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E.G.G Episode 9: Enchanted
Previously on E.G.G...
Miguel O'Hara, Spider-Man from the year 2099, came back in time to warn E.G.G that Josh's son would do something to destroy the world. Teaming up with Miguel, E.G.G stopped the transaction that would end up destroying the future, and now go about their days assured that the timeline is safe.
Click here to E.G.G Episode 8
Click here to read Episode 8 Q&A
Eileen awoke to the sound of her alarm clock at 6:00 a.m. sharp. She sat up and rubbed her eyes. She reached for her alarm clock, missed it twice, then finally stopped it. She pulled her sheets off and put her feet down only to meet hard, cold metal. She jumped a little, then looked down and scanned the ground for her slippers, which were nowhere to be found.
“Acacia.” She grumbled. Eileen yawned, rubbed her eyes again, then got out of bed. She grabbed her toothbrush, toothpaste, comb, and towel, then left her room. Eileen stepped quickly across the cold metal down the hall and up to the bathroom door, where she heard the shower water running. “Ugh, I hate it when he goes over.” Eileen said to herself. She banged on the door. “Time’s up Josh! Come on! Other people wanna start their day!” There was no answer. She banged the door again. “Open up Josh! I’m dirty, my breath smells, and my feet are freezing!” There was still no answer. “That’s it Westbrook! At the risk of seeing more of you than I’ve ever wanted to, I’m coming in!” Eileen typed the override code into the door and it slid open. She marched up to the shower ripped the curtain away.
“I’m sorry but… huh?” She looked to see the shower was empty, but the water was still running. “That’s odd…”
“Eileen!” She turned to see Acacia, doing the potty dance. “Can I get in there? I gotta pee bad!”
“Acacia, there’s a bathroom next to your room,” Eileen replied.
“The toilet’s stopped up again!” She complained, jumping up and down.
“Were you trying to flush moldy chimichangas down it again?”
“No!” Eileen raised her eyebrows. “Okay, yes! It’s not my fault my eyes speak louder than my stomach! You should have stopped me from ordering 50 chimichangas in the first place! Now if you could please!”
“Not until you give me my slippers.” Eileen demanded. Acacia sighed.
“Come on! I hid them in such an obvious place I’m surprised you haven’t found them by now!”
“Fine, but Josh isn’t here. I’m worried because the shower water was running.” She looked at the ground. She kneeled down and saw a wet footprint. She looked to see a trail of them lead out the door. “Weird, did he just… leave? It makes no sense… Okay Acacia, you can use the bathroom.” Suddenly the toilet flushed and Eileen turned to see Acacia washing her hands.
“I already did.” She replied in a satisfied tone.
“I told you I had to go!”
“Just get dressed. Something’s weird about this whole situation….”
“Alright.” Acacia left the bathroom.
* * *
Eileen and Acacia met up back at the bathroom.
“Let’s follow the trail he left,” she said, pointing to the dripping water. “He can’t have gotten far.” They were walking down the hall when they heard crying. They rushed around the corner to see Allyson at an eyewash station, and Agent Becket calming her down.
“It’s gonna be alright Allyson,” he said. “Just calm down.”
“What happened?” Eileen demanded. “Did she get chemicals in her eyes?”
“No!” Allyson cried. “I saw Director Westbrook walk by!”
“Yep,” Agent Becket confirmed. “In all his naked glory.”
“Oh boy.” Acacia said. “This just gets better and better doesn’t it.”
“Where did he go?” Eileen asked.
“He headed towards the Inner Shell.” Agent Becket replied. He shook his head. “Man I’ve seen some pretty messed up stuff, but that was just wrong. I scored some pics if you wanna see.”
“No thank you!” Eileen quickly answered. “Come on Acacia, let’s head to the Inner Shell.”
“Right,” she said, heading off. Eileen stopped and turned.
“Oh, and agent, you will delete those pictures immediately, understood?” Agent Becket sighed in disappointment.
“Yes ma’am.” He replied.
“Good.” She said. She and Acacia made their way to the Inner Shell. “Has anyone seen Director Westbrook?” She called out.
“Yeah,” an agent replied. “We all did. We saw too much of him if you ask me. I mean, I’ve heard of casual Fridays, but…”
“Just tell us where he went please.” Eileen sighed.
“Oh, he took the teleporter.”
“Where to?” Acacia asked.
“Dunno, he wouldn’t tell anybody, and frankly, we were too in shock to ask any questions.”
“Got it.” Eileen said, having accessed the computer log. She then raised her eyebrows in confusion. “That can’t be right.”
“Where’d he go?” Acacia asked. Eileen turned to her.
“It says he went to Asgard.”
“Well that’s… far. Can our teleporter even get there?” Acacia asked. Eileen shrugged. “Still, we’ve gotta find him. Fire it up!”
“Okay…” Eileen activated the teleporter and she and Acacia stepped through.
