Eggbert Eggplant Commutes
Here stands Eggbert Eggplant, a fine eggzemplar of the commuting business class.
A graduate of Eggzeter, humble metro-riding Eggbert is now Chief Eggzecutive Officer of Eggstaordinary Implements, the nation’s largest producer of fine egg-cups, egg-beaters, and other eggsclusive kitchen eggsessories. E.I.’s eggshaustive product research and eggzacting design standards insure that their products command eggzorbitant prices at only the most eggsclusive boutiques around the globe.
However, there may also be simpler eggsplanations for those prices. IRS auditors are now poring over E.I.’s books, with every eggspectation that they will eggspose the company for being far too eggzuberant in claiming eggzemptions for various business eggspenses. Rumors swirl of company eggzecutives eggzerting undue influence on regulators, eggspatriating funds to foreign accounts, eggspunging company records, eggstorting vendors, eggspropriating money from retirement funds, and other such eggstreme and illegal practices.
Eggbert is hoping that once eggsplicit facts are known, he and his company will be eggzonerated (or will at least be able to use the eggscuse of eggstenuating circumstances to obtain the necessary IRS eggstensions, pay some fines, and perhaps avoid jail entirely).
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