreciated more than you can know! You inspire me to be better - thank you!

    • xstatic profile image

      Jim Higgins 4 years ago from Eugene, Oregon

      Stunning work of poetry and shows your talent once again. How a parent could do this is beyond comprehension. I almost missed being a parent, finally happened at 48. I wold not have missed it for the world!

    • DanaTeresa profile image

      Dana Strang 4 years ago from Ohio

      INCREDIBLE... You have a way of finding those subjects that go unspoken and shout them from the roof top. I adore it. This is not so much a shout as a song. And it is beautifully sung....

      THANK YOU FOR WRITING THIS! I don't think people realize that neglect can be more damaging than physical abuse. Even when it is not quite as overt as you laid out here. - I speak from experience.

      You are an angel.

    • Deborah Brooks profile image

      Deborah Brooks Langford 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

      Where is my girlfriend.. ????? I miss her.. come back...loll...

      okay I am sharing I do like this daddy dearest..

      blessing my friend

      Debbie

    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Children learn form heir parents and when they leave their children it is one of the worst, as a child expects their parents to love and cherish them leaving is not even on their minds. You have put all your strength here in writing such a heartfelt poem.

    • TheLady111 profile image

      TheLady111 4 years ago from The Vortex

      Thank U so much for sharing! I will definitely pay it forward (:

    • ImKarn23 profile image
      Author

      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @TheLady111: I thought you might...'feel'...this...

      Similarities, yes - but the big difference is - you KNOW your daddy loved you - even if he wasn't in your life..

      some things are out of people's control - i believe he'd have had it otherwise if he could have..

      mine, on the other hand - could have!

      my pleasure on the sharing - i put it on my fb page which should have brought in some traffic..

      feel free to share mine anytime...

      LOL..i ain't proudxx

    • TheLady111 profile image

      TheLady111 4 years ago from The Vortex

      This piece evoked a myriad of emotions as I read. We have lots of similarities in our situations with our Fathers. I feel your unseen pain, I understand the emotional void created by such a situation. If nothing else, it makes for profound poetry. Thank U for sharing.

    • ImKarn23 profile image
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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @DeborahBrooks: Wow, Deb - this comment moves me deeply..

      i have used those exact words - 'when i grow up..'...and yes -it's cute, but - it means a LOT - and i thank YOU!

    • Deborah Brooks profile image

      Deborah Brooks Langford 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

      Leslie.. its so hard to lose your father mother etc.. especially when they CHOICE TO WALK OUT.,. but you have proved you can handle life on.. your own.. i want to grow up be just like you

      blessings my friend

      debbie

    • FyrFytr234 profile image

      FyrFytr234 4 years ago

      I can answer the question....Who's your Daddy now? lol.

    • ImKarn23 profile image
      Author

      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @GmWilliams: Sigh..i know this poem isn't...easy - it certainly brought tears to my eyes as well, my friend! I so appreciate your taking the time - and feeling the emotion behind it...

      Hey - i also have some lighter stuff...(and - a wee bit of political stuff too...)

      lol..

      Nice to meet you!

    • ImKarn23 profile image
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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @Sid76: Lol...you nailed it sweets! Thanks for the vote AND the share...

      (especially the share - to be honest...LOL)

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 4 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      This poem brought tears to my eyes. "Lifeforms" who treat their children bad deserve a karmic payment in kind. This poem is so poignant and describes the daily hell that some of our children endure each day.

    • ImKarn23 profile image
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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @LaurinzoScott: Laurinzo - that is one of the most beautiful compliments i have ever been paid!

      I humbly thank you from the bottom of my heart...

    • Laurinzo Scott profile image

      Live To Write 4 years ago from Phoenix, Az.

      You are by far one of the most amzaing writers on the hub... and it just seems that each piece you is and has life in and of itself. what a powerful way to express what many feel about less than perfect fathers

      again a great read !!!

      Keep on writing my wonderful friend... please

    • ImKarn23 profile image
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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @DeborahBrooks: It's strange how a complete stranger can touch you so deeply, isn't it? We connected almost immediately - and - i'm sooo glad that we did!

      I know you're there Deb - and i know you know i'm there too!