* * *
They came out on the other end, standing atop the rainbow bridge, the Bifrost Bridge. “Whoa…” Eileen said, looking around.
“I know.” Acacia said, looking around in amazement.
“Help!” They both turned.
“You hear that?” Eileen asked.
“It’s probably Josh!” Acacia said. They ran down the Bifrost and entered into the city of Asgard. At the entrance they found the Warriors Three lounging about. Eileen approached them.
“Excuse me?” She called. They turned, and Fandral the Dashing quickly got up to greet them.
“Why hello, fair maidens.” He said, taking Eileen’s hand and kissing it. “What brings two beautiful women such as yourselves to the gates of Asgard?”
“We’re from Earth,” Acacia said.
“Midgard?” Volstagg the Voluminous asked, biting a leg of mutton.
“Yes,” Eileen replied. “We’re looking for our friend. He’s about this tall, dark skin, probably came through not that long ago…”
“You mean that indecent fellow that had his buttocks exposed for all the nine realms to see?” Fandral asked.
“That’d be the one.” Acacia replied.
“He’s probably dead.” Hogun the Grimm replied. Volstagg elbowed him.
“No need to scare the girls Hogun!” He said, biting his mutton. “But, unfortunately, he’s right, your friend is probably dead.”
“Well where is he?” Eileen asked.
“Why, he wandered off into the forest!” Fandral said, pointing towards some trees.
“Told him not to go.” Hogun said. “He chose not to listen.”
“Right, thanks for the info, we’ll be back.” Eileen said, as she and Acacia made their way to the forest.
“Wait! You’ll be killed!” Fandral shouted.
“We’ll be fine.” Eileen said as they entered. Fandral sighed as they left.
“What a waste. Well, plenty more beautiful women where they came from!”
* * *
Eileen and Acacia wandered deep into the forest. Suddenly there was a noise. Eileen readied her Widow Stings and Acacia pulled out a Thwip Blaster. Then a man, muscular, towering over both of them, and wielding an ax, rose from the bushes.
“Surrender all hope, ye who enter here.” The man growled. “For now you face Skurge, the Executioner.”
“Run!” Eileen shouted.
“Wait!” Acacia said. She approached the Executioner.
“Acacia, what the shell are you doing!” Eileen shouted. Acacia looked up at him.
“Um, excuse me, Mister Executioner sir?” She said. He knelt down to her level.
“You dare to address me?” He asked.
“Well, it’s just that… we’re looking for a friend. Have you seen a naked man pass by here recently?” Skurge growled under his breath.
“Aye. Tis the man who stole my love from me.” Acacia looked at Eileen.
“That doesn’t sound like Josh at all.” Eileen said. “Something’s definitely wrong. Um, Mister Executioner, if we promise to get your love back, will you lead us to our friend?” Skurge pondered for a moment. He sighed.
“Normally I would not side with mortals. But alas, I am very desperate. Come.” They followed Skurge to the edge of the forest, where he led them to a cave. “Behold, the home to my love.”
“She lives in a cave?” Acacia said. “Talk about low maintenance.” Eileen nudged her and they followed Skurge inside.
They snuck to the back, and hid behind a rock. Skurge looked over.
“Is that your ally?” He asked. Eileen and Acacia both peeked over the rock, then just as quickly went back down, covering their eyes.
“Yep, that’s him alright.” Eileen said.
“All of him.” Acacia added. “Man, it’s gonna take a month to un-see that.”
“What’s he doing?” Eileen asked Skurge. He looked back over the rock.
“He paces about.” He replied. “More than likely awaiting the return of my love. Wait, she approaches!” Skurge got back down as they all heard footsteps echo through the cave.
“Here, these should fit you.” A female voice said.
“Thank you mistress, you are ever so generous!” Josh’s voice replied. There was clanking and banging. “It’s a bit big… and uncomfortable… but if it pleases my mistress, I am happy to wear it!”
“Of course you are. Now be a good boy and rub my feet. I am so tired from my trip to Odin’s palace.”
“As you wish, milady!”
“Rubbing her feet!” Skruge growled, taking up his ax. “Tis my job!” He grabbed his ax and charged out screaming.
“Executioner, no!” Eileen shouted. The woman quickly looked to see the Executioner charging at Josh.
“Skurge! Why are you here?” She asked in surprise. Josh drew his sword that came with the armor.
“Fear not, my mistress.” He said. “I will protect you from this animal!” Josh screamed and charged. Eileen watched in horror.
“He gonna cut him in half!” Acacia exclaimed. “I can’t watch!” Thinking fast, Eileen took Acacia’s Thwip Blaster, set it to strand, and snagged Josh with a web line, dragging him out of the way just as Skurge’s ax came down. Josh stood up as Eileen and Acacia jumped over the rock.
“Intruders!” The woman shouted. “You dare enter my domain! You have now incurred the wrath of Amora the Enchantress! Destroy them my slave!”
“As you wish milady!” Josh took up his sword and charged at Eileen and Acacia.
