ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

...Darkness During Daylight...

Updated on June 14, 2011

...Rising Above...

The following is taken from a journal long ago, in 2002 when I was still a smoker and I was writing my way through and out of it. It is not your traditional "I quit smoking" article but a more vivid and promising account of how if the truth hurts, we must wear it. Please share with anyone who may struggle with any addiction. Mine was, and always will be, smoking cigarettes. This is part of my personal journey and I hope that it helps someone out there!


The clean new yellow twilight had an intruder. A dark figure came from the east field, steadily approaching me as it trampled through wild flowers and grass. Nothing about its presence was about light. Unable to move or speak I stood and waited for it to meet me. It would no doubt tell me what it wanted to say, for it came too fast and was full of a dark power. I could feel it in its cold breath as it carried across the distance. It whispered, "Shhhhh...I need you."

All the yellow brilliance drained out out of the early day as he stood before me. He was a hideously beautiful creature with velvet black eyes and pale skin. His chin wore a small dent in its center. When he smiled with his head cocked to one side, his teeth showed just slightly and his cheek was hollowed with a simple dimple on just one side. He was no taller than I, and his eyes met mine in a straight line. The yellow star that had been part of my visualization at dawn flickered intensely and then fell as dark as the eyes that now stared into mine. It was as if he had come to just get that light out, for now I could not look past him.


His darkness was too consuming. I watched his black eyes watch mine and folded my arms across my chest. My impatience with his gaze was apparent as my anger grew and my foot tapped. I resented his ominous gaze and was about to speak when I heard the tiny voices of intuition speak softly enough to change the dangerous words about to cross my lips.

...He will move aside if you stand your not be afraid of him...he cannot harm you on this journey...although he is dark and threatening his power lacks the strength you have inside your heart...his heart is cold, small and black and knows nothing of the power within you...this power that conquers anything you choose it him this power and he will move aside...remember, all things happen for a reason and in their own not be eager to move past a lesson that you truly need to stay in to will know when the time to move on is will feel it and see it...the signs and symbols are shown to will know when to go...


Unaware that I had closed my eyes to really hear what my intuition was so softly saying, I raised my head and opened them to find him now behind me with his chin placed gently on my shoulder. He whispered a sad deliberation in my ear.

"What have you that I have not? Why do you shut me out and close me off? Do you not remember me? Can you stand here alone in this place and really proceed alone? Go then, go now, ahead on the path. I am sure you would love to continue on and leave me here, going backwards and tracing your steps back from where you came. But it doesn't work that way. You can never go back and start over again. You can remember where you left me behind and you can recall the day we met and all that I have done for you. So I will let you go because I know I will meet you again, another day, over and over."

I turned to face him and touched the cleft of his chin with my middle and index fingers. I kiss my fingertips and then his cold, pale forehead. He grabs my hand away and throws it to my side. I exhale and inhale, over and over as I close my eyes. I begin to tell him what he hates to hear.

"I loved you and would have done anything for you and you knew it. You abused it and you damaged my heart, stole a piece of me that I willingly gave you. My heart was worth nothing to you and everything else inside me became nothing to you, too. You broke me into a million tiny pieces and laughed at the mess you made. You stepped over my broken self and embraced the power it gave you. I forgave you though. I love you for how you changed me and for the lessons that you taught me and continue to teach me. Thank you. Please know that I really at one time loved you. Honestly, truly and blindly. Take that with you and believe that I am not the only one who will tell you this."

...Daylight Returns...

As I looked into his eyes, the darkness faded and the earthly brown irises that hid behind the blackness returned. He took my hand and held it up to his lips. He said no words after softly kissing the palm of my hand and released it. I did not see his eyes as he turned and walked into the darkness from where I had spent so much time. He faded into it, became one with it.

I turned back to see the horizon and the path of the Dawn. I looked for a sign or symbol that it was time to move forward. Nothing seemed very different other than the lack of his presence. I listened for Guidance as the sun rose higher in the sky. The day stood mute before me.


Submit a Comment

No comments yet.


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)