      What more could we ask for? As you would say: We are blessed!

      xx

    • Deborah Brooks profile image

      Deborah Brooks Langford 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

      My dear sweet girlfriend what a friend you have turned out to be.. if your hearts hurt mine hurts.. you do have a wonderful heart.. you really do

      many blessings to you and I am always here for you for my friends

      Debbie

    • ImKarn23 profile image
      Author

      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @DeborahBrooks: Sigh...it's ancient history, my dear - you know that! We deal with it, store it, and hopefully carry on with an open heart and trusting nature...

      i do my best to do so every day..as i know you do as well!

      love, dear friend..

    • web923 profile image

      Bill Blackburn 4 years ago from Twentynine Palms, California

      @ImKarn23: Yes it's "my" word (Masteresss) sometimes spelled Mastress, but I'm willing to share it! (lol) Happy New Year new friend!

    • ImKarn23 profile image
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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @Bumpergirl57: All i can say, Maureen - is that your comment brought me to tears...Thank you for understanding...

    • ImKarn23 profile image
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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @Web923: Masteresss....interesting word - yours? (lol)

      I LOVE when folks LOVE what i write - thank you thank you thank you! It makes it all worth while!

      Feel free to 'share' me if you love to - i promise - i won't mind a bit!

      lolxx

    • ImKarn23 profile image
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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @Ahorseback: Loll You are such a charmer, my friend - i bet you say that to all the poetresses...haha...(is that a word? it is now...)

    • Deborah Brooks profile image

      Deborah Brooks Langford 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

      Leslie,,, this is so sad for the children it happens to you.. my heart breaks for you and all the children.. many blessings my friend

      sharing

      Debbie

    • ahorseback profile image

      ahorseback 4 years ago

      Hey Leslie actually I'm 58 , feel 98 . And when I talk with you I'm a fresh stumbling, mumbling 15 !..........lol.....:-}

    • web923 profile image

      Bill Blackburn 4 years ago from Twentynine Palms, California

      A true poet of the utmost degree, with the finesse of a Masteress! Your work is awesome! That you so eloquently put your emotions to word is even more awesome!

    • profile image

      Bumpergirl57@hotmail.com 4 years ago

      My Darling Leslie,

      As I was reading this The thoughts that kept going through my head was" this is my cousin Leslie is writing about. I have known for years of the problems that existed between you and your Dad had and have been terrible. It is not up to me to place guilt or to judge either of you, the thought that a one finger push of a button can take away years of abuse cannot. Would I wish that the two of you could wash away the last 15 years, selfishly of me yes, but the realism is that in order for you to remain the wonderfully healthy woman you have became you must do what is right for you and that is to never forget the hardship of those years ,but to move past them as you have done.

      I am very proud of you and your accomplishments and wish that I could say that your writing talents come from me ... but they don't they belong uniquely to you.

      You have fought long and hard to become the woman you are but sweetie you got there.

      Love Cousin Maureen

    • ImKarn23 profile image
      Author

      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @Pagesvoice: Dennis, this was a difficult comment to read - i'm so sorry i upset your day - between you and me...its hard to respond! I actually thought of responding privately between you and i..

      listen - if you feel sorry for me - i'll have to hurt you...even though it melts my heart that you care so much - and - i believe that you do, my dear friend..

      i am who i am if not thanks to him - then in spite of him! Either way - he had a big impact on who i am today - and - i like me, soooo...

      You know you wriggled a place in my heart - and then into the heart of 'our friend in florida'..lol

      i feel that we are 'connected' from a WAAAAY back - and definitely share a kindred spirit! we think almost identically and i have such a soft spot for great fathers - especially great fathers to girls (imagine that...lol)..

      Your on-going encouragement, empathy, and support means a lot to me, but - you know this!

      Happy new year Dennis - to you and everyone you care for!xx

    • pagesvoice profile image

      Dennis L. Page 4 years ago from New York/Pennsylvania border

      Honestly Ms. L I was feeling so up today. I snow blew the driveway, shoveled a path in the backyard for the dogs, fed the birds and animals, brought up some homemade goulash I made and had frozen, was IMing with our friend in Florida and was about to make a garden salad and for some unknown reason I "clicked" on this article. It is so weird because I had just posted a picture of the snow outside of Syracuse and included a song I dedicated to my neighbors across the border, i.e., "The Great White North."

