Sparkling stars

Walking out from that compound that day was difficult for me as I kept asking myself if she was actually the same girl i grew up with. Why is life so unfair to me? Why can't I be happy in life? Why can't I be independent and rich just like her?

I kept asking myself the same question in different ways and kept landing on the same answer; Step up your game!

I really have to step up my game and the only way I could do this is to travel out of the country just like her then make my own money and take care of people just like her. Imagine, she is responsible for not just her immediate family but the entire community.

She even gifted the traditional ruler a car and bought guns and vans for the vigilante. She has a special seat in the church; truly i need to step up my game. I know that she is lying about visa, she simply doesn't want to help me because she knows that I will make it, it's clear that she doesn't want any rival but how can I be her rival?

I just want to make my own money and organise my life but since she is not willing to help, I will make my move by myself without her. She will see me in Europe very soon.

I knew one guy that helps people secure visa but I did not want to rely on his information alone so I pretended that I was okay with all she said just to be close to her to gather more information because she always take her calls around me and I overheard her sometime discussing with someone about dollars.

Hanging out with her was difficult because of how she spent money. One hundred thousand Naira to her was just a chicken change.

It's not that I am competing with her but the only thing she has which I don't have is money and I was determined to break that because I am beautiful and I am hardworking and I also have brain because beauty works well with brain that is why I give it to her too, she is beautiful and smart because she had already achieved what so many people will not achieve in a life time at her age.

She is a household name in the community, wherever you see a gathering of people, if they are not discussing about miracle then it's about her. She commands respect among men and something happened during the meeting in the palace regarding the transformer the Governor promised our community during his campaign which was not delivered.

She donated three transformers to the community and in twenty four hours, they were installed. What the Governor failed to do was done single handedly by her. While men were fighting each other for chietency title, this small girl with a big God was already selected to be crowned 'Ada mba ji eme onu' by our paramount ruler but she rejected that because she is too classy for that and I simply wished that I was the one in her shoes.

I don't know why people find it difficult to help people, she goes around spreading money and helping the public but found it difficult to render assistance to me, maybe because no one will praise her or commend her but she is not my God. Imagine a stranger got me the visa she said is hard to get and she has the contact and money. What kind of friend is she? Anyway, it's common among ladies, 'we compete with each other when there is no competition'.

I got my visa and the guy even agreed that I balance him when I get to Spain and start work.

The visa was issued in Algeria because he applied at the embassy that I work for Algeria royal family, he connected me to someone in Morocco that will take me to Algeria to stamp my visa on my international passport. This guy is a God sent and with his help, I was a step closer to being crowned the Ada Mba ji eme onu soon because I really wanted that title since she rejected it.

I wanted to tell her about the development but I knew that she won't be happy with it so I decided to keep it to myself because it's better for her to see me in Europe so I left for Morocco and upon getting there, I was received by the guy who will help me and he suggested that we simply send my international passport to the embassy by post instead of traveling there so to save money because I need BTA when traveling to Spain.

He collected my international passport and sent it to the Embassy in Algeria. Three days later, the embassy official called me and informed me that they got my international passport and will stamp my visa then send it back to me. I was so happy that finally I am closer to my dream, I didn't even know when two months passed by, how time run I shouted. We contacted the embassy and they said that they sent back my international passport three weeks ago so why is it not yet delivered by the courier service?

It became obvious that my international passport has been stolen according to the guy. This situation left me frustrated but he promised to assist me since the person that connected us wasn't willing to help me anymore so he asked me to come up with two thousand dollars so that he can assist me. I didn't know where to get that kind of money from because I spent all my savings and even borrowed money from my elder sister to make up the four hundred thousand Naira I initially gave the visa guy.

If you can't pay cash, then pay in kind was what he told me.

Well, I managed to raise one thousand dollars from my relatives but that wasn't enough so the difference was somehow sorted out in kind then after six months of staying with him, he called me in the evening of that fateful day and told me that the ship was leaving in the mid night. We didn't discuss anything about the ship so it was a surprise for me when he asked me to get ready because he had arranged for me to join the ship, although I didn't quite understood him but I overheard him telling someone else where to meet the crew.

I was simply confused till we got to a certain point near the beach, that was when I understood that it was a ship sailing to Spain. But what worried me was that this guy stopped being friendly to me, he became a total strange person and all I saw was a guy pushing me away. He even threatened to slap me when I asked him for more information because we never discussed that I would travel to Spain and not even by ship if the case maybe.

There were a total of one hundred and twenty seven people on board the floating boat which he called ship, looking at the boat? one would not be mistaken to consider it a slaughter house. And chances of the boat sailing across the Mediterranean was like an elephant passing through the ant's hole. Why would this guy want me to go and die this way? What am I even doing in Morocco I questioned but there was no going back as the boat sailed. The terrying faces on board the boat sent sensation of cold all over me as i wept uncntollably then mid way into our suicidal voyage catastrophe called.