“Josh, what are you doing!” Eileen shouted as he swung at her. He swung and swung, Eileen dodging each time. “Josh, it’s me! You gotta snap out of it!” Suddenly Acacia bear hugged him from behind.
“Your head’s not screwed on straight Josh!” She said, as Josh struggled to escape. “This isn’t you!” Josh freed an arm and reared his elbow into Acacia. She doubled over in pain, then he grabbed her arm and shoulder threw her into Eileen, sending both of them crashing to the ground. Josh took out his sword and approached them, as they backed up.
“He’s gonna kill us!” Acacia said. The Enchantress watched in satisfaction, Skurge standing by her side. “What do we do?” Eileen thought, then smiled.
“Cognitive recalibration.” She said. She stood up, ran, jumped into the air, spun, and kicked Josh in the head. Josh fell against the wall and slid down. “In other words, just hit him really hard in the head.” Josh sat up, rubbing his head.
“Who… where… what?” He looked around. “Oh. It’s one of those days.”
“Fools!” The Enchantress shouted. Her hands lit up green. “Skurge, aid me in their destruction!” The Executioner readied his ax.
“Wait!” Josh shouted. “There has to be a reason you enchanted me. Why was it? Maybe we can still give you what you want.” Enchantress sighed.
“I was trying to make the one I love jealous.” She said. Josh looked at the Executioner.
“That guy?” He asked. “Cause, if you ask me…”
“No not him!” She shouted. “Thor.” She clasped her hands over her heart and swooned. “So dreamy is he who I can never have. I thought if I were to be with someone from the world he loves so much, he’d see we have much in common.”
“But you enchanted me.” Josh said. “That’s not true love.”
“Well would you have come willingly?”
“Josh!” Eileen interjected. Josh turned to her.
“Uh, number one, she’s extremely hot, and number two, she’s on my kiss list!”
“You already kissed me.” She said. “It was disgusting, but the price I pay for enchanting a simple minded mortal.”
“Oh, well looks like I can cross you off then.” He said, satisfied. The Enchantress sighed.
“Perhaps I will win Thor’s affection another way. Now leave here, I no longer wish to be in your presence.”
“Don’t have to ask me twice!” Acacia exclaimed, already halfway out of the cave.
* * *
The three journeyed back through the forest and onto the Bifrost.
“I’ll see if can establish contact with Mother Egg.” Eileen said, activating her earpiece. Josh stood, thinking. She looked at him. “What’s wrong?” Josh looked up suddenly.
“The gatekeeper!” He said.
“Help!” All three of them rushed to the edge to see Heimdall, gatekeeper of the Bifrost Bridge, hanging onto it for dear life. They pulled him up, and once on his feet he drew his sword. All of them backed up.
“You two ignored my cries for help earlier!” He said to Eileen and Acacia.
“We thought it was him!” Acacia said, pointing to Josh. “Honest!”
“And you!” Heimdall said, turning to Josh. “You knocked me off to begin with!”
“Bro it’s not even like that,” Josh said. “I was under an enchantment; I wasn’t in control of my actions. But if you held on for that long, you must have some killer upper body…” Heimdall glared at him and he shut up.
“Can you get us back home to Earth?” Eileen asked.
“I will.” Heimdall said. “But be warned. As it is my sworn duty as gatekeeper, should you ever return without my permission, I will not hesitate to kill you.”
“Trust me, we’re not coming back!” Josh exclaimed. Heimdall looked at him.
“You wear the armor of the Einherjar.” He said. “You will return it at once.”
“I would buddy,” Josh said, putting his hand on his shoulder. “But I’ve got nothing on under it.” Heimdall’s eyes widened.
“Never mind. You may keep it.”
“Are you sure?”
“Cause if you need it back…”
“I am fine! Keep the armor, I will return you to Midgard.” With that, Heimdall slammed his sword down and activated the Bifrost. As it was powering up, Josh looked down.
“Acacia, why are you wearing Eileen’s slippers?” He asked.
“Wait, what!” Eileen said, and they were gone in a flash.
* * *
Josh, Acacia, and Eileen all found themselves in the Inner Shell moments later.
“Well that was fun.” Acacia said. Eileen tackled her.
“Give me my slippers!” She said, as they tussled on the ground.
“Yeah that was fun, as long as we never do it again!” Josh said. “At least it’s over now.” Suddenly all of the monitors went blank, and in moments each one displayed a picture of Josh… in all his naked glory. Eileen and Acacia covered their eyes in disgust and everyone else broke down in laughter. Josh’s jaw dropped.
“Get these pictures down now!” He shouted. “Somebody! Anybody!” Around the corner, Agent Becket rolled on the ground, laughing hysterically.
Would you be able to resist the Enchantress, or fall prey to alluring charm!
Remember to leave questions and comments so that I can address them in the Q&A this Thursday, October 2! Check and see if your question gets answered! And look for Episode 10: Vengeance, the next day October 3!