      Well, you got me, my friend. For the love of everything and anything that is sacred, I cannot understand how a father can neglect/not show loving emotion toward his children. You are a remarkable woman Ms. L and I think I knew that long ago when we started reading and commenting on our stories on a long ago venue. I admire your courage in facing the demons that have haunted your past and writing freely and openly about the most personal trials and tribulations experienced by a young woman and a child. I tip my hat to you as I share your story on FB, Twitter, and HP. You have a community of strangers that look up to you, but yet we still feel like friendly neighbors who treasure our friendships.

      There is something about little girls wanting to please their dads. My 3 daughters would set up a stage in the basement, with a curtain. I would drag my sorry, tired butt into the house, knowing I had hours of work to do home and yet, I would see those shinny, smiling, innocent faces and melt as we kissed, hugged and told each other "I love you." Then they would take me downstairs, turn on their record player and proceed to show me the new dance routine. It was never really that new, except for a spin here or a new "Ta Da" moment. I sat there in my suit, tie and wing tipped shoes in the little kiddie chair, clapping and extolling accolades for a job well done. In my mind, I thought all dads acted like this and it saddens me that this wasn't the case in your life.

      Wow...you knocked me off my feet and my heart has been touched deeply. I am so glad we have a kindred spirit!

    • ImKarn23 profile image
      Author

      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @Audreyhowitt: I adore when you stop by, and i deeply respect your opinion, Audrey..

      I had convinced myself that my 'bruises' had healed to a degree as to NOT be just under the skin...Amazing what one little click of a mouse can do to make you realize that they never go away completely!

      Wishing you only the best that life has to offer in 2013 and always, dear!

    • ImKarn23 profile image
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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @Kenja: my dear friend - while i feel the depth and sincerity of your comment, and very much appreciate it - i also feel the sarcastic bitch within screaming to get out - and - i have so little control...sadly..

      Soooo...what i need you to understand , sir - is that 'a hug and a pat on the back'? Will NEVER lead to a 'Big O!' .Perhaps you might apprise yourself of a little ditty i wrote called: Foreplay: The INS and The OUTS...Just sayin'..

      lol..(omg..i truly apologize - please come back???)

    • ImKarn23 profile image
      Author

      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @JillianBarclay: For someone who 'can't fathom' - you fathom pretty damned well! I know you understand narcissism all too well, Jillian...

      Yes, i also know a few women who grow up 'tough, smart, and self-sufficient', but - i also notice that too many of them carry a deep seated anger and resentment that they can't contain..

      One of the best compliments i EVER got in my life was from the woman who i've gone to for massages for 15 years..she told me that i'm different from a lot of women that she sees - when i asked her why, her answer was because i'm not angry or resentful - which is rare (apparently)..

      i told her that's because i'm just happy to be alive - and work every day to count my blessings..

      seems pretty basic to me - and you..

      Love your insight and intelligence - you're welcome anytime - day or night, my friend!

    • Jillian Barclay profile image

      Jillian Barclay 4 years ago from California, USA

      Dear ImKarn23,

      A Father's Day Card...I am stunned...

      Probably because I cannot fathom something so cruel- Then again, the narcissists never think about anyone but themselves and unless that anyone makes them look better somehow or helps them when they need help, they are oblivious.

      It is sad that as children, our innocent need for that parental love keeps us going back only to be shattered each and every time.

      But you are right----we grow up, and if we are not too damaged, make the choice to free ourselves.

      I have known many women in similar situations. The tough ones grow up smart, self-sufficient and usually outspoken (maybe sometimes too outapoken), with a keen, incredible sense of humor!

      We also know what not to do to our own children!

      The hurt never goes away, but you learn to love life! My best friend, who also had a less-than-nurturing father has always said, "The best revenge is living well!"

    • Kenja profile image

      Ken Taub 4 years ago from Long Island, NY

      You somehow transcend the simplistic, the saccharin and the hokey with simple language that tells deep, personal truths. Kudos. You're brave, sometimes even brazen, and very sincere, all at once. You Leslie, deserve a hug, a pat on the back, and a big O -- all at once, or in quick succession.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image

      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Ah Leslie--what an outstanding write--some bruises just sit there under the skin surface for a long time--peace and light to you my friend

    • Nellieanna profile image

      Nellieanna Hay 4 years ago from TEXAS

      You're too kind, dear Leslie.