The boat wasn't meant for the kind of voyage it was used for, we were jammed packed in it. My experience inside the sea reminded me of Titanic, people dying in freezing water. The wave wasn't strong but the boast could not stand the pressure on it so after series of torment and very close to capsizing, the unexpected happened. The boat started deflecting and we all began shouting, those that tried to scramble found safety falling into the sea, I knew that my last moment on earth was right in front of me as i watched people drowning, I saw a woman drown with her baby tied to her back, I saw people scrambling to hold unto the boat and I saw myself still breathing and conscious of the situation.

What a world that one will set a trap and have the same trap catch him

It was a terrible experience inside the sea as we floated on a semi deflected boat and looking at the number of people yet to die, one would begin to question if we all were in sane boarding that boat. For me, I had no option because I actually paid for my own death, I signed my death warrant the day I handed the visa guy my international passport and money, I agreed to die the day I allowed his friend to pull off my dress and I started planning for my end the day I started envying Florence. Nothing changes the fact that I am a fool.

We sailed for hours with no direction because the person propelling the boat earlier had drown, he was the first person that fell into the sea when the first turbulence struck and now we are all going to die one by one. I looked up to the sky and cried unto God. I have not prayed for a very long time but somehow I found myself singing a gospel song while those of us that became weak and frighten kept falling one after the other,the boat kept sailing at a very low pace and I saw everything.

It didn't take long before the semi deflected boat got weak because both ends were badly worn out but somehow we managed to get it floating. I didn't know how it happened but I noticed that the sea was calm, I also noticed that people were no longer terrified, I saw courage in their faces and that was when I realised that most of them were singing with me, I knew that I would surely die but dying happily because amist the fear, happiness overwhelmed me as my heart poured out to him...'Amazing Grace how sweet thou art, that saved a wretch like me, I was once lost but now am found'... If help could find us but we were in the middle of no where.

One by one we watched each other die but amidst this ordel, I found peace within myself, I wasn't afraid anymore, my anger disappeared because right in that water, I realized the mistake I made but I was happy because I had never enjoyed the kind of peace I found floating on a deflected boat, watching people drown and seeing sharks tore bodies apart. I knew that my own time will surely come. Night became day for us as we floated for days without direction. One thing is to get lost where you could one day be found and another is to disappear.

Ending up in the belly of a fish became my only wish.

I looked up to the sky day and night because the more people died, the spacious the deflected boat became. I kept singing gospel songs but the dawn of this particular day was quite different because there was just three of us left. I was very weak and I knew that it was going to be my last day, the water was freezing and a familiar voice was echoing in my head all night; it was Ben's voice. Ben used to be the brightest thing in my life until death snatched him away, we had plans to one day get married but that plan never came true.

That morning as I watched the sunset and the water became so bright, I heard his voice singing;

'Everyday I sit and ask myself
How did love slip away
Something whispers in my ear and says
That you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay
But you are not alone
And I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart
For you are not alone
Whisper three words and I'll come runnin'
And I and girl you know that I'll be there
I'll be there
You are not alone
I am here with you
Though you're far away

I sang that with him knowing that he had come for me but just as the water got to my neck, i saw this boat with two white men, they spotted us and came for us, they had one tube and there was three of us.

rence. Episode seven

We were taken straight to the hospital after we were rescued and after three months of staying in the hospital, we were transfered to the deportation camp. Honestly, I wanted to go home, my experience in the Mediterranean Sea kept hunting me as pictures of drowning babies, women, boys, girls and men kept disturbing me, everything remained freash in my memory. However, i was later diagnosed of post traumatic stress disorder and placed on medication but the medication ended up depressing me instead of improving my wellbeing.

The experiences we pass through is the foundation of who we become.

It was in the deportation camp that I met Juan. He works for the United Nation and was a coordinator for Refugees welfare. He advised me to seek asylum after hearing my story and he came up with the story that my life was under threat in my home country thus my desperate move to travel to Europe by sea illegally. The Authorities bought it and I was granted asylum. I was given an apartment and was paid a monthly salary for my upkeep by the United Nation. I enrolled into language school and in six months, I was communicating fluently in Spanish.

After one year, I got a legal work as a medical health care assistant. You see, I didn't know why God saved me in the sea but for all i could remember, I once died in the sea, some people believe that it was hallucination but I knew what happened to me because I saw him. Yes! I saw Jesus, his face was bright and there were sparkling stars round his head, he pushed me towards the tube when the coast guard threw it, it was only him who could push me from that water and nobody else. Although I am happy but believe me, I saw Heaven and I didn't know why God showed me Heaven but took it away from me.

One thing I took out from everything that happened to me is that we should always be ourselves and shouldn't compare ourselves with others simply because they are rich because we don't know the process that made them rich. God saved me but what if I had died in that sea? Who would have accounted for me? I was envying Florence and ended up taking a decision that almost got me killed. As of Chiedu and Francis, they both used me but I have forgiven them because God turned their lies and betrayal to my favor. Now I am happily married and enjoy taking care of other people. But my happiness was made possible because in my most difficult moment, I still believed in his grace.