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E.G.G Episode 3: The Kiss
AND THERE CAME A DAY, A DAY UNLIKE ANY OTHER. WHEN THREE FRIENDS UNITED TO CREATE THE FUTURE THAT WE NEVER COULD. ON THAT DAY, E.G.G WAS BORN.
Previously, on E.G.G
Location: Mother Egg
Time: 48 hours before The Incident
Acacia dipped her roller in the paint and began rolling a fresh new coat of paint on the Feeding Pen wall. Eileen was hand and knees on the floor, scrubbing burn marks off with a brush. Acacia groaned loudly.
“Don’t we have agents for this?” She complained.
“Acacia, we are not going to ask our loyal E.G.G agents to clean up a mess you made.” Eileen said. “It wouldn’t be fair to them.” Acacia sighed.
“Then where is Josh? Shouldn’t he be helping?”
“No, he shouldn’t. Technically, I don’t have to help either, but we’re friends, and I’d never let you do this alone.” Eileen sat up and wiped the sweat from her forehead. “But where the shell is Josh!
“Speak of the devil!” Josh said as he walked into the room with a vial in his hand. “This ladies, is our next great invention!”
“That’s great.” Acacia said. “Now can you help us!” Josh paused.
“You don’t even want to know what it is?”
“No.” Acacia replied. Eileen laughed.
“Go ahead and tell us what it is Josh.”
“Thank you Eileen.” Josh said. “Now, are you guys familiar with Madame Hydra?”
“Yes.” Eileen replied.
“Who?” Acacia asked. Josh sighed.
“Madame Hydra, aka Viper, Hydra’s leading lady! Green hair, good with guns, sometimes uses a whip…” Acacia gave him a blank stare. “She works directly under Baron Strucker!”
“Who?” Josh slammed his forehead with his palm.
“The monocle guy, robotic glove of doom? He works directly under the Red Skull! The Red Skull, do you know who that is?”
“Yeah, he’s the guy with the red skull, right?” Josh just stared.
“Yes, he is.” He replied. “Anyways, you may have heard that a single kiss from Viper is poisonous and can kill you! Which really is a shame, because she’s like, smoking hot!”
“You realize you’re talking about a super villain, right?” Eileen reminded.
“I’m entitled to my opinion.” Josh rebutted.
“Sure,” Eileen replied. “Where is this going?”
“Well, I’ve developed a chemical solvent that will negate the poison in Viper’s kiss, which will render her most lethal attack useless!” Josh declared, as he proudly held up the vial.
“That’s nice and all,” Eileen said. “But you have no way of testing that without actually kissing Viper.” Josh smiled. Eileen’s eyes widened. “You’re not actually going to kiss Viper, are you?”
“The simulations showed promising results…”
“Those are simulations! You can’t tell what’ll actually happen! Plus, the odds of you infiltrating Hydra Island, finding, and kissing Viper are very low.”
“I know, which is why she’s coming here!” Eileen dropped her brush and Acacia’s jaw dropped.
“She’s what?” Acacia asked.
“I invited her to Mother Egg to discuss a Hydra-E.G.G alliance.”
“Are you crazy!” Eileen shouted.
“It’s just a ploy, we’re not actually gonna team up with Hydra…”
“Well yeah, I know you’re not that dumb,” She replied. “But bringing a deadly villain onto Mother E.G.G in hopes of getting a kiss from her, which, by the way, you may or may not survive!”
“Well when you put it like that…”
“Sir,” an E.G.G agent who had entered the room interrupted. “we’re getting a request to board, is it approved?”
“No!” Eileen shouted.
“Yes!” Josh replied. “Let her up.”
“Yes sir.” The agent walked off.
“Josh!” Eileen said.
“If you’re so worried about me, go double check the solvent yourself.” Josh said. “It’s completely safe, and when it’s all over, we can arrest Viper and give her to S.H.I.E.L.D.” Josh dabbed some of the solvent onto a cotton ball and swabbed it on his lips. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a date.” Josh turned and left the Feeding Pen. Eileen buried her face in her hands.
“This is a stupid, stupid, stupid idea!” She shouted. Acacia put her arm around her.
“Well if he dies, you get to take over!” Eileen glared at her. “Sorry, not helping, I’ll finish painting.”
“Nuh-uh,” Eileen objected, grabbing her arm. “You’re coming with me to make sure Josh’s half-baked concoction actually works!”
Meanwhile, Josh escorted Viper into a conference room, which had a small table with two chairs. Josh pulled Viper’s chair out for her.
“Madame,” he said as she sat down.
“Hm, and I thought chivalry was dead in America.” She replied.
“Well it’s never too late to learn new things.” Josh said, sitting down in his chair. “Now, let’s talk business.”
“Director Westbrook,” Viper smiled. “Are you really here for business, or for pleasure.” Josh shifted in his seat.
“And if I said both?” Viper stood up from her chair and ran her finger across Josh’s chest.
“Then I’d ask you to choose one.” She whispered.
In the Humpty Dumpty Hall, Eileen stood with goggles and lab coat, looking at Josh’s mixture through a microscope.