    • ImKarn23 profile image
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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @JillianBarclay: Boy...could we talk till the end of eternity, eh, Jillian? hopefully, on much happier topics than this..

      Your father is textbook narcissist - but - i'm not telling you anything you don't already know! It's as bad - or worse - than a father who's daughter is in the hospital wondering if she'll ever walk again - or ever pee into a toilet again - and NOT reach out!

      What i've not mentioned except to you is that just the month before my accident - i was sitting on his couch - giving him a fathers day gift and card..

      i had actually forgotten about that - or buried it - for many years - until one day it hit me...hard...

      thankfully - we both grew up - and out of that crap - and learned to view the world from a place of tolerance, empathy and love..

      and on that note, my sweet friend - i wish you a loving, calm, peaceful Christmas, New Years and always!

    • Jillian Barclay profile image

      Jillian Barclay 4 years ago from California, USA

      Dear ImKarn23,

      No, they did not stay together, but for ironic- my mother was dying at the time of the incident- she apparently did not die quickly enough for his tastes-she found out he had someone on the side, by itself not so bad, but he and the girlfriend mortgaged the house (she pretended to be my mother), he cashed out all of his retirement accounts and was planning to leave her with no money and a house that would have been foreclosed upon. I got her an attorney through NOW (National Organization for Women), and in the divorce, they kicked his ass. The divorce was dirty and protracted, but she vowed that she would not die-until she got at least half the money she was owed- she was stubborn!

      The irony is that she died one day after the divorce was final. I miss her every day, but everytime I think of her sheer willpower, I have to smile!

      The last time I saw the SOB was the day of the shooting. He came to my house and told me that if I helped my mother, he would come after me (newly widowed) and my 3 young children---he did, but he lost everything!- He hadn't a clue that I had inherited my mom's stubborn streak- he somehow thought that I was still that little girl that he could intimidate, that same little girl that had no self-esteem, the very same one who in spite of being a straight A student thought she was stupid!

      He did not die until 9 years ago---

      Have been wanting to tell the story and will after the holidays. Maybe it will give some other little girls, now grown, some inspiration to never allow anyone, especially their own fathers, make them doubt their own self-worth or abilities.

      I wish you a Merry Christmas! As for the friend request- you are right! Ignore it! Betrayal of one's child is the unforgivable sin.

      BTW- You look under 40 and fantastic!

    • ImKarn23 profile image
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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @Robingrosswirth23: Hello dear- and welcome - anyone with a 23 on the end of her name is a friend of mine! Isn't it a most magical number?

      Please - don't be sorry for me - no me gusta! I have come to learn that i'm a very lucky woman! very!

      And yes - for the most part - we are responsible for our own legacies - well said Robin!

      Merry Christmas!

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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @Ahorseback: Who's my Daddy? Lol..

      You're probably not that much older anyway...i'm over 50...look 40...and feel 90...

      lol..i guess misery must agree with me...haha..

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      Ray 4 years ago

      Can't even begin to comment on that style of parenting ..Good work ...Now take a deep breath ...exhale and let it go !

      xx

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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @JillianBarclay: OMFG! Like you - i've read and reread your comment - and for several days - have been speechless! THAT is quite the horror story, my friend!

      We have far too much in common, as we know! My 'daddy' was also a narcissist - the difference is he definitely loved someone - HIMSELF! lol..(i'm sure yours did too...)The 'making others feel stupid and insignificant'? He had that down pat as well!

      I do understand that staying can be just as damaging - my dad stuck around till i was 10- that took care of THAT damage..lol.. I'm very sorry about your mama's aim...LOL..are they still together - has she managed to kill him yet -is he still alive(with or without her help)..?

      Forgive my sarcastic humor...nothing here is funny - but - my motto is: its either laugh or slice the wrists, and - i make sure i never stock razors..

      LOL..

      love you, my friend - stay strong - i'll help..

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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @Lovedoctor926: Sigh...stealing my thunder AND taking all my fun away...lol..

      love ya anywayxx

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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      Ahorseback: Lol..you're the bestest big bro in the whole wide world, Cowboy! Thanks for the offer - but - i wouldn't put you at risk and quite frankly - i have no desire to punch him out..

      i actually feel sorry for him - altho - he is a true narcissist and they are always attractive to the opposite sex..(did you know that?)

      sigh..

      Love to hear about you and your daughter - you did what daddies are supposed to do - be there and be fair! she sounds like an intelligent accomplished, confident woman - good for you BOTH!

      love ya back, sweet Ed!

    • RobinGrosswirth23 profile image

      Robin Grosswirth 4 years ago from New York

      Parents are the very first teachers for their children and it is incumbent upon them to do so with care. I am sorry for your pain and suffering. Benign neglect is not benign at all. The only thing you can do is to provide a better example to your own children. Then it is up to them to do it their way in generations to come. We are responsible for our own legacies.

      May your NEW YEAR be brighter!

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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @Anaceleste: My friend - sadly - one has to dance with the 'evil that lurks in the shadows' first- in order to shine a light on it..

      my concern lies with that 'inner voice' and those 'buried memories' you speak of...Hmmmm....

      if there's anything i can do to help - you know where to find me!

      i'm available...

      Hugsxx

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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @Nellieanna: You have to be one of the sweetest - yet most rationally intelligent women i have ever had the pleasure to meet! Often - with hindsight - i've felt that i might owe him a thank you - for forcing me to either sink or swim..i was lucky that i learned quickly...lol..

      and you're right - this was hard to write because it's about ME - and i don't share all that well - and i HATE that pity stuff...it makes me squirm AND - i don't deserve it - i consider myself very lucky..

      Tight Hugs Back, Nelliexx

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      ahorseback 4 years ago

      Ahh Leslie ......I'll be your Daddy ! You're probably way younger than I anyway , everyone seems to be ! Im here for Ya!

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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @Born2care2001: i am struck dumb by your brilliant comment, sir! thank you for leaving it on a hub of mine!

      I'm honored...

      Happy Holidays and peace to you!

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      lovedoctor926 4 years ago

      what's up doc? lol

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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @Alur: It's not easy being a parent - or, at least - it shouldn't be...

      i also believe that people like you and i - the ones that...'know' - we either make the most amazing parents - or- we repeat the cycle...personally - i can't comprehend repeating the cycle and clearly - neither could you..

      Bravo, Alur!

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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @SunnieDay: Brrrrrr....i don't even like to come back here to comment...lol..(kidding..sorta/kinda...)..

      I'm afraid i won't be 'forgiving' him to the point of letting him back in my life - i took too many years to detox - i'd be suicide to invite toxicity back in..

      having said that - had he had the balls to pick up the phone - or even write an email - i'd have responded politely and wished him well..but THIS? Grrrrrr....his cowardice just blew my mind..

      Thanks for getting through it..

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      Anan Celeste 4 years ago from California

      You have this a amazing talent to shock me with your strength. I wish I could be just like you. To bring light into the darkest of places, and expose the evil that lurks in the shadows. This piece is like an inner voice that reminds me of so many things that I have buried in my memory. It makes me question so many things. Great poem. Bravo!

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      Nellieanna Hay 4 years ago from TEXAS

      I keep ruminating on this and thinking what an outstanding PERSON you are, dear Leslie. Let NO ONE obscure that, EVER. I know it must cut more deeply if it's a parent, but many people may try to undermine or destroy who one really IS. I've BTDT, and, as I've often said, hanging on to "me, myself" through my poetry and other creative pursuits was what kept the person-destruction from being successful. But I know what it means for someone to try. I also knew that the strength in the reason I stayed in the situation, which outweighed much else.

      Who can say whether neglect is easier/harder to overcome or the deliberate intention to destroy? I don't know, but either is a challenge to be met and the destruction to be disallowed!

      I know you don't solicit a bunch of sympathy; but my empathy is piqued so I just wanted to say - "go get'm tiger!" Hugs.

    • Born2care2001 profile image

      Rev Bruce S Noll HMN 4 years ago from Asheville NC

      Leslie,

      The bounds of human relationships are also the chords which strike the music of our souls, especially if we choose to come here specifically to entertain such circumstances. I have read that we even enlist soul partners to help play often difficult roles just to heighten the intensity of our spiritual education. In any case, you're a master of the poetic art of soulful imagery. I am anxious to see the outcome of the streams of emotion that we all experience when we read your work!

      Next subject...I'm waiting!

      Thank you for being you and Peace!