“The chemicals seem consistent,” she said, as Acacia wrote it down on a tablet. Eileen took a dropper and dropped a green liquid onto the solvent sample. The liquid was quickly vaporized. “Negates cobra venom with relative ease,” she noted, adjusting the microscope. “There seems to be no molecular change in the…”
“Eileen, look!” Eileen quickly turned to see Acacia pointing to the vial Josh had given them. The solvent in it was steaming, evaporating! In a matter of seconds it was gone. Eileen looked into her microscope to see that her sample had vanished as well.
“It wears off,” She said.
“And Josh has no idea!” Acacia shouted. “We need to make it last longer…”
“Forget that!” Eileen said. “We need to make a new batch and get it to Josh now, before he kisses that mad woman!”
“I’ll grab what we need,” Acacia said, rushing off.
In the conference room, Viper had advanced and was now sitting on Josh’s lap.
“Do you find me attractive?” She asked him. Josh nervously cleared his throat.
“I gotta say, the whole green hair thing is working for you…”
“And the… fuzziness is working for you.”
“Really? I’m going for a full on afro, I don’t how it’d look though.”
“It would look amazing.” Viper closed in for the kiss. Josh closed his eyes, and their lips barely touched when Eileen burst into the room.
“Josh!” She shouted. Viper quickly withdrew and Josh growled under his breath.
“What is it Eileen?” He asked. “I’m busy.”
“I, uh, I just heard that Madame Hydra was on board.” She replied. Josh blinked.
“Yes, I told you that earlier today.”
“Yeah, well, I’m a huge fan!”
“Really?” Viper and Josh replied at the same time.
“Oh, yes indeed.” Eileen said, walking over to Viper. “The Madams Hydra past don’t hold a candle to you!”
“Your flattery is endearing child,” Viper replied with a smile.
“Oh yes, you are the bravest, toughest, and most beautiful Madame Hydra to date. I want to show you something.” Eileen reached onto her back and pulled out the Thwip Blaster. “This is our first invention, I was hoping after we teamed up with Hydra we could share our resources. Here, let me show you how it works.” Eileen pulled the trigger and fired a web net into Viper’s eyes.
“Ah! Clumsy child!” She shouted, clawing at the webs.
“Eileen what are you doing!” Josh shouted.
“Your solvent wears off!” Eileen firmly whispered back.
“Yeah, me and Acacia watched it dissolve.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out a new vial and a cotton ball. “Get some more, hurry!” Josh quickly applied the solvent to his lips.
“Aragh!” Viper growled as she ripped the webbing from her eyes. “Leave us at once fool!” She shouted at Eileen.
“Yes, right away, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!” Eileen said.
“Stop you graveling, it’s disgusting.” Viper hissed as Eileen fled the room. “Foolish girl.”
“Yeah, Eileen’s always had a hard time following orders.” Josh said.
“Well then, maybe when we are joint leaders we can dispose of her.” Viper said, putting her arms around Josh’s neck.
“Darling, that’ll be the first thing we do.” Josh said. Then he and Viper kissed. She pulled away slowly, then began to laugh.
“You love struck fool!” She shouted. “The Viper’s kiss is poison to any man who dares to touch his lips to mine!”
“Really?” Josh asked. He clicked his tongue. “Well darn.”
“Now you will die, slowly and painfully!”
“Yes, and then your precious E.G.G will belong to the Red Skull! Hail Hydra!”
“Yep.” They stood. Josh looked around. “Are you done ranting now?” Viper looked at him, confused.
“I don’t understand, you should be…”
“Dead?” Josh asked, holding up the vial. “Well thanks to a dose of this good stuff, I’m not.” Suddenly the doors opened. Eileen, Acacia, and about a dozen E.G.G Agents stood armed and ready.
“Madame Hydra,” Eileen said. “By the order of the Experimental Government Gadgets, derivative of the Strategic Hazard Intervention and Espionage Logistics Division, you are under arrest!”
“Never!” She shouted, reaching for her empty holsters. “What?”
“You were disarmed when you came on board.” Acacia said, twirling Viper’s guns on her fingers. “Remember?” The agents rushed into the room and tackled her to the ground.
“Fools, all of you!” She shouted as they cuffed her.
“Oh, and Viper,” Josh said, putting his arm around Eileen. “Not only is Eileen Wuthrich my second in command, but she’s also my best friend. And I would never fire her. And one more thing.”
“What could that possibly be?” She growled. Josh smiled.
“That kiss was so hot!” Viper screamed into the air as they dragged her out of the room. Eileen turned to Josh.
“So, anybody else you want to kiss?”
“Yes as a matter of fact.” He replied. “There’s Emma Frost, the Enchantress, and Mystique.”
“You realize they’re all villains, right?” She asked.
“I’m entitled to my opinion. Acacia!”
“Yes,” she said, approaching. Josh handed her the vial.
“Get me a patent on this and send it to S.H.I.E.L.D with Viper. I’m calling it my Anti-Venom!”
“On it.” She said.
“And then go finish cleaning the Feeding Pen. Hatchlings get here in two days.” Acacia groaned. Josh smiled. “And this time I’ll help.” Acacia jumped up.
“Really? Sweet!” She skipped off, all the way down the hall.
Would you kiss Viper without the Anti-Venom?
Remember to leave questions and comments so that I can address them in the Q&A this Thursday, August 21! Check and see if your question gets answered! And look for Episode 4: Errands, the next day August 22!