      Bruce

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      Jillian Barclay 4 years ago from California, USA

      I have read this poem more than once-not just this morning, but when I first found you! I did not comment the first time, but now know how to say what I originally thought. I hope that you are not shocked.

      Sometimes, people are luckier if they HAVE fathers that leave! It can destroy and damage either way!

      How much I would have loved it if my own father had left! I hated him from the time I was a little girl! He was a narcissist and I knew from that time that he never loved me. Don't think he loved anyone----His mission in life was to make others feel stupid, because he felt he was the smartest man in the world, to make others feels insignificant, because he was all important.

      I never had that warm, fuzzy feeling that I see so often when other women speak of their fathers. Mine was there, how I wish that he wasn't!

      I was actually glad the day, when I was 37, that my mother shot him. Alas, she did not kill him, just got him in the arm. I would have aimed much better!

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      ahorseback 4 years ago

      Leslie sweety ! Do you need a big guy to go punch him out for you ? I'll stick up for you little sis !......seriously , this is sad as hell . I am one lucky Father of the most awesome daugter in the world , and i've made my mistakes when it comes to being a good" DAD", Im just so lucky that my little girl is so awesome ! She's 35 now and didn't always understand me or I her yet , I tried to always be there for her ! Now ? we're friends , father daughter ,confidants , she's my little hero being an R.N. shes got a heart of gold ...........Much like you do ! luv ya sweet lady!

    • ALUR profile image

      ALUR 4 years ago from USA

      I too honor the role of parenthood and carry the scars as reminders of the agony I have been put through. As a parent now, I remind myself to allow my three girls to blossom with hope and potential, trying NEVER to impress my own notions on them. Worthy scars are worth carrying as reminders of never repeating mistakes and/or learning from them!

      Thanks

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      Sunnie Day 4 years ago

      Such a profound look at how much a man can influence so many areas in a life from husband to father. Sadly there is very little time for do over's and one had better try hard to get it right the first time. If a man is lucky to be forgiven and earn the admiration of a child or an ex...then he should count himself blessed and opposite is true too..

      Thank you for a great hub.

      Sunnie

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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @Escobana: my heart broke when i read your story, dear - i know how much you adored your handsome man! Yes, i guess the comment would clear up any confusion where THIS hub is concerned, eh?

      Lol..

      thanks so much for your support, my friend - i hope you feel the same from here!

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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @Fpherj48: Good afternoon, snazzy sexy Paula! It was strange how difficult this was to write - and how calm i felt after it was posted! I guess i 'Purged'...lol..

      And, my sweet friend - i feel the hub-Love - i truly do...it's warm, safe, and accepting...

      yeah..'friends'...OY...

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      Escobana 4 years ago from Valencia

      Dearest Leslie,

      After your latest comment on my Hub on Narcissism....I TOTALLY GET YOUR POEM!

      The coldness is incredible....painful while reading through the magic of your words. In shock over the actions of your dad. How??? Narcissism would be a logical answer....

      As you continue life with a bruised heart and a crushed soul....remember there are so many people around you who can ease the pain. And you KNOW you're stronger than ever before!

      We are alike in many ways though I am privileged to have very caring parents.

      May you continue to be the wonderful person you are and please come over to Spain one day so we can sit in the sun and chat for hours:-)

      LOVE, HUGS and SHARED!!!

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      Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      Leslie.....Purge, baby purge!....So good for the soul. You have just performed some magic....and you can be assured you've helped to pull a dead rabbit from many a hat!.....Kudos for your openness and honesty. We all love you enough to wipe out any lack anyway!!........

      I have to watch my blood pressure......wanted to be "FRIENDS?!" I'm biting my tongue...........UP++

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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @VincentMoore: I'm so sorry that you - and so many others - suffered abuse from the people who were supposed to love them the most! It's sooo sad - and haunting..

      You're right, Vincent - we do our best to hide it - yet - the soul absorbs and retains all!

      Peace to you as well, my friend! Stay in touch, we have much in common...

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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      @Jellygator: ah, dear - we have something in common, how sweet! my father's favorite line was telling me how i'm flushing my life down the toilet...How productive eh? I truly believe that narcissistic personality disorder 'sufferers' (not that they suffer - just everyone around them..lol) - should never have children...or wives..or girlfriends...etc..

      Thanks for taking the time - this wasn't easy to write and it's just as difficult to read!